Thursday, February 12, 2009

Babies and other thoughts

I have no idea where this week has gone.  I've been busy, almost productive and only a little out of sorts.  (It's getting towards the end of winter, so even though it's been nice, I start getting antsy this time of year...)

One thing that I've been meaning to write about for a week now involves Boo.  I know it was an innocent comment from a woman who probably bottle fed her babies as it was the norm.  But, when someone says "as soon as he gets teeth you won't want to be breastfeeding him", it doesn't sit well.  It doesn't help it was one of the daycare ladies.  She's very good with my son, but despite their support of breastfeeding, they just don't understand.  As much as I don't enjoy pumping at work, I'm not switching to formula.  Why should I, when I can provide for Boo?  I know many moms who have continued breastfeeding after their kiddos have teeth.  One of which hadn't compleatly weaned her daughter by the time she was 2.  (That's a little long for me... I'll probably start weaning shortly after June... but again, it depends on Boo.)
I don't really have much more to add to that.  Just that while you're welcome to your opinion, that doesn't mean I'm going to do it your way.  It's funny, but I've almost gotten more advice about things since he's been born than before.  And about 90% of it revolves around my choice to breastfeed.  And about 80% of that has been negative, or at least not overly supportive.  I just don't understand.

And speaking of things I don't understand, here's something I wrote yesterday.  It's not a complete thought in the slightest and is probably more confusing than helpful, but I needed to get some thoughts somewhat organized.

I try and stay out of world events as much as possible around here.  It’s not that I don’t listen to the news or anything like that.  I just think that, for the most part, my opinions on certain events are my own and really don’t mean much to anyone else.

But, I have to say something about one recent news item.

That would be the woman who just had 8 more babies when she already had 6.


First off, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?

Ok.  Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let me be a little more rational.


I’ve had a hard time with this.  It has made me examine some thoughts and beliefs in some slightly uncomfortable ways.  Of course, it is all colored by the fact that I am a fairly new mom myself.

The first thought I had to wrestle with was why would anyone be able to have that many children.  I had to seriously think about this.  I had to think about what right do I have to tell anyone how big or small a family to have?  This, of course, brought me to the whole abortion issue.  I am pro choice by nature.  Again, who am I to tell someone what she can or cannot do with their bodies.  (I did not say pro abortion.  I’m just very, very, very glad I never had to face that choice myself.  I honestly don’t know what I would have chosen, but I’m glad I would have been able to make a choice…)  So, if I’m allowing someone to decide not to bring a life into the world, who am I to not allow someone to choose to bring a life into the world?

See, confusing, isn’t it?

But then, I moved beyond all of that.  I will gladly tell you that this whole situation bothers me.  And I think I know why.  Not because someone chose to have 14 children.  Not even that a single woman went through fertility treatments in order to have a child.  No, what bothers me is the lack of thought that went into the whole deal, the lack of responsibility and foresight that this woman has.  This woman is the same age as I am.  She’s not married, nor in any stable relationship.  (Again, not a deal breaker, but coming from a new mom of 1, a definite help.)  She’s living with her parents.  She has no job.  According to a snippet of the interview she gave the other day, she’s going to school and will be able to provide for them in the future.

My question is, what about now?  How can you provide for the emotional needs, let alone physical needs of so many children without help?  It takes two of us to meet the needs of Boo.  As well as Gramma Sue, a nice day care and a whole lot of friends and family.

I can’t condemn her for wanting a large family.  Large families can be a good thing if everyone is involved.  I can question her reasons.  (Apparently, she grew up an only child and always felt alone… Ok… I still don’t get it…)  I can question her motives.  To me, they seem purely selfish and did not think one bit about the wellbeing of the children; these tiny human beings who depend on her for everything.

I can question the doctors.  But only to a point.  Like I said, if I can’t tell someone they must bring a life into the world, who am I to tell them not to?  I do think, and hope, the doctors warned her about what could happen and tried to make sure she was informed.  I do have to wonder, however, how she was able to pay for the fertility treatments (which a lot of insurance won’t cover, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish) if she’s been on food stamps for the last 18 months?  And did you realize you could get disability for ADHD?  Apparently in CA you can.  I also wonder about the responsibility of the doctors involved, I know that there are guidelines about this sort of thing.  The guidelines state that only 1 or 2 should be implanted.  (Also, it’s been rumored that only implanting 2 has a better success rate than 3…)  I don’t even want to think about the whole “selective reduction” thing or whatever you want to call it.  (I’m so glad not to have had these problems…)


I just don’t understand.  And in some ways, I hope I never do.  I feel for the little babies, not just the 8 newborns, but all 14.  I hope they grow up happy, loved and well adjusted.  I just don’t have that much hope.


Anyhow, I just thought I’d finally put my thoughts on “paper”.  It’s still buzzing around in my head and making my heart ache for the littles involved.  I know that this isn’t a fully formed thought and is probably pretty confusing to read.  Well, it’s a confusing issue.


Peace to all and may life make a little sense now and then.


Grumpy Joe said...

Well, it's none of my dang business, but if it was my business, I'd commend you for nursing...and all the other tough stuff that goes with it for a working mom. I'd also say that what feels right to you and Boo is what is right for you and Boo! It's a blessed time that goes by too quickly. Treasure every moment that you can. :-)

Addey said...

Thanks Joe. I normally let it all just slide off my back, but that one was festering for a while... since it came from one of his day care ladies.
Boo is a happy, healthy, growing and thriving 8-month-old. I must be doing something right :D

Flauta Mom said...

Both my mom and mom-law made the biting comments. Mom in-law nursed for 4 months and then switched to whole cow's milk *faint* and I don't know how long/if any my mom nursed.

Non-nursers make those comments and scare new nursing moms, not cool!