Friday, September 20, 2013
I've mostly been avoiding writing here lately because, well, other than school going well for a boy and having a hubs that loves me through the ups and downs of life, I have nothing positive to say.
I'm feeling so burned out, bummed out and just plain depressed over this whole job search thing. I'm either vastly over paid and over qualified for jobs that will actually talk to me, or under qualified (on paper at any rate) for the jobs I want and will actually pay me close to what I need to be making.
Until this week I hadn't had traction in anything I'd put in for. Barely even a reply back of "you're not qualified, sorry" or any other acknowledgement of my existence, even with trying to follow up. (And trust me, trying to follow up on these jobs is a real bitch! You apply online through a job search board and get no contact information or anything other than a company name, not even an email address to follow up with and you've got to dig and search and hope you find some kind of human, which rarely happens.)
I didn't say this publicly, but my old job actually had someone else leave voluntarily and another friend is out on bed rest before her second daughter's birth in November and they created two postings. So, I applied. And I didn't hear word one back from corporate after "we're forwarding on your resume to the hiring manager". So, this week I followed up with my former manager's manager, the one in charge of all service. He was polite, but they've filled the one position, and the other position is network support /PC builds which we both know I'm not really qualified for. But, he did give me the name of one of the consultants I used to work with all the time and told me he's looking for someone. So, I've sent him an email and my resume, but he's out until Wednesday on vacation.
That's the good news, and it's not really all that good. The other news is that I did get a call back about a job I applied for. It's down in Horsham, or about a 50 mile round trip. It would be a call center environment working with corporate network support. Yeah, not my strong suit but I did a Gram and BS'd my way through the screening. Then, they told me it was going to pay $15.50 an hour, oh, and I could end up on a 2 - 10 pm shift. Doing some quick math, including things like gas, extra daycare and the fact that I'd be paying for insurance for three people out of this, I quickly realized that I'd probably end up loosing money if I actually got this job. Yep, it would almost cost me more to take this job. It would be an almost 50% pay cut from my last job. I know I'll have to take a pay cut between my experience and the job market, but I can't afford to loose half my pay check. I mean, that's what I've been working with on UI and the savings are dwindling quickly. And there's no way that it would jump $5 an hour in 6 months or less. So, I cried. And I wrote an email back saying it wasn't economically feasible for me to take the job.
So, right about now you're not hearing from me because all I have is negative things to say about myself, my lack of apparent hirablility (which isn't a word, or at least I can't get spell check to like it) and overall direction. Here I am just shy of six (yes, 6) months into this and I have no more clue or direction of where to go or how to get there than I did back in February when Monty told me a layoff was a possibility. And now I've even had the slim crack of the possibility of going back to my old job slammed in my face without the courtesy of a "no thanks".
Thankfully, I'm going away this weekend with three friends from college. It's only over night, but still, it's away. And they told me I was going if I could pay for the hotel or not. So, I'll try and bury any negative self thoughts and thoughts about the miserable job search until Sunday night. I'll enjoy the company of three friends who actually want to spend time with me.
And then it'll be back to the grind.
Peace to all and may your lives be full of positive things and happy thoughts.
Sunday, September 08, 2013
He was a bit nervous about going into school but Nik was there and when the doors opened, I just handed the boy off to him and he barely looked back. He was so excited about everything when we picked him up. And his teacher said he'd had a better day than orientation, but saw what we meant about participation.
Wednesday came and he was just as excited to go to school. He was glad to see Nick at the doors again. We left the house a bit early and we had about 10 minutes or so to wait. Again happy bouncing boy.
Thursday he had off for Rosh Hashanah, but he was going to daycare in the afternoon. He was so excited to see Dominik and tell him all about what he learned. Dom wasn't there Thursday, but Joey and Mikey were and that was good.
Friday Mrs. M told me when I picked him up that he was getting much better about the participation thing. That made me smile. We went to the library next to return and check out books. We ran into one of his classmates as we were leaving and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay or go home for lunch. Lunch won. (From the 30 seconds we saw him, he reminded me a bit of Kevin from daycare... not one of Boo's favorite people. )
Boo ate all his lunch. He even let me have about 45 minutes quiet time al to myself. We then went out and played and then Gak called and offered to buy ice cream to celebrate the first week of school. After that we went to the playground.
There was a little girl there who wanted to play with Boo. Think of the opening scenes from Up and you'll know what it was like. Well she had to go fairly soon after they started playing. After a bit, when the playground became busier, Boo was actually upset no one was playing with, or talking to, him. Yes, my boy who really only wants to play with me. He was quite content to play by himself or other kids.
Then we came home so I could start dinner. He wanted to play out back so I said yes. We finally went over his actual boundaries, not just the implied ones. He then asks if he can see if Conner across the hall is home. Sure! (Conner just started 6th grade but has always made time for Boo.) They played either out back with a ball or out front with the remote controlled truck for over an hour until it was time to get Gak from work. Well, when I said it was time to go you'd have thought the world was going to end. So, since Conner and his older brother Matt didn't care I left him playing.
Then last night he was playing out back after dinner and seems to have made friends with a random neighborhood kid who lives on the circle behind us.
Who is this boy? And all this after one week of school? Boy are we in trouble...
We truly don't have a baby or even a pre-schooler any more.
Monday, September 02, 2013
I wish I was better at adapting poems to suit my own needs, but I'm not. So you'll just have to deal with some bedtime rambling.
Tomorrow Boo starts kindergarten. I think it will actually go OK. We had orientation on Thursday. For most of the time the parents were in the cafeteria in assembly being introduced to the principal and other school staff. Meanwhile the kids were in their classrooms meting their teachers. There was one kid who raised a ruckus, but it wasn't Boo. I sent him with Daddy to go with the teacher, knowing full well if I did it, it would not go so well. His teacher, Mrs. M, is young and beautiful. She saw Boo was hesitant and took him by the hand and to the front of the line. He willingly went with her. I swear he'll follow just about any pretty girl...
Anyhow, when us parents were let into the class we were quite happy that he didn't get up from his coloring and run right to us. He wasn't happy, but he stayed put.
Boo admits he's still a little scared. We've done our best to assure him it is OK to be scared. I really think he'll be OK. At least with the going to school part. I still worry about the participating in group aor teacher lead activities, but we did get a chance to mention that to Mrs. M. She appreciated it.
Anyhow, Looking in on my boy all curled up with Trey and Angel I am filled with many emotions. (I let Boo sleep with Angel one night in a week...) Knowing Angel is "Gram's" bear, I am filled with sadness that neither Gram nor his Papa Jim ever got to met him and how much I wish they were here for such a big life event. I'm feeling a little anxiety about how he'll do, but more from a "I hope he has a good year" not a "I hope he's ready" standpoint. Subtle difference but big. I will admit I am feeling no small amount of amazement at the fact that he is old enough, big enough and more than smart enough to be in big boy school. And I will admit there is some pride in tbere too that Gak and I have such an awesome little boy. He really is quite something and is such a character.
But, it is just about 10 and I have to make sure I get up in the morning. We leave the house at about 8:30 to walk to school as a family. Look for a picture soon.
Peace to all and may you conquer your fears and be amazed by the world around you. (And those of you in school or with loved ones in school may this year be challenging and fulfilling.)