Not So Good

It's been a rough weekend for me.

Saturday went well enough for the most part. Laundry went well. The boy took a 2+ hour nap. We had a fun little adventure returning Gak's shoes he bought last week because they were giving him blisters.

But... I was beginning to feel like I'd been hit by a small car. Not a bus mind you, but something along the lines of a Honda Civic, just enough to be run down, but not out for the count.

I was also reaching my frustration point with Boo's eating, or lack there of this week. Especially the realization that a good part of it is my fault. Or at least, I wasn't helping things any this week. After we got back from DE by yesterday morning we still hadn't gotten back to anything resembling his normal eating habits and food selections.

I'm also sick and tired of the "arguments" over food and the eating and not eating. I'm frustrated with the fact that most days he'll eat a chicken tender made of whole chicken coated with breading, but if you try and give him grilled or baked chicken, forget it, instant tears. I'm upset that I can't seem to get him to eat the "healthy" versions of things, only ones that are pre-packaged or loaded with additives or fried or all kinds of unhealthy alternatives. For example, he'll eat half a serving of Spagetti-o's, but won't touch pasta with tomato sauce. Again, the chicken vs. chicken finger example. Banana chips vs. bananas. Freeze dried apples vs. apple sauce or real apples.

I know there are two schools of thought here. "He's young, he'll grow out of it" and "eating habits he forms now will last the rest of his life." I know first hand what it's like to try and "grow out of it" when it comes to not eating/bad eating. Most people don't realize I was a skini-mini who picked at a few things and downright refused most things. I hated going out to eat. I still do some days. At almost 34 years of age, I still don't eat anywhere near right. I still can't stand the sight of most vegetables, let alone the smell or taste. I honestly don't know if my parents forcing the issue of me eating better as a kid would have avoided this now. My brother "grew out of it" just fine, or at least better than I have, and he was even pickier as a kid. (Yes, there I go comparing myself to my brother again, but hey, he's the only other person there is in the "study group" of how I was raised.....

So, I don't know what to do. Gak doesn't know what to do either and mostly tries to follow my lead. The problem is, I don't know where I'm leading.

Boo has been doing a good job of getting on my nerves the last few days. Between the not eating, the random fussing, downright breakdowns, over who knows what because he either can't or won't tell us and the hair pulling, accidental whompings with objects he's holding or the constant flipping up of the back of my shirt... I'm at my whit's end. Oh, and did I mention he hasn't exactly been his normal, easy to put to bed self?

Nope, this vacation really screwed that up. I was expecting a rough night or two on vacation. I was (hahahaha) expecting things to return to normal at home after a night or so. Nope. His sleeping is still way off with naps, lack of naps, being all out fussy and waking up at strange times. Of course, I think part of it is that he's also fighting off a cold and is possibly getting more bottom front teeth. (He's been putting his entire fist in his mouth instead of just the first two fingers.... and there's been a bit more drool....)

Friday night was OK over all. Saturday night he should have gone to bed at about 7 he was falling all over himself tired. But no, he fought it until around 8 and then around midnight woke up screaming. He didn't go back down until about 12:30 and I couldn't get back to sleep until after 2. Last night he went down at 8 without much fuss and then around 9 decided to complain at the top of his lungs. (Mind you, this was after fighting tooth and nail against napping all day....)

Of course, this was right when I was about to go to bed. I'm tired, I'm not feeling well, my head it clogged, he's been pushing my buttons all day and I've been feeling like a crap momma anyhow. So, I get frustrated. I try and hold and comfort him for a moment. I give him some Tylenol because I'm sure his teeth are bugging him. I try and put him back down. I can't even come close to the crib without screaming to wake the dead issuing from my son. So, I not so nicely put him in the middle of the floor and growl "fine, sit there" as I start cleaning up his toys. Gak quickly gets out of the game at this point (he'd been in a group and enjoying himself... sorry *sigh*). He rescues the boy who's just sitting there watching me with a stunned look on his face. I beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom to try not to cry and because I actually did have to pee. I do come back and apologize to Boo for yelling at him and told him good night again and asked if he'd go to bed again soon.

I retreated to bed, but not to sleep. All I know is that for most of the past few days I've felt like the worlds worst momma and the most short tempered and self centered. Everything Boo does pushes a button. I know that 90% of it is because I'm tired and fighting a cold. The other 10% is the fact that on Thursday he's 16 months old and 2 is fast approaching. On most days, I can deal with toddler boundary pushing and limit testing. But, when I'm fighting a cold, almost all tolerance is lost.

So, in my mind I've been a horrible momma, a lousy wife and in general a not very nice person to be around. I'm sure I'm blowing it all out of proportion, but I've been good at that since I was about Boo's age. All you had to do was even think about looking like you were upset with something I did and I'd dissolve into tears and beat myself up for hours about whatever it was.

Anyhow, I'd better wrap this up so I can get dressed, make my lunch and get out the door. Ugh, I feel like I've been run over by a car again. *sigh*

Peace to all and may your buttons not be pushed, the communication work and the colds stay away.