Monday, December 31, 2012

Farewell 2012

I must say, I'm not really all that sad to see 2012 go.  While it wasn't a horrible, no good, rotten year like 2007, it was by far not an easy one either.  Overall, there has been more good than bad, but the bad has left a toll.

On the plus side, my boy-o is healthy and growing like a weed.  He's slowly getting over his fear of the four-footed and furry as well as engaging others in play.  He has made some pretty amazing leaps this year and I can't quite catch my breath with how much he's changing, and yet, how much he's the same as ever.  All I know is that I love that little boy (he's definitely not a baby any more!) more than I can put into words.

Gak has had a fairly good year over all.  Sure, work's a hassle and has given him some issues throughout the year, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  His health has been good, which is always a blessing.

Me, I've had my fair share of challenges this year, and not all of them the good kind.  I started the year battling strep twice in the span of about a month.  And well, I came down with it again Christmas night.  (It's amazing what a few days of penicillin will do, I feel 100% better.  Then again, it wasn't as bad a case as some I've had in the past...)  Then I spent all spring in a brain fog and so exhausted I was fighting like mad not to fall asleep at work and the chills at night.  I managed to get some relief from that and, finally, in the last month or so I've been able to get back to some form of physical activity that hasn't sent me to exhaustion for days after the fact.  I still battle chills on just about a daily basis and my performance at work has been impacted (at least in my eyes) quite a bit.  I think my energy levels are about where they used to be; the thought of going to the playground or doing anything other the collapsing on the couch after work doesn't bring me nearly to tears anymore. (Trust me, having as active a boy as Boo and all summer not be able to go on rides with him or actually play with him at the playground was enough to all but bring me to tears of frustration on so many occasions.)

Work has had its own challenges throughout the year.  A lot of them good and interesting, but all of them compounded by the brain fog and exhaustion.  Several changes have been made and 2013 is looking like it'll be interesting.  Hopefully all will go well, but I'm sure there'll be bumps in the road.  At least, for now, I feel like I have the energy to tackle them.

My emotional health has been strongly tied to my physical health this year.  While I would not say that I've been fighting true depression, there has been a lot of frustration, angst, fear and anger tied to my physical health or lack there of.  To say I've been on rocky emotional ground would pretty much sum it up.  I'm just thankful that Gak, while he may not understand, can usually accept that I'm sometimes a bit flakier than others...

All this mental and physical woe has also let me easily slip back into being lazy (well, I didn't have a lot of choice there for a while if I wanted to even think about being able to get out of bed the next day....) and over eating. I've found 25 or so of the pounds that I'd left along the side of the pool or the road in the last few years.  I'm not happy with that fact, not for the number on the scale (by far not the worst) but because of how I physically feel carrying the extra around again.  And not really from carrying the extra, but from the way my old eating habits are making me feel.  They're making me feel much worse than I really am I think.  I'm not making healthy choices and it just "feels" icky so much of the time.  This is in my control and something I can work on in the coming year.

I also can't seem to find my little point-n-shoot camera.  It's been bugging me off and on and I know if I would just clean up my damn mess, I'd find it.  Or at least prove once and for all that it's not in the apartment.  I'm actually cameraless right now.  I had to return Dad's DSLR at Thanksgiving.  It's OK though, as I wasn't using it as much in the fall.

Which brings me to the other big down of the year.  Dad and his health.  Christmas day was not a good day for him.  He was barely able to make it out of bed and mentally it was just not good.  It breaks my heart, and I can only imagine the heartache that Mom goes through on a daily basis.  And there's not much I can do for her, other than let her come play with Boo on Mondays as a break.  And remind her I'm only a phone call away, any day, any time.

But, like I said, there have been good things too.  I've managed to crochet at least 30 if not 40 different projects this year.  Some as simple as a tiny little stuffed kitty for a friend, some as big as an awesome (and well loved) afghan for friends who more than deserve it.  And hats, I've made lots and lots of hats this year, most of which have been donated to the Vet's hospital down the road.  I have a great, and huge, group of girls in my Girl Scout troop this year.  I have lots of friends around me who care about me and help me out whenever and however they can, and who I do the same for.  Actually, they're not just friends, they're my family and my clan.  The relationships all get a little fuzzy and are hard to follow, even when you're living it, but we all love each other and work together to make this thing called life a better place.

So, here's to the end of a rough year and hopefully 2013 will be a bit smoother sailing.
My goals for 2013 are simple.
1. Get back on track with my eating and my activity.  Make sure to track every bite at least 3 days a week and stick to a 3 or 4 day a week schedule of activity.
2. Continue to blog and keep my window to the world open.  I hope to blog at least twice a week, preferably 3 to 4 times a week.
3. Continue to love my family with all my heart and soul.  I think this'll be the easiest one to do.

So, on that note, I wish you all peace, health and happiness.  May the good outweigh the bad and there always be a silver lining to the touches of gray.

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