Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorials, Memories and Mush

Yes, I know that's an odd title to the post, but I think it fits.
Today is Memorial Day.  I know I don't think about it enough or thank them enough.  We owe so much to those who serve, both on the national level in the armed forces and as civilians in supporting roles, but to the local police, fire, EMT and others who give their time, and possibly their lives to make our communities better, safer and healthier.  I am thankful to every one of you, even if I don't say it often enough.
So, that's the memorials part.
Memories.  Today Boo is 51 weeks old.  I've spent a good portion of today remembering.  This time last year I was both looking forward to, and dreading, what was about to happen.  I couldn't wait to finally meet this little life that had been growing in my belly for so long at this point.  I was also somewhat terrified of the whole birth process and worrying, like every new parent, if I would be able to make it without making too many "big" mistakes.  Well, so far I think we've done pretty well.  That's not to say we haven't had a few bumps here and there, but Boo has made being parents so much easier than it could be.
I came across a quote a few weeks back.  I don't remember where I saw it, or who originally said it but... "parenting is easy until you try and do something else at the same time."  If that isn't true, I don't know what is.  It is so easy most of the time to play with and teach and take care of my son, but heaven forbid I try and get something else accomplished.  Like the dishes.  Or the Laundry.  Or even a nap of my own.
But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Gak and I are so very blessed to have such a wonderful little boy in our lives.
And I can't believe he turns one in 6 days!  Where has the time gone???  (It also seems weird that he's only been with us for a year... it's hard to imagine our lives without him.)

But.... a lot of my brain is mush right now.  There is just so much going on in it that I think it's about to leak out my ear.
Most of what's turning my brain into mush is work or work related.  No, I don't have anything else.  I had put some thoughts on paper on Friday, but never got them published, or even typed for that matter.  I've had this really crappy attitude lately and I'm really hoping this two week absence from the office will help.  It just seems that whenever I come up with something or think that things may be worked out in the best interest of all parties involved, something happens and I feel like another 1-ton brick has been dropped on me.  It doesn't help when I've heard "if you keep going this way, you're heading right for disaster" several times in the last two weeks from the business manager.  He means well, he really does.  And I know it is nothing short of the truth, but I'm trying to work with them, come up with something that will benefit all of us, not just provide a short-term solution to a long-term problem.  (The short-term solution is to get rid of me and get someone better in place... but that doesn't help when you take into account all the knowledge I'd be taking with me and how long it'll take for anyone new to not only come up to speed but to gain any rapor with the customers....  And of course, it doesn't help me in the slightest.)
This is one of those rare times when I wish Gak made 70-80 K a year and I could just walk away and pick up a part time job somewhere just to get me out of the house for a bit and to bring in a little extra cash.
But then reality sinks in and I realize how unhappy everyone would be in that situation.  Oh well... I can dream can't I?

Of course, it doesn't help my mood that I just put my boy to bed and I won't see his awake, happy face again until Wednesday evening.  It breaks my heart.  Of course, I'm not sure what hurts more... knowing I won't get to see him for two whole days or knowing that he and his Poppa will be fine without me.  Yes, Gak, you will be fine.  The boy listens to you better than me half the time anyhow... and he's used to not seeing me as much as you.  If you ever go away for a few days, I'm sure it'll be tougher on the boy.... especially once he's weaned.  Then I really won't count for as much.  (No, I'm not saying that I'm worthless and useless... he does ask for his Momma and recognizes me when I got to pick him up at school and his whole face lights up.  I do have a huge role in his life, but sometimes, I wonder if this is how most dad's feel.....)
Bah, this is more depressing talk.  See, I told you my brain was mush.
Anyhow, I'm going to go make myself feel better by going and grabbing my peach cobbler.  The peaches were perfect before I made it, so hopefully they'll be even better.  And then I think I'll go beat things up in Norrath for a bit.

Peace to all and may the direction you want to go and the direction you're pushed be almost the same.

p.s. No new pics... they're still on the camera.

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