Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Just a quick little update.
This morning I go for blood work again before I head out to Colorado. It is mean of me to leave Gak right now, even if it's only for two nights. He needs me, but I need to be busy. This is a terrible thing to try and balance.
I'm still bleeding and my hopes of a positive outcome decrease a bit every time I go to the bathroom. Not to be gross, but I think this has been heavier than my usual. (I know, 99.9% of you out there really didn't need or want to know that, but you did come here to see what was on my mind....)

I think the only reason I didn't cancel this trip is because it is for a customer I've known for 7 years now and he'll understand if I'm not up to my normal self, even if he doesn't know the reason. I'm slowly coming to terms with this. I know, we haven't had the final diagnosis, but I'd rather accept the worst now and be surprised by the positive than get my hopes up on the positive and be slammed by the worst. Does that make me a pessimist? Maybe. I try and be a realist, but maybe that's because I flop back and forth between optimism and pessimism depending on the situation and my outlook at the time. Who knows? Not me today.

I've rambled on with little to say. I have no more real news.
Oh, wait, yes I do. It is even mostly positive!
I mentioned Monday that Mom was down with Gram. On Saturday Mom called me to tell me that Gram was back downstairs in the health center because she woke up with major pain on her left side and it got worse when she put weight on her right foot. (Odd, I know, but that's my family for ya!) Her doctor was coming in that day and Mom was going down Sunday. They also had an appointment scheduled to go over the pathology report from her kidney and decide what to do next. (The cancer was all through the kidney, but the edges were clean...)
When I called Mom yesterday to let her know what was up, I asked about Gram. (I think bursting Mom's bubble about the fact that I went to the doctor on Monday for a problem instead of yesterday for a regular visit was one of the toughest things I've done... other than wake Gak up Monday morning...)
Well, it turns out that Gram is doing much better and back in her own apartment again. They also went to the appointment in Baltimore. The team of doctors decided that she will go through some Chemo. Mom said the way the doctors suggested it and what they had to say made sense. It will be tough on her, no doubt. Even though it's better than it used to be, Chemo is still a tough beast to deal with. I look at it as better safe than sorry and Gram is actually a pretty healthy and strong lady for her age. She'll pull through all this with grace and humor as she usually does.

So, yes, there are some good things going on. But the fact that she has to deal with this at all just makes 2007 that much more negative. (Yes, I know, this really started in late 2006, but the brunt of the 'bad news' has been this year...)
I really need to get ready and get to the lab for the blood work and to the airport.
Peace to all and keep good thoughts.

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