Sunday, November 04, 2007


I'm sorry I haven't posted anything since Wednesday. It has been a long, emotional and tiring couple of weeks around here. I think it all finally caught up with me.
My trip out to Western PA went smoothly. Well, mostly. I thought I'd left in plenty of time to be at the plant by 7, but it was dark, rainy and I misread the directions. This meant I got there about 20 minutes late. It was an interesting group and an interesting day. I could have driven home that afternoon, but a 5 or so hour drive on top of a 6 hour training day didn't sound like fun a few weeks ago when I was planning the trip, so I stayed an extra night.
The drive home was pretty and uneventful. I made good time getting home. I drove past Hickory Run, as that was the Turnpike exit I needed. I thought about stopping, but I was tired, feeling a little out of sorts despite the sunny day and just wanted to get home again. I did admire the colors and the scenery, but just wanted to be done with the trip.
Yesterday was a complete and total wash. About the most exciting thing I did was group with Syn and Charitee for a bit in the evening. That and I spent a lot of time reading. The laundry didn't get done. The house didn't get cleaned up any. Oh well. I've got some work I've got to do today so I can head out again tomorrow. I plan on getting to the laundry after I post this... although church will be out by then most likely so it'll be crowded. Such fun.

My friend Chelsea has an interesting post up. Go read it. Her husband Michael's grandmother passed this week. They got the call last weekend that she was fading fast. They were able to go and say goodbye, even though it meant a 10-hour trek to Wisconsin. I wish we'd been able to tell Gak's dad goodbye. I wish we'd been able to go out earlier in the week instead of after the fact. I'm not sure if I've really told you how tough my Gram has it right now. We know this will be her last fight. How long the fight will last, we don't know. We all hope she makes it to 85, but we don't want that if she's going to be in tons and tons of pain. I just hope I get to say bye when the time is closer. I hope my stupid travel schedule doesn't have me halfway across the country or world when the time comes. This must be even harder on my brother. He lives all the way out in California. I'm not sure I'd say that Gram and I are closer than Jon and Gram, but our relationships are different. (Also, he's a boy and is very good at hiding his emotions, even from me.) Jon is coming home at Christmas time. I still don't know for sure if Becca is coming, but I hope she does. I just can't imagine how hard it will be for him to say bye over the holidays and know the next time he comes back, she'll be gone. I mean, I hope like crazy she's got another 6 to 10 months in her, but she doesn't think so. I'll take her word on this, since she's living in her body, not me. Heck, I know how hard it is for me to even write these things and think about the fact that I may only get to see her a few times myself over the next few months.
Well, that was a really long and rambling paragraph. But it just is part of the emotional roller coaster I'm on right now. One minute I'm OK with the thought and glad to have an answer to what's been causing so much trouble for her. The next minute I'm a sobbing mess, unable to get past the personal hurt and fear to realize how much pain she's really in. I'm just soooo glad I have Gak to lean on. It's harder right now because he's not home. He will be in less than a week. Unfortunately, a few days later it's my turn to vanish, yet again, for about 4 days.
Well, I've got laundry to do, a house to try and clean and work that needs attention. I'd best focus on what needs doing and let my emotions settle themselves out on their own. (They tend to do this better when I'm not looking anyhow...)
Peace to all and may you have good family moments in the months to come.

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