Rant

I have to vent right now.  Really, well and truly vent.
(As soon as I take care of this quickie for work...)

I just can't win.  We just can't seem to get ahead.  Every time I think we as a family are beginning to get somewhere, to have a little breathing room, to get ahead of the game even slightly financially, someone decides to pull the rug right out from underneath us.

Today is no exception.
Let me get the real whining out of the way...
I was so totally hoping that the next time I went shopping for a new vehicle, it would be a new vehicle, not just new to me.  And definitely not one that's already as old as the Durango is.

OK.  Hopefully the whining part is out of the way and the rest will just be outright anger and pissyness at the universe.  Yes, there is a difference.

Anyhow, as you may guess, today's rant has to do with cars.  Not just any car, but my beloved Durango.  My truck that I paid off just over 18 months ago.  The truck that has seen much abuse in it's life time, including getting rear-ended twice due to no fault of her own.  I've never been the most stellar about changing the oil on time or regular maintenance and all kinds of other things, but she's been tough and dependable.

Until a week or two ago when she started making a racket when I started it.  And was kinda loud when driving.  I just thought the oil was low and since I was getting it inspected today, not a big deal.

Well, it is a big deal.  A HUGE deal actually.  A mind-numbing, spirit-crushing, honking big deal.  You see, she was self destructing.  Through no fault of my own that anyone can think of, she's tearing her engine to bits.  There's metal shards all through the oil system.  It tore up the oil pump completely.  It's tearing up the engine bad enough that it will fail and must be replaced in order to have a hope of passing inspection.

The labor alone would be at least $1200.

That doesn't include the cost of any and all parts required, including a "new" engine.

This means it would cost around $5000 or $6000 to fix a truck that is only worth $4225 in great condition.  That's just stupid.

Thank God for Kat though.  She's got dealer friends, including one of those bargain basement places that sells the cars that people like me trade in after many years and many miles have passed since they first left the factory.  That's still going to cost us $6000 to $8000.

I don't have $1200 cash to cover labor, where the hell am I going to find $6000 for a "new" car?  Even if this had happened back in March before I managed to piss through my yearly bonus by buying two new computers (to replace one failing one and one fairly ancient one) on top of other things, I wouldn't have had the cash to fix this.  I might have been able to put more down on a newer car than we're looking at, but damn.
For once in my life I wanted a new car.
Or at least one that was less than 4 years old when I got it.
I wanted something shiny and nice and that would (with regularly scheduled smacks to the head by Kat) be able to be maintained and run for many, many, many years.  Or at the very least I wanted to get another 5 years out of the Durango.

I wanted to pay off all the credit card debt (or at least all but maybe a couple hundred bucks) before even thinking about a new car.
I wanted Boo to be in first grade and only having to worry about after school care before thinking about a new car.
I wanted to be able to get a second, more fuel efficient, car, not just replace one beat-up car for another beat-up car.

Right now, I just want to curl up under my desk and cry.
Right now, I just want to figure out where the hell I went so wrong that the money universe seems to hate me.
Right now, I'm trying to figure out how my brother, my awesome brother, can seem to have it all together and has an awesome job, an awesome wife and just bought an awesome house while all I seem to do is struggle.  I have an awesome husband and an awesome son, but my job isn't awesome any more, and our apartment may be pretty great, it's not an awesome house with a great yard for our awesome son to play in.
Right now, I'm trying very hard not to feel jealous of all the people around me that, at least appear, to "have their shit together", but I'm not being very successful.

So, if anyone has any brilliant ideas, I'm open.

Peace to all and may you not have any nasty surprises.