This evening was a very sad evening for me. I picked up Boo from the day care at just about 5:30. He had just started a bottle when I got there, so Loretta handed him and his bottle over to me. I snuggled my boy as he finished an early supper and I got to talk with some of the people there.
We then went to go pick up Gak. I got a little bit of snuggle time, but it's hard to get play time while we're there. That and Boo was a little fussy because he was tired. (That and he probably ate a little too much of that last bottle and gave it back to me on my shirt...) By the time we got home Boo was asleep in his car seat. We left him in the carrier while we had pizza. He woke up screaming at about 7:45 and wanted a little bit of a snuggle, a little bit of a snack and to go to bed.
I was going to read to him a bit this evening, but he wanted absolutely nothing to do with that. He just wanted to be wrapped up in his blanket and to go to sleep. (Well, wrapped up at any rate with the lights out... he had a major scream shortly after being put down, but calmed immediately with a snuggle and was back to sleep in his bed within 10 minutes...)
This means I got absolutely no play time with my boy today. I only got about an hour of awake time. He was awake enough this morning to nurse with his eyes closed, but that's it.
I just can't deal with that. I need awake play time with him. It's not that I don't think Gak, or Gramma Sue or the Day Care take good care of him. I know they do. Even the day care people love him almost as much as we do. I didn't get to see his smile today. I didn't get to hear him laugh or babble at me. I did get a bit of snuggle in, but that doesn't help a whole lot.
I don't know which hurts more. The fact that I didn't get any play time today or the fact that I can't see a way to fix this. Not without cutting our salary in half or more and loosing any and all benefits. There's no way we could afford that without Boo, let alone provide everything he needs to have a great start in the world. (By this I mean clothes and diapers, a place to sleep, food for me... a few fun toys.... no where near the over the top lists of some parents....)
Anyhow, I'm going to go watch my boy sleep for a bit and then curl up with my book. I'm not in the mood for anything more...
Peace to all and may you get to play with your loved ones and see them smile.