Wednesday, April 25, 2012


First off, let me start by saying that I'm feeling better.  Not 100% better and as happy-go-lucky as I usually am, but I am feeling better.

However, I'm exhausted.  I've noticed this trend for a while now.  I go through phases of just being totally worn out and wrung out, and then I'll take a weekend "off" or skip a few workouts or something and I'll be back to "normal" levels of tired.  The last few months it's been getting worse though I think.  I'm not really rebounding to having my full energy levels.  Despite how active I was last week (about 8 days in a row where I either went to swim, rode the bike and/or got an exercise/weight training video in or a hike) I feel even more exhausted.  Well, duh? you may be thinking.  No, when I get 6 or 8 days in a row of being really active, my energy levels actually begin to pick up, I feel better and healthier and in a much better place mentally.  Yep, it's those silly endorphins everyone talks about.  I never get that "runner's high", but I do have a much better outlook and energy level if I keep the activity going.
Not this week.  I'm more exhausted than ever.  Normally when I get over tired I start to get cold and feel like I need another five or six layers on.  I swear it's my body's way of telling me "I'm going to sleep whether you want me to or not!".  Well, most nights that'll hit around 10:00 or so.  (It used to be much later, like midnight on some nights...)  Today I don't think I made it to 4:00.  By the time I came home, I had that cold tired feeling where I want to just curl up in a ball and it actually almost hurts to uncurl.  (So, why am I up and writing this at 8:00 when a boy-o is in bet?  Because I need to think a bit... and I don't want to be waking up at 2 am and not being able to get back to sleep....)

I do know, that unless something has drastically changed in the last year, it's not thyroid related.  I've had two complete sets of thyroid blood work done, one just last year.  And the last time, I swear it would have been easier to donate a unit and let them have it for testing... it took almost the same amount of time!  I know I should get an appointment with Dr. F, but I just don't know.  Every time I go to the doctor about something like this, all tests come back normal and it makes it look like this is all in my head.
But it's not.  I know it's not because Gak has commented on it.  Well, I know some of it is, because mentally I know I'm not at the top of my game and too many little things keep tripping me up and getting under my skin too easily.  You know, how you react when you really could use a good long nap?  Yeah.  Like my almost four-year-old son.

Anyhow, I'm just kinda randomly venting and thinking "out loud" so to say.  I wish I could just email Dr. F and tell her I need to update my family history (and update her on Dad's situation since I'm not sure I've told her yet...) "and by the way, I've been way more exhausted than I should be, even being a mom of a pre-schooler, full-time employee, Girl Scout leader, wife and everything else... any ideas?"  Her office is great about messages, but somehow I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.  I know I should just buck up and do it, it's not just my health that could be affected by whatever may or may not be going on, but Boo and Gak as well... I mean, I am the Momma... and the best way a momma can take care of her family is to take care of herself (same thing goes for daddys too!)  I'm not looking for guidance, just looking to write it all out and go hmmm....

Anyhow, I need to go remind my boy-o that it's lights out and then I'm curling up in bed (yes, it's not quite 8:15) and play with a little yarn.  (I'm still angry and frustrated with myself for my money situation, but that's nothing that I can fix and worrying about it right now really won't help anything at all.  Here's hoping I can get warm and that I can sleep through the night and that I'll either buck up and call the doctor or have an ah-hah! moment and some pieces will fall into place and I'll figure out it really is all stress related and how I can start to fix that.  *shrug* We'll see.

Peace to all and may you not be exhausted.

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