Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Working Woes

Doesn't my boy look too cute?  This picture is courtesy of Gramma Sue.  Monday evening was bath night.  He was so good and so happy until it was time to put the PJs on.  Then he realized it was bedtime and became very fussy and would not be consoled until the PJs were on, the lights were out and he was having a bedtime snack.  I swear, there's a little switch in his head that flips at 8:00pm and sends him into "bedtime" mode.
Anyhow, I guess I'd better catch up with the happenings this week, as it's already Wednesday.  Urg.  Monday was a bit of a busy day at work, which I was expecting.  It is reporting month after all and I'm responsible for getting 7 of the around 40 reports we're contracted to do by customers out the door.  Of course, I'm given a slightly smaller number than some in the group that does them because I've got so many other responsibilities and haven't done them much in the past 4 years.  (But I still know more than most of the department.... which means I end up assisting on almost half of them at some point...)  Unfortunately, one of my current responsibility is a brand new unit.  As in, their first date of commercial operation (when the first went "on the grid") was in July.  The good news is that it is a pretty simple site and they already have an identical unit there.  The bad news is, one of the certification tests wasn't done.  The good news is the customer is very nice and the even better news is that our mistake isn't going to cost them any downtime.  The bad news is, I like the guy who messed up and he tried to blame the documentation he got from my friend in the department.  I read the documentation, it doesn't say anything about being exempt from that test anywhere in the document.  Oh well.  I'll let the powers that be settle that one.
Yesterday was also a very long and very tough day.  I was doing "training" for the "new" product leader and one of the sales leaders based out of KC.  Of course, this was supposed to be last Monday, but the KC guy's schedule changed.  Bah.  So, I spent almost half my day fussing with that.  I also have two non-reporting service tickets that are "urgent", received an email from the general box about a ticket that came in Friday, I had no idea I'd been assigned and demanding it be done this week.  I have what seems like 50 but is only about 5 or 10 things to do for training, that are due in two weeks or so and some of which have completely fallen off my radar due to trying to stay afloat of what's going on right now
So, needless to say, I was tired.  It was one of those days where if I didn't have to pick up Gak and wasn't lucky enough to have Boo in our lives, I could have easily stayed at work until 8 and still felt like I had too much to do that day.
But, I have way, way, way more important things.  Like my son and husband.  They come first.  The work will get done.  It will get done well and correctly and as on time as possible.  The truly urgent things will be resolved first.  All reporting issues will get cleared up by the deadlines.  Most people will understand, and those that don't, I feel sorry for.

Last night we had people over to do yet another Magic draft.  (I swear, they keep coming out with something every month just to get people to spend money...)  I wasn't too happy about that, as I was exhausted, my shoulders were killing me and I was looking forward to a quiet night at home.  (Gak set it up without me... not remembering exactly how much of a bear reporting month really is.  It would have been better if everyone came over at 8 after Boo was in bed instead of 7, which is right when we got home...)
Anyway, back to the subject at hand, we had people over.  Our friend Chris asked how I liked being back at work, now that I've been back a while.
My response: "I hate it."
Well, hate is a very strong word, and probably too strong.  I very strongly dislike being at work instead of home with the boy is probably a better way to say it.  I told him he asked me in the wrong month, because this is crunch time at work and is super stressful to begin with.  (See above rant...)  I mean, I do enjoy being able to get out of the house.  I do, somewhat, enjoy knowing that by being at work I'm providing the best I can for my family.  (I'd rather not have to though...)  I enjoy being able to see my friends.  I mean, I haven't been able to spend much, if any, time with my real life or online friends in a long time, but especially since returning to work.  At least when I wasn't back at work, I didn't feel like every second I was away from Boo was a wasted chance.
I guess what I dislike most about work is being away.  I'm terrified.  I'm not terrified of something bad happening to my son while I'm away, but the opposite.  I'm scared that I won't get to see him roll over for the first time, or learn to crawl, say his first real words or take his first steps.  I don't want to miss any of these milestones, but I know I will, at least some.  And no matter what, I can't help but be jealous that Gak gets to spend so much time with Boo while he's awake.  I'm scared that eventually Boo will stop turning to me for comfort.  I'm worried that Gak's not "doing it right" and that they'll spend too much time in front of the TV and not enough time playing.  (No, I don't say this much to Gak because I really, really, don't want to sound like "that mom" and become a horrible, terrible Nag.)  I know they get plenty of play time, but still... I know my husband, the TV is his Siren's Call....  (Of course, we were raised very differently with regards to TV, it was never on much in my house, as opposed to almost always on and the "babysitter" in his.... somewhere in the middle is probably good, but we have different definitions of "middle".)  I'm just scared that no matter what I do, what Gak does, we're somehow short changing Boo.  I guess it's just yet another fear that goes with parenthood.  I guess that means we're doing it right, or at least tyring our best to.

Anyway, I've been rambling on long enough.  It's almost 6:45 now and I've got to finish getting ready for work so I can wake Boo and feed him before I head off to work.  I miss him so much when I'm there.

Peace to all and may your work be easy and your heart light.

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