Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Caution: Rantage Ahead

Let's see here, it's been another month since I last posted.  Part of it is because there really isn't anything new to talk about.  Another part of it is "maybe if I don't talk about it, it'll all just go away".  And of course there's the "there's too much going on in my head to get it all out, usually at 11:00 at night when I'm trying to sleep.


So, I'm still unemployed.  There's a lot of frustration and rage with that.  This whole job search thing is very manic-depressive.  I'll go a week or two without hearing anything from anyone and then I'll have three phone interviews in one day followed by another week of dead air.  Yes, I'm following up.  I'm trying not to be annoying but keep pestering people, even if it's for a "no" answer.  The biggest problem?  As interesting as these jobs sound and the people seem to be great, the hours are probably just not going to work with my other obligations.  Yeah.  Balancing sucks.

And don't get me started about the state.  Back at the beginning of the month I had a "mandatory fun" meeting way, way, way down at the other end of the county.  We're talking take the turnpike to the end kind of drive.  50 miles of traffic and roadwork kind of fun.  All to sit in a "class" and be told that the state things I'm going to not find a job within the 26 weeks of unemployment I've got coming to me and they're here to help.  Yeah, I qualified for this fun because I'd had my last job 12.5 years.  The "classes" they offer to "help"?  Basic computer and word skills, resume writing and practice interviews.  Yeah, professionally reviewed (by 2 different people mind you) resume and I could probably teach the basic computer classes they offer.  Total and complete waste of time, tolls and gas money.  But I had to show up if I wanted to continue to get my unemployment benefits.  (Yes, I'm still grumpy about it.)

Oh, and then I thought I was applying for CHIP the other day for Boo to have health insurance, after checking to see if we would qualify before deciding what to do with my COBRA.  And apparently, no, I was applying for county aid and between my unemployment and Gak's salary, we make too much for that.  So I have to jump through hoops to be officially denied before they pass me on to CHIP.  (And if I want to turn the paperwork in to a person instead of mailing it, I'd have to drive all the way back down to the exact same office I was at for that useless "class".  Shoot me now.)

So, yeah, the state and county aren't my friends right now.

And you'd think being unemployed I'd have all this wonderful time to get things done.  To blog, to catch up on projects, to figure out what I want to do with my life and do some meaningful job searching.
Well, that just hasn't been the case.  The stupid state/county stuff isn't helping.  And (this is going to sound horrible, but it's not, I promise) Gak being home in the mornings means I end up spending time with him instead of doing things that need getting done.  (Note, spending quality time with my wonderful husband is important, but not all that productive in getting me a new job...)  And as much as I love my Boo boy, being a stay-at-home mom is both more and less than it's cracked up to be.  I know I've said it before, but if this is the way it had been from the start, I'm sure it would be very different now.  As is, I miss my work and my friends and adult conversations and getting out of the house and all the other annoying things I took for granted way too much.

I just want my job back.  I want my life back.  I want to be useful and productive and "me" again.

But, it's not all bad and cranky and about being jobless.  There are good things going on as well.  We had a great, if wet and muddy, camping trip with the Girl Scouts back Mother's Day weekend.  It was the service unit event this year and overall it was a good time.  There were some bumps and things in the road, but we managed to make it through.

Tonight is my last Girl Scout meeting of the school year.  Five of my girls have bridged into Seniors and will be joining the other Tuesday night troop that meets at the church.  I'll miss them.  One of my girls will be moving to California after the school year.  I'll miss her too.  But, 20 girls has been a lot.  Fourteen or fifteen would be nice.  But, I'm not about to turn away a girl.  I'm not that kind of leader.

Last week I got to see both my brother and Becca.  They made a whirlwind trip of a slightly long weekend out here.  We were supposed to go to the beach with them last Sunday, but the weather was icky.  Instead, they came up Monday afternoon and we spent the afternoon together.  I'm very glad I got to see them.  I miss them horribly.  I really wish we could afford to travel to OK and to CA every now and again.  There is so much family we need to visit.

Anyhow, I need to get things rolling.  Boo turns five (yes, you read that right, 5) on Saturday and there's a lot of stuff to get ready for his party and the family dinner on Saturday.

Peace to all and may your life not be filled with frustration and the good outweigh the bad.

1 comment:

Jon said...

Exactly how I've felt when being unemployed.