Saturday, January 02, 2016

30 Years

Today is a strange day.  Today marks 30 years since my family moved into our house here in PA.

Most years, I don't even think about this date.  But, all day today it has been rattling G around in my head.  30.  Thirty.  Thirty years that my parents have lived in their house.  There were problems since day one with it.  And there still are.  My mom hates the house, but can't move right now for a number of reasons.  I wish they had been able to move back in 2000 like they talked about.  But, it just wasn't going to work.

Anyhow, thirty years is a long time.  It is 3/4 of my life to date.  It is as long, or longer, than many of my coworkers have been alive.

There have been many ups and downs along the way.  I'm still not sure I'm really a Pennsylvanian.  I still feel out of place here.  But I'm not sure I could really go back to KS or OK or MO either.  It still astonished me when a client notices I don't truly sound like I'm from PA.  Yet, I don't sound like I'm from Kansas either.

All I know is that moving here involved a lot of pain.  It felt doomed from the moment Dad picked me up early the last day of school before winter break and that it was sleeting when they were loading up the moving van.   It meant changing schools twice in the same school year.  It meant going from a world I knew and fit into, where I had good friends and good relationships with most of the people I knew, to a totally alien world where I was tormented and ostracized almost from day 1.  The first 6 years were very hard and involved lots of tears.  Then it got easier.  Then I thought I mostly fit in by the time I was in college.  But I don't really.  I love my friends dearly, but in some ways we are so very, very different.  And it is bothersome.  But, it is ok.

There have been many wonderful times as well as pain.  Many amazing summer days at camp or the nature center.  Many fun trips and explorations.  Many an evening hanging out with friends around a campfire and just enjoying the company.

So, overall I think the positive does win, but not by a huge margin.  I'm still carrying a lot of hurt from the first almost decade here.  Those wounds are deep.  And the wounds of a 10-year-old don't heal fully.

I'm not sure where I was going with this, other than to be amazed that it has been 30 years that I've called this state home.  Well  except the 10 months I spent in OK.  And that was its own adventure....

Peace to all and may the adventures in the coming year be amazing.

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