Friday, October 23, 2009

What a Rut Time

I'd love to say that my lack of posting the last few weeks has been because I've been too busy. Even if it was just work, that would be fine.
It's not. It's because I'm stuck in a rut I can't get out of and just don't have the energy, or even anything relevant, to blog.
That's not to say that work isn't busy. It's the tail end of reporting month, so of course it is.
That's not to say I haven't done a few fun things... I have. We had a good weekend last week and I managed to finally finish a sweater I'd been working on for two weeks.
But that's about it.
I'm becoming a shut-in I think. Other than last weekend, it's been a month since I went and did anything, and that was vacation with family.
My schedule M-F, with only slight variance to the exact times is: Wake up and get ready for work. Go to work and attempt to focus on the project in front of me, not what I'd rather be doing/surfing. Go pick up Boo (except Mondays). Take Boo home and play a little and/or feed him dinner. Pick up Gak. Go home and cook dinner. Play with and/or bathe Boo and put him to bed. Fiddle on the computer an hour and go to bed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Then Saturday has it's own schedule, which I actually haven't done in a few weeks because of the volunteer thing last week and Boo not feeling well the week before or was that fall fest? But it involves laundry, play, pick up Gak from work, run errands and home for the evening.
Did anyone see any mention of getting together with friends in that long list?
No? Me either.
Did anyone see anything other than the mandatory in that list?
No? Me either.
Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and my son. I even like my job most days. (Although, my focus there is so shot that I wonder if it isn't time to find something new.... even though this is still challenging when I pay attention.)
But I have friends. Or at least I think I still have friends. I've exchanged emails a few texts and even a call with some of them.
But I never see them. And it's not because I can't either. Gak is perfectly able to stay at home with the boy for an evening. There are these things called weekends. Heck, Kat's even close enough that we might be able to go to lunch one day... we have before. Why haven't I? Well, it feels like I've just started hiding in my shell again. I used to do this all the time at various points in my life. I was really good at this when we first moved to PA. There were times in college that I'd hide in plain sight, as well as when I was living in OK. I don't like when I put a wall up between me and the world. It just happens and the next thing you know it's been months since I've actually done anything out of my routine and my rut and I'm not sure if anyone is really talking to me any more because I haven't called them in ages.
I'm not really sure how to fix this one though. Everyone else is so busy these days and I've been so obsessed with how I haven't been performing at work, that I'm not so sure I'd want to be around me anyhow.
But... It's Friday. and almost 6am which means I have to do that whole get ready for work thing. And then tomorrow is laundry. And.... nothing. I have nothing on the schedule. And I'm bored. But I'm too tired and out of touch with people to figure out something to do. *sigh*

I'll ponder that for a bit.
You know, I was going to write this post about Boo's milestones he's reached in the past few weeks, but... looks like I had other plans. Maybe tomorrow.....

Peace to all and may you not fall into a rut.

No comments: