Update

I have an update, of sorts, on Joan.  It's a one line message Kat got from Joan's sister Jill yesterday.  "Joan woke up."  That's it.  That's all Kat or I know.  We don't know if it just means she's conscious, but not off the vent.  Is she breathing on her own?  Eating and drinking?  Moving about?  We don't know if she's leaving ICU or if she's still there or anything.

I'm trying very hard not to turn this into an airing of family drama, but it's been eating at me all day.

I'll try and explain why Kat and I have no information as best I can without totally being mean, rotten, or nasty.  But I warn you, I'm kinda tired.  Worked my tail off all day getting almost nowhere with work.  And to top it off, I started off the day thinking it was Saturday and had that illusion rudely taken away at 6:00 this morning when I realized it was, indeed, Friday.

The first thing you have to understand is that "drama queen" isn't quite the right word for every person in Joan's family, but it's a start.  They're all liars to one extent or another.  They all change alliances between themselves faster than some people change underwear.  And you never, ever, ever know who's going to stab who in the back next over something real or imaginary.  I can't tell you the number of times Joan has told me/us about Jill's "lies" and "actions" and how she's never going to talk to her ever again and then suddenly the very next breath practically Jill is the "best sisser in teh world!"

(As an aside, am I the only one that is driven nuts when adults, with children even!, post on facebook things that I would expect, and seriously question, a teenager to post?  I mean, my spelling is bad, my grammar sometimes takes a bit of a vacation, but at least most of the time I use a real sentence!  It is not cute or funny or "hip" to post like your teenage daughter, it's sad, downright sad.  Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system as well...)

And the sad part isn't that all three girls are this way.  Their mother was the exact same way.  She started it, manipulated it and created the "rules" of the "game" in many ways.  (I know I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but, I've always had a hard time finding something positive about that woman...)  No, what is sad is the fact that the next generation is turning out to be the same way.  I hate to say it, but over the last two years I've slowly stopped knowing Mel.  She's becoming more and more like her mother and grandmother all the time.  I now have no idea if/when she's lying to me.  (I do know she's been in the neighborhood more than once in recent months and has never mentioned it/asked to see me/us.)  Ant and his cousins are totally out of hand more often than not.  Especially if you don't give him his way.  I've seen him throw more impressive temper tantrums than I've ever seen out of Boo!

So, last Thursday when we (Kat, Steph, Jill and I) were all at the hospital talking, Jill was saying how she wanted the kids down here.  That she would keep us informed as to what was going on.  Thought we had everyone's best interest at heart.  She was also saying how she'd pulled away and had distanced herself from the bull that is Joan's life and that she didn't want to but she'd have to go and play "the game" to make sure everything worked out OK for the kids.  Well, turns out she was blowing smoke up our butts.

Yeah.

I.
Hate.
Being.
Lied.
To.

So, like I told Kat last night, I'm not sure what makes me more sad, that we've been lied to and cut out yet again or that we were gullible enough to believe something one of those girls told us again.

In short, the hospital can't tell us anything because we're not family.  And the family won't tell us anything because they're too dysfunctional.
Kat and I have been yanked around yet again.

I really didn't want to write such a negative post.  Yes, I can delete it and never let it see the light of day.  I may do that later, I don't know.  But, for now, since I've had people asking if I have an update, this is how I want to write about it, so deal.  I have not hurt anyone who has not hurt me (multiple times) already.  I have not used last names (or even real names for all you know) or towns or hospital names or anything that could identify these people to the masses unless you already know me, or them, in real life.  And, if you know these people, or me, in real life then more than likely I haven't told you anything new.  So, for now I'm going to let this stand.  If someone gets mad at me for it, so be it.  You asked my opinion, and I gave it.


Peace to all and may your updates be positive and your friends be positive as well.

Brain Fluff

I don't have anything profound to say tonight.  I just thought I should sit down and write something.  This has been a pretty busy and hectic week in the normal kinds of ways.

First off, no, I don't have any more info on Joan.

Work's been quite busy for the end of the year.  I seem to be getting further behind no matter how hard I work.  The last few weeks of mental fluff between the ears has caught up to me and I'm paying the price.  I just hope I can wrap up a few more important (and hopefully more simple than what I've been working on) projects tomorrow before the weekend.

I think I have a "tea problem".  I counted today, and I have 9 different teas in my desk drawer.  Two are herbals, one is a chai, one is a black tea and the other 5 are greens.  Yeah.  I got two different sets of green tea samplers for my birthday and I'm exploring.
I am quite glad that I've had so many to choose from this week though, I've been fighting off a bit of a head cold.  Nothing major, just enough snot to make me not happy.  Boo has been fighting it off as well, I think I got it from him.

Bill is evil and it's a good thing he only makes his mini shoofly pies once a year.  Enough said on that subject.
Oh, my company is evil, they give everyone a 2+ lb box of chocolates and nuts every year for Christmas.  I'd managed to forget about it until it got dropped off on my desk today.  The stupid thing called my name all afternoon even though I wasn't hungry.  I managed to ignore it, until after dinner... yeah.  Enough said about holiday treats.

Apparently Boo does not hate baths again, it was a power struggle thing.  (I'm not sure if I mentioned here or not our recent issues with bath time...)  Anyhow, he got some new jammies that he really loves and got to choose all by himself.  I told him the other night that if he fussed and made a scene during bath time, he would have to wear the jammies that I choose, which are his skeleton ones.  (I think they're adorable, Boo doesn't agree.)  But, if he didn't fuss or scream or cause trouble for his entire bath, he could choose his jammies.  Well, it's worked the last few baths.  Thanks Barb for reminding me that it could just be a power issue, not a real fear.
Now to solve the power struggle issues of eating and potty.  Good news on both fronts though, he's actually eating more of what school provides at school and he actually peed in the potty at school on Wednesday.  (Nana Laura puts him on the potty ever afternoon when she changes everyone else and makes him sit there and try.  Amazingly enough, he went for her on Wednesday.  We're trying to be more consistent about putting him on the potty frequently, hoping to catch him when he actually needs to go.  We'll see.  I just don't want this to devolve into a total power struggle.  That could get bad on many levels.

So, that's the random brain fluff update of the week.  I'm really glad tomorrow is Friday.  Hopefully I'll have one more productive day this week and then enjoy the weekend.  I should be putting the tree up this weekend, if I can actually manage to get the living room straightened up and vacuumed.  Yeah, this is me we're talking about.

Well, I'm off to play with yarn for a little bit and crash.

Peace to all and may your weeks be good.

Chaos

Well... Tonight I thought I would be uploading some of the cute 3.5 year dragon pictures I got of Boo this evening.  Instead I am sitting in the loby of a hospital waiting for Kat, writing this on my phone.
I don't have a lot of details at the moment.  Joan finally had her gastric bypass surgery on Monday.  The las I heard from Mel on Monday evening, via facebook only but that is a different story, was that Joan had come through the surgery well.
Kat just got here...

Ok.  That first part was actually written at about 7:30 or so....

It's now 10:15 or so and I'm home.

Here's the details as I've got them.  Joan was having respiratory distress up in her room.  Apparently she'd gotten into some serious trouble, vomited and ended up aspirating some.  Her temp was elevated some.  Her chest x-ray looked well, like crap.  So, she's on a vent that's doing most of the breathing for her.  They've weaned her off the meds that were keeping her paralyzed and from fighting the vent.  She's still drugged out of her gord and on major narcotics for pain.  She's fighting the vent a bit.

Kat, Steph and I were there to see her, as well as her sister Jill and her best friend, who's name escapes me for the moment.  Anyhow, there was a lot of discussion about what to do about the kids.  None of us who were there were happy with the situation with the kids at the moment.  They're kinda staying at their house, kinda staying with the neighbor Mandy who helped cause a lot of the drama the last time Joan was in the hospital.  Anyhow, the long and the short of it is, there are some emails that Joan wrote before going into the hospital that say one thing, but there is still the power of attorney stuff that was signed several years ago that is probably still legally binding.  So, if push came to shove, and Jill backs us up on this, we could try and enforce it and it would go to a judge and it would get very messy.  Oh, yeah, and as much as the kids say they love us... they are refusing to come spend the weekend with any of us.  That is a whole other rant that I'm not going into right now, but it does have some bearing on the current situation.

So, yes, despite what I said back in July about being done and not running to her side every time... well, you just don't throw away 20 years because someone's become even more of a crackpot than she was.  You don't stop worrying and caring despite how hurt you and your friends have been in the past.  Now, mind you I'm of half a mind to kill her when she does come off the vent.  But hey, that's something else entirely.

I'll try and post more here as I know more.  I do know that she will be in the hospital several weeks at this point with how much the vent is actually breathing for her.  Hopefully after they do some fun bag suctioning tonight her numbers will improve greatly by morning.  I'm not holding my breath, but I know that it will truly help.  I just hope she's got the will to fight this and to come back and heal.  If not, I really will kill her.

So, peace to you all. I'm going to go crash in my bed and hopefully get some sleep so I can function at work tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to post those adorable pictures of Boo and rant and rave a little bit about how vacation has not helped my will to get work done at work.

Not the Way to Start Vacation

I don't know how to write this post, but I need to. I've got a lot of things buzzing around in my head and they need out.

I'm officially on vacation for the week.

Unfortunately, it didn't start off so well.

You see, I spent a good chunk of time in the ER with Joan on Friday night. I had just settled into my PJ's and had gotten Boo to bed a few minutes before when my phone rang. I didn't get it in time since it was halfway across the house, and since I never programmed Joan's new (2 years now) number into my phone, I didn't recognize it. Within about a minute the house phone rang and Gak made it there in time. It was Joan. She was distraught. And then she dropped the bomb shell of the century on me.

"I'm on my way to the ER, Mel tried to slit her wrists."

I honestly don't remember what I said. I remember babbling something about needing to get pants on and actually remembering to ask which hospital. (There are many in the area and she does live about 30 minutes from me.) I change back into my jeans, call Kat to make sure she knew what was up and I was out the door.

The good news is that her friend who lives around the corner has a dad who's a fire fighter/EMT type. The even better news is that it wasn't all that bad physically.

The hard part is that Mel has to be admitted for 72 hours, and the only one allowed to visit is her mom. Nope, even though I'm on the list of allowed visitors, I can't go see her, the only ones allowed are her parents, and that means Joan.

In some ways we should have seen this coming. In many ways, we never would have. She was happy and joking around with her brother and a friend 10 minutes before.

Mel has had to deal with so much in her short life time. Her parents had a very messy split back in 2004, when she was 7. Her dad was the center of her world. Then, back in 2007 early in the year her dad passed away from brain cancer. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it back then. He had remarried and she liked her "step mom", but still, he was her dad. Most girls have a special relationship with their dads.... Then for the past handful of years she's been having to deal with her grandmother's health issues. Joan's mom has been living with them since around the time Joan and George split. Her health has been plumiting steadily the whole time. What's worse is she would be doing so much better if she'd listen to the doctors. There's also a lot of drama involved with anything having to do with Joan's mom. Now, finally, Joan's mom is in an assisted living place, but it's only a handful of blocks away, so the drama continues. Oh, and I'm not sure exactly how much is true and how much is exaggerated, but apparently her school life has been one level of living hell or another.

Mel hates hospitals and doctors with a passion. But she needs them. She needs help to sort out, deal with and process all this drama and angst and betrayal she's been dealt. This is more than just your average teenage issues. It really is heart and soul deep. I knew she was having a tough time, but to talk with her you'd never know exactly how deep the hurt was. Unless it was around when her father passed. Or if you mentioned her grandmother she'd get this pained and exasperated look on her face. (The woman is on oxygen, but continues to smoke... much to Mel's dismay. She's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. She'll get yelled at by her grandmother if she won't like a smoke for her (don't get me started on that!) and yelled at by her mom if she does. She knows she shouldn't, and often wouldn't, but still... it's her grandmother.) If you mentioned school she'd mention a few friends maybe (and she does have a few close ones who are very upset and blaming themselves for some of this... but they shouldn't!) and says she's doing well, and her grades are very good overall (except math, she's struggling there...).

She's upset because she's missed too much school already. She's angry because she can't have her books. She's angry because she hates hospitals and wants to be anywhere else. She's chafing at the rules that have been and will be imposed. Part of her knows it's for her own safety and good, but she hates it none the less.

The only thing I can do is tell her I love her. I can tell her I'm here if she needs me, but I have to be careful not to say that too often or I'll sound like a nag and that I'm prying into her business. If there's one thing a pre-teen/teenager loves it is their privacy. Unfortunately, she won't get much for a while. The best thing I can do really is what I did Friday, and what I tried to do yesterday, be there for Joan. I know we've had our rough spots in the past and there are things we'll never, ever agree on. But that's not the issue. The issue is she's been my friend since I was only a few years older than Mel. And if you know me, you'll know that I will do anything at all for my friends, especially those who are in trouble or are hurting. I'd willingly go to the ends of the earth and back if it could make Mel stop hurting and heal the break in Joan's heart. I know I can't do that, but that doesn't mean I can't do something. Even if it's to just keep leaving little notes to them (and also Ant, who can't be left out of all this as he's lived through the same things and counted on the strength of his sister more than once. They're one of the few sibling pairs who have as close and strong a relationship as my brother and I do, or at least did.... unfortunately we don't talk as often any more.)

I have no idea if this post has made any sense or is well written. It's the junk that's been floating around in my head for the last few days and needs out. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm ready to fight, and I'm proud of my closest friends. I say that because of how many dropped what we were doing and came to the hospital, even if it was just to give Joan a hug, or spend a few minutes with Mel when we were allowed to. (She was asking for Scott especially, since they'd just been talking online about an hour or so previous. I think she knew that he was feeling a lot of guilt and anguish over it and wanted to reassure him it wasn't him.) We are Joan's family after all. I mean, her two sisters by blood didn't even bother to show up. Of course, her younger sister I'd never expect to in about a million years, but I had a hair of hope her older sister might. I guess I was right about her after all, I've never had a high opinion of either of them. Joan's the normal one in that family.

Anyhow, I think that's about all I have to say on that. Once I have more information that I can share, I will. Just please, if you're the praying type, please keep Joan, Mel and Ant in your prayers. They need all the help they can get and wouldn't turn it down.

After the shock and the sleep deprivation of Friday passed, I had a fairly good weekend. Well, as good as I could have with the thoughts and worries that were buzzing around in the back ground.

Yesterday I actually managed to get an hour or so worth of nap while Boo slept. I'll tell you, it did me good. The boy actually slept almost 3 hours! (And yes, he did manage to go to bed at an almost normal time too! I love my sleeping boy.) After Gak got off work, he absconded with our son and did some shopping. They went to Best Buy and I got replacement styli for my Nintendo DS (as Gak lost the last one on his trip to Vegas). They also got me the movie Up and the new TSO double CD. I haven't listened to the second one, but I love it. I love the story, which I have to finish reading, and the music is awesome as always. It's not Christmas music, but it seems to be a wonderful tale. Of course, I've got to finish reading it. That's part of the problem with TSO, they write musicals for lack of a better word, not just songs. Of course, this means it takes a few years between projects, but that's OK. I'll gladly wait for this kind of quality. I haven't watched the movie yet. I may try tomorrow, since it'll probably be a little too late to watch the whole thing when I get done here.

Today we were going to have people over, but with everything going on and Kat and Scott both not feeling so hot, we moved it to next Saturday. So, instead we went on a bit of an adventure. I would have preferred going to the park or something outside, but we still got out of the house. I had done the grocery shopping and some of the preliminary Thanksgiving Day shopping (I actually spent less than $100 at the new BJ's that just opened in town!). After everything was called off for people coming over, we piled into the Durrango and did the most American of past times. We went shopping. Mostly we went window shopping trying to figure out what we'd like to get Boo for Christmas. We picked up 2 PJ's for him at Carter's (the one part of his wardrobe that's the weakest is winter PJ's... he doesn't need the blanket sleepers, but something warmer than the summer weight shorts and short-sleeved shirts are needed. (He's in either 18-24 or 2T, when in doubt, get the 2T) We also had a nice "snack" at Panara because we hadn't had lunch. Or at least Gak and I hadn't, Boo did after his nap.

Tomorrow we're going to the Aquarium for my birthday. I have no idea when we're heading down there, but it'll be after 9 and before noon, I know that much. Other than that, we have no real plans. I'm just glad I have the entire week off. It'll be very nice. Oh, we are supposed to get new front tires for the truck on Friday and I'm supposed to bring Boo by work on Wednesday if I can.

That's it for now. As you can see, it's been a bit of a bizarre weekend, with part of it being so horrible and part of it being very nice. I will tell you I felt guilty for enjoying myself today, but I know that's stupid because there's not much more I could have done/been doing for Joan right this instant.

Peace to all and may your loved ones be safe and sound.

Full Weekend, Busy Week

This weekend was just what I needed. It was a very full weekend, but not hectic or stressful or anything like that.
Michelle got here just about 7:30 Friday evening and we had a nice dinner at home. Of course, right as we were about to sit down to dinner my friend Joan calls.
"Do you want to go bowling with me and Ant tonight?"
Do we?
Sure!
OK, we'll meet you at 9 because we're about to sit down for dinner.
So, instead of having a lazy evening hanging out or maybe going to see Shrek, we go bowling with Joan and her 6-year-old son. We had a lot of fun. I think I bowled my best game ever. Of course, this could be due to the fact that we had the bumpers up. (Anthony has a great side arm pitch.....) The lane we were on was one of the worst in the place though. You could see this aisle of shiny something running all the way down the middle of the lane. It kept trying to eat our bowling balls and wouldn't reset. I think the guy was getting pretty sick of seeing us, although we were quite amused to watch him flirt shamelessly with Joan. It was a fun evening and it was good to see Joan. Mel (her daughter) wasn't there because she was with her dad's second wife for the weekend. (Yes, this is the same Joan who's ex-husband passed away last month....) I was staying out of that one. It was really great to see Ant. I wish Mel had been there too, but maybe some other weekend.
Saturday Gak had to work. Michelle and I did my 'normal' Saturday routine, except for the grocery shopping thing. We went to Curves and did laundry. It was the Arts Alive festival in town this weekend and that meant we couldn't park in front of the house. Annoying, but only for the day unlike the road work last summer. We got ourselves cleaned up and then wandered around one block's worth of vendors. There were a lot of neat things there. Michelle picked up a pair of earrings and I picked up some pins. One of the pins I gave to my mom. It's a cute little frog made out of copper that had been heat distressed to give it some really cool colors. She loved it. Michelle and I also went to JoAnn's to look for some fabric for her to make yet another baby blanket for someone, this time a coworker was expecting her first grandchild. She wasn't very helpful when it came to colors or ideas, so it was a tough hunt.
Saturday night we were supposed to go over to Kat's and have hamburgers and stuff, but it decided to rain. That's OK, we just moved everything over to our place. I really do enjoy having everyone over, even if it is only for hamburgers and sodas.
I think Sunday was the highlight of the weekend though. I said on Friday that it was my friend Ed's son's Christening. Mom came up and met us at the house before we went to the church. It was a nice little ceremony added to the normal service. Nik was very well behaved and very 'talkative' and extremely cute looking. We all then went to a place Ed and Buffie had rented for a small family gathering. The kids all had a great time together and we got to hang out and have fun. I am somewhat curious though, I don't think any of Buffie's family was there. It seems a little odd, but I'm sure that there's a valid reason, and probably none of my business anyhow.
So of course after the family thing was done we decided to get together for the evening. Mom decided that it was time for her to leave. She wanted to get down to Gram's before it got too dark. Michelle decided to head out as well since she had a drive in front of her and had to go into work today as well.
We all gathered at Kat's, pulled out the Killer Bunnies and had some fun and a few more things to eat. I really did eat way too much yesterday. But it was all very good. Scott and Stew joined us for the game. Katie and Zoe were thrilled to be able to spend all day together. They also both have Ed's dad wrapped around their little fingers and he was so very thrilled to be with them all day.
So yes, this was a very full weekend and a lot of fun.
This week is promising to be full and busy as well. Tomorrow I leave for Colorado. I then will do two days of training and come back Friday night. A long week, but it should be OK. I just hope that everything has been installed at the site, they seemed a little anxious about this. It will be a nice time to be in Colorado, it should hopefully be warm. I haven't checked the weather yet, we'll see.

I'm waiting to hear from my mom about how Gram's appointments went today. I want her to be healthy, but I really hope she can avoid major surgery. I miss her and need to call her and send her some pictures from Disney. I'll put together a care package this evening and have Gak ship it out tomorrow.
Well, I've got to finish getting everything together for the trip this week. Luckily I have a day in the office next week before I head back to Canada for a few days, so I can take care of that then. I can't wait until the week after that. I'll be in the office for a full week!
Peace to all and may your lives be full of fun, friends and family.

Too mad for words

OK, my pictures from Canada will have to wait for tomorrow. I was going to post them earlier, but I haven't cleaned them up yet.
Right now I'm livid. One of my best friends in the world is Joanie. She drives me insane some days but she's a good person. She's had a couple of bad marriages, several bad relationships, but has two wonderful kids, age 10.5 and 6.5.
Her ex-husband was diagnosed with cancer a while back and it had spread throughout his entire bod, including bones and brain. Mind you the divorce was bad and messy, including several threats against Joanie's life. (For some odd reason this happens to her a lot... Like I said, I love her very much but her judgement in men stinks big time!!) Well, he passed away earlier this week, Wednesday actually. Kat just sent me a text message with the details about the funeral. Monday morning. Bonds for the kids in lieu of flowers. The new wife cut the kids out of the will and the obit.
She what?
Wait, he had a new wife??
HUH??
Somebody explain to me!?!?
I'm so livid I can't even see straight. The only remotely good thing about George having cancer and passing is that the kids were going to be set. He had everything left to them and it was a nice amount, including a very nice house. Yes, George is the kids' father. They haven't been divorced that long, but long enough that he could have remarried... a few years now.
Joan was in the process of trying to move the kids in the middle of the school year back down here to be closer to George because the doctors said he probably wouldn't last until the end of the school year. That and about a million other bad things are going on in her life, as usual. She's one of those people who if there wasn't bad luck, she wouldn't have any.
OK, I think I'm done venting. I know this isn't the most coherent piece of writing I've ever done, but I needed to get that out.
I'll post pictures from Canada tomorrow, I promise.
Peace to all and may your loved ones be many and your nasty surprises few. (Also, say a prayer for Joan and the kids if you're so inclined, they need all the help they can get right now....)