Ok. I promised you all pictures on Sunday. I finally had a chance to download the pictures from the camera, clean them up and pick the best. You can see everything I thought worth sharing over on my Flickr. Unfortunately, Blogger is having issues when I try and insert pictures. I guess you'll just have to go over to Flicker. *Sigh* I really wanted to share them here!
Yesterday Gak and I went down to Maryland to help get Gram's apartment in order. It's a long task and will probably take Mom several more weekends. She's not pushing herself to get it done. Sure, it'll cost us (Gram) more money the longer we take, but that's not the big concern right now. Parts of the day were hard. Shortly after getting there the three of us went down to Gram's new room to visit. They all sang Happy Birthday to me (it's Friday) and she gave me a little gift and a card. I didn't read the card out loud. I'm not sure I could have. The gift was a little angel (not angle) from her collection. She and Mom have gone through her huge collection and have decided who will get which one for Christmas this year. I know that when she does go, I'll have my own angel looking down on me.
Gak and I also decided we'd inherit the dining room furniture as well as the good dishes and a few other things. We found some real treasures, at least to me. We found some of Gram's old Girl Scout membership cards from when she was young. Scouts was something very important in my life and she always encouraged me in it, so these were really special to me. Mom's going to gather them and some other Scout stuff she's found and frame it all together. It'll look great. I also came home with a foot stool that Bill Baumgardner made at Log Cabin Hill ages ago, a few mugs and something else even more special.
Gram is the one who taught me to crochet when I was about 7 or 8. She taught me how to do needlepoint with plastic canvas when I was about 5 or 6. She always has encouraged me in my crafty explorations. She's always claimed that she's a very good technician, but not much of an artist. Artist or not, when I was little, what she did was magic! Mom found in her sewing things the little red vinyl zipper pouch I remember from childhood. In it was about 30 or 40 crochet hooks of various sizes and styles. There were also a few yarn needles for weaving in ends. I will treasure them for ever. I know it makes her happy that I've picked up the hooks again. I think of her often as I'm hooking along. Just one of the many ways she'll always be with me.
Well, I've got to go pick up Gak from work, and then I'm probably going to crash. I've got some odds and ends to do tomorrow to get ready for Thanksgiving. This year Mom it completely taking the day off. Gak and I are going to Kat's for dinner and Mom and Dad are having sandwiches. I don't blame her, she hasn't had a day off in almost a year practically with everything that's been going on.
Peace to all and may you have pictures that post and a loving connection to the past.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Week in Review...
For starters, I'm sorry I didn't write this week. I wanted to, I have lots to say, I just didn't have a working connection on my trip.
To St. Croix.
No, I didn't really try all that hard to get a working connection.
And I know this won't sound nice to any of you, but yesterday I was in sunshine and 85 degrees and today I'm watching it snow. Talk about surreal... (and not quite fair, I wasn't done with the beach yet!)
Anyhow, Let me get the tough part of the entry written. I'm talking about Gram. It's looking like we've got a matter of weeks with her, not months. It is sinking in and it hurts like crazy. I know it's finally really hit mom hard from the conversation I had with her today. I just hope she realizes all she needs to do is pick up the phone and I will do everything in my power to be there, yesterday if possible. Jon would do the same, except for this whole living on the other side of the country. Gak's here for her as much as I am.
Last weekend Gram made the decision that she didn't want to keep the apartment any more. She thought she was going to go into a Hospice house. It would be free/very inexpensive, but she'd only have about 30 days. Monday Mom went down to Maryland to talk everything over with Gram and figure everything out. Out of the blue, they remembered some CDs that she'd started for just this purpose, that they'd both forgotten about. This means that she can afford to stay where she is, for 8 or 9 months before the money runs out. I know this made me happier, I'm pretty sure it made mom feel better too. I mean, staying where she's at until the end is one thing, but, even though we know it's coming pretty quick, there's just something so depressing about the word Hospice.
Tuesday while I was flying down to St. Croix, Mom was moving Gram into the assisted living wing. I did get a brief chance to talk to Gram Tuesday night. She says she's at peace and not afraid to die. I believe her. I've known this for quite some time. I remember waking up one morning back in late August or early September (before we knew the extent of the bone cancer) after a strange and powerful dream. I don't remember where we were, but I was talking with Gram. She told me that she was at peace and was ready to accept whatever was going to happen. I'm not sure how much was wishful sub-conscious thinking, or if our souls actually touched. I like to think we talked soul to soul. Gram is happy knowing that Mom, Jon and I are all happy and healthy. She is at peace with her life and is ready for when the end comes. I just hope I can find the peace to let her go when the time comes.
Mom went down again today. Gak and I are heading down tomorrow. We're to help mom go through the stuff in the apartment and figure out what to do with it all. Mom talked to the doctor Wednesday. It looks like things are going down fast, although in the last few days Gram's perked up quite a bit and has been eating. I think all the stress of actually having the apartment and having to 'take care of' it is gone. Now she can just be and do what she wants too, nothing more.
I do hope she holds on until Jon and Becca get out here next month. Just because it's been 2 years now since Jon has seen Gram. I know it will always be a sore and awkward point with me and Gak that we didn't go down to OK earlier in the week his father passed. But that situation was much, much more sudden.
Well, that's all the update I have on Gram. I want to talk about fun stuff now.
My trip to St. Croix was almost perfect. The only problems were I had to work, and more importantly Gak (and possibly my other friends) weren't there. The weather was great. The people were friendly. The scenery was beautiful. Work wasn't all that bad either.
Tuesday was a bit fun... I had to wake up earlier than usual, so that Dad could take me to the airport, since I was flying out of Philly. We had to leave the house by about 5:30, so I would have plenty of time. I don't enjoy that. The flight to San Juan was uneventful, if a little long. I didn't have the ipod with me. (It's been acting strange lately and I'm trying to figure out what's going on). I had the game boy, but it doesn't always satisfy for a 4-hour ride. I left my book sitting on the headboard of my bed at my parents'. Oops. Landing in St. Thomas was interesting. I think they had to make the island bigger to accommodate the 757 we were on. I seriously thought we were going to touch down in the water for a moment. Kinda scary but cool all the same. I was on a tinny little Cesna for the hop to St. Croix. It was pretty cool actually. All I have to say is the Caribbean is blue or... well, maybe turquoise really is a better description.
The real adventure of the day came with the fact that my flight to St. Croix was about 15 minutes late because it was raining in St. Thomas, but not St. Croix. One of my contacts at the plant met me at the airport. The problem is, my luggage didn't make it. After waiting for the next flight and still no luggage, we find out that it got left on the ramp in St. Thomas by American Airlines and hadn't made it to Cape Air. It eventually made it on the last flight of the night, but by then Ria and I had driven halfway around the island to the plant, my hotel, dinner and back again.
Driving on the left hand side is scary! Or at least a little nerve-wracking when you have to make a turn. I only made one potentially serious mistake and that was on my way to the airport because I stopped paying attention. I was so glad last night to finally be driving on the right (not to mention correct) side of the road again.
The training went well. Tuesday my contact asked me if I could extend my trip by another day. They would pay for it, so I had no issues with that. (Remember, it's snowing today here at home...) I did wish that I was home, but more from a 'gone too long' point of view that an 'I hate this place' feeling.
If you've been to Key West, you have a pretty good idea of what, at least parts of, Christianstead is like. Christianstead is the bigger of the two towns on the island. I don't enjoy driving into the town, at least not from the direction I was coming from. I finally made it into town and found a parking spot yesterday morning. It was beautiful. Yes, I have lots of pictures. Give me a chance to download them, sort them and posted. I'll share, I promise.
I did get to see lots of the island in the week I was there. I was staying more or less in the middle of nowhere. (Pretty much if you weren't in one of the two towns or right near the plant, you weren't near much.) I know I had lots more to say, but it's just not coming. I promise to write more tomorrow or Tuesday once I get a chance to go through the pictures.
I must say, if you get the chance, go to the Virgin Islands, or anywhere in the Caribbean. The people are friendly. The skies are blue and the water more so. Even when it rains it is pretty. It's also nice to just slow down and go with the flow of the life down there. You can feel the stress just leaving. (Unless you're crying on the beach because you won't be able to share that experience with your Grandmother in the near future, but that's a different story, and I was done talking about that for now...)
Anyhow, I've got some things to do before I pick up Gak from work later. (Not to mention catch up on a little game time and some web pages...) Peace to all and may you see the beauty in the world and have someone to share it with.
To St. Croix.
No, I didn't really try all that hard to get a working connection.
And I know this won't sound nice to any of you, but yesterday I was in sunshine and 85 degrees and today I'm watching it snow. Talk about surreal... (and not quite fair, I wasn't done with the beach yet!)
Anyhow, Let me get the tough part of the entry written. I'm talking about Gram. It's looking like we've got a matter of weeks with her, not months. It is sinking in and it hurts like crazy. I know it's finally really hit mom hard from the conversation I had with her today. I just hope she realizes all she needs to do is pick up the phone and I will do everything in my power to be there, yesterday if possible. Jon would do the same, except for this whole living on the other side of the country. Gak's here for her as much as I am.
Last weekend Gram made the decision that she didn't want to keep the apartment any more. She thought she was going to go into a Hospice house. It would be free/very inexpensive, but she'd only have about 30 days. Monday Mom went down to Maryland to talk everything over with Gram and figure everything out. Out of the blue, they remembered some CDs that she'd started for just this purpose, that they'd both forgotten about. This means that she can afford to stay where she is, for 8 or 9 months before the money runs out. I know this made me happier, I'm pretty sure it made mom feel better too. I mean, staying where she's at until the end is one thing, but, even though we know it's coming pretty quick, there's just something so depressing about the word Hospice.
Tuesday while I was flying down to St. Croix, Mom was moving Gram into the assisted living wing. I did get a brief chance to talk to Gram Tuesday night. She says she's at peace and not afraid to die. I believe her. I've known this for quite some time. I remember waking up one morning back in late August or early September (before we knew the extent of the bone cancer) after a strange and powerful dream. I don't remember where we were, but I was talking with Gram. She told me that she was at peace and was ready to accept whatever was going to happen. I'm not sure how much was wishful sub-conscious thinking, or if our souls actually touched. I like to think we talked soul to soul. Gram is happy knowing that Mom, Jon and I are all happy and healthy. She is at peace with her life and is ready for when the end comes. I just hope I can find the peace to let her go when the time comes.
Mom went down again today. Gak and I are heading down tomorrow. We're to help mom go through the stuff in the apartment and figure out what to do with it all. Mom talked to the doctor Wednesday. It looks like things are going down fast, although in the last few days Gram's perked up quite a bit and has been eating. I think all the stress of actually having the apartment and having to 'take care of' it is gone. Now she can just be and do what she wants too, nothing more.
I do hope she holds on until Jon and Becca get out here next month. Just because it's been 2 years now since Jon has seen Gram. I know it will always be a sore and awkward point with me and Gak that we didn't go down to OK earlier in the week his father passed. But that situation was much, much more sudden.
Well, that's all the update I have on Gram. I want to talk about fun stuff now.
My trip to St. Croix was almost perfect. The only problems were I had to work, and more importantly Gak (and possibly my other friends) weren't there. The weather was great. The people were friendly. The scenery was beautiful. Work wasn't all that bad either.
Tuesday was a bit fun... I had to wake up earlier than usual, so that Dad could take me to the airport, since I was flying out of Philly. We had to leave the house by about 5:30, so I would have plenty of time. I don't enjoy that. The flight to San Juan was uneventful, if a little long. I didn't have the ipod with me. (It's been acting strange lately and I'm trying to figure out what's going on). I had the game boy, but it doesn't always satisfy for a 4-hour ride. I left my book sitting on the headboard of my bed at my parents'. Oops. Landing in St. Thomas was interesting. I think they had to make the island bigger to accommodate the 757 we were on. I seriously thought we were going to touch down in the water for a moment. Kinda scary but cool all the same. I was on a tinny little Cesna for the hop to St. Croix. It was pretty cool actually. All I have to say is the Caribbean is blue or... well, maybe turquoise really is a better description.
The real adventure of the day came with the fact that my flight to St. Croix was about 15 minutes late because it was raining in St. Thomas, but not St. Croix. One of my contacts at the plant met me at the airport. The problem is, my luggage didn't make it. After waiting for the next flight and still no luggage, we find out that it got left on the ramp in St. Thomas by American Airlines and hadn't made it to Cape Air. It eventually made it on the last flight of the night, but by then Ria and I had driven halfway around the island to the plant, my hotel, dinner and back again.
Driving on the left hand side is scary! Or at least a little nerve-wracking when you have to make a turn. I only made one potentially serious mistake and that was on my way to the airport because I stopped paying attention. I was so glad last night to finally be driving on the right (not to mention correct) side of the road again.
The training went well. Tuesday my contact asked me if I could extend my trip by another day. They would pay for it, so I had no issues with that. (Remember, it's snowing today here at home...) I did wish that I was home, but more from a 'gone too long' point of view that an 'I hate this place' feeling.
If you've been to Key West, you have a pretty good idea of what, at least parts of, Christianstead is like. Christianstead is the bigger of the two towns on the island. I don't enjoy driving into the town, at least not from the direction I was coming from. I finally made it into town and found a parking spot yesterday morning. It was beautiful. Yes, I have lots of pictures. Give me a chance to download them, sort them and posted. I'll share, I promise.
I did get to see lots of the island in the week I was there. I was staying more or less in the middle of nowhere. (Pretty much if you weren't in one of the two towns or right near the plant, you weren't near much.) I know I had lots more to say, but it's just not coming. I promise to write more tomorrow or Tuesday once I get a chance to go through the pictures.
I must say, if you get the chance, go to the Virgin Islands, or anywhere in the Caribbean. The people are friendly. The skies are blue and the water more so. Even when it rains it is pretty. It's also nice to just slow down and go with the flow of the life down there. You can feel the stress just leaving. (Unless you're crying on the beach because you won't be able to share that experience with your Grandmother in the near future, but that's a different story, and I was done talking about that for now...)
Anyhow, I've got some things to do before I pick up Gak from work later. (Not to mention catch up on a little game time and some web pages...) Peace to all and may you see the beauty in the world and have someone to share it with.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Surprise!!
Well, I thought I was going over to Kat's last night so she and Scott could go grab coffee or something. I don't mind watching Zoe for a bit so Kat can have some 'human' time instead of 'mommy' time. Besides, it gives me an excuse to play with my niece.
Kat and Scott disappear around 7 to go for a drive. Zoe and I watch some Discovery channel, play with some of her dolls and her Legos. We kept it a pretty low key evening. Around 8 she got into her PJs and settled in on the couch to watch some Mythbusters (a favorite with both of us). Around 8:45 Drew comes over to say good night and get some daddy-daughter time. I can't argue with that. She was still mostly awake and it wasn't 'lights out' time quite yet.
Then around 9 or 9:15 I get a huge surprise.
Kat gets home.
With Gak!
Yep, you heard me. Gak changed his flight, didn't tell me and had Kat and Scott pick him up from the airport all to surprise me. I knew he'd looked into coming home early last week. I figured he hadn't because it wasn't worth $50 to come home a few days early. Apparently, he figured it was. He was right.
When I'd talked to him in the morning he told me he was going out with Ronnie and then over to a friend's house where cell reception was iffy at best. I believed him. I called him and left a message when I got home. I was kinda worried at about not having heard from him by about 8pm or so... actually, I was trying to figure out why he hadn't called me by about 4 or 5. Well, now I know.
I'm soooo glad he came home last night. Now I'll get a few days with him before I have to head out again.
In other news, both Jon and Becca will be here for a few days over the Christmas holiday time. Mom just got the confirmation of their tickets in an email earlier. I'm really glad. I can't wait to see both of them. I miss my brother. I wish at times we didn't live so freakingly far apart. (I know, this is not normal for most of my friends... they'd love it if their siblings lived further away...)
Well, that's all I have to say for now. It's been a somewhat hectic day at work, trying to catch up on everything.
Peace to all and may you have some pleasant surprises in your life!
Kat and Scott disappear around 7 to go for a drive. Zoe and I watch some Discovery channel, play with some of her dolls and her Legos. We kept it a pretty low key evening. Around 8 she got into her PJs and settled in on the couch to watch some Mythbusters (a favorite with both of us). Around 8:45 Drew comes over to say good night and get some daddy-daughter time. I can't argue with that. She was still mostly awake and it wasn't 'lights out' time quite yet.
Then around 9 or 9:15 I get a huge surprise.
Kat gets home.
With Gak!
Yep, you heard me. Gak changed his flight, didn't tell me and had Kat and Scott pick him up from the airport all to surprise me. I knew he'd looked into coming home early last week. I figured he hadn't because it wasn't worth $50 to come home a few days early. Apparently, he figured it was. He was right.
When I'd talked to him in the morning he told me he was going out with Ronnie and then over to a friend's house where cell reception was iffy at best. I believed him. I called him and left a message when I got home. I was kinda worried at about not having heard from him by about 8pm or so... actually, I was trying to figure out why he hadn't called me by about 4 or 5. Well, now I know.
I'm soooo glad he came home last night. Now I'll get a few days with him before I have to head out again.
In other news, both Jon and Becca will be here for a few days over the Christmas holiday time. Mom just got the confirmation of their tickets in an email earlier. I'm really glad. I can't wait to see both of them. I miss my brother. I wish at times we didn't live so freakingly far apart. (I know, this is not normal for most of my friends... they'd love it if their siblings lived further away...)
Well, that's all I have to say for now. It's been a somewhat hectic day at work, trying to catch up on everything.
Peace to all and may you have some pleasant surprises in your life!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Gah
Well, it looks like November just might be a sparse posting month.
In a way, I guess this isn't such a bad thing, that hopefully means things are fairly even right now. Or at least as even as they can be. Life's been very hectic recently. It will probably get more so as we reach the holidays, starting next week with Dad's birthday.
This week I was in the St. Louis area. No, I didn't get a picture of the Arch. I did drive past it on the highway in the evening Monday. It was pretty, but rush hour.
I had originally thought about trying to get together with Chelsea and Michael yesterday evening, but that fell through when we all had emergency trips and totally let the ball drop on that. Sorry guys, I should have thought about it earlier and bugged you about it last week too... Oh well.
Other than that, it's not been a bad week. I'm tired. I really dislike 6am flights no matter what time zone I'm in. I did get home by about 1 though, so that was good. It meant I could grab lunch and take a nap. I like naps. I did get a chance to catch up a bit with Abi last night. Unfortunately, I had to cut the call short because of the afore mentioned 6am flight. I still need to call Gram this week. I definitely have to call her next week.
Next week I'm going to St. Croix for a few days.
For work.
Don't say it, I've already been told.
By multiple people.
Apparently, life's not fair.
Deal.
I really hate to think that this may be the last time I call Gram from a beach. I know I'll always think of her when I'm at a beach. It's a long, complicated connection that means more to the heart than I can put in words.
Ok. I told myself I wouldn't be like this. I'm going to be positive and glad for the time I have, and the wonderful times I have had already, not mopey and sad about what I'm going to loose eventually.
Well, I'm going to fiddle around with a few things here at the house. Then I'm going over to Kat's for a bit this evening. We haven't hung out in a while. It'll be nice to catch up with her and Zoe. Besides, she's feeding me.
Peace to all and may you have good times.
In a way, I guess this isn't such a bad thing, that hopefully means things are fairly even right now. Or at least as even as they can be. Life's been very hectic recently. It will probably get more so as we reach the holidays, starting next week with Dad's birthday.
This week I was in the St. Louis area. No, I didn't get a picture of the Arch. I did drive past it on the highway in the evening Monday. It was pretty, but rush hour.
I had originally thought about trying to get together with Chelsea and Michael yesterday evening, but that fell through when we all had emergency trips and totally let the ball drop on that. Sorry guys, I should have thought about it earlier and bugged you about it last week too... Oh well.
Other than that, it's not been a bad week. I'm tired. I really dislike 6am flights no matter what time zone I'm in. I did get home by about 1 though, so that was good. It meant I could grab lunch and take a nap. I like naps. I did get a chance to catch up a bit with Abi last night. Unfortunately, I had to cut the call short because of the afore mentioned 6am flight. I still need to call Gram this week. I definitely have to call her next week.
Next week I'm going to St. Croix for a few days.
For work.
Don't say it, I've already been told.
By multiple people.
Apparently, life's not fair.
Deal.
I really hate to think that this may be the last time I call Gram from a beach. I know I'll always think of her when I'm at a beach. It's a long, complicated connection that means more to the heart than I can put in words.
Ok. I told myself I wouldn't be like this. I'm going to be positive and glad for the time I have, and the wonderful times I have had already, not mopey and sad about what I'm going to loose eventually.
Well, I'm going to fiddle around with a few things here at the house. Then I'm going over to Kat's for a bit this evening. We haven't hung out in a while. It'll be nice to catch up with her and Zoe. Besides, she's feeding me.
Peace to all and may you have good times.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Thoughts
I'm sorry I haven't posted anything since Wednesday. It has been a long, emotional and tiring couple of weeks around here. I think it all finally caught up with me.
My trip out to Western PA went smoothly. Well, mostly. I thought I'd left in plenty of time to be at the plant by 7, but it was dark, rainy and I misread the directions. This meant I got there about 20 minutes late. It was an interesting group and an interesting day. I could have driven home that afternoon, but a 5 or so hour drive on top of a 6 hour training day didn't sound like fun a few weeks ago when I was planning the trip, so I stayed an extra night.
The drive home was pretty and uneventful. I made good time getting home. I drove past Hickory Run, as that was the Turnpike exit I needed. I thought about stopping, but I was tired, feeling a little out of sorts despite the sunny day and just wanted to get home again. I did admire the colors and the scenery, but just wanted to be done with the trip.
Yesterday was a complete and total wash. About the most exciting thing I did was group with Syn and Charitee for a bit in the evening. That and I spent a lot of time reading. The laundry didn't get done. The house didn't get cleaned up any. Oh well. I've got some work I've got to do today so I can head out again tomorrow. I plan on getting to the laundry after I post this... although church will be out by then most likely so it'll be crowded. Such fun.
My friend Chelsea has an interesting post up. Go read it. Her husband Michael's grandmother passed this week. They got the call last weekend that she was fading fast. They were able to go and say goodbye, even though it meant a 10-hour trek to Wisconsin. I wish we'd been able to tell Gak's dad goodbye. I wish we'd been able to go out earlier in the week instead of after the fact. I'm not sure if I've really told you how tough my Gram has it right now. We know this will be her last fight. How long the fight will last, we don't know. We all hope she makes it to 85, but we don't want that if she's going to be in tons and tons of pain. I just hope I get to say bye when the time is closer. I hope my stupid travel schedule doesn't have me halfway across the country or world when the time comes. This must be even harder on my brother. He lives all the way out in California. I'm not sure I'd say that Gram and I are closer than Jon and Gram, but our relationships are different. (Also, he's a boy and is very good at hiding his emotions, even from me.) Jon is coming home at Christmas time. I still don't know for sure if Becca is coming, but I hope she does. I just can't imagine how hard it will be for him to say bye over the holidays and know the next time he comes back, she'll be gone. I mean, I hope like crazy she's got another 6 to 10 months in her, but she doesn't think so. I'll take her word on this, since she's living in her body, not me. Heck, I know how hard it is for me to even write these things and think about the fact that I may only get to see her a few times myself over the next few months.
Well, that was a really long and rambling paragraph. But it just is part of the emotional roller coaster I'm on right now. One minute I'm OK with the thought and glad to have an answer to what's been causing so much trouble for her. The next minute I'm a sobbing mess, unable to get past the personal hurt and fear to realize how much pain she's really in. I'm just soooo glad I have Gak to lean on. It's harder right now because he's not home. He will be in less than a week. Unfortunately, a few days later it's my turn to vanish, yet again, for about 4 days.
Well, I've got laundry to do, a house to try and clean and work that needs attention. I'd best focus on what needs doing and let my emotions settle themselves out on their own. (They tend to do this better when I'm not looking anyhow...)
Peace to all and may you have good family moments in the months to come.
My trip out to Western PA went smoothly. Well, mostly. I thought I'd left in plenty of time to be at the plant by 7, but it was dark, rainy and I misread the directions. This meant I got there about 20 minutes late. It was an interesting group and an interesting day. I could have driven home that afternoon, but a 5 or so hour drive on top of a 6 hour training day didn't sound like fun a few weeks ago when I was planning the trip, so I stayed an extra night.
The drive home was pretty and uneventful. I made good time getting home. I drove past Hickory Run, as that was the Turnpike exit I needed. I thought about stopping, but I was tired, feeling a little out of sorts despite the sunny day and just wanted to get home again. I did admire the colors and the scenery, but just wanted to be done with the trip.
Yesterday was a complete and total wash. About the most exciting thing I did was group with Syn and Charitee for a bit in the evening. That and I spent a lot of time reading. The laundry didn't get done. The house didn't get cleaned up any. Oh well. I've got some work I've got to do today so I can head out again tomorrow. I plan on getting to the laundry after I post this... although church will be out by then most likely so it'll be crowded. Such fun.
My friend Chelsea has an interesting post up. Go read it. Her husband Michael's grandmother passed this week. They got the call last weekend that she was fading fast. They were able to go and say goodbye, even though it meant a 10-hour trek to Wisconsin. I wish we'd been able to tell Gak's dad goodbye. I wish we'd been able to go out earlier in the week instead of after the fact. I'm not sure if I've really told you how tough my Gram has it right now. We know this will be her last fight. How long the fight will last, we don't know. We all hope she makes it to 85, but we don't want that if she's going to be in tons and tons of pain. I just hope I get to say bye when the time is closer. I hope my stupid travel schedule doesn't have me halfway across the country or world when the time comes. This must be even harder on my brother. He lives all the way out in California. I'm not sure I'd say that Gram and I are closer than Jon and Gram, but our relationships are different. (Also, he's a boy and is very good at hiding his emotions, even from me.) Jon is coming home at Christmas time. I still don't know for sure if Becca is coming, but I hope she does. I just can't imagine how hard it will be for him to say bye over the holidays and know the next time he comes back, she'll be gone. I mean, I hope like crazy she's got another 6 to 10 months in her, but she doesn't think so. I'll take her word on this, since she's living in her body, not me. Heck, I know how hard it is for me to even write these things and think about the fact that I may only get to see her a few times myself over the next few months.
Well, that was a really long and rambling paragraph. But it just is part of the emotional roller coaster I'm on right now. One minute I'm OK with the thought and glad to have an answer to what's been causing so much trouble for her. The next minute I'm a sobbing mess, unable to get past the personal hurt and fear to realize how much pain she's really in. I'm just soooo glad I have Gak to lean on. It's harder right now because he's not home. He will be in less than a week. Unfortunately, a few days later it's my turn to vanish, yet again, for about 4 days.
Well, I've got laundry to do, a house to try and clean and work that needs attention. I'd best focus on what needs doing and let my emotions settle themselves out on their own. (They tend to do this better when I'm not looking anyhow...)
Peace to all and may you have good family moments in the months to come.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Home...er...Gone again!
Well, I'm home again only to turn around and head out the door in a few hours. It was a mostly uneventful trip yesterday. The drive to Dallas wasn't too bad and the 3-hour layover in Chicago (Midway, not O'Hare!) could have been worse.
It was a bit odd trying to sleep last night. I do believe this is the first night I've spent totally alone in this apartment. It really shouldn't have been weird, I stay by myself all the time when I'm on the road. But... it still was. Who knows?
Today I'm heading out towards Pittsburgh. It'll be about a 5 or 6 hour drive. Sounds like fun, huh? At least the weather is looking nice.
Gak is still in Oklahoma right now. He'll be coming home on the 10th. He's got a lot of work ahead of him. He finished up getting dad's garden to the point where Brian can attack it with the weed eater. Now he's got to help his mom go through all the stuff in the house. She's got to go through all of Dad's old things and decide what to give away, what to trash and all that fun stuff. This has to be done soon because there needs to be room for Brian to move back in. We're still not sure exactly when he's moving back into the house, but I'll leave that up to everyone else to figure out.
I just mostly wanted to post this quick update to let you know that I'm home for the moment, but about to head out the door. I also wanted to point you to my Flickr for the pictures from the funeral. I have several more of Gak's dad and family, but they're all on CD and haven't made it to the computer yet. I'll try and get that done at some point.
Peace to all and may your life be not quite so hectic.
It was a bit odd trying to sleep last night. I do believe this is the first night I've spent totally alone in this apartment. It really shouldn't have been weird, I stay by myself all the time when I'm on the road. But... it still was. Who knows?
Today I'm heading out towards Pittsburgh. It'll be about a 5 or 6 hour drive. Sounds like fun, huh? At least the weather is looking nice.
Gak is still in Oklahoma right now. He'll be coming home on the 10th. He's got a lot of work ahead of him. He finished up getting dad's garden to the point where Brian can attack it with the weed eater. Now he's got to help his mom go through all the stuff in the house. She's got to go through all of Dad's old things and decide what to give away, what to trash and all that fun stuff. This has to be done soon because there needs to be room for Brian to move back in. We're still not sure exactly when he's moving back into the house, but I'll leave that up to everyone else to figure out.
I just mostly wanted to post this quick update to let you know that I'm home for the moment, but about to head out the door. I also wanted to point you to my Flickr for the pictures from the funeral. I have several more of Gak's dad and family, but they're all on CD and haven't made it to the computer yet. I'll try and get that done at some point.
Peace to all and may your life be not quite so hectic.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Catching My Breath
This week has been long and hard. Thank you Chelsea and Joe for your well wishes. Joe, I'll put a link up to your blog in a bit here. Joe is one of the guys I've worked with for years now. Well, actually, I guess he qualifies as customer, but I don't really like the sound of that. He's been using the software I support for longer then I've been with the company. I used to be the one primarily responsible for keeping his, and most of the rest of the Colorado systems up and running when they would call with problems. He's one of the ones I've missed talking with on a regular basis. You should hop over to his blog and check out his Flickr. He takes some very wonderful pictures of the amazing Colorado scenery. If I had scenery like that, I'd be able to take such amazing pictures too.
I'm still glad that they gave Gak's dad the honors they did. His parents met when they were both in the Navy. His mom didn't stay in long. She jokingly says she stayed in long enough to meet Gak's dad. Gak also served in the Navy. I'm proud of that fact. I'm proud of all my friends that have served this country in one form or another.
The last two days have been much less hectic than the rest of the week. Yesterday one of our good friends from school was coming down to Ada from Kansas for the weekend. We went over to Ada for the day and had a good time just hanging out. We got back a little late though. This afternoon Gak and I went back over there. Mind you, for those who have no clue about the geography of Oklahoma, where Gak's parents live is about an hour or so south of Oklahoma City. Ada is about 30-40 miles east-ish of the town they live in. Luckily, this means only about a 35 minute drive, even though it's all on back highways. Oklahoma is much more empty and much flatter than PA. This means travel tends to take less time. It's pretty country, but I miss roads that curve some days when I'm out here. Today was another calm day for us.
It was nice to just hang around with friends and relax. I just wish there was some way to get my Oklahoma and my Pennsylvania friends together. I'm pretty sure we'd all have a ton of fun.
Gak's mom had a bit of a rough day. She said she spent most of the day in a funk. Even though I've never been through the hurt and loss she has, I know this is normal. I try and tell her that, but I know it doesn't matter how many times I (or anyone else) say it, it doesn't matter. I don't like seeing her upset, but I know that all these emotions have to work themselves through her head and heart. There is a huge gap now. I'm afraid of how I'd feel if I lost Gak, and we've only been married 2 years now. They were married almost 40. I can't imagine the whole left in her heart.
Brian will be moving in here as soon as possible, mostly because he doesn't want to pay another month's rent if he's moving soon anyhow. (I'm not 100% sure I follow the logic, but that's OK.) I really think Gak's mom needs at least a little time to her self, alone. That's part of why Gak and I left today. (That and wanting to see our friends again.) She needs time when no one is around to judge her or try and console her as she goes through this loss. I'd never judge her harshly for loving her husband so much that she can't just smile and move on in a week. That's ridiculous.
Ok. I'm rambling and wandering, so I think I'll stop typing now. I'm going to go curl up with the Nintendo DS and play video games for a bit before passing out.
Peace to all and may you have many relaxing days with friends and many loved ones to help you up.
I'm still glad that they gave Gak's dad the honors they did. His parents met when they were both in the Navy. His mom didn't stay in long. She jokingly says she stayed in long enough to meet Gak's dad. Gak also served in the Navy. I'm proud of that fact. I'm proud of all my friends that have served this country in one form or another.
The last two days have been much less hectic than the rest of the week. Yesterday one of our good friends from school was coming down to Ada from Kansas for the weekend. We went over to Ada for the day and had a good time just hanging out. We got back a little late though. This afternoon Gak and I went back over there. Mind you, for those who have no clue about the geography of Oklahoma, where Gak's parents live is about an hour or so south of Oklahoma City. Ada is about 30-40 miles east-ish of the town they live in. Luckily, this means only about a 35 minute drive, even though it's all on back highways. Oklahoma is much more empty and much flatter than PA. This means travel tends to take less time. It's pretty country, but I miss roads that curve some days when I'm out here. Today was another calm day for us.
It was nice to just hang around with friends and relax. I just wish there was some way to get my Oklahoma and my Pennsylvania friends together. I'm pretty sure we'd all have a ton of fun.
Gak's mom had a bit of a rough day. She said she spent most of the day in a funk. Even though I've never been through the hurt and loss she has, I know this is normal. I try and tell her that, but I know it doesn't matter how many times I (or anyone else) say it, it doesn't matter. I don't like seeing her upset, but I know that all these emotions have to work themselves through her head and heart. There is a huge gap now. I'm afraid of how I'd feel if I lost Gak, and we've only been married 2 years now. They were married almost 40. I can't imagine the whole left in her heart.
Brian will be moving in here as soon as possible, mostly because he doesn't want to pay another month's rent if he's moving soon anyhow. (I'm not 100% sure I follow the logic, but that's OK.) I really think Gak's mom needs at least a little time to her self, alone. That's part of why Gak and I left today. (That and wanting to see our friends again.) She needs time when no one is around to judge her or try and console her as she goes through this loss. I'd never judge her harshly for loving her husband so much that she can't just smile and move on in a week. That's ridiculous.
Ok. I'm rambling and wandering, so I think I'll stop typing now. I'm going to go curl up with the Nintendo DS and play video games for a bit before passing out.
Peace to all and may you have many relaxing days with friends and many loved ones to help you up.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Goodbye James Richard Brady
Today we said our goodbyes to a wonderful man. I have to tell you, I'm kinda sick of people right about now. Not that anyone has been mean or stupid or anything like that. It's just that I'm on people overload, and I don't do well with that.
The funeral was nice. I'm not so sure how much I like the one preacher. There was something that just rubbed me and Gak the wrong way slightly. He wasn't mean or anything, or even pushy or slimy, just something didn't quite sit right. There were a few things that bugged me. For instance, around here Gak is known by his middle name. No big deal, it's just a little confusing for me. What was annoying is that in the obit they gave him the wrong first name instead of his initial. (For those few who haven't figured it out or don't know, Gak isn't his real name, but the name he usually uses online, so what I call him here and when we're in game...) Actually, I think what annoyed me most about that whole deal was the fact that his mother didn't want to use his first name in the obit. I tried hard to keep that to myself, but I'm not sure I seceded. The other thing was during the opening obit part of the funeral. The brother that I don't quite like was doing this part. He'd been over to the house a few nights ago talking with us about what we remembered. Unfortunately, both stories he told were from Brian, his brother. He attributed the one to Gak, but it wasn't. That just bugs me some times. Those were the annoying bits, but that's really not all that bad.
So many people knew and loved Gak's dad. He was a kind and wonderful man. He served this country in the Navy for 30 years. He served the county as a deputy for another 12. He was always kind to everyone, and that was made clear at the funeral.
Because of his service in the Navy, we were able to get some representatives from the guard unit in the City. The casket was draped with a flag. They gave him a 21-gun salute. They played taps. The flag was folded and presented to Gak's mother. It was very touching. It's nice to see the respect for a retired sailor, even though these kids wouldn't have known him from anyone on the street. Dad would have been deeply moved and very appreciative. The flag ceremony was the hardest part for me. That and seeing the slides of all the pictures we'd gathered. Gathering the pictures the other day, I was fine. Seeing them up there and displayed for everyone, that was hard. He really was a kind man. I know I keep saying that, but it's true.
I do have some pictures from the funeral, but I haven't downloaded them yet. I'll get them up soon.
Peace to all and may you enjoy your family while you have them.
The funeral was nice. I'm not so sure how much I like the one preacher. There was something that just rubbed me and Gak the wrong way slightly. He wasn't mean or anything, or even pushy or slimy, just something didn't quite sit right. There were a few things that bugged me. For instance, around here Gak is known by his middle name. No big deal, it's just a little confusing for me. What was annoying is that in the obit they gave him the wrong first name instead of his initial. (For those few who haven't figured it out or don't know, Gak isn't his real name, but the name he usually uses online, so what I call him here and when we're in game...) Actually, I think what annoyed me most about that whole deal was the fact that his mother didn't want to use his first name in the obit. I tried hard to keep that to myself, but I'm not sure I seceded. The other thing was during the opening obit part of the funeral. The brother that I don't quite like was doing this part. He'd been over to the house a few nights ago talking with us about what we remembered. Unfortunately, both stories he told were from Brian, his brother. He attributed the one to Gak, but it wasn't. That just bugs me some times. Those were the annoying bits, but that's really not all that bad.
So many people knew and loved Gak's dad. He was a kind and wonderful man. He served this country in the Navy for 30 years. He served the county as a deputy for another 12. He was always kind to everyone, and that was made clear at the funeral.
Because of his service in the Navy, we were able to get some representatives from the guard unit in the City. The casket was draped with a flag. They gave him a 21-gun salute. They played taps. The flag was folded and presented to Gak's mother. It was very touching. It's nice to see the respect for a retired sailor, even though these kids wouldn't have known him from anyone on the street. Dad would have been deeply moved and very appreciative. The flag ceremony was the hardest part for me. That and seeing the slides of all the pictures we'd gathered. Gathering the pictures the other day, I was fine. Seeing them up there and displayed for everyone, that was hard. He really was a kind man. I know I keep saying that, but it's true.
I do have some pictures from the funeral, but I haven't downloaded them yet. I'll get them up soon.
Peace to all and may you enjoy your family while you have them.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Family update
Well, it's been a hectic few days, but I think things are beginning to settle a bit.
Our trip out here Saturday went well. Or about as well as it could all things considered. The first leg was fine, we had plenty of room. The second leg was quite painful, especially for Gak. We lucked out and were able to only have 2 of the three seats taken. That's where the good luck ends. The seats on this plane were much more closely packed together. Not good news for Gak. Even worse news was when the extremely large woman in front of him decided to recline her seat all the way back. I'm surprised Gak could breathe. The added insult was when she tried to use his knee as an arm rest! Luckily we made it to DFW in one piece and on time even. Getting the rental car was a bit painful, but it could have been worse. The ride home was long, but not bad because it was the middle of the night and very little traffic.
Sunday we had people in and out all day. We went over to the funeral home to make arrangements. All I have to say, is Uncle Raymond has been a blessing and a rock for mom. Considering they lost their brother earlier this year, it's been tough on them.
Gak's mom seems to be taking things in stride. There are good moments and there are bad moments. But she says it's getting a little easier for the moment. It'll be really bad at the funeral Thursday.
That's right, the funeral isn't until Thursday. That's because there were three deaths within a few hours on Saturday. The week prior was busy for the funeral home as well. You've got to remember, Paoli (said pay-o-lah) is a very small town of around 500. The funeral home is in Paul's Valley, which is quite a bit bigger, but still, this is small town Oklahoma we're talking about. This whole town has been hit hard in the past year. Some days it's like walking on eggshells when someone says "have you heard about so-an-so?"
Gak is doing fairly well. It was very hard when we went over to the funeral home yesterday to see his dad. His dad looks good, but there's no denying he's gone. That man had enough life to fill three houses with his energy. It's gone. The spark that was Jim is no longer there. It's quite sad, but it's peaceful. I'm here for my Bear and will be. I'm as here as I can be for his mom. I do care about her a lot, but I connected more with Gak's dad. His presence will be sorely missed.
Today Gak and I went up to Norman with one of his buddies from high school. We fiddled around a bit and bought a few things. We weren't needed at the house because Raymond had to take Mom over to Adda for a court hearing. She's been fighting for her disability Social Security for a few years now. The bad news is that her court hearing has been moved to January. The good news is that she'll probably get most of Dad's retirement. There have also been some other good news about things today. Things are looking up, at least for now. We will see what Thursday brings.
Well, everyone's home again so I'd better get off of here.
Peace to all and may your family be strong and full of love.
Our trip out here Saturday went well. Or about as well as it could all things considered. The first leg was fine, we had plenty of room. The second leg was quite painful, especially for Gak. We lucked out and were able to only have 2 of the three seats taken. That's where the good luck ends. The seats on this plane were much more closely packed together. Not good news for Gak. Even worse news was when the extremely large woman in front of him decided to recline her seat all the way back. I'm surprised Gak could breathe. The added insult was when she tried to use his knee as an arm rest! Luckily we made it to DFW in one piece and on time even. Getting the rental car was a bit painful, but it could have been worse. The ride home was long, but not bad because it was the middle of the night and very little traffic.
Sunday we had people in and out all day. We went over to the funeral home to make arrangements. All I have to say, is Uncle Raymond has been a blessing and a rock for mom. Considering they lost their brother earlier this year, it's been tough on them.
Gak's mom seems to be taking things in stride. There are good moments and there are bad moments. But she says it's getting a little easier for the moment. It'll be really bad at the funeral Thursday.
That's right, the funeral isn't until Thursday. That's because there were three deaths within a few hours on Saturday. The week prior was busy for the funeral home as well. You've got to remember, Paoli (said pay-o-lah) is a very small town of around 500. The funeral home is in Paul's Valley, which is quite a bit bigger, but still, this is small town Oklahoma we're talking about. This whole town has been hit hard in the past year. Some days it's like walking on eggshells when someone says "have you heard about so-an-so?"
Gak is doing fairly well. It was very hard when we went over to the funeral home yesterday to see his dad. His dad looks good, but there's no denying he's gone. That man had enough life to fill three houses with his energy. It's gone. The spark that was Jim is no longer there. It's quite sad, but it's peaceful. I'm here for my Bear and will be. I'm as here as I can be for his mom. I do care about her a lot, but I connected more with Gak's dad. His presence will be sorely missed.
Today Gak and I went up to Norman with one of his buddies from high school. We fiddled around a bit and bought a few things. We weren't needed at the house because Raymond had to take Mom over to Adda for a court hearing. She's been fighting for her disability Social Security for a few years now. The bad news is that her court hearing has been moved to January. The good news is that she'll probably get most of Dad's retirement. There have also been some other good news about things today. Things are looking up, at least for now. We will see what Thursday brings.
Well, everyone's home again so I'd better get off of here.
Peace to all and may your family be strong and full of love.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
OK. I Quit!
Well, you can take most of what I wrote in that last entry and kiss it goodbye.
James Richard Brady, we will miss you.
We honestly did think things were going well as of yesterday evening. I mean, we even enjoyed our evening here with friends playing on the Wii and relaxing (the football game was canceled due to rain). Gak started pricing tickets for January so we could find the best deal and let people know when we were heading out. The last conversation Gak had with his mom last night was that dad was resting quietly and was coherent and not calling his brother by the wrong name for the first time all week. We were still looking at a Wednesday release from the hospital.
This morning started out well too. I woke up kinda early, got their birthday presents ready to ship out and played on EQ a bit.
Gak had just showered and was getting ready for work when his phone rang.
It was his mom.
I didn't know it at the time, I was hanging out with Charitee and Syn in the game, trying not to let the mushroom men kill me.
From the bedroom I hear a "WHAT?!?!?!?!"
Uh-oh was all I could think.
I don't think I'll forget the look on his face. If someone could both be pale and beet red, he managed it.
His dad had passed.
We didn't make it home.
He will never get to use the blanket I made him for his birthday, which is Monday.
After a frantic hour or so, we call just about everyone we think we need to call. (Oh, I just remembered I have a dr. appointment on Tuesday I'll have to cancel...) We've got plane tickets. We're heading down to OK this evening. I'll be coming home on the 30th. Gak will be coming home at some point. We only got him a one-way ticket because of everything that's got to be taken care of now. It's OK. If we can book far enough out, a return ticket from OK on Southwest is less than $200.00 (closer to 100 actually...). We'll find the way to make it happen.
Gak had given me extra money out of his pay check yesterday, since everything was looking good, I went ahead and electronically paid bills with it to try and get ahead of the credit cards. Now, I really need that $300.00. We will survive. We have in the past. Mom is lending us the money to rent a car for the 10 days I'm out there. (I wouldn't have, but since we're getting in at 11pm and can't get ahold of Charlotte and I know another car will be helpful....) Mike, Gak's old boss lent us $300.00. He says he gave it to us, we say he lent it to us. Gak's going to pay it back and/or work hours for him over the holidays when things are hectic. This also means we won't be picking up a second car soon.
This is just one more reason I want it to be 2008 already. I'm trying to give up feeling good about the good news and overwhelmed by the bad. I'm trying really hard to just float through for the next few months. It won't happen. I'm an emotional person. I love my husband, my family and my friends too much.
Please, just let it be 2008.
Peace to all and hug your family close, we only get them for a short time.
James Richard Brady, we will miss you.
We honestly did think things were going well as of yesterday evening. I mean, we even enjoyed our evening here with friends playing on the Wii and relaxing (the football game was canceled due to rain). Gak started pricing tickets for January so we could find the best deal and let people know when we were heading out. The last conversation Gak had with his mom last night was that dad was resting quietly and was coherent and not calling his brother by the wrong name for the first time all week. We were still looking at a Wednesday release from the hospital.
This morning started out well too. I woke up kinda early, got their birthday presents ready to ship out and played on EQ a bit.
Gak had just showered and was getting ready for work when his phone rang.
It was his mom.
I didn't know it at the time, I was hanging out with Charitee and Syn in the game, trying not to let the mushroom men kill me.
From the bedroom I hear a "WHAT?!?!?!?!"
Uh-oh was all I could think.
I don't think I'll forget the look on his face. If someone could both be pale and beet red, he managed it.
His dad had passed.
We didn't make it home.
He will never get to use the blanket I made him for his birthday, which is Monday.
After a frantic hour or so, we call just about everyone we think we need to call. (Oh, I just remembered I have a dr. appointment on Tuesday I'll have to cancel...) We've got plane tickets. We're heading down to OK this evening. I'll be coming home on the 30th. Gak will be coming home at some point. We only got him a one-way ticket because of everything that's got to be taken care of now. It's OK. If we can book far enough out, a return ticket from OK on Southwest is less than $200.00 (closer to 100 actually...). We'll find the way to make it happen.
Gak had given me extra money out of his pay check yesterday, since everything was looking good, I went ahead and electronically paid bills with it to try and get ahead of the credit cards. Now, I really need that $300.00. We will survive. We have in the past. Mom is lending us the money to rent a car for the 10 days I'm out there. (I wouldn't have, but since we're getting in at 11pm and can't get ahold of Charlotte and I know another car will be helpful....) Mike, Gak's old boss lent us $300.00. He says he gave it to us, we say he lent it to us. Gak's going to pay it back and/or work hours for him over the holidays when things are hectic. This also means we won't be picking up a second car soon.
This is just one more reason I want it to be 2008 already. I'm trying to give up feeling good about the good news and overwhelmed by the bad. I'm trying really hard to just float through for the next few months. It won't happen. I'm an emotional person. I love my husband, my family and my friends too much.
Please, just let it be 2008.
Peace to all and hug your family close, we only get them for a short time.
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