Monday, February 16, 2009

Denial Isn't Just a River

This weekend was blissfully uneventful, unless you count being stone broke.  I don't feel like going into it right now, so I won't.  Just suffice to say I'm down to the change in my pocket and it better last until Friday.
Of course, if I decide to go into a mining career (maybe they need someone familiar with enviro regs... even if it's air...) there's a small town in the middle of nowhere Nevada that's booming and hiring.... on average for about 10,000 or more a year than I make now...  It's gotta be less stressful.
Yes, I spent most of the weekend ignoring the fact that I work.
I have no idea what I'm going to do.  I can't just quit, as tempting as that is.  That would put some friends in a very hard spot, not to mention totally cut off just about all our income.  I don't think Boo or Gak would enjoy living out of a cardboard box in the park....  Not that I'd enjoy it either.
How do you convince a guy who has no kids and seems to know nothing about kids that there is no physical way I can travel more than maybe overnight until at least June?  At least the former service manager had two littles of his own and his wife was staying home with them.  He understood.  He was a dipshit, but he understood.  (Yes, I feel safe saying that because there aren't that many people at the office who know of this blog... only one that I can think of actually.  And that's only if he paid attention to the link on my facebook page...)  I just wish that idiot of a former boss would have actually gotten off his butt and made the changes to my job description, or gotten it in writing that I wasn't to travel for the first year.  Maybe I should get a note from Boo's doctor saying I'm still breastfeeding and that I just can't pump enough to get more than a day ahead and that until Boo is 1 year old he can't have cow's milk.  Of course, there's always the argument of: use formula.  I can't say NO loud enough.  Not that it's bad for him.  I'm a formula baby myself and I turned out OK.  No, it's that breast milk is best.  And that no one has the right, legally even, to tell me not to.  That and I can't afford a canister of formula a week.  I can barely afford groceries as it is.
And I don't even want to get started on the whole daycare situation if I have to travel.  Gak takes Boo into daycare at just about noon.  Gak works until almost 7.  Boo has to be picked up from daycare by 6 at the latest or we get charged something like $2 a minute that we're late.  And I know at some places you do that three times and they're liable to call child services on you.  (Although, I doubt our place would since they know our situation.)  I don't have that many friends in the area who work close enough, or not night shift, that could pick Boo up by about 5:30 and watch him until Gak gets done work.  Not to mention, most of them don't have car seats in their cars any more, just boosters or front facing ones.  And no, Gak can't get off at 5:30.  He's the only employee and he was hired to close, so the owner doesn't have to.
It just hurts so much that every time it even starts to poke itself into my thoughts I have to try very hard not to break down.  I feel downright ill over the stress of it all.
I was fairly sucessfull at ignoring it all weekend.  Of course, this doesn't help me come up with a plan to march in with tomorrow morning.
Oh well.  That's tomorrow.
I did get today off.  That was a nice thing.  I took a whole truck load of stuff that either Boo has outgrown and we want to hold on for a possible little sibling or things that people have given me that Boo is no where near big enough for yet, like all the size 18 month clothes I got from Barb.  Unfortunately, PopPop was already at the shop when we got there and Boo was having nothing to do with a nap so we left around 2.  (He did sleep quite well most of the ride down and back though, so that's a good thing.)  Mom's worrying more and more about Dad's health and well, that just adds one more worry I can't do much about to my plate.  I do worry about my Dad.  He isn't doing well in some ways and won't do things to make it better because of "money", even though the insurance will cover the vast majority of it.  *Sigh* Still more stress.  Oh well.
Well, I've got myself into enough of a funk.  I'm going to go put my dinner dishes into the sink and go log in and kill things.  (As is usual for Boo, he went to bed early today.  I think it has to do with when he eats dinner more than how much he naps... he's usually ready for bed about an hour or less after dinner and on Mondays he tends to eat around 5:30 so by about 6:30 he's ready for bed.  His whole schedule was a bit off today, more so than most weekend days.  Oh well.)
Well, I'm off.
Peace to all and may your lives not give you ulcers.

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