I've been avoiding writing here lately. I've been avoiding it because there's just so much I can say about a boy-o who suddenly loves school and is still excited to go and is truly beginning to participate and keeps getting good reports from his teacher.
I've mostly been avoiding writing here lately because, well, other than school going well for a boy and having a hubs that loves me through the ups and downs of life, I have nothing positive to say.
I'm feeling so burned out, bummed out and just plain depressed over this whole job search thing. I'm either vastly over paid and over qualified for jobs that will actually talk to me, or under qualified (on paper at any rate) for the jobs I want and will actually pay me close to what I need to be making.
Until this week I hadn't had traction in anything I'd put in for. Barely even a reply back of "you're not qualified, sorry" or any other acknowledgement of my existence, even with trying to follow up. (And trust me, trying to follow up on these jobs is a real bitch! You apply online through a job search board and get no contact information or anything other than a company name, not even an email address to follow up with and you've got to dig and search and hope you find some kind of human, which rarely happens.)
I didn't say this publicly, but my old job actually had someone else leave voluntarily and another friend is out on bed rest before her second daughter's birth in November and they created two postings. So, I applied. And I didn't hear word one back from corporate after "we're forwarding on your resume to the hiring manager". So, this week I followed up with my former manager's manager, the one in charge of all service. He was polite, but they've filled the one position, and the other position is network support /PC builds which we both know I'm not really qualified for. But, he did give me the name of one of the consultants I used to work with all the time and told me he's looking for someone. So, I've sent him an email and my resume, but he's out until Wednesday on vacation.
That's the good news, and it's not really all that good. The other news is that I did get a call back about a job I applied for. It's down in Horsham, or about a 50 mile round trip. It would be a call center environment working with corporate network support. Yeah, not my strong suit but I did a Gram and BS'd my way through the screening. Then, they told me it was going to pay $15.50 an hour, oh, and I could end up on a 2 - 10 pm shift. Doing some quick math, including things like gas, extra daycare and the fact that I'd be paying for insurance for three people out of this, I quickly realized that I'd probably end up loosing money if I actually got this job. Yep, it would almost cost me more to take this job. It would be an almost 50% pay cut from my last job. I know I'll have to take a pay cut between my experience and the job market, but I can't afford to loose half my pay check. I mean, that's what I've been working with on UI and the savings are dwindling quickly. And there's no way that it would jump $5 an hour in 6 months or less. So, I cried. And I wrote an email back saying it wasn't economically feasible for me to take the job.
So, right about now you're not hearing from me because all I have is negative things to say about myself, my lack of apparent hirablility (which isn't a word, or at least I can't get spell check to like it) and overall direction. Here I am just shy of six (yes, 6) months into this and I have no more clue or direction of where to go or how to get there than I did back in February when Monty told me a layoff was a possibility. And now I've even had the slim crack of the possibility of going back to my old job slammed in my face without the courtesy of a "no thanks".
Thankfully, I'm going away this weekend with three friends from college. It's only over night, but still, it's away. And they told me I was going if I could pay for the hotel or not. So, I'll try and bury any negative self thoughts and thoughts about the miserable job search until Sunday night. I'll enjoy the company of three friends who actually want to spend time with me.
And then it'll be back to the grind.
Peace to all and may your lives be full of positive things and happy thoughts.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Sunday, September 08, 2013
One Week In
Well, it's been one week since the start of school. Yes, it was a short, three day long week but we've had a week of school.
And I don't recognize this boy living in my house. But in good ways.
Tuesay morning Boobwas awake before I was and I was up at 6:30 to try and get a little Momma time. As I was leaving my room I see the light on in Boo's room and tbere he is, already getting dressed. He was bouncing off the walls and ready to GO by 7 and we don't have to leave the house until about 8:30 if we're walking. Totally the opposite of what we expected.
He was a bit nervous about going into school but Nik was there and when the doors opened, I just handed the boy off to him and he barely looked back. He was so excited about everything when we picked him up. And his teacher said he'd had a better day than orientation, but saw what we meant about participation.
Wednesday came and he was just as excited to go to school. He was glad to see Nick at the doors again. We left the house a bit early and we had about 10 minutes or so to wait. Again happy bouncing boy.
Thursday he had off for Rosh Hashanah, but he was going to daycare in the afternoon. He was so excited to see Dominik and tell him all about what he learned. Dom wasn't there Thursday, but Joey and Mikey were and that was good.
He was a bit nervous about going into school but Nik was there and when the doors opened, I just handed the boy off to him and he barely looked back. He was so excited about everything when we picked him up. And his teacher said he'd had a better day than orientation, but saw what we meant about participation.
Wednesday came and he was just as excited to go to school. He was glad to see Nick at the doors again. We left the house a bit early and we had about 10 minutes or so to wait. Again happy bouncing boy.
Thursday he had off for Rosh Hashanah, but he was going to daycare in the afternoon. He was so excited to see Dominik and tell him all about what he learned. Dom wasn't there Thursday, but Joey and Mikey were and that was good.
Starting Friday is where the real changes became evident. Now, you know Boo has always been a social boy but prefers to hang back and doesn't go talking to random kids.
Friday Mrs. M told me when I picked him up that he was getting much better about the participation thing. That made me smile. We went to the library next to return and check out books. We ran into one of his classmates as we were leaving and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay or go home for lunch. Lunch won. (From the 30 seconds we saw him, he reminded me a bit of Kevin from daycare... not one of Boo's favorite people. )
Boo ate all his lunch. He even let me have about 45 minutes quiet time al to myself. We then went out and played and then Gak called and offered to buy ice cream to celebrate the first week of school. After that we went to the playground.
There was a little girl there who wanted to play with Boo. Think of the opening scenes from Up and you'll know what it was like. Well she had to go fairly soon after they started playing. After a bit, when the playground became busier, Boo was actually upset no one was playing with, or talking to, him. Yes, my boy who really only wants to play with me. He was quite content to play by himself or other kids.
Then we came home so I could start dinner. He wanted to play out back so I said yes. We finally went over his actual boundaries, not just the implied ones. He then asks if he can see if Conner across the hall is home. Sure! (Conner just started 6th grade but has always made time for Boo.) They played either out back with a ball or out front with the remote controlled truck for over an hour until it was time to get Gak from work. Well, when I said it was time to go you'd have thought the world was going to end. So, since Conner and his older brother Matt didn't care I left him playing.
Then last night he was playing out back after dinner and seems to have made friends with a random neighborhood kid who lives on the circle behind us.
Who is this boy? And all this after one week of school? Boy are we in trouble...
We truly don't have a baby or even a pre-schooler any more.
Friday Mrs. M told me when I picked him up that he was getting much better about the participation thing. That made me smile. We went to the library next to return and check out books. We ran into one of his classmates as we were leaving and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay or go home for lunch. Lunch won. (From the 30 seconds we saw him, he reminded me a bit of Kevin from daycare... not one of Boo's favorite people. )
Boo ate all his lunch. He even let me have about 45 minutes quiet time al to myself. We then went out and played and then Gak called and offered to buy ice cream to celebrate the first week of school. After that we went to the playground.
There was a little girl there who wanted to play with Boo. Think of the opening scenes from Up and you'll know what it was like. Well she had to go fairly soon after they started playing. After a bit, when the playground became busier, Boo was actually upset no one was playing with, or talking to, him. Yes, my boy who really only wants to play with me. He was quite content to play by himself or other kids.
Then we came home so I could start dinner. He wanted to play out back so I said yes. We finally went over his actual boundaries, not just the implied ones. He then asks if he can see if Conner across the hall is home. Sure! (Conner just started 6th grade but has always made time for Boo.) They played either out back with a ball or out front with the remote controlled truck for over an hour until it was time to get Gak from work. Well, when I said it was time to go you'd have thought the world was going to end. So, since Conner and his older brother Matt didn't care I left him playing.
Then last night he was playing out back after dinner and seems to have made friends with a random neighborhood kid who lives on the circle behind us.
Who is this boy? And all this after one week of school? Boy are we in trouble...
We truly don't have a baby or even a pre-schooler any more.
Peace to you all and may you grow in leaps and bounds.
Monday, September 02, 2013
Twas the Night Before Kindergarten
I wish I was better at adapting poems to suit my own needs, but I'm not. So you'll just have to deal with some bedtime rambling.
Tomorrow Boo starts kindergarten. I think it will actually go OK. We had orientation on Thursday. For most of the time the parents were in the cafeteria in assembly being introduced to the principal and other school staff. Meanwhile the kids were in their classrooms meting their teachers. There was one kid who raised a ruckus, but it wasn't Boo. I sent him with Daddy to go with the teacher, knowing full well if I did it, it would not go so well. His teacher, Mrs. M, is young and beautiful. She saw Boo was hesitant and took him by the hand and to the front of the line. He willingly went with her. I swear he'll follow just about any pretty girl...
Anyhow, when us parents were let into the class we were quite happy that he didn't get up from his coloring and run right to us. He wasn't happy, but he stayed put.
Boo admits he's still a little scared. We've done our best to assure him it is OK to be scared. I really think he'll be OK. At least with the going to school part. I still worry about the participating in group aor teacher lead activities, but we did get a chance to mention that to Mrs. M. She appreciated it.
Anyhow, Looking in on my boy all curled up with Trey and Angel I am filled with many emotions. (I let Boo sleep with Angel one night in a week...) Knowing Angel is "Gram's" bear, I am filled with sadness that neither Gram nor his Papa Jim ever got to met him and how much I wish they were here for such a big life event. I'm feeling a little anxiety about how he'll do, but more from a "I hope he has a good year" not a "I hope he's ready" standpoint. Subtle difference but big. I will admit I am feeling no small amount of amazement at the fact that he is old enough, big enough and more than smart enough to be in big boy school. And I will admit there is some pride in tbere too that Gak and I have such an awesome little boy. He really is quite something and is such a character.
But, it is just about 10 and I have to make sure I get up in the morning. We leave the house at about 8:30 to walk to school as a family. Look for a picture soon.
Peace to all and may you conquer your fears and be amazed by the world around you. (And those of you in school or with loved ones in school may this year be challenging and fulfilling.)
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Two Week Countdown
Yeah, yeah, it's been over a month again since I posted. I've been busy. Mostly busy having fun, but also busy trying to figure out this whole "get a new job" thing that's been sucking most of my life away. Really, it feels like it's been sucking the soul right out of me.
Hopefully, I'll have something more interesting to say about things like that in the future, but that's not what this post is about.
Tonight, this post is about my boy-o. And the fact that two weeks from yesterday is the day he starts kindergarten.
And before today, I was all ready and gung-ho about it. I mean, I know he's smart enough. I know he's socially developed enough. I know he's ready, in all ways.
Yes, I was panicking back at the beginning of the year and earlier. And I had lost of reasons to. He did not participate much at all at day care. He wouldn't engage with other kids at the playground. He didn't play with the other kids, but next to them. And yes, in some ways it was age appropriate, but in other ways, I just knew it pointed to a hard time adjusting to kindergarten, and it was 6 months to a year away. (Ask Gak or half the people I was working with... they all knew I was panicking over this...)
Then, Miss Loretta at daycare said he was participating and instigating play with the other kids. And he wasn't being clingy when I dropped him off on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Gak would have to vouch for Wednesdays and Fridays...). He even instigated play with kids he'd never met before at the playground. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. A switch had flipped and my boy-o might take a bit of time to get used to the idea of kindergarten, but it wasn't going to be as bad as I feared.
Still, if you asked him if he was ready or excited about kindergarten, you'd get a shake of the head "no", or maybe even a verbal no. If we were out in public and standing talking to someone, he'd try and disappear into my leg.
But... he was excited and interested in buying his new school supplies. He was thrilled even to some degree.
He likes to go over to the playground at his new school and will even ask to go there.
But, the last few weeks have me nervous again. And after today, I'm really nervous and full of panic and back to my "oh this is so not going to be fun until November" mode.
You see, our boy is panicking and terrified. The closer we get to the start of school, the more quiet terror I see is lurking behind his quiet ways.
There are lots of little things pointing towards this.
He's getting more scared again of dogs, cats and other animals. He used to be OK with looking at animals at the zoo, or if they were on leashes. Now, he panics and tries to run away, all but throwing me into "danger".
He's not participating as freely at daycare as he was.
Tonight, when I told him I had to rinse the soap he left in his hair out, he was on the verge of terror tears and almost howling. We haven't had a howling incident in the tub in ages.
He's not going to bed easily or willingly, saying he's scared or "I want you" without any other explanation. Tonight I tried to get out of him what was wrong and all I got was "I'm scared" and all but in tears. He finally came up with that he wanted more light in his room, so I gave him his flashlight. I know that's not the root of the problem.
He's becoming more timid and withdrawn in all ways.
He's gotten very, very clingy when I drop him off at day care and not wanting to let go.
Today, we went to a "concert" at the library (which was supposed to be a "getting ready for kindergarten" theme, but wasn't int he slightest, but that's a different story...). I couldn't get him to go sit with Joey, one of his bestest friends. I could barely get him to engage at all. He didn't complain that it was too loud or cover his ears like he does when it really is too noisy/busy for him. He just didn't want anything to do with it for the most part.
Sunday the three of us walked over to the school playground and he was having a good time. Until Gak asked him what he thought it was like inside the school. Then, suddenly and out of the blue he gets all kinds of sulky and whiny and "my tummy hurts". He was that scared. We went home after that, and almost instantly he was fine.
I'm back to worrying about how much of a struggle it's going to be to walk him to school every day. I'm back to hoping his teacher is as awesome and patient as my friends who's kids have had her before say she is. I'm back to both dreading and looking forward to the first day of school in equal measure.
Yes, yes, I know it'll be OK. He may even surprise me.
But.... I just can't shake this feeling of dread. I know my boy-o. Change scares the ever living snot out of him. And it doesn't have to be big change. He's stubborn (hence the "fun" (totally sarcastic here) arguments at dinner times...). He doesn't want to be engaged with others, even though he can and he has friends. If anyone doesn't believe that someone can actually inherently be an introvert just needs to see my son. He's about as much of an introvert as I've ever seen. Once he figures a situation out, identifies the one or two people he wants to be involved with/ can trust, he's off like a rocket. Point in fact, he's constantly asking if Dominick can come over. It breaks my heart that Dom won't go to kindergarten until next year, and probably not the same school. (Joey will be at his school, but will be in the afternoon class, not the morning class...)
So, we've got just under two weeks of summer left and hopefully I won't get an ulcer from worry before the big day. Who knows, my boy-o may just surprise the socks off me. (If I'm wearing socks that day that is....) A week from tomorrow we have the kindergarten orientation and then he'll start on the next Tuesday. We'll see how it goes. I may need to have a boy surgically removed from my leg. (I know he won't be the only one, but he's the only one I have to worry about...) I just want to make it through the first two weeks with as few tears on his part as possible. I know they're coming... I just hope they're few.
And for the record, I've stopped asking him about it and tried to stop mentioning it as much as possible. Not so that he can live in denial, but to try and reduce the general stress about it. I'm trying to treat it like it's "no big deal", and hopefully he'll relax a smidge about it too.
So, peace to you all and may your new beginnings be met with open arms, happy hearts and as little fear and dread as possible.
Hopefully, I'll have something more interesting to say about things like that in the future, but that's not what this post is about.
Tonight, this post is about my boy-o. And the fact that two weeks from yesterday is the day he starts kindergarten.
And before today, I was all ready and gung-ho about it. I mean, I know he's smart enough. I know he's socially developed enough. I know he's ready, in all ways.
Yes, I was panicking back at the beginning of the year and earlier. And I had lost of reasons to. He did not participate much at all at day care. He wouldn't engage with other kids at the playground. He didn't play with the other kids, but next to them. And yes, in some ways it was age appropriate, but in other ways, I just knew it pointed to a hard time adjusting to kindergarten, and it was 6 months to a year away. (Ask Gak or half the people I was working with... they all knew I was panicking over this...)
Then, Miss Loretta at daycare said he was participating and instigating play with the other kids. And he wasn't being clingy when I dropped him off on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Gak would have to vouch for Wednesdays and Fridays...). He even instigated play with kids he'd never met before at the playground. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. A switch had flipped and my boy-o might take a bit of time to get used to the idea of kindergarten, but it wasn't going to be as bad as I feared.
Still, if you asked him if he was ready or excited about kindergarten, you'd get a shake of the head "no", or maybe even a verbal no. If we were out in public and standing talking to someone, he'd try and disappear into my leg.
But... he was excited and interested in buying his new school supplies. He was thrilled even to some degree.
He likes to go over to the playground at his new school and will even ask to go there.
But, the last few weeks have me nervous again. And after today, I'm really nervous and full of panic and back to my "oh this is so not going to be fun until November" mode.
You see, our boy is panicking and terrified. The closer we get to the start of school, the more quiet terror I see is lurking behind his quiet ways.
There are lots of little things pointing towards this.
He's getting more scared again of dogs, cats and other animals. He used to be OK with looking at animals at the zoo, or if they were on leashes. Now, he panics and tries to run away, all but throwing me into "danger".
He's not participating as freely at daycare as he was.
Tonight, when I told him I had to rinse the soap he left in his hair out, he was on the verge of terror tears and almost howling. We haven't had a howling incident in the tub in ages.
He's not going to bed easily or willingly, saying he's scared or "I want you" without any other explanation. Tonight I tried to get out of him what was wrong and all I got was "I'm scared" and all but in tears. He finally came up with that he wanted more light in his room, so I gave him his flashlight. I know that's not the root of the problem.
He's becoming more timid and withdrawn in all ways.
He's gotten very, very clingy when I drop him off at day care and not wanting to let go.
Today, we went to a "concert" at the library (which was supposed to be a "getting ready for kindergarten" theme, but wasn't int he slightest, but that's a different story...). I couldn't get him to go sit with Joey, one of his bestest friends. I could barely get him to engage at all. He didn't complain that it was too loud or cover his ears like he does when it really is too noisy/busy for him. He just didn't want anything to do with it for the most part.
Sunday the three of us walked over to the school playground and he was having a good time. Until Gak asked him what he thought it was like inside the school. Then, suddenly and out of the blue he gets all kinds of sulky and whiny and "my tummy hurts". He was that scared. We went home after that, and almost instantly he was fine.
I'm back to worrying about how much of a struggle it's going to be to walk him to school every day. I'm back to hoping his teacher is as awesome and patient as my friends who's kids have had her before say she is. I'm back to both dreading and looking forward to the first day of school in equal measure.
Yes, yes, I know it'll be OK. He may even surprise me.
But.... I just can't shake this feeling of dread. I know my boy-o. Change scares the ever living snot out of him. And it doesn't have to be big change. He's stubborn (hence the "fun" (totally sarcastic here) arguments at dinner times...). He doesn't want to be engaged with others, even though he can and he has friends. If anyone doesn't believe that someone can actually inherently be an introvert just needs to see my son. He's about as much of an introvert as I've ever seen. Once he figures a situation out, identifies the one or two people he wants to be involved with/ can trust, he's off like a rocket. Point in fact, he's constantly asking if Dominick can come over. It breaks my heart that Dom won't go to kindergarten until next year, and probably not the same school. (Joey will be at his school, but will be in the afternoon class, not the morning class...)
So, we've got just under two weeks of summer left and hopefully I won't get an ulcer from worry before the big day. Who knows, my boy-o may just surprise the socks off me. (If I'm wearing socks that day that is....) A week from tomorrow we have the kindergarten orientation and then he'll start on the next Tuesday. We'll see how it goes. I may need to have a boy surgically removed from my leg. (I know he won't be the only one, but he's the only one I have to worry about...) I just want to make it through the first two weeks with as few tears on his part as possible. I know they're coming... I just hope they're few.
And for the record, I've stopped asking him about it and tried to stop mentioning it as much as possible. Not so that he can live in denial, but to try and reduce the general stress about it. I'm trying to treat it like it's "no big deal", and hopefully he'll relax a smidge about it too.
So, peace to you all and may your new beginnings be met with open arms, happy hearts and as little fear and dread as possible.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Kindergarten!
On Friday Boo and I went to Target to pick up some other odds and ends, and since I was there, I wondered if the list of school supplies was out. Sure enough, there was one labeled for QE. So, Boo and I happily (and me with a bit of a tear in my eye, really) picked out his supplies. This picture is what we picked up on Friday.
Yes, on the list at Target, headphones were on the list. (For computer time I was assuming.) And yes, he picked out every single thing you see there from the gray backpack and the green folder to the pencil box with a pink lid. I think he did very well.
Mind you, on Friday we were still assuming that Boo was going to be going to QE, as that's the one that's about a block further than his day care and where the boy across the hall went (he'll be at the middle school this year...). I was also assuming Target had the right list.
Well, today in the mail we got Boo's school assignment. Sure enough, he'll be at QE, in the morning class. As much as Loretta at daycare told us to ask for PM Kindergarten, I'm actually happy he's in the morning class. Boo does much better with things like this in the morning. It'll give us an entire year to work on the whole morning and afternoon all week thing. He's still Mr. Grumpypants if he doesn't get quiet time after lunch or sometime in the afternoon and regularly still takes an hour or so nap if he lets himself fall asleep.
But, the list that was enclosed in the mail is a good bit different than what we bought. He doesn't actually need two sets of markers, or the folder or the headphones. We'll be keeping the headphones anyhow, since he'll be able to use them with his tablet. We'll need to pick up a new pack of watercolors, a pack of dry erase markers, a pair of scissors, a box of tissues, a hand sanitizer, some Clorox wipes and a bag for snacks.
We have orientation on Thursday, August 29th at 9:00 am. I'm excited and nervous, almost as much as I ever have on my own first day of school. In a way, it does feel like I'm starting school all over again, from scratch. But this time I'm the parent who has to support and guide her kiddo, but also know when to step back. So far, I seem to be doing a fairly good job of balancing this, but this is school.... and I love school. I remember my own Kindergarten teacher fondly to this day, and I truly hope that Boo can get off to a good and friendly start to his own school career.
So, peace to you all and may exciting new adventures be on the horizon.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Picture Time
Here's a few pictures (ok several pictures) from the first half of July. It's been a busy and fun time around here. Don't ask about the job search. Just, don't.... It's nothing short of depressing, not even any positive nibbles in weeks.
Anyhow, pictures from a bounce place excursion, Crayola and from camping. I'll actually try and remember to write about it soon...
Anyhow, pictures from a bounce place excursion, Crayola and from camping. I'll actually try and remember to write about it soon...
Monday, June 10, 2013
Aargh
I am sitting here waiting while Boo has his swim lesson; the third one of this session. I'm not sure but he's either not making any progress or maybe going back a bit.
I've noticed lately wd have has a very clingy boy the last few weeks. I think part of it is because I'm home so much more right now. I also think part of it is because there are a lot more changes on the horizon too. I think no matter how cool he plays it, the thought of kindergarten scares the snot out of him. It is a big change and not under his control in the slightest. He hates bith of those things.
I've noticed lately wd have has a very clingy boy the last few weeks. I think part of it is because I'm home so much more right now. I also think part of it is because there are a lot more changes on the horizon too. I think no matter how cool he plays it, the thought of kindergarten scares the snot out of him. It is a big change and not under his control in the slightest. He hates bith of those things.
Friday we had his five-year checkup. I don't remember how much I posted but remember back when he was 2 or so (another time of big change out of his control) all he would do was scream at the doctor? Well that is what it was Friday. With lots of Momma clinging added in. He is super scared and shy around all strangers these days. It is a bit worrying but mostly just frustrating. We have seen it before and it passed. At least he isn't screaming about bath or pol time this time.
As for me? I'm hanging in therr the best I can. I really, really want to find a job soon. I love being home and not having to be anywhere but I miss things like adult conversation and having thing to do and not worrying about where the next check will come from.
I am also very frustrated. All the prospects I had either stopped calling back and/or wouldn't work for a variety of reasons. Finding something I'm interested in, within the realm of not over or under qualified, and will pay me something close to what I was making is damn near impossible. One of the big reasons the others wouldn't work is that they were offering between one half and two thirds of what I was making. I could possibly do two thirds but not half. At least not for long without destroying what little savings we have.
So, yeah, frustration abounds.
So, yeah, frustration abounds.
I'm going to watch the last bit of Boo's lesson.
Peace to all and may your life not be one big ball of frustration (and make time for the pool).
EDIT: After swim lessons his teacher came up to me and was thrilled with the progress he made today! OK, so from halfway across the pool what didn't look like any real improvement was amazing to his teacher. I'll take it, she's the pro after all. We've got another lesson Wednesday morning since she's on vacation next week.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Time Flies (aka Boo Turns Five)
Yesterday my baby boy turned five years old. Yes, you read that right, he is now 5. Where has the time gone? It really see like just yesterday I was anxiously awaiting his arrival and here he is five years old and starting kindergarten in a few short months.
I won't say it has all been easy or a bed of roses. There have been plenty of moments when I have questioned my sanity, his or both at the same time. But I wouldn't trade any of it away for anything.
Last night we had spaghetti dinner at Aunt Kat's with the family. Daddy got a custom cake from Coldstone decorated like the TARDIS. It was yummy!
Today we had his birthday party at the park I made an awesome "terrain" cake of brownies and cupcakes and perched two monster trucks on it. Everyone loved it. We also did build your own sundaes.
The biggest part of his birthday is that Gak and I got him his own tablet. It is a Galaxy Tab 2 7". He loves it and it should last a long time. We had made the decision before I got laid off and had already set aside about half the money for it. It is a Good investment and will serve us well.
I am glad the weekend is over and the chaos of the birthday is behind us. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment and Boo has swim lessons.
Peace to all and may time not fly too fast and your life be filled with god times and family and friends.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Caution: Rantage Ahead
Let's see here, it's been another month since I last posted. Part of it is because there really isn't anything new to talk about. Another part of it is "maybe if I don't talk about it, it'll all just go away". And of course there's the "there's too much going on in my head to get it all out, usually at 11:00 at night when I'm trying to sleep.
Yeah.
So, I'm still unemployed. There's a lot of frustration and rage with that. This whole job search thing is very manic-depressive. I'll go a week or two without hearing anything from anyone and then I'll have three phone interviews in one day followed by another week of dead air. Yes, I'm following up. I'm trying not to be annoying but keep pestering people, even if it's for a "no" answer. The biggest problem? As interesting as these jobs sound and the people seem to be great, the hours are probably just not going to work with my other obligations. Yeah. Balancing sucks.
And don't get me started about the state. Back at the beginning of the month I had a "mandatory fun" meeting way, way, way down at the other end of the county. We're talking take the turnpike to the end kind of drive. 50 miles of traffic and roadwork kind of fun. All to sit in a "class" and be told that the state things I'm going to not find a job within the 26 weeks of unemployment I've got coming to me and they're here to help. Yeah, I qualified for this fun because I'd had my last job 12.5 years. The "classes" they offer to "help"? Basic computer and word skills, resume writing and practice interviews. Yeah, professionally reviewed (by 2 different people mind you) resume and I could probably teach the basic computer classes they offer. Total and complete waste of time, tolls and gas money. But I had to show up if I wanted to continue to get my unemployment benefits. (Yes, I'm still grumpy about it.)
Oh, and then I thought I was applying for CHIP the other day for Boo to have health insurance, after checking to see if we would qualify before deciding what to do with my COBRA. And apparently, no, I was applying for county aid and between my unemployment and Gak's salary, we make too much for that. So I have to jump through hoops to be officially denied before they pass me on to CHIP. (And if I want to turn the paperwork in to a person instead of mailing it, I'd have to drive all the way back down to the exact same office I was at for that useless "class". Shoot me now.)
So, yeah, the state and county aren't my friends right now.
And you'd think being unemployed I'd have all this wonderful time to get things done. To blog, to catch up on projects, to figure out what I want to do with my life and do some meaningful job searching.
Well, that just hasn't been the case. The stupid state/county stuff isn't helping. And (this is going to sound horrible, but it's not, I promise) Gak being home in the mornings means I end up spending time with him instead of doing things that need getting done. (Note, spending quality time with my wonderful husband is important, but not all that productive in getting me a new job...) And as much as I love my Boo boy, being a stay-at-home mom is both more and less than it's cracked up to be. I know I've said it before, but if this is the way it had been from the start, I'm sure it would be very different now. As is, I miss my work and my friends and adult conversations and getting out of the house and all the other annoying things I took for granted way too much.
I just want my job back. I want my life back. I want to be useful and productive and "me" again.
But, it's not all bad and cranky and about being jobless. There are good things going on as well. We had a great, if wet and muddy, camping trip with the Girl Scouts back Mother's Day weekend. It was the service unit event this year and overall it was a good time. There were some bumps and things in the road, but we managed to make it through.
Tonight is my last Girl Scout meeting of the school year. Five of my girls have bridged into Seniors and will be joining the other Tuesday night troop that meets at the church. I'll miss them. One of my girls will be moving to California after the school year. I'll miss her too. But, 20 girls has been a lot. Fourteen or fifteen would be nice. But, I'm not about to turn away a girl. I'm not that kind of leader.
Last week I got to see both my brother and Becca. They made a whirlwind trip of a slightly long weekend out here. We were supposed to go to the beach with them last Sunday, but the weather was icky. Instead, they came up Monday afternoon and we spent the afternoon together. I'm very glad I got to see them. I miss them horribly. I really wish we could afford to travel to OK and to CA every now and again. There is so much family we need to visit.
Anyhow, I need to get things rolling. Boo turns five (yes, you read that right, 5) on Saturday and there's a lot of stuff to get ready for his party and the family dinner on Saturday.
Peace to all and may your life not be filled with frustration and the good outweigh the bad.
Yeah.
So, I'm still unemployed. There's a lot of frustration and rage with that. This whole job search thing is very manic-depressive. I'll go a week or two without hearing anything from anyone and then I'll have three phone interviews in one day followed by another week of dead air. Yes, I'm following up. I'm trying not to be annoying but keep pestering people, even if it's for a "no" answer. The biggest problem? As interesting as these jobs sound and the people seem to be great, the hours are probably just not going to work with my other obligations. Yeah. Balancing sucks.
And don't get me started about the state. Back at the beginning of the month I had a "mandatory fun" meeting way, way, way down at the other end of the county. We're talking take the turnpike to the end kind of drive. 50 miles of traffic and roadwork kind of fun. All to sit in a "class" and be told that the state things I'm going to not find a job within the 26 weeks of unemployment I've got coming to me and they're here to help. Yeah, I qualified for this fun because I'd had my last job 12.5 years. The "classes" they offer to "help"? Basic computer and word skills, resume writing and practice interviews. Yeah, professionally reviewed (by 2 different people mind you) resume and I could probably teach the basic computer classes they offer. Total and complete waste of time, tolls and gas money. But I had to show up if I wanted to continue to get my unemployment benefits. (Yes, I'm still grumpy about it.)
Oh, and then I thought I was applying for CHIP the other day for Boo to have health insurance, after checking to see if we would qualify before deciding what to do with my COBRA. And apparently, no, I was applying for county aid and between my unemployment and Gak's salary, we make too much for that. So I have to jump through hoops to be officially denied before they pass me on to CHIP. (And if I want to turn the paperwork in to a person instead of mailing it, I'd have to drive all the way back down to the exact same office I was at for that useless "class". Shoot me now.)
So, yeah, the state and county aren't my friends right now.
And you'd think being unemployed I'd have all this wonderful time to get things done. To blog, to catch up on projects, to figure out what I want to do with my life and do some meaningful job searching.
Well, that just hasn't been the case. The stupid state/county stuff isn't helping. And (this is going to sound horrible, but it's not, I promise) Gak being home in the mornings means I end up spending time with him instead of doing things that need getting done. (Note, spending quality time with my wonderful husband is important, but not all that productive in getting me a new job...) And as much as I love my Boo boy, being a stay-at-home mom is both more and less than it's cracked up to be. I know I've said it before, but if this is the way it had been from the start, I'm sure it would be very different now. As is, I miss my work and my friends and adult conversations and getting out of the house and all the other annoying things I took for granted way too much.
I just want my job back. I want my life back. I want to be useful and productive and "me" again.
But, it's not all bad and cranky and about being jobless. There are good things going on as well. We had a great, if wet and muddy, camping trip with the Girl Scouts back Mother's Day weekend. It was the service unit event this year and overall it was a good time. There were some bumps and things in the road, but we managed to make it through.
Tonight is my last Girl Scout meeting of the school year. Five of my girls have bridged into Seniors and will be joining the other Tuesday night troop that meets at the church. I'll miss them. One of my girls will be moving to California after the school year. I'll miss her too. But, 20 girls has been a lot. Fourteen or fifteen would be nice. But, I'm not about to turn away a girl. I'm not that kind of leader.
Last week I got to see both my brother and Becca. They made a whirlwind trip of a slightly long weekend out here. We were supposed to go to the beach with them last Sunday, but the weather was icky. Instead, they came up Monday afternoon and we spent the afternoon together. I'm very glad I got to see them. I miss them horribly. I really wish we could afford to travel to OK and to CA every now and again. There is so much family we need to visit.
Anyhow, I need to get things rolling. Boo turns five (yes, you read that right, 5) on Saturday and there's a lot of stuff to get ready for his party and the family dinner on Saturday.
Peace to all and may your life not be filled with frustration and the good outweigh the bad.
Monday, April 22, 2013
3 Weeks
So, it's been 3 weeks since I posted about getting laid off. And where am I? Spinning my gears mostly. I was working with the placement company that my former employer hires to help all of those they lay off. Got my resume into decent shape, I thought. Then I showed it to Lynx, my former tent mate and great friend from my Camp Tohi days. (So glad we found each other on Facebook. I've really missed her!) Well, she just about reached through the Internet all the way from Ohio and smacked me. Apparently I was underselling myself again and while the guy I was working with was right about a lot of things as far as people reading my resume, wasn't so hot on the "getting it through the computer screening for keywords" process that so many employers use these days.
That, and I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. I take it back. I know what I'd like to be doing, and what would probably make my soul sing, at least for a little while, but those jobs are few and far between, usually don't pay much or offer benefits and I'd probably have to move. All things working against it. Yes, deep down in that secret place in my heart that I keep sealed off because it'll only get me hurt, I still want to "be Lynn from the nature center". Or at least be able to teach there full time. No, I don't want to teach in a classroom. I never have, and I've already talked about how NCLB has destroyed teaching for at least one friend and I really don't want to go down that road myself.
I've applied for a couple of jobs, but I'm really not holding my breath with them. I'm both way over and way under qualified for them at the same time. And I'm not even sure they're what I really want to be doing. And you know what, I don't even really care about that at the moment. As much as I love all the extra time I'm getting with Boo, I need to go back to work.
For many reasons. I need to know that, while maybe financially tight, I'm bringing in enough money to keep the roof over our heads, food on the table and insurance paid for. And while I love Gak and his job has provided us with scheduling flexibility over the years, it just doesn't cover us financially like my job did.
It's been so very hard for me these past 3 weeks to find my place in the routine. We've got one that works, but I still feel like an interloper in my own apartment most mornings. Boo and Gak had a routine that worked and that they'd developed over time the last (almost) 5 years. Trust me, I'm thrilled that my boys can take good care of themselves and have it figured out, but it's been hard putting myself into that space. I need to be around adults again. I miss the connections and conversations with my coworkers and friends at work. I miss connecting with my regular customers. (And trust me, I've spent plenty of time the last few weeks worrying how some of them are, and feeling really bad that I didn't get a chance to say bye to many of them.... but... I understand, kinda...) I need my own routine back.
There are two good things to come from this change. The first being that I do get to spend more time with Boo. That's never a bad thing (even when it seems like it because he's being whiny boy who's pushing all my buttons...). The other is that except for a few days where I've really over done it physically, I haven't had the unending brain fog, the daily exhaustion chills and the crashing and crashing hard by 8 or 9:00 pm. I've been able to get "enough" sleep and rest. I haven't had the added stress of an actual job. (And while I've been job searching, I haven't been doing it as many hours a day as I was at the office... and I really need to be actively searching more/better.... but that's a different story.) So, yeah, I've actually been feeling fairly good physically. Which makes me dread going back to work as much as I need to. I don't want to head back into brain fog land. I don't want to have the exhaustion chills some days as early as 8 am, but almost always for at least a little bit by 3 pm and almost always by 8:30 pm. Only a few days have I had the "someone is trying to dislocate my hip by driving a screwdriver into it" pain or other joint/muscle pain and that's after I've overexerted myself. I've been able to actually do things with my husband after the boy goes to bed. I've been able to get things done.
So, even though this has been a good thing in the short term, I'm afraid of the long term. It would be so easy for me to just give in, call it quits and become the lump on the sofa living off society if I didn't keep making myself move on days I don't want to. I'm not that person. I'm the one who earns her keep, does her fair share and makes sure I can give to others. I'm not one to play the system and take advantage of it. I despise people like that. Sure, everyone needs a hand up now and again (which is why I'm collecting unemployment right now, but I've paid into that most of my adult life...). But people who work the system so that they don't have to work or be a productive part of society, those I can't stand. And I refuse to use my health to become one, as tempting as it may sound on mornings after I've over done it by going to the gym for 45 minutes, going for a 3 mile bike ride and walking to and from Boo's daycare. Yep, that's enough some days to leave me completely useless the next day. And there are so many people who can do all that and work an 8+ hour work day and be fine. So, like it or not, I do have health issues that I can't ignore.
Anyhow, enough of the depressing and frustrating story of being unemployed.
In less than 8 hours we'll be at Boo's kindergarten registration appointment. Yes, you read that right. Boo goes to kindergarten in the fall. In just over a month he'll be 5. Yes, you read that right too. I'm both excited and sad about it. Sad because my baby is growing up so fast. Excited because this will begin a (hopefully) great new chapter in Boo's life and I love watching him grow and explore the world. And his world's about to get a whole lot bigger.
But, since I've been awake for the last hour or so, I'd better head back to bed and try and get some more sleep before I have to face the day. Either that, or it is going to be a long day and afternoon and I will crash by 8 and feel miserable. (But, I was stuck in my own head and hopefully now that I've poured it all out I'll be able to go back to sleep again....)
Peace to all and may your challenges be small and the love of your friends and family be large.
That, and I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. I take it back. I know what I'd like to be doing, and what would probably make my soul sing, at least for a little while, but those jobs are few and far between, usually don't pay much or offer benefits and I'd probably have to move. All things working against it. Yes, deep down in that secret place in my heart that I keep sealed off because it'll only get me hurt, I still want to "be Lynn from the nature center". Or at least be able to teach there full time. No, I don't want to teach in a classroom. I never have, and I've already talked about how NCLB has destroyed teaching for at least one friend and I really don't want to go down that road myself.
I've applied for a couple of jobs, but I'm really not holding my breath with them. I'm both way over and way under qualified for them at the same time. And I'm not even sure they're what I really want to be doing. And you know what, I don't even really care about that at the moment. As much as I love all the extra time I'm getting with Boo, I need to go back to work.
For many reasons. I need to know that, while maybe financially tight, I'm bringing in enough money to keep the roof over our heads, food on the table and insurance paid for. And while I love Gak and his job has provided us with scheduling flexibility over the years, it just doesn't cover us financially like my job did.
It's been so very hard for me these past 3 weeks to find my place in the routine. We've got one that works, but I still feel like an interloper in my own apartment most mornings. Boo and Gak had a routine that worked and that they'd developed over time the last (almost) 5 years. Trust me, I'm thrilled that my boys can take good care of themselves and have it figured out, but it's been hard putting myself into that space. I need to be around adults again. I miss the connections and conversations with my coworkers and friends at work. I miss connecting with my regular customers. (And trust me, I've spent plenty of time the last few weeks worrying how some of them are, and feeling really bad that I didn't get a chance to say bye to many of them.... but... I understand, kinda...) I need my own routine back.
There are two good things to come from this change. The first being that I do get to spend more time with Boo. That's never a bad thing (even when it seems like it because he's being whiny boy who's pushing all my buttons...). The other is that except for a few days where I've really over done it physically, I haven't had the unending brain fog, the daily exhaustion chills and the crashing and crashing hard by 8 or 9:00 pm. I've been able to get "enough" sleep and rest. I haven't had the added stress of an actual job. (And while I've been job searching, I haven't been doing it as many hours a day as I was at the office... and I really need to be actively searching more/better.... but that's a different story.) So, yeah, I've actually been feeling fairly good physically. Which makes me dread going back to work as much as I need to. I don't want to head back into brain fog land. I don't want to have the exhaustion chills some days as early as 8 am, but almost always for at least a little bit by 3 pm and almost always by 8:30 pm. Only a few days have I had the "someone is trying to dislocate my hip by driving a screwdriver into it" pain or other joint/muscle pain and that's after I've overexerted myself. I've been able to actually do things with my husband after the boy goes to bed. I've been able to get things done.
So, even though this has been a good thing in the short term, I'm afraid of the long term. It would be so easy for me to just give in, call it quits and become the lump on the sofa living off society if I didn't keep making myself move on days I don't want to. I'm not that person. I'm the one who earns her keep, does her fair share and makes sure I can give to others. I'm not one to play the system and take advantage of it. I despise people like that. Sure, everyone needs a hand up now and again (which is why I'm collecting unemployment right now, but I've paid into that most of my adult life...). But people who work the system so that they don't have to work or be a productive part of society, those I can't stand. And I refuse to use my health to become one, as tempting as it may sound on mornings after I've over done it by going to the gym for 45 minutes, going for a 3 mile bike ride and walking to and from Boo's daycare. Yep, that's enough some days to leave me completely useless the next day. And there are so many people who can do all that and work an 8+ hour work day and be fine. So, like it or not, I do have health issues that I can't ignore.
Anyhow, enough of the depressing and frustrating story of being unemployed.
In less than 8 hours we'll be at Boo's kindergarten registration appointment. Yes, you read that right. Boo goes to kindergarten in the fall. In just over a month he'll be 5. Yes, you read that right too. I'm both excited and sad about it. Sad because my baby is growing up so fast. Excited because this will begin a (hopefully) great new chapter in Boo's life and I love watching him grow and explore the world. And his world's about to get a whole lot bigger.
But, since I've been awake for the last hour or so, I'd better head back to bed and try and get some more sleep before I have to face the day. Either that, or it is going to be a long day and afternoon and I will crash by 8 and feel miserable. (But, I was stuck in my own head and hopefully now that I've poured it all out I'll be able to go back to sleep again....)
Peace to all and may your challenges be small and the love of your friends and family be large.
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