Sunday, July 15, 2012
However, there is a finger that's appropriate. The ring finger on my left hand. I'm not sure I can tell you exactly how much I love that band on my finger. I love the pattern and the size and the weight. But most of all, I love what it represents. I love that it shows the world that my heart belongs to one person. And that person happens to be a very wonderful man. I'm proud to say that I love my Gak. I love him with all my heart.
We may have our ups and downs and ins and outs. We may totally frustrate the hell out of each other and drive each other to distraction and beyond, but in the end, it's worth it. I have someone who even through the bad and the ugly loves me and sees through to the real me, the me I often try and hide from the world. And, he loves me for it. Or maybe because of it. I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I truly love my Bear. I know I don't say it or show it often enough. I know I take him for granted. But I also know that I really don't want to think about what my life would be like without him. It would be a lot grayer and a lot less fun. We may not always go off on grand adventures, but even our small adventures often have us laughing. Maybe days or weeks after the fact when we can get over the drama that has been caused, but we can almost always laugh about it.
I've noticed over the years that the weight of my wedding band never seems to be the same. Some days, I barely even notice I'm wearing it. It's just there. Other days, it seems to weigh 10 tons and it is all I can think about. I find myself playing with it absently at times, usually when I'm either in deep concentration or when I'm stressed out. It grounds me and reminds me of what's really important. And it reminds me that I have someone who I love totally and who loves me with all his heart.
I really wish everyone could find that. I remember describing the first time I saw Gak after about 5 years of being apart. I remember saying it was like finding that old, worn-out, long forgotten but favorite coat in the back of the closet. It may be a bit ragged and beat up and faded around the edges, and maybe a seam needs a little help and there's a button missing, but when you put it on and it just wraps you up in that warmth, it's perfect no matter what it looks like. That's what it was like the weekend he came up to visit me. And some days that feeling is a little harder to find, but it's always there. I always find it by the time I'm curled up in bed, drifting off knowing that someone loves me.
So, after a lazy Sunday with a few errand running adventures (that got new shoes for me and a boy, a White Dwarf for my Bear and groceries for the week...) and wrapping it up with watching Ice Age 2 and a "facetime" call from Nana, I will say goodnight. The next two weeks will be long as Gak has to work open to close. It won't be fun by the end of the second week, but we'll get through it, we always do.
Peace to all and may you find someone to share your heart with.
P.S. Yes, that is my RoadID I'm wearing as well.