Meltdown

Today was a rough day. It started at 3am.
I've posted before how Boo has been letting us catch a couple of 3-4 hour naps at night most of the last several nights. Well, that all changed last night. And not for the better.
The evening started off well, he went down fairly early and slept until about 11 or so. He was a little fussy, but not too bad. He'd had a bit of a fussy time earlier in the evening, but, like I said, he went to sleep fairly early after a good feeding.
Then came his 3am feeding.
I think the howling lasted until 4 or 4:30. He only at a few gulps at a shot and then would start howling again. There was no consoling the little guy, no matter what. He eventually settled and fell back asleep.
For about an hour.
After about 20 minutes of trying to feed and calm, he finally settles.
For about 45 minutes to an hour.
Welcome to Boo's first total and complete meltdown.
Keep this up until about 10:30 or 11 am when he finally settles down for about a two hour nap. Then continue grousing every time Momma moves until about 3:00 when he finally, finally, settles in for a real nap. And so do I. Of course, I have my own little meltdown at this point. I'm totally exhausted and totally out of tricks to try and get Boo to settle, or even eat something.
Of course, it didn't help that the apartment is a total disaster and Mom was here and a friend of hers who does cleaning on the side was coming over to get the place into good shape for Gak's mom to arrive on Saturday. (Don't get me started on that whole issue... I'm both looking forward to and dreading her visit...)
I will be the first to admit that I'm a lousy housekeeper. There is always a certain level of entropy in my life, sometimes more, occasionally less. (Actually, too neat of a place puts me on edge... I feel like I can't touch anything or even breathe funny...) I was very glad that Mom's friend offered to come up and clean. But when she got here, between being exhausted and everything else, I just couldn't help feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed and like a failure for how bad the place was. Admittedly, some of the issues in the bathroom and kitchen I'd inherited with the apartment (and thanks to the very hard water we have around here...). But still, I could have, should have, taken much better care of it all before this. It's not like we just moved in, we've been here for two years.
So, the "failure" to get Boo to settle and the failure of keeping the apartment even half decent, I had my own mini-meltdown... I was much better after about an hour or so of a snooze.
Anyhow, Boo is finally asleep again and will hopefully be that way until 11 or so and the house looks great. (I'm afraid to touch anything between now and Saturday... or to let Gak touch anything either...)
I'm going to call this post finished and either get a little sleep myself or play with yarn until my eyes close (just in time for Boo to wake up I'm guessing...).
Peace to all and may you not have any meltdowns in your life.

Happy Father's Day Gak!

I've admitted before, I'm not always good about holidays and remembering to do things for them. This one is extra special though, because it's Gak's first Father's Day. I didn't want to mess this one up. I didn't buy a card before Boo was born though. And I couldn't figure out something appropriate to get him that was Father's Day-ish but also something he'd want. Therefore, I wrote this post to tell him, and the world, exactly why I think he's a great dad:
Dear Gak,
I love you so much, I don't have words for it. The only thing I have to give you this Father's Day is our wonderful son. You are so wonderful with him already, you've taken to this whole dad thing quite well.
I truly do appreciate when you get up in the middle of the night when Boo begins to fuss and change and soothe him for a bit to see if he'll go back to sleep or if he really does need to be fed. I love to watch you hold and talk with him. It's really cute to watch you holding Boo while you play on the computer or watch TV together.
When we came home and you took him for a tour of the apartment I was really touched. One of my mom's favorite stories is when they brought me home from the hospital and Dad did the same thing, explaining what each room of the house was for. I don't think I ever told you that story, yet you did the exact same thing.
You are such a wonderful and supportive husband, making sure I have what I need and taking care of me when I don't realize I need help. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in life and this adventure called parenthood.
You will do great as a dad and you and Boo will have many wonderful adventures together.
I love you so much my bear. Thank you for being the best dad and partner that you are.
*hugs and love*
me

Week 2 Rambles

Well, I finally put up some more pictures of the little guy on Flickr. We didn't get too many this week. Not a lot was going on really I guess. I mean, sure Gramma Sue was here Monday afternoon for a bit, but we didn't take any pictures as Boo slept most of the afternoon. Wednesday we went for a walk, but silly Momma didn't remember the camera and again, he was either asleep or yowling for food. Thursday and Friday we had doctors' appointments, but other than that nothing interesting. Again, Momma left the camera at home. We did take a walk to Rita's for desert last evening, but the camera was at home. It's also a little tough to take pictures when you're the only one home and the camera always seems to be in the other room when you want it or when Boo is doing something cute. (That and trying to take a picture of a baby on your own lap is a little tough too...)
I think that was part of my problem earlier this week, other than Monday and our brief walk on Wednesday evening with friends, I really haven't talked to or seen anyone other than Gak all week. That's part of why I want to have the option of getting out of the house, just to see other people exist. I love my boy dearly, but I don't want to feel like we're living in seclusion or something.
It's getting better though. A bit of sleep on my part and some Poppa and Boy time does wonders for the general outlook. Don't get me wrong, Gak spends as much time as he can with Boo, but when he gets home in the evening and Boo's asleep or only wakes long enough to feed, it's a little tough for Gak. In a few weeks though, we'll start introducing pumped milk in a bottle. Gak gets to have all the fun with that one at first, as from what I've read, if I try and get him to take the bottle at first, no go. That's because I smell like Momma (duh) and he knows the source is right there, so why try the bottle? It may be a bit tough, seeing as though he'll only very rarely take a pacifier. (I don't have a problem with that... just so long as he figures out some way to self-soothe so he doesn't use me as a pacifier!)
I know there were some other things I wanted to write, but they're escaping my brain right now. Oh! That's right. I was going to say that Boo is one popular little baby this week as far as the mail goes. He received three, yes three packages this week. On Monday he got one from his great-aunt and uncle Sugerman in California. On Tuesday he got one from his aunt Abi in Rhode Island and on Thursday he got one from Ms. Charitee in Kentucky. (Momma and Poppa have been playing EQII with Ms. Charitee for several years now...) Everything was really cute. No, I didn't get pictures of the gifts. I should though. I'll put that on the list of things to do today while Boo naps.
Boo has been staying awake for an hour or two at a shot a couple of times a day recently. That's good, but he's back down to sleeping about 3-4 hours at a shot over night. That's not so good. 4-5 hours at a shot would be much better according to me. I'm getting used to it though. But I'm sure as soon as I do, he'll change things up on us again just to keep us on our toes.
Anyhow, I'm going to attempt to get some other things done (including some food for me) before he wakes up again. I probably have an hour or so... I hope...
Peace to all and may you have good weeks.

Two-week Checkup

Well, today was Boo's 2-week checkup. Well, 12 days actually. (It still feels weird to type or say "my son"... cool, but weird...)
Everything went really well. Of course, I've got to stop scheduling these things for about 9 or 9:30 am, since that seems to be when he wants a second breakfast. Our boy put on a full 8 oz in the last week! He's now well above his birth weight at a healthy 8 lb 5 oz. This means he's right on target for where they like to see weight gain. They like to see about 1 oz a day at this stage and he put on 8 in 7 days, so he's eating just fine. (I will always worry about this, especially if he continues to have some feedings that only last 5 or 7 minutes....)
We also gave him his first dose of the Hepatitis B vaccine. They like to give this to the babies before they leave the hospital, but I said no. I also said no last week at the doctor's. It was mostly because I didn't have enough information as to why and since I couldn't figure out where he might get it from, I balked. It does seem like it is a good idea, I just think we tend to medicate too much these days. Of course, that may also come from the fact that I've been on some kind of allergy or asthma medicine for most of my life. (And I don't always see a difference between being on or off them....) At any rate, he did quite well with the shot. I didn't even flinch. He settled right down in a few moments after the shot and life was good again. Of course, he fell asleep in the dozen or so blocks between the doctor's and the house.
He actually has spent a bit more time awake the last few days. He's pretty mellow most of the time he's awake. The problem is when he can't decide if he's hungry or tired or both. There are times that nothing is right until he figures it all out. Luckily it doesn't take him too long most days. He's either asleep or happily nursing within a few minutes, but is likely to try the other in just a few more minutes. This may go on for an hour or so and does try my patience at times, but it is nowhere near as bad as some parents have it. Like I said, he can usually settle, at least for a little while, pretty quickly.
Gak's been such a great dad. He is really good about trying to comfort the little guy and make sure it's not something else before just handing him to me for feeding. Last night they sat together for a good bit snuggling and watching an old movie. I got to sleep. This is a wonderful thing in my book.
There are other things going on in my life, but not much. Last week when I talked with my boss he admitted they'd been slackers about the whole training thing. I just let it slide and didn't say "I told you so" like I could have and wanted to. Like I've said, it's not like I didn't give them about 6 months notice.
Anyhow, I'm going to go wash up the lunch dishes and maybe lie down for a few minutes with my book before Boo wakes up again. Hopefully in my next post or two I'll have something other than baby stuff to post about. You'll just have to deal with it because right now, he's the center of my universe, with Gak a close second.
Peace to all and may everything go well.

Grandparents and stuff

I don't know how many of you read the comic strip "For Better or For Worse" but it's really touched me this past week or so. You see, the grandfather is fading, and fading fast and Liz has decided to bump up her wedding so that she can make sure he'll be there.
This makes me think of my own grandmother. It makes me miss her even more. She was so looking forward to being a great-grandmother some day when Gak and I got married. She'll never get to see her great-grandson's face, let alone touch his head, hold him or sing him silly little songs she made up to soothe him. I cry just thinking about the lost opportunities on both Boo's and Gram's part. Then I remember that Boo won't know his Grampa Jim either. This just seems more cruel. I guess it's because I only ever had one grandparent that it makes me feel so bad about Boo missing out on having four. It'll be tough enough on his Nanna (Gak's mom) because she lives in OK. But at least she's still here and there are wonderful things like email and long distance phone calls. Not to mention airplanes. I do want her to have a good relationship with Boo, but we're not uprooting the family and leaving everything we have here, just to move closer to her. We have our life and right now, it's here.
This really doesn't quite sum up how I feel, it only just scratches the surface. I just can't seem to get the thoughts to stay on one tangent long enough to be some kind of organized post.

Anyhow, I had my doctor's appointment this morning. All looks really good. Unfortunately, I'm still banned from driving for a few more days. I'm beginning to go crazy without the possibility of going anywhere on my own. I'm also still not allowed to lift more than Boo. (I won't tell the doctor this, but I carried him around the apartment a bit in the carrier this morning getting ready for the appointment and no pain or anything...) I guess I wouldn't feel the restrictions so much if I was still in lots of pain and feeling really bad and tired. I'm only feeling tired if I can't get an afternoon nap because Boo wakes up right as I fall asleep. I'm only in pain if Boo kicks me right near the incision. I'm also not telling the doctor how long of a walk I took last night with Gak and some friends. Well, the guys walked a bit longer than I did, the main reason I went home when I did was because Boo was getting hungry and fussy and there wasn't really a place I could stop and feed him. The last thing we needed was a repeat of Sunday. Boo did seem to like his stroller about as much as his car seat, meaning once he was buckled in, all was right in the world. He snoozed a little bit and then woke up hungry.

Well, Boo should be waking for his lunch time feeding in a bit. (Even if I have to wake him for it... I'm trying to keep him awake during the day.) Actually, speak of the devil, there he goes now. Gak's gone to soothe him a bit and then I'll give Boo lunch.
Peace to all and may you have wonderful people in your life.

Week 1 Wrapup

Well, we've survived over an entire week as a family. No tragedies. Not even too many rough spots. Sure, there were a couple of nights that were a little long. There is usually at least one two-hour span in a day where Boo is just fussy and grutsy and not sure what he really wants. That's OK.
He's been sleeping very well for such a little guy. Most of the last 4 or 5 nights he's let me get two "naps" of about 3-4 hours each over night. This is just about as much sleep as I ever get. I actually had to wake him the other night around 3am for a feeding because the last he'd fed was 9:30 pm and I knew if I let him go much longer, he'd be too hungry to eat. Last night was a little rough at parts, but that's because he'd been sooo good through the rest of the day, that it caught up with him. The problems Sunday night were purely our fault, not his.
Sunday, at one week of age, Gak and I took him on his first shopping expeditions. Our first stop was to WalMart to use part of the gift card from work on diapers. I'd picked up one package of "newborn" size and had two of size 1. I'd done this because I really wasn't sure how big he was going to be or how long, if at all, he'd really be in the newborn size. Well, at 8 lb at birth, and loosing a little the first two days, he'll be in newborn for another few weeks. He did really well, looking all around at everything and just hanging out. He'll scream when you put him into his seat, until it gets buckled. Once the buckle snaps, he calms right down and is quite content.
The second place we went was to the Q Mart. It's a local "Farmer's Market" and a bit of a flea market as well. Great place. We went to the comic book shop so Gak could pick up a couple of books, and then to the barber that's there.
This had to be the slowest haircut ever. All Gak wanted was a flat top and a simple shave. I swear, the old man doing the cutting went over each square inch and each individual hair at least a half-dozen times. This is where the problem came in. At this point, it had been way too long since Boo, Gak or I had eaten. Boo let his displeasure known loudly. I was able to calm him for a bit, but since we'd thrown his whole internal schedule off by delaying food for so long, it made for a long evening. Once he slept though, he slept like a rock (and so did I).
Stewart also came over on Sunday for a little bit. It was good to see him. He and Gak talked D&D for a bit. (Don't buy the new book, they've totally killed it now...) Unfortunately, this was during one of Boo's grutsy periods, so I spent most of the time with Boo in the nursery trying to get Boo to nurse instead of eat his hands. His hands have become much more interesting than feeding lately. This is problematic and doesn't really help with the whole feeding thing in general.
Other than him wanting to eat his hands, feeding is going well. He nurses well and supply is good. It is a bit annoying when he's feeling a bit off and it takes over an hour for him to feed for 10 minutes. Hopefully that'll get better with time.
Yesterday Gradma Sue came up and we had a good afternoon together. Boo slept well a good part of the afternoon, which made for a cranky evening, but that's OK. Like I said, when he's only cranky a few hours out of any day, I can live with that.
Well, I'd better get some lunch into me before Boo wakes up for his next feeding.
Peace to all and may life be good to you.

Nursing Reflections

Not really much new to report today. Overall it has been a good day. The air conditioners got put in last night, and boy what a relief that has been. It's brutal out, but it's nice and comfy in here. It was amazing once they started working and the humidity dropped. Yesterday Boo spent a lot of time in just his diaper it was so sticky. Today, it was comfortable enough inside that he let me swaddle him. (He sleeps quite well swaddled, even when I don't get it tight enough and he works his arm(s) and/or leg(s) free.)
Gak worked today again, and after a grutsy morning, Boo and I napped a good part of the late morning/afternoon. I'm guessing I'm still a bit anemic after the surgery, I get tired very quickly, despite how well I'm feeling. I know, it was major surgery that I had a week ago. Actually, looking at the clock, it was almost exactly 1 week ago as I type this that my water broke... wow. It seems like forever ago and just yesterday all at the same time.

Disclaimer: the below may be too much information for some... but it's what is on my mind...
I've discovered that, at least for now, I can't go around the house even without a bra. Not unless I want to wear a very sour smelling and soaked shirt after an hour or so. Let me tell you, I thought I hated underwire bras before, but man, this nursing bra is even worse. I think it hurts more than my incision at this point. Right now, I'm cheating and wearing one of my old bras. The band is just loose enough that I can pull it up to "let the cows out of the barn" as Gak so elegantly puts it. (The first time he said it, he was admonishing Boo to leave the covered boob alone because "that cow's still in the barn son...". I nearly died laughing.)
On Wednesday night I had a coupon for cheep shipping from a site I'd been looking at for bras. Here's what I ended up ordering: http://www.jms.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce/ProductDisplay?prnbr=19954&cgnbr=30R1000000. I hope they turn out as nice as the reviews say. I really can't wait for them to get here.
Well, if I want to get anything done before Boo wakes up for his next feeding, I'd best be off.

Peace to all and may things work.

Well Baby

Ya know... for having a shutterbug for a mom... there just haven't been that many new photos of the boy taken in the last few days...
Anyhow, Here's Boo snuggled up with his Dragon, who is being called Pupper Dog, because that's what he acts like, a giant puppy. (Yes, we'll have a messed up child with an odd view of the world, but at least it'll match ours.) His eyes are open in this picture, but we really still can't tell exactly what color blue they are. We can tell they're blue, but not if they're gray like mine or bright like his Poppa's. Only time will tell, and they'll change a bit over the next few months any how.
Today was his first well baby checkup with his pediatrician. Well, one of the two in the office. I like her and her staff. They're nice people. (My friend Bill highly recommended them, as that's who his son has been seeing for the last 12 years.) My biggest, well only real, concern was if he's been getting enough to eat. I mean, when we were in the hospital, before my milk came in, he'd feed about 20 minutes each feeding every few hours. Now he's feeding 5-10 minutes maybe each feeding every 2-3 hours in the day and a 3-4 hour period of every hour in the late evening/early night and then two good feeds over night. Well, when we were discharged from the hospital Wednesday, his weight was down to 7 lb. 6 oz. (stable for 2 days) and today it's back up to 7 lb. 13 oz. This means that, yes, he's really getting enough to eat.
He's been such a mellow little guy for the most part. And very aware when he's awake, looking at everything. I think we truly lucked out. I know there will be days when I look back at that last statement and laugh that crazed parent laugh of the sleep deprived and stressed, but so far, so good.
Well, it's just about time for him to wake/me to wake him for a feeding. The feedings have been going very well the last day or so. No real pain on my part, no further cracking or anything. I think we're finally getting the hang of this and getting it "right". (I say it that way because, like everything with babies, there is no one right way...)

Peace to all and may the days be good.

From Pregnant to Parents

Ok. Boo is asleep for the moment, so I've got a chance to tell you the story of his arrival.

As everyone should know, Friday was my due date and it came and went with no Boo. Thursday we'd gone to the hospital for a few hours with high blood pressure, but that wasn't very eventful either.

Saturday was pretty uneventful. I dropped Gak off at work and did the laundry. I came home, fiddled around a little bit and took a nap. Mostly I was just tired and beginning to feel tired of being pregnant. It was pretty warm and very sticky, so that didn't help me out any.

After picking up Gak from work at 3, we went to the video game store next door to say hi and look at a few things. We also went over to Target, just because we could. We didn't really need anything, but it was air conditioned. It also gave me somewhere to walk around for a bit, as I was feeling a little stir crazy. We decided that we didn't want to go home right away and that ice cream sounded good. So, we had an early dinner at Friendly's. We ate too much (which turns out to be a good thing...). (By the way, if there's one near you, try the summer ice cream that's Resses Peanut Butter Cup... way yummy!)

We went home and were both just mostly bored and antsy. We half thought about going to the movies to see Iron Man again, but decided we'd already spent too much money on movies this month. Mom called around 7 to see how we were doing and we both had the same answer: "bored".

Well, shortly after that phone call I decide to read for a bit, as that's about all the attention span I had. Gak was playing around on the computer. At about 8:45 I rolled over to change sides. (Mind you, at this point, that was a major accomplishment with my belly...) Something wasn't quite right. Things were a little too damp. I go to the bathroom and sure enough, soaked pants. It didn't smell like pee and I was still leaking. I tell Gak and call the doctor's office.

Here we go!

We head up to the hospital and start calling people to let them know. It was turning into a pouring thunderstorm. Therefore, we had Mom go to Kat's house and then both of them come up to the hospital. (Mom's good at getting lost, and we really didn't want her wandering around Allentown in the dark and rain...) Ed joined us after he got off work.

I was checked in when we got there and changed into a gown and put on the monitors. Everything was going just fine. They checked and yes, it was my water that broke. No, I hadn't dilated any further than I was on Thursday. Little did I know how long a night this was going to be.

The bed in L&D isn't the most comfortable. Of course, being tied to two monitors and having an IV line in my arm (but not hooked up) didn't help things any. I wasn't in pain and really wasn't feeling any contractions. We were joking around, telling stories. At about 1am everyone but me went out for a bite to eat. That, apparently, was an adventure in and of itself.

Around 4am they checked me again and still no progress. They decided to start some pitocin to see if that would help. That meant I couldn't get out of bed again until this was over with, since I had to constantly be on monitors at this point. Well, the pitocin didn't do much at all. Around 7 my doctor came in and checked me and still nothing. I wasn't feeling any contractions either. They decide to put internal monitors on to better see what's going on. He also re-broke my water. This is when the pain started. Gak and Mom were both out of the room getting breakfast when the monitors were put in. Thankfully Kat was there (Ed had gone home around6). Anyone else, I would have broken their fingers.

Due to the pain that started (almost constant, with some major spikes now and again), I decided that the next time I got checked, I'd ask for the epidural. The pain so wasn't worth it. Well, around 8 or so is when I got checked again. Tons of pain, but no real progress. I was dilated to about 4cm and Boo was still at -2 station (high in the pelvis...). My doctor and I talked about it. He'd been concerned for a few weeks that it might come down to a C-section. I'd been wondering about it myself for a while. The fact that he just wasn't moving down, his probable large size and my small stature, pointed strongly to a C-section. He offered to let me work on it another hour or two and then decide. I told him that there really hadn't been any progress since at least Thursday even with breaking my water and adding the pitocin. I told him if it comes down to a C-section, I'd rather do it soon under controlled conditions than have it become an emergency. I know it was beginning to really stress me, and I didn't want this to stress Boo any more than it had to.

Well, he convinces me to wait on the epi, so that I could have a spinal block for the section. The next hour was one of the hardest I've ever gone through. Any doctor like the one Kat had that made her go through three days of this before finally ending up with an emergency section should be shot.

All I have to say is that spinals are wonderful! It hurt a bit going in, but within about 30 seconds, my toes were getting warm and tingly. I totally couldn't feel my legs shortly there after and could only feel pressure up into my chest. I think they got it a little high and with a slightly high dose because my fingers were a little tingly. Gak was outfitted with scrubs and came in. I could feel them working on me, but only the pressure and a bit of tugging, but no pain. I kept feeling like I wanted to move my legs, but didn't try because I knew I couldn't.

Seamus was born screaming. Mom and Kat said they heard him from down the hall in the waiting room. Gak had the option of watching them pull him out, but being who he is, he declined. (Between being a little squeamish to begin with and not liking to see me in pain... not his thing...) They then stitched me up and taped me up. They have this really cool thing to move patients from bed to bed, called a hover-mat. Basically, they turned me into an air-hockey puck. There's this pad that inflates like a hover craft and allows them to move even the largest person with only a few people. It was actually fun.

Gak had accompanied our son (still not quite used to that...) to the nursery to watch him get cleaned up and weighed and everything. He was born at 10:38 am weighing 8 lb even and 20.5 inches. My guess on his size was pretty close. I was calling it at 8 lb 10 oz and 20.25 inches.

My recovery from the section has been pretty good. I'm still pretty stiff and a bit sore. I can't bend over or get up too easily without something to lean against. (Luckily I can do that one-handed so taking care of the little man by myself isn't impossible, just a little tough at some points...) It's good to be home, although we don't have the air conditioners in yet and it's supposed to get miserable in the next few days. The last two nights have been a little rough, with Boo wanting to cluster feed from about 9 or 10 pm until about midnight. Then he'd only fall asleep and stay that way on my chest. Luckily I did get about 3 hours in a row of sleep last night. (I was able to move Boo to his bed for about another half hour or so before he woke for feeding... which was fine...) Breastfeeding is going fairly well. My right boob is pretty sore and cracked, but that's because for some reason I can only manage to get him to latch right from one direction and the left is a little tender. My milk is in, so at least he's getting good nutrition now.

Anyhow, I'd best wrap this up because Seamus should be waking up soon. For more pictures, check out my flickr as always. I'll have more soon.

Peace to all and may you have good things in your life.

He's HERE!!!

Ok. No photos uploaded yet, but I'll take care of that ASAP. Gak was supposed to post this the other night, but logged out of my system before he remembered.
Seamus Richard Brady came into the world screaming at 10:38am on Sunday June 1st. He weighed in at an even 8 lb and 20.5 inches long.
Everyone is doing quite well. Momma's a little sleep deprived this afternoon because last night the little man decided to feed about 5 minutes at a shot every hour or so, until about 6am, and then it was shift change and starting the process of getting released. I'll give more details in my next post along with the pictures.
Life is good.
I'm going to wrap this up and grab something to eat before Boo wakes up and wants his lunch too.
Peace to all and may the joys in your life be big.