Today I must be thankful for patience. Patience that keeps me from throttling a boy-child when he's being stubborn. Patience to know that even though I want things now that, often, if I wait, something even better comes along. Patience to accept that even though I've lost so much weight (and feel awesome for it) that just because I would really like to loose another 10-20 lb that despite how slowly things seem to be going, it will come.
Maybe this is more of a post of I will be patient, damnit! Than being thankful for the patience I already have. I know, I know, there are several of you out there that think I'm already a very patient soul and that I really should be thankful for the patience I have. Well, if you could only hear the internal monologue that is actually going on in my head in those situations, you'd see that I'm anything but patient. More like holding still through sheer force of willpower alone.
Tonight, for example, my patience has been sorely tested by my boy. And I know that in reality, it's small potatoes and that I should just let it go and eventually all will be right. You see, tonight was almost an epic battle over the whole eating thing. I know from my own personal experience as a very, very picky eater as a child that he will eventually outgrow most of it by the time he graduates high school, or at least begin to start eating like a real human by then. I did. My brother did. Gak did too. But, even with that knowledge, there are days that I just want to strangle him and it takes all my willpower and internal "talking down" to keep from just forcing things one way or another. Tonight was a leftovers night. We've got plenty from all the cooking I've been doing all week because I've been home. Gak and I had Thanksgiving dinner take two (without eating nearly so much as on Thanksgiving itself... now why can't I have that kind of control then?). I asked Boo what he wanted, offered him mac'n'cheese since we had some in the fridge since Tuesday and he said OK. So, I warm some up for him. (Note: he didn't touch it Tuesday night even though it's made with elbows and orange cheese, two key things for him to even consider eating the dish *double sigh*.) I also dish him up some applesauce, since I know that's almost always a hit. Well, the long and the short of it is, he didn't eat the mac'n'cheese. Both Gak and I nearly lost our tempers and Boo isn't getting anything else to eat tonight and only water if he wants something to drink at bedtime. (He's decided in recent months that he does not like water, even though he used to drink it willingly all the time...) I know part of this is a power struggle between him and us, not just being a picky eater. I do believe that both conditions are real.
The other place I need patience with my boy-o is the whole potty-training thing. Again, I know he'll get there and I'm doing everything I can short of putting him on the potty every 20 minutes and letting him scream at me for it. Part of me knows that he just doesn't care. This has also become a power struggle, just like with eating. And I don't want this to become a power struggle that descends into the two of us screaming and crying at each other (like the bath was, and sometimes still is....). Unfortunately, unless he shows some real progress in the next few months, it will become just that. I mean, for crying out loud, both Trey and Kelly are potty trained and they're just two stuffed animals! (I do and don't count this as progress on Boo's part...)
He's just soooo stubborn and so am I. All these situations do is raise my blood pressure and make me feel like a crappy Momma... both from the "you can't get your son to do what you want" and the "all you do is yell at your son" side of things at the same time. Yeah, I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I'm the only one in my own head. And yes, Boo listens to me about 80% of the time and I spend more time laughing and playing with my boy-o than yelling at him, but days like this it feels like all I do is yell, nag, scold and grumble.
So, I'm thankful for the patience I do have but please, grant me a whole bunch more and the wisdom to know when and how to throw patience out the window to get things done.
I'll wrap it up here and wish you peace and patience in all your life's endeavors.