Moving On

The last time I posted I was in a very, very negative space.  While the situation itself hasn't changed a whole lot, Congress isn't even talking about EUC, I still don't have a job, that kind of thing, I'm in a bit better of a place emotionally.

It turns out that I did decide to touch the retirement accounts.  That in and of itself was very hard to do.  I don't have a lot in there, and have no hope of ever fully retiring and I know touching them will put me even further behind the 8-ball in the future.  But, hopefully I have another 30 years to worry about that.  On the one hand, while it was hard to do, I'm glad I did it.  Yes, the way the account was structured I had to take a withdrawal instead of a loan so I'll have to deal with taxes come next year.  (But, 20% of my withdrawal was sent to the IRS, so hopefully the tax hit at the end of the year will only be minimal...)  I also talked with an adviser and finally, finally rolled my savings from the Big Corp that sold us to the Other Big Corp that laid me off into an account with the same company Other Big Corp has our savings set up with.  I think I'm pretty happy with how I have things set up... I left OBC's savings plan as it was, just taking a withdrawal.  I rolled over BC's stocks that I had in their savings plan into a brokerage account with the current Financial Institute.  I then took everything else (quite a bit more than I had in OBC's plan, since I'd been with BC much longer) and put it into a fairly aggressive, but not scarily so  mutual fund.  Since it bounced back after the 2007 mess, it has been gaining at a respectable rate that is very similar to what it was doing before 2007.  And yes, this is all the detail you're going to get.  Suffice to say, I'm happy over all with my choices and feel like I have at least a small handle on what my money is doing and someone I can call with questions.

I've also managed to do my Federal taxes.  Thank you e-file!  It turns out even with my nice severance package and an entire quarter of my normal earnings, we're getting a very nice chunk of change back.  That and the withdrawal from my retirement savings let me breathe a huge sigh of relief.  Once I get the state filed, we're actually getting money back from them too.  I'm not sure about local, that's always a pot shot.

So, with a firmer, if temporary, financial footing, I can breathe at least a small sigh of relief and focus on job hunting.

There have been a few ups and downs and some more snow the past few weeks.  And the whole family has been dealing with minor, but irritating tummy troubles the last few days.  It started with a Boo-boy being sick Thursday and Daddy and I feeling a bit run over late yesterday and through today.  I'm just so thankful that Boo-boy is as easy going as he is and let Gak and I have a fairly down day today.



I've also been thinking about Gram a good bit the last few days.  Today she would have been 91.  Yeah.  I really could have used her advice, or at least her shoulder to lean on this past year.  I always could count on her for sound advice and the wisdom to know when to just let me ramble and rant away and follow it up with a hug.
I've been not saying this here, because, well, some days I'm so good at denial, I think I should live in Egypt... Anyhow, I felt like I haven't had either of my two best advisers this past year.  Yes, I'm talking about Dad.  It is so hard to have a conversation with him some days.  And I don't want to worry him, because he's so very good at worrying.  And right now, there really isn't anything he can do to help, other than worry.  So, I find myself relying on past advice and pointers and life lessons.  It's not quite the same, but it's what I'll make do with.  Like I told a friend the other day, our loved ones may physically leave us, but they never really die as long as we keep remembering them and asking ourselves how they would approach something or what advice they'd have.  I'm so thankful that I've had such wonderful advisers in my life.  Yes, Mom is on that list too, but our relationship is different that the kind of relationship I have with Dad and Gram.  In some ways Mom and I are too much alike and both too good at ignoring what we want to.

Anyhow, I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  Other than to say that life isn't quite as gray and desperate seeming as it was a few weeks ago, even if it isn't all happy and on a positive track.

Peace to all and may you have good advisers in your life who know when to listen, and know when to talk and have good advice.

Enough With the Drama Already

7So many things running through my head right now.  I'll try and keep this brief and have it make some kind of sense.  When I say it's been a hell of a couple of weeks, I really mean it.

But, first things first.  I can't escape today without remembering that today would have been Gram's 90th birthday.  She's been gone just over 5 years and I still miss her on a regular basis.  She would have enjoyed Boo so very much, and I would have loved to watch them be together.

So, I guess I should recap the last two weeks.  It's been a rough ride.

Work has had it's own set of challenges and they look like they might continue another few weeks.  I'm not looking forward to that.  I also went to Texas the week before last.  Originally I was supposed to go the week Boo got sick, but I was able to change it to the next week.  Also, I originally was going to do some training, run a few reports and be on my merry way.  Instead, it was run the reports and spend about 12 hours all told doing work that I would have done from the office, but was actually going to be easier on site.  Of course, I still had stuff to clean up once I got back to the office.  And I will never, ever if at all possible put a 6 or 7 hour day in on site and then catch a flight home... My day on site started at about 8 am Eastern and ended at 2 am Eastern the next day when I finally got home.  Of course, I couldn't get to sleep right away I was so exhausted.
The best part of that day, when I got home I went into Boo's room to see him and as I was standing there, he woke up, sleepily saying "Momma??.... Momma!!" and we got to snuggle for a bit.  I think it did both of us well.  Of course, Gak enjoyed me being home again as well.  Thankfully I don't have to travel anywhere near like I used to.  I may end up traveling once a quarter or so.  That shouldn't be too bad and will be both nice and tough at the same time.

I had much more to say about the trip at the time, but I just didn't get around to writing it, and now it seems pointless or silly.  So, I'll skip it.

The other big challenge is what Gak has termed "Cookiegate".  Yeah.  Cookie Sales this year got off to a very rough start and I ended up having to "fire" my Cookie Mom about two weeks in.  Yes, there are several things I could have done better.  Yes, some days our troop meetings are quite chaotic and seem like there is no control.  But, like I've told every parent several times and all the girls, this is the girls' troop and I need their help and input into what we do.  Also, as wonderful as badges are, they're not the end-all, be-all of Girl Scouts and they're all more than welcome to work on as many badges as they want on their own time, or even suggest badges for us to work on at meeting times.  Since they haven't, I've muddled my way through the Breathe Journey (trust me, it's not fun...) and have tried to use troop time for enjoyable activities and things that I hope will teach them something vaguely useful in life.  And yes, I let them have a bit of crazy time at the beginning and end of meetings, but these girls' lives are so structured and scheduled that they need some downtime.  Girl Scouts should not be "school day number 2" but an enjoyable activity that they want to participate in.
Thankfully, there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  There are a few more tasks I have to complete and then it should be smooth sailing for the rest of the sale.  Or so I hope.  And actually, all the parents I've talked to were at the very least relieved that I had taken it back over if not downright thrilled because the original cookie mom had upset them so much and frustrated them.

The bright spot in all this drama and angst, Boo is quite healthy now.  Monday he had his 2-week followup appointment with his doctor and she pronounced him fit as can be.  He still has a cough every now and again, but just a random cough, not an all the time kind of thing.  Within about 2 days of being on the antibiotics he was back to full steam ahead.  And it wasn't the flu he had on top of the pneumonia, but RSV. Same course of treatment at that point, just different virus.  And of course, I came down with strep/upper respiratory infection again that Wednesday thank to no sleep and all the stress and got myself a Z-pack.  I'm not sure it really helped, but I am feeling much better now and only have my normal levels of winter ick going on.  So, yeah, my health didn't help with all the other drama going on.

But, I'm going to wrap this up here.  Things are going well on the health front for the most part.  Gak has a cold again, or at least a very annoying dry cough that started a few days ago.  Work is work and we'll muddle our way through for now.  Cookies and Girl Scouts seem to be heading for smoother waters.  Hopefully February will be much smoother and more fun than January was.

Peace to all and may your health be good and the drama only on TV or the stage....

Hooks

The next photo on the list (not like I've been actually posting pictures... but that's another story...) is a picture of my most treasured possession.


Again, I had some tough choices. For the holidays I got two very nice necklaces, from different people. My husband and son got me a beautiful white gold chain and a tree of life pendant. I adore it, especially since it came from them. Then, Kat got matching necklaces for me, her and Steph. Again, it's very special because of who it's from and the feeling behind it. (I'd been without a day-to-day necklace for most of the year, an now suddenly I have two I love that I have to choose from! It really is a tough choice...)

But, then I realized that as much as I treasure these two things and the feelings and thoughts that went into them coming into my life, there is one thing that I have that I treasure even more.

Actually, it's a collection of things.

It's a little red vinyl pouch that’s filled with all of Gram’s crochet hooks. It’s special because crochet was a favorite pastime of hers. It’s special because they belonged to a woman who I love very dearly and the one who taught me, so many years ago, the basics. But, I think what makes them the most special is that she gave them to me herself, just a few weeks before she passed. She wanted me to have them. She knew I’d put them to good use. She knew I would treasure them. And I do.

I will admit, that I don’t always go to her hooks first when I’m about to start a project. As much as I love owning them, the style of hook she mostly has is not what I prefer. Gak got me a beautiful set of bamboo hooks a few years back for my birthday and I love how light weight they are and the shape of the hook (Bates not Boye for those in the know). I prefer the Bates style for most yarns that I work with. But, there are times when I use one of Gram’s hooks instead of one of mine. I used them to make baby blankets for friends and family. I use them when I want a little extra love to go into what I’m making. I have future plans for things to make with her hooks.

So, they may not get used all the time, but they are very treasured and loved and yes, used.


I’ve actually been able to get a good bit of crochet in now and again lately. I’m still in the middle of a scarf/wrap that I started back in the fall, but it’s my traveling project. Stephanie, one of the teachers at Boo’s school, left for another daycare last week, so I made her a fun fun-fur scarf in a morning. I made a warm snuggly blanket for a baby boy that’s going to be born soon to Kat’s niece. I’ve got about 3 other projects either on the hooks or in the works. I have many more that I want to do that I don’t have yarn or patterns yet.

I just wish I had more time. I wish I had more time for crochet and reading and computer games and my son and husband and cleaning… and… and… and…. Yes, time would be a nice thing, but for now, I’ll squeeze in what I can, where I can and enjoy every moment of it.

So, I wish you all peace and may you have treasures that were given from the heart, to the heart.

Personal Heros and Groundhogs

Today is the real reason why I wanted to focus on heros in February.  Today, one of my biggest heros would have turned 88 years old.
Yep, that's right.  My Gram.
I know I've talked about it before, but right now, I need to think about and look at this again.
To me, she is a hero in so many different ways.
She's the girl who had enough guts and hutzpah to go into a very technical job interview with only a fraction of the skills she would need to excel at the job and wow the socks off the men and land it.  She had enough forsight at a young age to realize that going into government work would probably mean she'd have a job for a long time, long after WWII was over and the men came home.  My spunky little Gram worked her tail off and put in lots of extra hours learning as much as she could and doing very well in a man's world.  (I still think it's cool the munitions she helped develop down at Frankford Arsenal.)  She never rose to the levels she could have or been paid what she should have, but I blame that all on the times, not on her or her drive.
In many ways I feel like I'm in the same position.  Admittedly, there have been more and more women that I've been working with, and working with me as well, but the power industry is still a very male dominated world.  It's taken a lot of work, and a lot of tounge biting and pushing at the right times to get where I am.  I'll admit I've been struggling lately, a lot of it is me, but a good part of it is the not quite disfunctional relationship I have with my manager.  I don't dislike him, but we don't really get along all that well either.  But, that's neither here nor there.

She's the woman who stood up for her and her baby girl (my mom) and walked out of a bad situation.  This just wasn't done in those days.  I know she was terrified.  She was terrified to stay, but almost equally scared to leave.  She was scared of what her dad would say and scared of trying to raise mom all on her own.  I'll have to say, she did a pretty darned good job of raising my mom to be a wonderful, smart and caring woman.  I hope to do half as well as my mom and Gram have done.

She's the woman who had a strong faith, but would listen to what others had to say.  She wasn't closed to other points of view, especially if they were presented rationally and with thought.  She would talk to just about anyone, and be friendly.  Everyone knew her, and she knew everyone and was friendly to many, many more people than not.  She was never a mean person.  If she didn't like you, she ignored you.  She would be polite when dealing with you, but then just let it go once you left.
I hope to handle people and life with that much grace, but I tend to hold on to grudges a little too much for my own good.

I am so thankful for the time that I got to spend with her.  She taught me so many things.  She taught me about crochet and needle work and how to handle problems big and small.  She taught me it was just as important to listen as to talk, and to see the fun in everything and that hard work paid off in the long run.

I will miss her very much in the years to come, but take comfort knowing that as long as I remember what she taught me, she will always be with me.

Peace to all and may you have your own personal hero.

Groundhogs and Germs

Today is Groundhog Day.  Most people just blow this off as a silly little excuse of a holiday.  Me, well, it's always been a little more special to me.  Sure, it's a little hokey about the groundhog seeing his shadow and having 6 more weeks of winter or not.  But, it's fun.  And a fun excuse in the middle of winter is always good.  But the real reason this day is special is because it's Gram's birthday.  She loved the fact that she "was a groundhog".  It always made us giggle.  (Actually, according to Mom, she was a squirrel, but that's a whole different story...)
So, yeah.  Today I can't help but think about Gram and miss her.  She would have been 87 today.

On the flip side, both my boys are sick.  Boo was feeling pretty good last night.  He went to bed without a fuss at 8:00 and didn't wake up until after 9.  That alone tells me he's still fighting something off.  He never sleeps more than 12 hours at a shot these days unless he's feeling really bad.  That and Gak says he woke up with a bit of a fever.  It was only 100.1, but that's on the high end for him.  To top it off, Gak's been having problems at both ends of his system.  I convinced him that they should both just take a sick day and stay home.  Of course, Mike wasn't too happy to hear that because he had an appointment with the accountant this afternoon.  Oh well, that's life when you only have one employee.  That and Gak's called out maybe 4 or 5 times at most in the past 5 years.  I'd rather have Mike cranky for a day and a day when Boo and Gak can just hang out at home and chill for a while and feel better tomorrow.

The picture at the top of the page is from yesterday morning.  Such a tired little boy.  And Trey is now very clean and much better looking again.

Peace to all and may your groundhogs be happy and your boys healthy.

801

Even though the weather was icky and cold and wet most of the time, this was a GREAT weekend.

Saturday morning I told you I was going to be helping paint a school in Philly right? Well, for me there was an added bonus. I wasn't paying too much attention to which school we were going to be going to or where it was located. While we were driving down there, I was looking around thinking this was a nice part of Philly. Then we cross Passmore street.

I do a double take. And then I start to grin.

You see, Passmore is the street that my Gram grew up on. They moved into number 801 (a number that would come up often in her life) when she was starting kindergarten. The closing for the house, and the ice cream and candy store that was run out of the store front basement, was the day the market crashed in 1929. My great-grandparents managed to keep the house and the business through the whole Depression. They had to take boarders for much of the time and PopPop (my PopPop that is... not my dad) did lots of things on the side, but they were able to keep everything going.

So, as it turns out, the very beautiful school we were painting was the very middle school that my Gram and her sister went to, Woodrow Wilson Middle School. The building was built back in 1927, just a few years before Gram started Kindergarten. It's the oldest school still in use by the Philly school district. It's also the most diverse and the highest performing middle school. But... there's a down side as well. Many (I think the number was around 60%) of the students are below the poverty line. 80% of the students get free lunch every day. The school itself was in desperate need of a paint job. Well, we managed to do that with over 300 volunteers and a handful of hours of work. Of course, it was a bit easier than in years past because about 30 professionals from the painters union had volunteered and did all the cut in work and was helping out. It was also easier because the lower half of the walls were covered in a beautiful rose colored marble. They sure don't build schools like they used too... marble on the walls, beautiful tiles on the hallway floors and real hardwood floors in the class rooms.

I had a good time hanging with some coworkers and getting some painting done. Boo had a good time playing with some other kiddos in the art room turned day care. Everyone loved him. I know he stole the heart of my coworker C, and even let Y hold him for a group photo. Yep, he's my very cute, very happy, laid back and well behaved little guy. I'm so proud of him.

After we were done painting, Boo and I headed home, with a slight detour. Can I tell you I love GPS? I hadn't been in these neighborhoods since I was about 12. Anyhow, about 5 minutes after leaving the school, Boo was asleep and I was sitting outside 801 Passmore. The house looks great. If you see the pink blotches in the lower left corner, they are roses. I believe they are still the "fairy roses" that my PopPop planted so long ago now and that I have a bush of growing over at Kat's house. (I got them from Gram when she was moving out of her house in DE. We never actually planted them, but put the bucket they were in beside Dad's memorial and they grew through and took root. We guess that Dad's taking care of them because they've really flourished!)

So, needless to say Saturday was a very good day in my book. Sunday was a good bit of fun too. Even though it was rainy and wet and cold, Boo and I still went down to PopPop's and Am-ma's. (Yes, my dad wanted to be called PopPop like my own PopPop because he really liked the man.) We had a very good day. Mom had called seeing if we still really wanted to go down, and I said yes because Gak said he still wanted the day to himself, and I can understand that. (He'd been up waaaay too late the two nights before playing...) So, mom offered to let me do laundry there, so I took her up on it. Instead of spending $15 on laundry, I took my son and husband out to breakfast at this little place nearby. I didn't really need to eat lunch that day. Boo had a great day making a mess of the cabinets and running around in circles in the house and getting into everything. No, the boy does not sit still. He loves to explore and get into everything. He was also talking up a storm. I think PopPop and Boo had a good time together. We did end up having dinner down there, which is nice because Boo fell asleep for a nap right around 2:30 and didn't wake up until 4:30. I have no idea what all he ate, but he ate a lot that day. He mostly just grazed on whatever was available but did actually have some cheese and oranges and applesauce, so it wasn't all just cereal or cookies. (He found Am-ma's box of spice wafers, which are a definite favorite with him...)

Now, if only the work week will go this well. We've got 10 days until the end of reporting month and I'm not sure I'm going to make it. Too many odds and ends and things just taking forever. That and for the first 1.5 hours or so when I got to the office, the network was down, so all I could do was twiddle my thumbs. I couldn't even call anyone because I couldn't look up who I needed to call about what!

Oh well, that was resolved and I did manage to push forward on a few things.

Well, I'm off to finish getting ready.

Peace to all and may your weekends be full of pleasant surprises and the work week go smoothly.

Puzzles and Games

Yesterday was two very different days.

The work day was very rough. The evening was a lot of fun.

I knew work was going to be a tough haul when I get in at 7 (my normal start time on Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and it took me an hour to get connected to the network because they had to reboot some servers and I had to reboot about 4 or 5 times. Also, I've been working with a very nice customer on a very tricky problem because there just aren't that many sites like his. And I can't figure out what's wrong. And there's all kinds of pressure from above to get this right because they're parent company has threatened to go with other software. And did I mention I can't figure out where things are wrong?

Oh, and they're adding a new door to the outside world in the break room (so no one will have to walk through the shop when they come in or leave) and that means I can't refill my water, use the fridge or anything? Nothing major, just very annoying. Especially since the estimated downtime will be about 2 weeks. Ugh.

On the upside though, I had a very nice evening over at Bob and Linda's. Mom, Boo, Mel and I all headed over there shortly after I got off work. We had a very nice dinner and some nice conversation. After dinner, Boo was quite happy to play by himself on the floor (there were all kinds of things to explore...) and the rest of us played two games of Rummikub. I hadn't played in ages, but I remembered fairly quick. Mel was a pretty quick study too. I won the first round and mom won the second.

It felt right. Here it was, a nice summer evening and we were with family and friends playing games out on the porch. (Actually, their "porch" has been turned into a very nice, very large sun room... perfect for gatherings.) In some ways it was a bitter-sweet moment. So many memories of my Gram (and even Mum Mum) were made on the porch playing games. It was wonderful to remember, but sad because she wasn't there to play with us.

She's been on my mind a lot lately. When I first got home yesterday Mom asked me where a recipe was. I told her it was probably on the table. But I got out the box from Gram. Gram hated to cook, but she loved collecting recipes. I inherited a whole box full for my wedding present. Mind you, this is just one card box full out of at least 3 or 4 that she had. She only ever made a handful of things from any of the recipes. Some of them are just scary. Anyhow; Mel, Mom and I had a good time laughing over some of them while I was looking for one of the recipes. (I couldn't find that card, but it was in the family cookbook that was put together for our wedding.)

So, yeah, Gram's been on my mind a lot. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I have been talking to Dorothy (Bobbie's daughter) about using the beach house at the end of September. Maybe it's because of all the tough things I've had to fight through with work and such lately. Maybe because it's summer and that's when we got to spend the most time together and were able to have the most fun.

I don't know, but I do know that I miss her horribly. Every day.

Anyhow, it's almost 7 and I'd better get my butt in gear if I want to make it to work by 8 like I'm supposed to. Here's hoping the network works and I can finally figure out what the heck is wrong at the site.

Peace to all and may your work days go easy and your evenings be full of laughter.

Groundhog Day

No, I'm not talking about a silly movie.  I'm talking about the actual "holiday".  I'm still not sure about the history, but I'm sure there's something of solar importance to make today special.

Or, it could be a load of crock.

But, it's a good story at any rate.  This day will always be bitter-sweet for me.  Today would have been Gram's 86th birthday.  She was proud of "being a groundhog".

So, in her honor today, I will share a poem she shared in a talent show held at the community where she lived.  This is a very silly poem she wrote in 1978.  I hope you enjoy it.

Hives

Gather round me, all ye children

While I sing you tales of woe

'Tis the saga of the Spandex

And how it had to go

It was a dark & stormy summer night

But I was safe from harm

Safe to concentrate on other things

Like that rash upon my arm.

What could cause me such eruption?

Was it deodorant, or soap?

Was I allergic to synthetics?

Or maybe cantaloupe?

Thought I'd try elimination

of each item one by one

Bought a couple cotton blouses

Even made one, just for fun.

But the stubborn thing continued

Till both arms were very red

Then I sought a dermatologist

And this is what he said:

"Take your blouse off, Mrs. Chaddick,

Let me see the troubled spot.

And together we will figure out 

Just what it is you've got.

"Put your arms up, Mrs. Chaddick,

Now put them down.  Ah-hah!

Just look-it here, it seems, my dear, 

you're allergic to your bra.

"I'll just bet it's made of Spandex/"

And of course the man was right

But to further prove his theory

And to make his case airtight

He took up his trusty scissors

For the dermatolo trick.

Cut a patch out of the Spandex

And taped it to me double-quick

Said, "Go buy yourself another,

But that Spandex you must shun."

So I read a hundred labels

Till I finally found one

Made of good old fashioned rubber

But a super-structure style.

What a punishment to wear it

Even for a little while.

But alas the rash continued

Till it nearly reached my waist

And the patch-test simply told us

to cross Spandex off our list

What a let down for the doctor,

It was such a classic case.

You know, I actually felt guilty

As I saw the man loose face.

For while the cause was still a puzzle

And new plans were being made

Just as quickly as it started

The whole rash began to fade.

Now we'll never know the reason -

And after all that money too,

And time, and aggravation - 

Ah well, I'm glad it's thru.

Ruth Chaddick 14Sept78

See, I told you it was silly.  But that's Gram's humor for you.  I also want to share what Jackie wrote for her memorial service.  I'm not sure why I'm moved to share this today.  Maybe because it would have been her birthday today, or maybe just because I think it should be shared.  Or maybe because I really think it will give everyone a little insight into why I loved this woman so much and why so many others held her close in their hearts.

Be Alive

A couple of weeks ago I was helping dispose of Ruth's rather large collection of coffee cups.  Ruth had agreed that I should take most of them to All Saints' Episcopal Church where real, rather than Styrofoam, cups are used for coffee hour after services.  One of the cups had writing all over it and as I read the messages there, it seemed to me that they were describing the way Ruth lived her life.  As I read aloud the messages on the cup, see if you agree with me.

See a sunrise.  Listen to rain.  Trust life.  Have faith.  Enjoy

Reach out. Lest someone in.  Hug a kid.  Slow down.

Pick some daisies.  Share them.  Keep a promise.  Laugh heartily.

Make some mistakes.  Learn from them.  Explore the unknown.  Celebrate life!

Think freely.  Smile often.  Tell those you love that you do.  Rediscover old friends.  Make new ones.  Hope,  Grow.  Give.  Give in.

The most important words on the cup, in large letters, were BE ALIVE.  And that Ruth was, almost to the end.  She was a wonderful example to all of us of what it means to BE ALIVE.

So, yes, this post is now a permanent little glimpse into the person that my Gram was.  She was a very special woman who I will love and miss for the rest of my life.  We were all better for knowing her.

This is not meant to be a sad post, but a celebratory one.  So, Be Alive!  And Hug a Kid!  (Frequently and often.)

Peace to all and may you have someone who leaves such a wonderful mark on your heart.

Stray Thoughts and Randomness

How come I come up with the best blog posts in the shower or while pumping or at some other inconvenient time?

And how come I can't remember them later?

I have lots to say from the past few days, but I don't know what it all is or how I want to say it.  There's been a lot bouncing around in my head that I want to get out, but it won't sit still long enough to get there.

I'll give it a shot.  Please forgive me if this is even more random than usual.

Yesterday was Monday.  It feels like Monday was actually a week ago, but no, it was only yesterday.  We're getting to the end of the line for this reporting month and I'm still not sure the light at the end of the tunnel is the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train.  I guess I'll find out Friday.  To say this one has been challenging would be an understatement.  I'm still arguing with a couple of sites and their conversion to the new format and connection issues.  That and next Thursday is that training session in Phoenix that I've got to get JD ready for.  Oh, and there's about 30 other things on my plate, but I really have no idea what they are.  I think there were about 10 phone calls I was supposed to make today that I didn't.  Oh well.  That's life.

Yesterday, I was talking about yesterday.

Gak calls me yesterday around noon.  We got a letter from the Marshes, who were friends with my Gram for many years and lived in the same community in Maryland.  (They used to go to the same church ages and ages ago is how they met.)  Jackie was thanking me for the letter and pictures I'd sent her.  She also sent me a copy of a poem that Gram wrote ages ago and read for a talent show or something they'd had a few years ago and thought Mom and I would enjoy.  She also included a copy of what she wrote for Gram's memorial service.

I didn't know how to respond.  I just stopped for a heartbeat and couldn't say anything.  Gram's been on my mind a lot recently.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's because her 86th birthday would be Monday.  Maybe it's because Gak and I were talking about going down to Delaware for a long weekend sometime this summer.  Whatever the reason, she's been on my mind.

It was really nice to get a piece of her writing.  She wrote a lot.  Some of it was funny, some of it serious, some good, some not-so-good.  I think that I get my urge to keep this blog from her.  She always talked about writing a memoir.  She was always encouraging me to keep a journal and write things.

Of course, this reminds me of a really good book I read years ago called These is My Words.  It was a Western and a memoir and a bit of a romance (ick) all rolled into one... or something.  It was very earthy and "real" and written like a journal.

Anyhow, I get side tracked again.  Anyway, Gram's been on my mind a lot and it was great to get some of her writing.  I really need to write Jackie and Dave back and thank them.  They were great friends with my Gram and are wonderful people.

I know I had more to say, but it's almost 8:45 now and I'm getting tired and I know I'm not making much sense.  Like I said, there's a lot bouncing around in my head, but I just can't seem to get it to settle enough to come out in any kind of way that makes sense.

I'm off to go get a glass of milk and go to bed.  Maybe I'll sleep tonight.

Peace to all and may your thoughts actually settle long enough to be thought.

P.S. I did update the Flickr... go... look...

Bittersweet

Yesterday was bittersweet for me.

The bitter is the fact that one year ago yesterday, my Gram left us.  I still feel the pain of that to one degree or another most days.  As funny as it sounds, especially when I look at Boo.  Maybe it's because of how much I know she was looking forward to being a great-grandma.  Maybe it's just me remembering all the wonderful times I had with her growing up.  Maybe it's because I used to call her and talk to her about anything and everything that was going on in my life and I so want to share all of his growth and milestones and even crankiness with her.  So, yes, yesterday was a bit bitter in that respect.

But it was sweet as well.  It was sweet because it was my friend Ed's birthday.  He's old.  Well, maybe not old, but he is 3 years older than me... so, yes, old.  

It was also very sweet because we got to have second Thanksgiving at Kat's house.  She didn't do Thanksgiving Thursday because Wednesday she'd had tests done to see if they can finally pin down the reasons for the migraines and felt like crapola Thursday.   That and everyone could have "family" Thanksgiving on Thursday and then have "friends" Thanksgiving on Friday.  And, really, in many ways these friends are my family.  At least my extended family.

The house was packed, as usual.  There were a few people who weren't there, but we wish they were.  Of course, they were traveling to family, so that's understandable or had to work.  Boo did very well with so many people in the house.  Our house is usually so quiet and calm most of the time.  Even when he's at day care, it's not so noisy most of the time.  But he did well and only got fussy near when he normally goes to bed.  So, we put him down on Grammy's bed and he slept until we were ready to go.  Which was only about an hour later, as I was beginning to fall asleep myself and began to feel overwhelmed by all the people myself.  Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends and getting them all together in one place.  It's a rowdy, happy, noisy, fun time.  It's just that after a while, I need some quiet.

So, yes, yesterday was sweet as well.

Tonight should be fun.   Tonight Gak and I are going out.  Without Boo.  We're going to go see Trans Siberean Orchestra in Philly tonight with about 6 other people (I think).  We all got our own tickets since no one could afford to get all 8 or so at one time.   We're meeting up for dinner before the show, and maybe drinks after the show and sitting by ourselves for the show.  I think that's actually a great way to do this.  Then it's like both a group outing and a "date" all in one night!  Uncle Andy will be watching Boo for about an hour or so while we're at dinner and then GrammaSue will pick him up at Aunt Kat's house and bring him home to ours.  She told us to stay out as long as we wanted to and not worry.  Well, of course I'll worry, I'm the Momma!  But, I won't worry about getting back late.  Like she said, if it's late enough and she's tired enough, she'll crash on the sofa and decide when we get home if she's going to drive home or sleep here.  I'm just glad she was able to watch him since Grammy (Kat's mom) has to work and couldn't switch.  Uncle Andy loves Boo, but it's been 8 years since he's had one that little, so isn't comfortable having to take care of him long.  If we time it right, he won't even have to give him a bottle.  GrammaSue will, but she's used to that.

Anyhow, Boo is asleep and I'd better make the most of it.  He'll probably wake up soon.  Look for pictures later today or tomorrow.  I've got so many I'm having trouble sorting through them and getting them ready to post.

Peace to all and may your days be good and you have fun things to do.

Grandparents and stuff

I don't know how many of you read the comic strip "For Better or For Worse" but it's really touched me this past week or so. You see, the grandfather is fading, and fading fast and Liz has decided to bump up her wedding so that she can make sure he'll be there.
This makes me think of my own grandmother. It makes me miss her even more. She was so looking forward to being a great-grandmother some day when Gak and I got married. She'll never get to see her great-grandson's face, let alone touch his head, hold him or sing him silly little songs she made up to soothe him. I cry just thinking about the lost opportunities on both Boo's and Gram's part. Then I remember that Boo won't know his Grampa Jim either. This just seems more cruel. I guess it's because I only ever had one grandparent that it makes me feel so bad about Boo missing out on having four. It'll be tough enough on his Nanna (Gak's mom) because she lives in OK. But at least she's still here and there are wonderful things like email and long distance phone calls. Not to mention airplanes. I do want her to have a good relationship with Boo, but we're not uprooting the family and leaving everything we have here, just to move closer to her. We have our life and right now, it's here.
This really doesn't quite sum up how I feel, it only just scratches the surface. I just can't seem to get the thoughts to stay on one tangent long enough to be some kind of organized post.

Anyhow, I had my doctor's appointment this morning. All looks really good. Unfortunately, I'm still banned from driving for a few more days. I'm beginning to go crazy without the possibility of going anywhere on my own. I'm also still not allowed to lift more than Boo. (I won't tell the doctor this, but I carried him around the apartment a bit in the carrier this morning getting ready for the appointment and no pain or anything...) I guess I wouldn't feel the restrictions so much if I was still in lots of pain and feeling really bad and tired. I'm only feeling tired if I can't get an afternoon nap because Boo wakes up right as I fall asleep. I'm only in pain if Boo kicks me right near the incision. I'm also not telling the doctor how long of a walk I took last night with Gak and some friends. Well, the guys walked a bit longer than I did, the main reason I went home when I did was because Boo was getting hungry and fussy and there wasn't really a place I could stop and feed him. The last thing we needed was a repeat of Sunday. Boo did seem to like his stroller about as much as his car seat, meaning once he was buckled in, all was right in the world. He snoozed a little bit and then woke up hungry.

Well, Boo should be waking for his lunch time feeding in a bit. (Even if I have to wake him for it... I'm trying to keep him awake during the day.) Actually, speak of the devil, there he goes now. Gak's gone to soothe him a bit and then I'll give Boo lunch.
Peace to all and may you have wonderful people in your life.

Shower

Wow.
I'm so floored by my friends and family.
Yesterday was my baby shower. I was wondering if it was going to be yesterday. I knew Michelle's schedule this spring was going to be very tight, and this would probably be the only time she'd get up here before Boo is born. I knew she'd want to be involved in a shower for us.
She did come up Saturday to help with the furniture. We got the crib and wardrobe put together Saturday night and Sunday morning. It looks great! It really looks wonderful with the yellow walls. I can't wait until the landlady and her husband get the trim done and I can finish putting things where they belong.
Sunday we were supposed to go over to Kat's to play Killer Bunnies at around 3. We had a semi-late lunch at Friendly's and wandered around Jo-Ann's for a few as well. We ran back to the apartment to pick up Bunnies and a few things I needed to take to Kat and stop and pick up ice tea.
I was semi-suspicious that something was up already. What made me realize that something really was up was the fact that there were balloons on the mailbox and that Scott's truck wasn't there. I could have sworn that Gak had said Scott was going to be there for Bunnies.
Well, I walk in and I was right, there was everyone.
And the biggest surprise of all, Abi came down!!
I can't begin to tell you how blown away I was that Abi drove all the way down from RI to stay with my mom overnight and come to the shower. I'd been bummed for a while that it didn't look like we were going to be able to get together again before maybe Thanksgiving or so. What with Boo's birth soon and the mess with her house situation it looked like the summer was shot, and spring was almost gone.
I can honestly say that Gak and I have a lot of friends and family who love us. And I love them all.
We got lots and lots of neat things. There was a ton of clothing. (Apparently the invitation told everyone to bring an outfit that was then hung on a line in the living room.) There were so many cute little outfits! I can't wait to see him in all of them. I have no idea what my favorites are, but Stuart actually picked out a really cool outfit, that wasn't even a set and of course, someone (mom I think...) bought a pair of denim overalls. My favorite outfit of choice really. (That and on babies that are crawling, they make good handles...)
What made me cry though was the blanket I got from Gram. Back when I was born, she bought two identical hand knit baby blankets. She was fully intending to use one as a shawl, but never did. It ended up getting put away and declared as going to the first great-grandbaby. I still have my blanket. It's thin in places, was lovingly mended when I was in high school by Gram and quite gray, even after a good bleaching. I knew I was getting the blanket, but actually receiving it brought back all those memories and all the love I have for her and the love I know she'd have for this little one. It was all good tears though. Tears filled with love and good memories. (Man, I'm tearing up now just thinking about it...)
The other heirloom we received was from Gak's mom. She sent the first pair of booties Gak ever wore as well as his first pair of shoes. They're too cute and I appreciate them. I can't wait to see them on the feet of baby Boo.
I don't have any pictures, but Mom should be sending me some Tuesday when she gets into work and gets everything downloaded from her camera. I'll post a few then.
I just can't say thank you enough to all my friends and family who I love so much and who loves me and this unborn little Boo boy. Gak and I are so lucky to be so loved.
Peace to all and may you have lots of love in your lives.

Heartache and Headaches

Today is one of those days where I just miss Gram so horribly.
Earlier in the week Gak's mom sent out a thing about "grandmothers are..." and I could barely get through it.
Today I need my Gram. I could always call her and talk about what was bothering me and she'd just listen, or give a few good suggestions on what to do. It's not that I can't talk with Gak, I do frequently. He just doesn't have the same perspective, in some cases he's too close to the scene... It's not that I can't talk with Mom, it's just different. Gram was always able to see to the heart of what was bothering me and help me see it too. She was there to support me and just give me love.
So, why today do I need the advice and love of Gram? Well, I had too much time on my hands this afternoon at work. This got me to thinking about how uncertian my work situation really is right this moment and how hard this is making it when it comes to planning my maternity leave and beyond. I don't know what is beyond. What job will I be coming back to? Will I still be doing training in any way, shape or form? Will I even be returning to this company? Do I want to? This isn't a very healthy train of thought on a good day, let alone a day when you've got customers asking some of the same, or simmilar, questions. My boss, with all his good intentions, is pretty much useless right now. HR is a joke and a half. My former boss, I don't even want to deal with. I need the distance of age and perspective of having been there that Gram had. Mom wasn't working outside the house when Jon or I were born, it wasn't a financial necesity. (She was taking classes before I was born and had been working prior... but other than a few things didn't really have an outside job until we were in high school and they opened their business.) Therefore, Mom, as much love as she has for me, hasn't had to face this directly herself. I don't think Gram was working when Mom was born, but she did become a single parent when Mom was pretty young. I'm not a single mom, and have no plans of every having to be... but in some ways it's simmilar. She had to balance earning enough money and daycare. Gak and I have to do the same. She also had to deal with having a job in a "man's world". She was a technician, not in a "traditionally" woman's job like a hairdresser or nurse or secratary. She had to prove herself every day, as do I.
Mostly she'd listen. She'd probably tell me, gently, to get off my butt and dust off that resume. To go ahead and start looking, even if I decide not to leave and everything pans out where I'm at. She'd tell me to keep on top of my boss and demand answers. But mostly she'd end the conversation with an "I love you" and an "I'm so proud of you". That meant more than anything from her. It made everything OK.
Well, I guess I should probably wrap this up and go pull out the yarn. I'm working on a few projects. Although, I'm not sure that'll help tonight. She's the one who taught me that too... and I've been using her hooks.
Peace to all and may you have someone in your life who is always there for you with the right answer at the right time.
(p.s. sorry for any mispellings... spell check isn't working for me with Blogger...)

Groundhogs and Grandmothers

I know, I know, it's an odd title.
Not if you knew my Gram.
Today would have been her 85th birthday. My Gram, the groundhog. She always claimed to be born in a raging snowstorm, and she's probably right. It was a good snowstorm we had the day of her memorial.
This time 6 or 8 months ago, Mom and I were trying to figure out what we should do for Gram's 85th. We had a small suspicion that she wouldn't be doing well, but it wasn't until a few months later that we were pretty sure she wouldn't see this day. I wish she had, in some ways. It would have been nice to throw her one last party. She really was a very social and sociable person. She was always the center of everything, and it was fun to watch her.
I meant to call my Mom today, but I didn't. I feel pretty bad about that. I'm sure today was a bit more wierd for her than for me and my brother. Both of us would have called her, of course, but well... Gram was Mom's mom... a different story all together. Hopefully the shop was full of lots and lots of people.

The groundhog, who happens to live a couple of hours west of here, says 6 more weeks of winter. I'd like to know when we've had winter start? I mean, sure, we've had a few bitterly cold weeks, and a bit of snow early on. Back in December it looked like this was going to be a bad winter. I'm still waiting for something other than sleet and rain. Mind you, rain is much easier to drive in, but not as pretty and in some ways even more miserable.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have some pictures for you. I finished up Boo's blanket and sent it through the wash this morning. I guess I should say the first blanket I'm making. Knowing me, I'll probalby make at least one or two more. Gak gave me a bunch of pattern books for Christmas. I told him to pick one out. He hasn't yet. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. We'll see.

Anyhow, just wanted to make a quick post and wish my Gram a happy 85th, even though she isn't here with us any more.
Peace to all and may your lives be full of wonderful people.

Memorial

Yesterday was a long day. Gak and I left here between 8 and 9 and got down to Maryland right about noon. It was a bit of a tough drive because it started snowing. It looks like this is going to be a rough winter. Actually, most of the snow was south, there wasn't much of anything going on up here.
My friend Michelle joined us shortly after we got there. Dad and Jon got there about 45 minutes later. All of us really tried to get as much done around Gram's apartment as possible. We got a lot of stuff packed up and is still sitting in my car. We sorted a lot of stuff to either take to Goodwill or leave for the rummage sale. It was a lot of work, but Michelle helped us sooo much. I need to talk to Kat and see when I can enlist some of our friends to help move some furniture and big stuff up here.
The memorial service was very nice. I'm trying to figure out who Gram didn't know in that place. There were so many residents who came and lots of 'family' who came as well. It was great to see some of them, who I haven't seen in quite a while. It was really nice that pretty much the entire Stradley clan came. Linda's husband had to go back and the 'kids' (my age-ish) didn't come either. There were also several other family members from another part of my family that we don't see much. It was nice of them to come.
It took us until about 7 or shortly there after to get out of there. The snow was still coming down there, but the roads were clear. We didn't get home until about 11:30 though. Because of the weather, traffic was moving slower than usual, but that was expected. What wasn't expected was being stuck on 15 for about an hour as they were cleaning up from a previous accident. There was a tractor trailer that was in the median facing our way. So they were going to pull it out and up the ramp where we were. Therefore we had to sit and wait. It wasn't that bad except I was getting tired.
Well, I guess I've got to get my butt in gear and get into the office. I told my boss on Monday that I'd be in by noon today, so I guess I'd better get moving. It's only 9, but still, I've got stuff to take care of.
Peace to all and may you have friends and family.

Goodbye Gram

Well, I got the phone call last night. Actually, it was about 12:45 this morning. I should say, mom called, but I didn't hear the phone until the last ring and thought it was my imagination.

My beloved grandmother, Ruth Elizabeth Chaddick, passed away at about 12:30 am today. According to Mom it was quick and painless. Her breathing had been labored all day. Mom did get to tell her she loved her one last time earlier in the morning. Around midnight they were sure it would be soon. Very shortly thereafter Gram made a few vocalizations and then slipped away.

She is at peace.

Mom is mostly at peace.

So am I.

It's been tough, but I honestly think that both Mom and I have been doing bits and pieces of grieving over the last few weeks. We knew the end was coming, so we could prepare for it. It was tough for me in St. Croix because I was at the beach and knew it would be the last time I called her from the sand. But that's OK. Seeing her last Monday was tough because I was pretty sure it would be the last time. But that's OK. She's out of pain, she was ready to go, and now she's in peace.

The memorial service will be held next Wednesday at where she lived. Mom and the pastor had set it all up yesterday, figuring that the end would have come by then. Gram had pretty much written it herself over the last few years, giving Mom material from other services she'd liked. It all just came together on its own.

The picture above is from Gak's and my wedding two years ago now. It's the most recent picture I have and how I want to remember her. She was a feisty, strong, smart, kind and wonderful woman. She taught me so many things and gave me so many tools; not just the wonderful gift of her crochet hooks or buying me a new sewing machine last year when we moved. She taught me through her actions to be strong, stick up for myself and that I can do just about anything if I really want to. In many senses of the word, she is my hero.

I will miss you horribly, but you will always be a part of me and have made me a much stronger person.

Peace to all and may you have special people in your lives.

Picture Time! (or not...)

Ok. I promised you all pictures on Sunday. I finally had a chance to download the pictures from the camera, clean them up and pick the best. You can see everything I thought worth sharing over on my Flickr. Unfortunately, Blogger is having issues when I try and insert pictures. I guess you'll just have to go over to Flicker. *Sigh* I really wanted to share them here!

Yesterday Gak and I went down to Maryland to help get Gram's apartment in order. It's a long task and will probably take Mom several more weekends. She's not pushing herself to get it done. Sure, it'll cost us (Gram) more money the longer we take, but that's not the big concern right now. Parts of the day were hard. Shortly after getting there the three of us went down to Gram's new room to visit. They all sang Happy Birthday to me (it's Friday) and she gave me a little gift and a card. I didn't read the card out loud. I'm not sure I could have. The gift was a little angel (not angle) from her collection. She and Mom have gone through her huge collection and have decided who will get which one for Christmas this year. I know that when she does go, I'll have my own angel looking down on me.
Gak and I also decided we'd inherit the dining room furniture as well as the good dishes and a few other things. We found some real treasures, at least to me. We found some of Gram's old Girl Scout membership cards from when she was young. Scouts was something very important in my life and she always encouraged me in it, so these were really special to me. Mom's going to gather them and some other Scout stuff she's found and frame it all together. It'll look great. I also came home with a foot stool that Bill Baumgardner made at Log Cabin Hill ages ago, a few mugs and something else even more special.
Gram is the one who taught me to crochet when I was about 7 or 8. She taught me how to do needlepoint with plastic canvas when I was about 5 or 6. She always has encouraged me in my crafty explorations. She's always claimed that she's a very good technician, but not much of an artist. Artist or not, when I was little, what she did was magic! Mom found in her sewing things the little red vinyl zipper pouch I remember from childhood. In it was about 30 or 40 crochet hooks of various sizes and styles. There were also a few yarn needles for weaving in ends. I will treasure them for ever. I know it makes her happy that I've picked up the hooks again. I think of her often as I'm hooking along. Just one of the many ways she'll always be with me.

Well, I've got to go pick up Gak from work, and then I'm probably going to crash. I've got some odds and ends to do tomorrow to get ready for Thanksgiving. This year Mom it completely taking the day off. Gak and I are going to Kat's for dinner and Mom and Dad are having sandwiches. I don't blame her, she hasn't had a day off in almost a year practically with everything that's been going on.
Peace to all and may you have pictures that post and a loving connection to the past.

Week in Review...

For starters, I'm sorry I didn't write this week. I wanted to, I have lots to say, I just didn't have a working connection on my trip.
To St. Croix.
No, I didn't really try all that hard to get a working connection.

And I know this won't sound nice to any of you, but yesterday I was in sunshine and 85 degrees and today I'm watching it snow. Talk about surreal... (and not quite fair, I wasn't done with the beach yet!)

Anyhow, Let me get the tough part of the entry written. I'm talking about Gram. It's looking like we've got a matter of weeks with her, not months. It is sinking in and it hurts like crazy. I know it's finally really hit mom hard from the conversation I had with her today. I just hope she realizes all she needs to do is pick up the phone and I will do everything in my power to be there, yesterday if possible. Jon would do the same, except for this whole living on the other side of the country. Gak's here for her as much as I am.
Last weekend Gram made the decision that she didn't want to keep the apartment any more. She thought she was going to go into a Hospice house. It would be free/very inexpensive, but she'd only have about 30 days. Monday Mom went down to Maryland to talk everything over with Gram and figure everything out. Out of the blue, they remembered some CDs that she'd started for just this purpose, that they'd both forgotten about. This means that she can afford to stay where she is, for 8 or 9 months before the money runs out. I know this made me happier, I'm pretty sure it made mom feel better too. I mean, staying where she's at until the end is one thing, but, even though we know it's coming pretty quick, there's just something so depressing about the word Hospice.
Tuesday while I was flying down to St. Croix, Mom was moving Gram into the assisted living wing. I did get a brief chance to talk to Gram Tuesday night. She says she's at peace and not afraid to die. I believe her. I've known this for quite some time. I remember waking up one morning back in late August or early September (before we knew the extent of the bone cancer) after a strange and powerful dream. I don't remember where we were, but I was talking with Gram. She told me that she was at peace and was ready to accept whatever was going to happen. I'm not sure how much was wishful sub-conscious thinking, or if our souls actually touched. I like to think we talked soul to soul. Gram is happy knowing that Mom, Jon and I are all happy and healthy. She is at peace with her life and is ready for when the end comes. I just hope I can find the peace to let her go when the time comes.
Mom went down again today. Gak and I are heading down tomorrow. We're to help mom go through the stuff in the apartment and figure out what to do with it all. Mom talked to the doctor Wednesday. It looks like things are going down fast, although in the last few days Gram's perked up quite a bit and has been eating. I think all the stress of actually having the apartment and having to 'take care of' it is gone. Now she can just be and do what she wants too, nothing more.
I do hope she holds on until Jon and Becca get out here next month. Just because it's been 2 years now since Jon has seen Gram. I know it will always be a sore and awkward point with me and Gak that we didn't go down to OK earlier in the week his father passed. But that situation was much, much more sudden.

Well, that's all the update I have on Gram. I want to talk about fun stuff now.

My trip to St. Croix was almost perfect. The only problems were I had to work, and more importantly Gak (and possibly my other friends) weren't there. The weather was great. The people were friendly. The scenery was beautiful. Work wasn't all that bad either.
Tuesday was a bit fun... I had to wake up earlier than usual, so that Dad could take me to the airport, since I was flying out of Philly. We had to leave the house by about 5:30, so I would have plenty of time. I don't enjoy that. The flight to San Juan was uneventful, if a little long. I didn't have the ipod with me. (It's been acting strange lately and I'm trying to figure out what's going on). I had the game boy, but it doesn't always satisfy for a 4-hour ride. I left my book sitting on the headboard of my bed at my parents'. Oops. Landing in St. Thomas was interesting. I think they had to make the island bigger to accommodate the 757 we were on. I seriously thought we were going to touch down in the water for a moment. Kinda scary but cool all the same. I was on a tinny little Cesna for the hop to St. Croix. It was pretty cool actually. All I have to say is the Caribbean is blue or... well, maybe turquoise really is a better description.
The real adventure of the day came with the fact that my flight to St. Croix was about 15 minutes late because it was raining in St. Thomas, but not St. Croix. One of my contacts at the plant met me at the airport. The problem is, my luggage didn't make it. After waiting for the next flight and still no luggage, we find out that it got left on the ramp in St. Thomas by American Airlines and hadn't made it to Cape Air. It eventually made it on the last flight of the night, but by then Ria and I had driven halfway around the island to the plant, my hotel, dinner and back again.
Driving on the left hand side is scary! Or at least a little nerve-wracking when you have to make a turn. I only made one potentially serious mistake and that was on my way to the airport because I stopped paying attention. I was so glad last night to finally be driving on the right (not to mention correct) side of the road again.
The training went well. Tuesday my contact asked me if I could extend my trip by another day. They would pay for it, so I had no issues with that. (Remember, it's snowing today here at home...) I did wish that I was home, but more from a 'gone too long' point of view that an 'I hate this place' feeling.
If you've been to Key West, you have a pretty good idea of what, at least parts of, Christianstead is like. Christianstead is the bigger of the two towns on the island. I don't enjoy driving into the town, at least not from the direction I was coming from. I finally made it into town and found a parking spot yesterday morning. It was beautiful. Yes, I have lots of pictures. Give me a chance to download them, sort them and posted. I'll share, I promise.
I did get to see lots of the island in the week I was there. I was staying more or less in the middle of nowhere. (Pretty much if you weren't in one of the two towns or right near the plant, you weren't near much.) I know I had lots more to say, but it's just not coming. I promise to write more tomorrow or Tuesday once I get a chance to go through the pictures.
I must say, if you get the chance, go to the Virgin Islands, or anywhere in the Caribbean. The people are friendly. The skies are blue and the water more so. Even when it rains it is pretty. It's also nice to just slow down and go with the flow of the life down there. You can feel the stress just leaving. (Unless you're crying on the beach because you won't be able to share that experience with your Grandmother in the near future, but that's a different story, and I was done talking about that for now...)

Anyhow, I've got some things to do before I pick up Gak from work later. (Not to mention catch up on a little game time and some web pages...) Peace to all and may you see the beauty in the world and have someone to share it with.

Thoughts

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything since Wednesday. It has been a long, emotional and tiring couple of weeks around here. I think it all finally caught up with me.
My trip out to Western PA went smoothly. Well, mostly. I thought I'd left in plenty of time to be at the plant by 7, but it was dark, rainy and I misread the directions. This meant I got there about 20 minutes late. It was an interesting group and an interesting day. I could have driven home that afternoon, but a 5 or so hour drive on top of a 6 hour training day didn't sound like fun a few weeks ago when I was planning the trip, so I stayed an extra night.
The drive home was pretty and uneventful. I made good time getting home. I drove past Hickory Run, as that was the Turnpike exit I needed. I thought about stopping, but I was tired, feeling a little out of sorts despite the sunny day and just wanted to get home again. I did admire the colors and the scenery, but just wanted to be done with the trip.
Yesterday was a complete and total wash. About the most exciting thing I did was group with Syn and Charitee for a bit in the evening. That and I spent a lot of time reading. The laundry didn't get done. The house didn't get cleaned up any. Oh well. I've got some work I've got to do today so I can head out again tomorrow. I plan on getting to the laundry after I post this... although church will be out by then most likely so it'll be crowded. Such fun.

My friend Chelsea has an interesting post up. Go read it. Her husband Michael's grandmother passed this week. They got the call last weekend that she was fading fast. They were able to go and say goodbye, even though it meant a 10-hour trek to Wisconsin. I wish we'd been able to tell Gak's dad goodbye. I wish we'd been able to go out earlier in the week instead of after the fact. I'm not sure if I've really told you how tough my Gram has it right now. We know this will be her last fight. How long the fight will last, we don't know. We all hope she makes it to 85, but we don't want that if she's going to be in tons and tons of pain. I just hope I get to say bye when the time is closer. I hope my stupid travel schedule doesn't have me halfway across the country or world when the time comes. This must be even harder on my brother. He lives all the way out in California. I'm not sure I'd say that Gram and I are closer than Jon and Gram, but our relationships are different. (Also, he's a boy and is very good at hiding his emotions, even from me.) Jon is coming home at Christmas time. I still don't know for sure if Becca is coming, but I hope she does. I just can't imagine how hard it will be for him to say bye over the holidays and know the next time he comes back, she'll be gone. I mean, I hope like crazy she's got another 6 to 10 months in her, but she doesn't think so. I'll take her word on this, since she's living in her body, not me. Heck, I know how hard it is for me to even write these things and think about the fact that I may only get to see her a few times myself over the next few months.
Well, that was a really long and rambling paragraph. But it just is part of the emotional roller coaster I'm on right now. One minute I'm OK with the thought and glad to have an answer to what's been causing so much trouble for her. The next minute I'm a sobbing mess, unable to get past the personal hurt and fear to realize how much pain she's really in. I'm just soooo glad I have Gak to lean on. It's harder right now because he's not home. He will be in less than a week. Unfortunately, a few days later it's my turn to vanish, yet again, for about 4 days.
Well, I've got laundry to do, a house to try and clean and work that needs attention. I'd best focus on what needs doing and let my emotions settle themselves out on their own. (They tend to do this better when I'm not looking anyhow...)
Peace to all and may you have good family moments in the months to come.

More Monday Musings

I know I've used the title before, so therefore these are more musings.
Just a few little things today.
Work has been a Monday, mostly in the unproductive sense. I did get a few important things done, like getting a project approved by my boss. I've had several requests for slightly modified or customized training this year. Well, with the current setup, it's almost impossible. What I've decided to do is to change how my manuals are set up and to make it completely modular. This will make it so much easier to substitute a section or drop or add one. It will be a lot of work, but not too hard, as I'm very happy with where the training material itself stands. Mostly it'll be breaking it down and moving it into the new format and updating a few things. Mostly stuff I need to be doing anyhow. I've got a few weeks here in the office yet this month and December is looking almost light too. I really want to get this done by the end of the year, but will be satisfied if it gets done by March. My aggressive timeline surprised my boss, he originally said he'd be thrilled if I could do it by the end of March. I need a shorter timeline, if I'm going to keep my interest up and actually accomplish it. March is too far away and it'll just get pushed aside.

I called my Gram last night. She seems to be doing about as well as expected. She was glad to hear that my brother, and hopefully Becca, will be up for the holidays. Right now where most of her pain is, is in her hip and neck and not related to the cancer. Her hip is arthritis and her neck is muscular in nature. The treatments she's been having for her neck have been hurting her worse in the long run, so she wasn't going to go today. Today she decided she was going to have fun. She was planning on going to play reading and a few other things. She is trying to put her best, happiest face forward and hide her pain inside. All I have to say is do what you've got to do! She's decided that she's just not strong enough in body for the chemo. She's already anemic. She decided she didn't want to go through the process of convincing herself this was what needed to be done, only to be turned down after a round of testing. Like I said, she's going to try and enjoy things now and swallow the pain. I hope she can. I just want her to be happy and as pain free as possible. I still hate the thought that there's a loud ticking clock hanging over every conversation, but I, too, am trying to make the best of it. She's a fighter and will hold on as long as she can be without insurmountable pain. I'm not saying she'll give up when the pain is too much, but that she'll accept it and move on with as much grace and dignity as she can. She's always been dignified in my book, even when she's been in some tough situations. She's tough as nails and will fight for what's right, but never in a mean, dirty way.

Well, that's about it for me today. I've got to wrap up a few things and head out the door to pick up Gak and actually have dinner with him! I know, what a shocker, three nights in a row! (Don't worry, he's got Warhammer tomorrow, so I'll be on my own with the laundry...)
Peace to all and may you find the inner peace to deal with whatever life hurls your way. (Either that or learn to duck! Quack!)