Service

Today I can't help hut post a thanks to the men and women serving this country. I know I do that every Veterans Day, but that doesw make it any less true.

I know everyone says it today. And, until about 12 or 14 years ago I probably said it but, I'm not sure how much I meant it. For you see, I knew very few personally who were actively serving or who had. Or I should say that I realized who had. But now, knowing who I know and having the husband I have, I realize how much I toom them all for granted.

While I may be a lousy friend when it comes to email and the like there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder and worry about Steve while he is overseas. I worry and I hate the fact that he's there, but I know damn right well he's who needs to be there. His team and the locals are in good hands. I just wish they didn't have to be.

I hear a lot about sacrifice and bravery and honour today. But, really, these kids aren't brave, they're just dong what they think is right and protecting what they believe in. They'll have the luxury of bravery when they're done.

So here is to all past, present, and future who believe in this land enough to protect it. And here is to making sure everyone who comes home gets all the love and support and care and dignity that they need and deserve.

Saturdays and Birthdays

(By the way, this is post number 900! I'm pretty impressed actually....)

Anyhow I woke up this morning and I realized I never posted a thankful thing for yesterday.  So, yesterday I was thankful for Saturdays.  You see, Saturdays, at least during the school year, we've got a pretty good routine going on that involves a few chores and the chance to hang out with some of the "cousins".  And yesterday, that was exactly what we needed.
It actually turned out to be quite a full day.  We went to bowling and I got to hang out with Kat while Boo played with me a bit as well as Billy and Zoe.  Then, Billy went home with his dad and the rest of us went to the diner to have some brunch and then both Kat and I had to do laundry.  By the time the laundry was done it was 2:00.  The boy and I came home for a nap until Gak came home.  Then I had to run to the store and do something about dinner.  Talk about a full day!  But it was the good kind of full.

Today, well, today I think I have to be thankful for birthdays and happy celebrations.  Today was full of them!  We had lunch with mom and then back to the house for cake and ice cream to celebrate dad's birthday early, and mine even earlier.  Then, this evening we celebrated Bethany's birthday family style.  Her birthday is tomorrow and she'll be celebrating it with a "grown up" dinner out with her parents and close adults.
I think I have to be thankful that we have Bethany to celebrate her birthday.  I thought I posted about it, but I guess in the chaos of the end of the year, I didn't. You see, Scott and Tabitha gave her up for adoption when she was born 20 years ago now.  Scott had been trying to find her for quite some time, but gave up looking last fall.  Well, last December, right before Zoe's Christmas concert actually, Beth found Scott and Tabby.  It's been quite an adventurous year everyone getting to know each other and currently Beth is living with Scott.  So, I'm very thankful that Scott and Beth have been reunited, even if there's been a very steep learning curve for everyone involved.

So, as I head off to bed, I bid you peace and both time with friends on a regular basis as well as to celebrate the good things.

Cookies

Today I think I'll be thankful for cookies. Home made cookies at that. Sure, in theory it was supposed to be a mom/son fun activity. And, mostly it was. At least Boo'll remember it that way. I'll remember it as an exercise in letting go and biting my tongue. That and making some pretty darn yummy cookies.

So, my boy-o likes to "make cookies".  So, I will admit that I used it as a bribe.  It doesn't really matter what for, but I wanted to ensure some extra good behavior today, so I bribed him with making cookies.  Double chocolate chip cookies at that.  ( Find the recipe here: http://www.seasonsandsuppers.ca/salted-chocolate-brownie-cookies/ )

Boo's behavior was what we wanted, so after lunch and some quiet play time it was time to make some cookies.  Yes, I will admit, I work math lessons in fractions into the deal.  I make him work for those cookies.  Partially, because it's a sneaky way to get math into him (even though he likes numbers way, way more than letters/reading right now...).  Partially, because it's about all the work I'll get out of him when it comes to making the cookies.  He runs and hides when I turn on the mixer.  He won't help measure the sticky stuff.  He likes to drive me nuts and play in the container of flour, but I think I finally convinced him to not use his fingers when doing this....  He's still very sloppy at measuring and doesn't understand the concept of holding measuring cups level.  And, when it comes to the actual work of putting cookies onto trays, he might do one or two, and then he's out the door.  Because it's too much like work.

So, more or less I make the cookies and he licks the beaters and eats the finished products.  Oh, and if icing or other decorating is involved, he'll gladly do that.

Which means that the whole thing becomes an exercise in me letting go of my control freak ways in the kitchen.  (Ask Gak, I learned very quickly that I can't be in the kitchen when he cooks... I'll just try and take over and all that does is make both of us cranky...)  And I have to just let certain things go.  And accept that I will be the one doing the lion's share of the work.  And remind myself that he's 5, with an appropriately short attention span and skill set.

But, we had fun.  We have some very delicious cookies.  And, hopefully, we've added a few more good and happy memories to the boy's memory banks, even if it might have given me a few more gray hairs.

So, I wish you all peace and fresh, home made cookies and all the lessons they can bring.

New

Today I think I have to be thankful for new and different.  You see, thanks to two moms from Boo's daycare who I've seen in passing for quite some time now, but finally spent time with at the pool on Sunday, I got drug to Zumba tonight.

(Boo and I went to the pool Sunday and just happened to run into two girls from his daycare who are younger than him, but he usually plays well with.)

Anyhow, I think the instructor was out to kill us.  According to the other moms the usual instructor isn't quite so high impact aerobic.  I had fun.  My hips are beginning to ache a bit from the stretching/moving.  I will be going back again.  Maybe not next week since I have leader meeting at 7, but I will go again.

I have a tendency to get into ruts and routines.  And, after 2 years of dealing with this chronic fatigue and other baloney I have to, have to, have to get back into some kind of workout routine.  I doubt I'll ever be able to go back to 5 days a week of something, but I have to do more than walk (fairly slowly) the almost two miles round trip to take Boo to school.  Yes, I'm way more active than I was, but I need to avoid becoming a couch slug again.  And the only way to do that is to keep moving.  (I'm not going to go into my fear of overdoing it without realizing it or what adding work eventually to my routine will do when I'm experiencing exhaustion chills more often again....)

So, I'm going to wrap up this completely rambling and barely held together post and say good night.

So, try something new and different.  You may just like it.

Surprises

Today is a small but simple thing to be thankful for. Today, I'm thankful that even as tight as things are, I am still able to occasionally brighten someone else's day with a random little gift. Even something as simple as a spool of Hello Kitty ribbon to an unsuspecting friend in NYC because they don't have JoAnn's where she is.

You see, Miss Diva Deena surprised me back at the beginning of the year with some stitch markers she made. I was very touched by the gesture since I'd only met her a few months prior and had only interacted with her on G+. But, from that brief time and seeing her wonderful knit and crochet work appear in my stream and the fun conversations we all had, she quickly became one of my "Favorite Fiberatti".
I could hear her squeal of happiness all the way down here when she got it today. And that made me smile the biggest smile I could. It wasn't much. It was something small, but I know from personal experience how much the little things mean, the random "thinking of you" things that can brighten just about any day. So, I'm thankful that I was able to bring a little sunshine on a gray November day to a friend who's been having a rough go of it.
Just like many of my G+ friends have done for me over the last 7 months.
Peace to all and may you spread a little sunshine unexpectedly in peoples' lives, and may a little of it fall on you as well.


The Diva's year has been about as bad as mine, if not worse. You see, she's been jobless longer than I have. And although she's taken a few different positions they were all horrible and didn't last. This week she started a temporary gig and has a few leads on other, more permanent things doing what she wants. She's had a really rough go of it, but thankfully she's got Mr. A by her side. And all of us in Plus Land cheering her on. Just as she's done for many of us.

Oh, and she's a huge Hello Kitty fan. I'd seen several different HK ribbons at JoAnn's all summer long, and they always made me think of Miss Diva. But, they always seemed too expensive for their yardage. Someone had posted a picture of them on G+ recently and I found out that there are no JoAnn's near her. This made me pout, The Diva needs this ribbon!

Then it went on sale. So, I snapped it up.

And being the sneaky so-and-so I can be, I had kept her address from when she sent me my markers. I didn't even tell her it was coming.


So, I'm thankful both for being able to give a little sunshine and to have received lots of sunshine myself from friends who barely even know me.

Uneventful.

I'm having a hard time with what to be thankful for today.  I know, it's election day, so I should say that I'm thankful for the right to vote, and thankful for all the hard working women and men who fought hard to get me that vote.  But, since I didn't actually vote (Gak did though, and took the boy-o), I'd feel a bit hypocritical saying that.  (It was only a very minor election.  But, still I should have made the effort, there were school board positions up for a vote and I'm not happy with some of their recent decisions...)

I could say I'm thankful for Boo having a day off from school, so that we could spend the afternoon together.  But, with the budget the way it is, we didn't do anything too exciting (except buying him a new coat since last year's is too short in the arms...).  And, quite frankly, I get lots of time with the boy-o these days so today didn't feel like anything special.  And Boo's still not dealing with the time shift well, crashing early despite our best efforts and rising at the crack of dawn.  (Which, of course leads to cranky boy who crashes early because he refuses to rest during the day even when he's a whiny, cranky piece of work who's too tired to stand in line at the store but insists he isn't tired. /sigh.)

So, maybe today I'll just be thankful for uneventful days.  Yes, that's it.  Today was more or less uneventful and not very special in the grand scheme of things.  Sure, it's quite special because we're all here and (mostly) healthy. (Gak went to bed early fighting a headache and Boo's had a cough sneaking up on us for the past few days and is sounding a bit soupy... and I'm feeling a bit gun-shy about him and a cough after December and January's adventures...)

So, on that note, I wish you peace and every day, uneventful days where you can catch your breath and relax a bit.

Warmth

With the cold nights we've been having I'm very thankful for one my latest splurge purchases. I bought myself a hot water bottle after hearing several people rave about them last winter.
Add me to the fan club! It warms my bed to toasty warm right quick, has no wires or plugs, and stays warm for hours upon hours. Oh, and I made this awesome little cover (my own design) and it is even better! No more cold toes or achy muscles.

Y? Y not.

Today I'm thankful for the Y.  It gives me a great place to take a boy-o to burn off some extra energy.  And we've got access to a pool year round.  And I love to swim.  I really, really, really need to get into a routine of going to the pool and/or the fitness center again.  Ever since school started I just can't seem to figure out something that I like.

Today, I gave Boo a few choices of what he wanted to do.  He chose the pool.  Ok, fine by me.  (Mind you, even with keeping him up extra late last night he was still up at 5:30 EST thank you daylight savings....)  Low and behold, as we were walking down the hall to the family locker room, one of the little girls from his daycare calls to him.  So, not only did we get to have fun playing in the water, it turns out that two of the younger girls from daycare were there for a play date.  Oh, and the moms invited me to Zumba Thursday evening from 5:30 to 6:30.  That'll be a little rough on the boy with our normal schedule.... since I'll pick him up from daycare just to take him to the kids room at the Y (well, not quite but almost...).

Anyhow, we'll see what happens.

I still maintain that I don't like daylight savings time.  I stayed up late, had a hard time falling asleep, slept horribly and was still up at the crack of dawn.  So, it's been a tired day all the way around in this house.  And tired usually means cranky, and it did.  Oh well.  We've got a sound asleep boy and I'm about to go curl up with a book and crash.

Peace to all and may you have somewhere wonderful to go.

Thankful November

I'm sure everyone has noticed, but it has been way, way too easy for me to focus on the negative this year.  As I have for the past few years, I plan on posting a small, thankful post every day.  I need to do this.  To remind myself of all the good things in my life this year; so I stop focusing on the negative.

Yes, I'm running a day behind, but that's nothing new around here.  And as with years past, I don't promise these will be long or involved and may only be a few words, but they will be something.

Yesterday, I was thankful for the contract agency that I've ended up falling in with.  I think I finally have someone (or a couple of someones actually) who are truly interested in helping me find a new job.  Sure, they may get rewarded monetarily for it, but whatever works.
I've neglected posting about this for a few weeks now.  Anyhow, long story short-ish, I applied for a position a few weeks ago.  It was a contract position, but there are advantages to that.  Anyhow, the contract contact got in touch with me.  The position wasn't open because they had extended their existing contractor but she was really interested in my resume and wanted to meet with me so I could learn more about the staffing company she works for and she could get to know me a bit more.  So, we met for coffee one morning and hit it off.  She's already found a couple of potential opportunities, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high yet.  But, I'm thankful for J and the fact that she's friendly and actually interested in helping me get a position that plays to my strengths.

Today, I'm thankful for my crafting ability.  Without the ability to turn bits and pieces into something I would have seriously gone even more insane than I have these past 7 months.  Suffice to say I've been playing with yarn a lot this year.  And I made Boo's Halloween costume.  (Yes, yes, I'll get a picture of the little Minion up soon.) And I made things for me.  I've even made things that have made my fiber friends go ooOOOOooo and think I'm talented.
It really is amazing how much you can think and create at the same time.

Anyhow, that's the start of my November.  Here's to a whole month of positive thoughts, no matter how small.

Angry

Ya know, I've had a few posts about good things, or just general musings that I've been meaning to post in the last few weeks, but I just haven't.
My weekend with three of my college friends was awesome and much needed. (Jenn posted a great piece about it here.)
Boo and I managed to get Gak something he actually wanted for his birthday this year.
I had an awesome hiking trip to Hawk Mountain with my Girl Scout troop.
Boo continues to love Kindergarten and back to school night was interesting
I have a few thoughts on words, language and names, but they're still not fully formed enough for me to write about.

But, no.  I didn't write about any of that at the time.  So, now, because I can't sleep, you get an angry post.

You see, I'm very angry right now.  And about 95% of that anger has to do with the fact that because I refuse to give up certain things/people in my life, I'm quite cornered.

Let me see if I can explain.
I still have no job.  It has been just over 6 months now.  I was so sure in the spring that I'd have a job by the end of summer, by now at the latest.  Instead, all I've had are a bunch of dead ends and false trails.
Back in the spring/early summer I had a few leads, but they all fell through, mostly due to scheduling, as in they were for a 11 am to 8 pm odd-ball shift times and also 45 minutes to an hour away. (I thought I blogged specifically about it, but I only made some vague references...)  And then I went through a dry spell where I didn't hear back about any single application I put in, or there were a few "you're not who we're looking for" email responses without a phone interview.
Then, back around the time of my weekend with the girls, I actually had followup on an application (even though it wasn't something I really wanted to do, or was quite in my normal line of support) that I then had to refuse because of what they were going to pay and the fact that I'd end up spending most of it in gas and daycare.
I don't think I mentioned it at the time, but I'd also applied for my old job back.  (You see, another person left the department on their own and my friend C is out on bedrest before her second daughter is born in November.... so they were able to post for 2 positions.)  Other than the automatic email response of "thank you, you're resume is being forwarded to the hiring manager" I heard nothing from corporate.  Until I followed up directly with the overall service manager, because I still had his email.  They'd filled the one position and the other one we both knew I wasn't a good fit for because it was more network support/computer builds.  And they didn't even call me about an interview or let me know anything at all.  So, yeah, that really ticked me off.  But, I kept telling myself that something better was around the corner, just keep looking.

The manager did give me a lead to follow, but, alas, they'd hired three people over the summer and didn't need me either.

Then I got a call from a recruiter about another position that sounded like a pretty good fit.  Unfortunately, despite my following up, this guy seems to have disappeared into the woodwork again as well.

Then, last Thursday or so another recruiter contacted me, both through email and Linkdin.  And this job sounds perfect.  There are only two drawbacks, and admittedly ones I'm willing to work with/around.  The first drawback is that it's a 12 month contract.  The second is that it's 65 miles each way.  But, other than that, it's perfect.  So, I asked about a more flexible schedule, such as 7 - 4 because then I'd still be able to be home by 6 (unless there was a major traffic snarl or bad weather, which are both huge possibilities, but that would still give me 2 hours...).  Because, you never know, sometimes contract positions become permanent hires.  And if it looked like it was going to become permanent, we could wait until the end of the school year and move closer, which would have the added advantage of putting us closer to Mom and Dad, but we'd still be fairly close to all our friends up here.
But, no.  The people that the position is ultimately for, want someone on-site 8 - 5, with only a little flexibility.  So, I'm pretty sure that this is going to go up in smoke.  There would be no way I'd make it home by 6.  I'd have to find someone willing to pick a boy up 5 days a week, since Mom can't stay past 6 herself on Mondays.  I'd have to give up, or at the very least vastly reduce my involvement with, my Girl Scout troop.  And I refuse to do that.  I refuse to give up any and all awake time with my boy-o 5 days a week.  I refuse to move him just over a month (and by the time all the shouting would be done, it would be 2 or 3 months) into Kindergarten; as much as he loves it right now, it's still a tenuous thing.  I refuse to give up my girls.  Oh, and there was no promise I'd get the position, the recruiter was calling to get me to submit my resume for it.

And then there are two other things adding to the anger and frustration.
The first is the fact that I've exhausted my 26 weeks of unemployment.  OK, well, there's supposed to be another tier that I'll get moved to and I'll get a letter about it.  But, oh, wait, that's a Federal program.  And, guess what?  The Federal Government is all but shut down.  So, what does this mean for me?  I have no blasted clue other than the fact that I'll only get one week's UI this week and have no idea if or when I'll be able to get any more support before March.  And no, the savings won't make it to March.  They'll barely make it to the end of the year if we stop doing anything and everything other than paying rent/mandatory bills and eating.

That is, other than the fact that I have to pay almost $1000 to get the Durango fixed.  You see, I didn't mention earlier that last Tuesday (which was an adventure of a day to begin with, with a possessed phone, a trip to King of Prussia and back to school night) the AC compressor seized, which tied up the belt, which means that the truck won't start.  Monday was the earliest they could get it in at the garage I trust around the corner.  It had to be towed.  The rebuild kit is close to $600.  Then there's all the labor for pulling the fool thing apart, flushing the system and putting it all back together.  And I won't get it back until late Tuesday or sometime Wednesday.  And did I mention it was going to be close to $1000 to fix?  I still keep telling myself that between that and the almost $600 for the repairs needed at inspection (that I'd been putting off as long as I could) I'm still getting off lighter than car payments. Oh, and I don't have a job so who in their right mind would give me a loan to get a vehicle?  And if I used up the savings to buy something about as old as the Durango outright, I wouldn't have money for bills thanks to having no job and no UI.  And I need a car to get a job...

Bright side, I got the Little Red Honda from mom this afternoon.  Downside?  Depending on how nuts Dad drives her, I may have to give it back soon.

So, yes, there is a lot of anger and frustration right now.  And so much of it is both out of my control (I can't make companies call me back or hire me or let me have any schedule I want and God knows I can't get the Federal government to start working again...) and in my control at the same time (giving up Girl Scouts, giving up time with my boy, moving...).  So, it just feels like a perfect storm brewing and not in a good way and has me in a very bad and angry place.

I'm going to try and go to bed again.  I've got lots to get done tomorrow while a boy-o is at school, and it's a Girl Scout night.  (Thankfully my friend Ali is doing the meet of the meeting, so I don't have to do too much...)

Peace to all and may things go in your favor now and again.

P.S. And... now the post isn't saving or publishing..... I really think I will cry now.