You'd think I'd learn. You'd think I'd learn to keep my big mouth shut and just not argue with people who have already had their minds made up by someone else. Especially when it's a very closed-minded opinion. And the argument will boil down to "he said" "she said".
No, I'm not going to go into details. Suffice to say all of their "proof" comes from religious based websites/groups and my "proof" comes from the site of the organization they're against.
And, if you know me, you know how much faith (lol) I put into religious organizations. And how much of a far-left, bleeding-heart, tree-hugging hippy liberal I am. (I do try and put on the reality filter, I do... but... my heart and what "reality" dictates are often quite different...) So, while I may not have "proof" this person will listen to, I also have first hand knowledge. (Which isn't good enough for her, yet someone else's first hand account is...)
So, yeah. I fed a troll. A troll who is someone in my extended "family", so sooner or later I'll have to deal with them face to face. Oh well. There's only so long I can bite my tongue and ignore things.
On the flip side, January is just being crazy busy and wearying. Nothing too big or major, just lots and lots of little things and general business that takes it's toll.
Not-so-good things: crazy busy at work, cracked windshield on the LRH, I need new hiking boots, my phone borked (but was covered by insurance...), and my Missfit Flash seems to have randomly died on me. Oh, and the roof at Gak's work is leaking and we're both crazy busy.
Good things: We spent today visiting with Amma and going to the Lego Store and having lunch together. Boo-boy wanted a pick your own bucket of bricks, so we arranged this little trip. Also, Boo-boy is reading. As in really, really reading. We had arguments and frustration and tears about reading before Christmas, but now, he's reading. I'm just gonna go with it. We, now, think the frustration at least partially boiled down to finding a book that was interesting and not super easy. That and the fact that Daddy and Momma wanted him to read, so therefore he wasn't gonna. /eyeroll.
So, I'm now thinking that while he may have some challenges to the actual reading thing, and spelling is a family challenge, he's not really any more challenged then your typical 7-year-old. Of course, this will change seven times in the rest of the school year. Or maybe not, since we're really on a reading track now...
So, I think I'll just wrap this chaotic post up here. Overall, other than books, trolls, and cookie season, nothing too exciting is happening around here.
Peace to all and may your trolls be few and your books be many.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Thursday, January 01, 2015
New Year, New Start
I know, I know, it's been months since I've posted here. Oops. I'll summarize all the things that have gone on recently in a bit.
Anyhow, I saw something, well, several somethings actually, posted the other day about how the new year is a new book with 365 blank pages. And well, that reminded me I really need to try and write at least a few of those pages down.... so, my goal is to try and remember to write here more.
So, what's been going on you ask? Well, a heck of a lot, most of it trying.
Months ago I posted about the rent hike and moving. That's been most of our adventure the last several months.
Anyhow, the good news of the move is that we're able to keep Boo in his current school through the end of the year. They wanted to move him, but we calmly explained the economics of why we were moving and how making him change schools would more than negate the savings we'd get through moving. So, they agreed that it would cause a financial hardship and let him stay, without transportation, but that's fine, we've got it covered anyhow.
The bad? Oh, I'm not sure I can write that coherently. In short, our new landlords are more or less slumlords who couldn't care less about their properties or their tenants unless they're not getting paid.
There've been some awesome lines from the landlord.... like "It's not as clean as I usually like to turn it over to new tenants.... but the carpets came up much nicer than I expected.". We also got "do you want me to leave the paint for the trim?" when the walls (blue in one case) have very obvious places they were patched, one about the 12" in diameter, and never painted and the walls were filthy. Or, how about "Will it be acceptable if I only get 3 of the burners working?" I think that one takes the cake and says it all.
When people ask me about our new place, I usually say that it would be a great apartment if it had been kept up. And it would. Other than the fact that the boy literally has a bed room, with nothing but his bed, a stool for his clock, his clothes hamper and a tiny bed-side table. There are two little built-in cubies that he's using for clothes storage. That's supposed to be an "office" (that only has one outlet?). The "second bedroom" is not much more than a glorified hallway with some funky angles at the one end and a tiny triangle of an excuse for a closet, that leads between the living room and the actual bedroom. (And why is bedroom one word, but living room two??) The kitchen would be nice if I could actually find another storage unit with drawers in it for the rest of my kitchen stuff that doesn't have a home. (There are four tiny drawers in the kitchen, two of which are broken...) And going from two bathrooms down to one and losing the dishwasher aren't exactly highlights either.
But, that's all the negative stuff. We're making the best of it and we're not here forever. Of course the general grumpiness has kept me from actually attempting to finish the unpacking. I haven't even bothered with the bookcases. The boxes of books are just on or in front of them....
But, there have been good things the last several months. Boo's reading is coming along quite well and his math is exploding. He's really enjoying school and his teacher just adores having him. (Yeah, he's a cutie and sweet, and listens and works hard.... and she's young and cute.....)
I still really love my job. I'm not a huge fan of the commute, but it could be so much worse. The other people on my team are all great to work with, our manager actually cares and gives us real targets to aim for and the rest of management is all very supportive as well. Oh, and just the overall attitude of the company is outstanding. It may not have felt like it at the time, or throughout much of 2013 or the beginning of 2014, but getting laid off really was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to move on and to realize exactly how poisonous my old workplace was and how wonderful it can be. Sure, it's not perfect and I don't love everyone I work with, but I can work with them and get along in a professional manner and life is good. (I don't expect to like or get along with everyone.... but I can play nice.)
So, while 2014 was a bit of a roller coaster, I do believe there was more good than bad. I look forward to an even better 2015 and will do my best to see the good in all the challenges.
I'll leave you with some random photos from the past several months, not really in any particular order or importance.
Anyhow, I saw something, well, several somethings actually, posted the other day about how the new year is a new book with 365 blank pages. And well, that reminded me I really need to try and write at least a few of those pages down.... so, my goal is to try and remember to write here more.
So, what's been going on you ask? Well, a heck of a lot, most of it trying.
Months ago I posted about the rent hike and moving. That's been most of our adventure the last several months.
Anyhow, the good news of the move is that we're able to keep Boo in his current school through the end of the year. They wanted to move him, but we calmly explained the economics of why we were moving and how making him change schools would more than negate the savings we'd get through moving. So, they agreed that it would cause a financial hardship and let him stay, without transportation, but that's fine, we've got it covered anyhow.
The bad? Oh, I'm not sure I can write that coherently. In short, our new landlords are more or less slumlords who couldn't care less about their properties or their tenants unless they're not getting paid.
There've been some awesome lines from the landlord.... like "It's not as clean as I usually like to turn it over to new tenants.... but the carpets came up much nicer than I expected.". We also got "do you want me to leave the paint for the trim?" when the walls (blue in one case) have very obvious places they were patched, one about the 12" in diameter, and never painted and the walls were filthy. Or, how about "Will it be acceptable if I only get 3 of the burners working?" I think that one takes the cake and says it all.
When people ask me about our new place, I usually say that it would be a great apartment if it had been kept up. And it would. Other than the fact that the boy literally has a bed room, with nothing but his bed, a stool for his clock, his clothes hamper and a tiny bed-side table. There are two little built-in cubies that he's using for clothes storage. That's supposed to be an "office" (that only has one outlet?). The "second bedroom" is not much more than a glorified hallway with some funky angles at the one end and a tiny triangle of an excuse for a closet, that leads between the living room and the actual bedroom. (And why is bedroom one word, but living room two??) The kitchen would be nice if I could actually find another storage unit with drawers in it for the rest of my kitchen stuff that doesn't have a home. (There are four tiny drawers in the kitchen, two of which are broken...) And going from two bathrooms down to one and losing the dishwasher aren't exactly highlights either.
But, that's all the negative stuff. We're making the best of it and we're not here forever. Of course the general grumpiness has kept me from actually attempting to finish the unpacking. I haven't even bothered with the bookcases. The boxes of books are just on or in front of them....
But, there have been good things the last several months. Boo's reading is coming along quite well and his math is exploding. He's really enjoying school and his teacher just adores having him. (Yeah, he's a cutie and sweet, and listens and works hard.... and she's young and cute.....)
I still really love my job. I'm not a huge fan of the commute, but it could be so much worse. The other people on my team are all great to work with, our manager actually cares and gives us real targets to aim for and the rest of management is all very supportive as well. Oh, and just the overall attitude of the company is outstanding. It may not have felt like it at the time, or throughout much of 2013 or the beginning of 2014, but getting laid off really was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to move on and to realize exactly how poisonous my old workplace was and how wonderful it can be. Sure, it's not perfect and I don't love everyone I work with, but I can work with them and get along in a professional manner and life is good. (I don't expect to like or get along with everyone.... but I can play nice.)
So, while 2014 was a bit of a roller coaster, I do believe there was more good than bad. I look forward to an even better 2015 and will do my best to see the good in all the challenges.
I'll leave you with some random photos from the past several months, not really in any particular order or importance.
Monday, May 12, 2014
New Job Check-in
So, here I am at the beginning of my second week at my new job. I’m successfully trained on the new software I’m supporting. I’ve actually answered my first call “out of the box” (in other words, something that came in through voice-mail or email) with a real, live customer. I’m being useful in writing up voice-mails, and some emails, as they come in. Maybe by the end of the week I’ll be taking live calls. As it stands I’ll be continuing to cover voice-mails and whatever I can do out of the box.
So, what are the good parts of this job, you might ask? And that’s a very valid question considering how much time I have spent complaining and downright whining about my old job. (And yes, while being laid off forced me to change jobs, I still loved it in a sad way and would have done almost anything to get it back at various points, no matter how stressful, and grumpy it was at times.) First off, I can’t say enough great things about my awesome coworkers. sure, I had a great team at my old office, but here, it seems like everyone I meet is downright awesome. Everyone has been so helpful and friendly. The atmosphere here is really relaxed (for now, I know it’ll be stupid crazy come January, but that’s months away and I’ll roll with it when it gets here). Even the dress code is relaxed. I’ve spent enough time in the world of the Big Corp to really relish a place that lets me wear jeans, a tank, a shawllette and sandals and I’m not even the most dressed down! (The team lead helping the guy at the desk next to me is wearing flip-flops for cryin’ out loud!)
The software itself hasn’t been too horrible to learn at all, and is actually much, much simpler with fewer moving parts than the old software I used to support. I’ve shown people screen shots of my old software; they shuddered thinking about supporting it. So, yeah, I’m a bit ahead of the curve when it comes to learning things around here, but that’s OK. There is still way more than enough for me to learn. It’ll be at least a year before I feel like I’m truly an expert. And trust me, I like that challenge.
Oh, and did I mention the software I now support is actually software for nonprofits to track donors and gifts and manage contacts and things like that? Yeah. That’s pretty feel-good in general. And let me tell you, we’ve got clients all up and down the nonprofit spectrum. Sure, I may not agree with some of them, but really, they’re trying to make the world a better place in their own way. I really can’t fault people for trying to make the world a better place.
So, the downsides, there are always downsides to every good thing. The biggest downside? The commute. Checking traffic at 7:00 in the morning and it would take me about 40 or 45 minutes to get here. Check it again before leaving at 8:00, it’s up to just shy of a full hour. Which brings me to the second downside, the hours. I’m here from 9 until 5:30, which means I leave the house at 8:00 in the morning and don’t get home until 6:30. Which, yes, really isn’t that much longer than for my old job, but the hours themselves are a bit of an ugh. Because it seriously cuts into time with my Boo. And he’s got to be picked up from his daycare by 6:00 and Gak works until 6:30 and I don’t get home until 6:30 if I’m lucky. Thankfully we’ve got friends and family more than willing to help with that. (So, another good thing is that Boo is getting much more time with Rachel and his other cousins…) That doesn’t mean I still don’t feel bad about how much time I don’t get with a Boo-boy or that I feel like I’m taking advantage of friends and family. But, they've more than stepped up and are constantly telling me it’s not a problem.
But, really, other than the commute and the hours, I’m having a hard time coming up with any downsides. Sure, I’m not making quite what I’d hoped to be making, but it’ll do. I can always go up from here. The positives of this job far outweigh the negatives.
We’re all learning and adjusting to the new schedule and trying to actually get it to become a schedule and a routine. We’re now doing Boo’s homework in the mornings instead of the afternoons/evenings. Trust me, both Boo and I miss our afternoons horribly, but he’s been such a trooper about it. It doesn’t hurt that while I was out of work for over a year, I’d been working pretty much his entire life before that, other than the first 3 months. Dinner is still being a challenge, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out that doesn’t involve lots of pre-made junk. (With Gak and I getting home within minutes of each other, it’s really hard to have something done when everyone gets home, let alone early enough to have a bit of boy-time before bed.)
I’m very thankful to have this job, even with the challenges. I miss my Boo time and my “me” time and my volunteer time and walking Boo to school and all of those things. But, the short term problems will make things better for us as a family in the long run. And, for the moment, we’re all on the same page with that, so I really can’t complain. Mostly, I’m just thankful to be working again, and it’s such a bonus to be working with such awesome people helping people help people.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
New Beginnings
I've been trying to write this post for a few weeks now.
You'd think this post would be easy.
You see, I start a new job tomorrow.
And, yes, it's a job I actually want and am excited about.
But, and there's always a but, it's also going to be adding challenges to our life, even while helping with the whole money thing. My new job is about 45 minutes away. And it looks like, at least at first, I'll be doing 9 - 5:30, so that'll add a whole new bit of chaos when it comes to Boo and picking up from daycare. But, thanks to friends/family, it seems to all be sorted.
And then there's the whole time that I'm loosing with Boo-boy. I'm not sure how I was expecting to feel, but it wasn't quite this. I mean, remember back a year ago when I was railing about feeling useless in my own home and like an intruder and that this stay-at-home mom thing was both more and less than it was cracked up to be. Well, I've changed my mind. Even with Boo in school now, I really don't want to trade my time with him for anything, even though it means I'll still be able to put food on the table and pay the rent and all that kind of mandatory thing. I'm going to miss walking him to school, picking him up, working on homework with him in a relaxed way and having time together. If I could manage to get a job that pays as much as this one is (even though it's just about 2/3 of what I was making before...) and I was only working when he was in school or over night, I'd do it.
So, right now, until tomorrow or the end of the week or more likely the end of the month, but until I get settled into this new job, the excitement of this new adventure is strongly overshadowed by all the time I'm loosing with Boo.
And with Gak. Even though more mornings than average we'd be sitting at our own computers doing our own thing, we were together, we had the opportunity to do things together if we wished. It was nice just to be able to hang out with my husband.
So, yeah. This is both a very awesome thing and something that's weighing on my heart a bit. This will seriously take some adjusting and hopefully the growing pains won't hurt too bad.
So, yes, I'm excited and anxious about tomorrow, but I'm also a little sad. Despite all the stress over money and the whole job search thing in general, it was a pretty good 13 months overall.
Peace to all and may your new adventures be grand and your hearts not be heavy.
You'd think this post would be easy.
You see, I start a new job tomorrow.
And, yes, it's a job I actually want and am excited about.
But, and there's always a but, it's also going to be adding challenges to our life, even while helping with the whole money thing. My new job is about 45 minutes away. And it looks like, at least at first, I'll be doing 9 - 5:30, so that'll add a whole new bit of chaos when it comes to Boo and picking up from daycare. But, thanks to friends/family, it seems to all be sorted.
And then there's the whole time that I'm loosing with Boo-boy. I'm not sure how I was expecting to feel, but it wasn't quite this. I mean, remember back a year ago when I was railing about feeling useless in my own home and like an intruder and that this stay-at-home mom thing was both more and less than it was cracked up to be. Well, I've changed my mind. Even with Boo in school now, I really don't want to trade my time with him for anything, even though it means I'll still be able to put food on the table and pay the rent and all that kind of mandatory thing. I'm going to miss walking him to school, picking him up, working on homework with him in a relaxed way and having time together. If I could manage to get a job that pays as much as this one is (even though it's just about 2/3 of what I was making before...) and I was only working when he was in school or over night, I'd do it.
So, right now, until tomorrow or the end of the week or more likely the end of the month, but until I get settled into this new job, the excitement of this new adventure is strongly overshadowed by all the time I'm loosing with Boo.
And with Gak. Even though more mornings than average we'd be sitting at our own computers doing our own thing, we were together, we had the opportunity to do things together if we wished. It was nice just to be able to hang out with my husband.
So, yeah. This is both a very awesome thing and something that's weighing on my heart a bit. This will seriously take some adjusting and hopefully the growing pains won't hurt too bad.
So, yes, I'm excited and anxious about tomorrow, but I'm also a little sad. Despite all the stress over money and the whole job search thing in general, it was a pretty good 13 months overall.
Peace to all and may your new adventures be grand and your hearts not be heavy.
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Moving On
The last time I posted I was in a very, very negative space. While the situation itself hasn't changed a whole lot, Congress isn't even talking about EUC, I still don't have a job, that kind of thing, I'm in a bit better of a place emotionally.
It turns out that I did decide to touch the retirement accounts. That in and of itself was very hard to do. I don't have a lot in there, and have no hope of ever fully retiring and I know touching them will put me even further behind the 8-ball in the future. But, hopefully I have another 30 years to worry about that. On the one hand, while it was hard to do, I'm glad I did it. Yes, the way the account was structured I had to take a withdrawal instead of a loan so I'll have to deal with taxes come next year. (But, 20% of my withdrawal was sent to the IRS, so hopefully the tax hit at the end of the year will only be minimal...) I also talked with an adviser and finally, finally rolled my savings from the Big Corp that sold us to the Other Big Corp that laid me off into an account with the same company Other Big Corp has our savings set up with. I think I'm pretty happy with how I have things set up... I left OBC's savings plan as it was, just taking a withdrawal. I rolled over BC's stocks that I had in their savings plan into a brokerage account with the current Financial Institute. I then took everything else (quite a bit more than I had in OBC's plan, since I'd been with BC much longer) and put it into a fairly aggressive, but not scarily so mutual fund. Since it bounced back after the 2007 mess, it has been gaining at a respectable rate that is very similar to what it was doing before 2007. And yes, this is all the detail you're going to get. Suffice to say, I'm happy over all with my choices and feel like I have at least a small handle on what my money is doing and someone I can call with questions.
I've also managed to do my Federal taxes. Thank you e-file! It turns out even with my nice severance package and an entire quarter of my normal earnings, we're getting a very nice chunk of change back. That and the withdrawal from my retirement savings let me breathe a huge sigh of relief. Once I get the state filed, we're actually getting money back from them too. I'm not sure about local, that's always a pot shot.
So, with a firmer, if temporary, financial footing, I can breathe at least a small sigh of relief and focus on job hunting.
There have been a few ups and downs and some more snow the past few weeks. And the whole family has been dealing with minor, but irritating tummy troubles the last few days. It started with a Boo-boy being sick Thursday and Daddy and I feeling a bit run over late yesterday and through today. I'm just so thankful that Boo-boy is as easy going as he is and let Gak and I have a fairly down day today.
I've also been thinking about Gram a good bit the last few days. Today she would have been 91. Yeah. I really could have used her advice, or at least her shoulder to lean on this past year. I always could count on her for sound advice and the wisdom to know when to just let me ramble and rant away and follow it up with a hug.
I've been not saying this here, because, well, some days I'm so good at denial, I think I should live in Egypt... Anyhow, I felt like I haven't had either of my two best advisers this past year. Yes, I'm talking about Dad. It is so hard to have a conversation with him some days. And I don't want to worry him, because he's so very good at worrying. And right now, there really isn't anything he can do to help, other than worry. So, I find myself relying on past advice and pointers and life lessons. It's not quite the same, but it's what I'll make do with. Like I told a friend the other day, our loved ones may physically leave us, but they never really die as long as we keep remembering them and asking ourselves how they would approach something or what advice they'd have. I'm so thankful that I've had such wonderful advisers in my life. Yes, Mom is on that list too, but our relationship is different that the kind of relationship I have with Dad and Gram. In some ways Mom and I are too much alike and both too good at ignoring what we want to.
Anyhow, I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than to say that life isn't quite as gray and desperate seeming as it was a few weeks ago, even if it isn't all happy and on a positive track.
Peace to all and may you have good advisers in your life who know when to listen, and know when to talk and have good advice.
It turns out that I did decide to touch the retirement accounts. That in and of itself was very hard to do. I don't have a lot in there, and have no hope of ever fully retiring and I know touching them will put me even further behind the 8-ball in the future. But, hopefully I have another 30 years to worry about that. On the one hand, while it was hard to do, I'm glad I did it. Yes, the way the account was structured I had to take a withdrawal instead of a loan so I'll have to deal with taxes come next year. (But, 20% of my withdrawal was sent to the IRS, so hopefully the tax hit at the end of the year will only be minimal...) I also talked with an adviser and finally, finally rolled my savings from the Big Corp that sold us to the Other Big Corp that laid me off into an account with the same company Other Big Corp has our savings set up with. I think I'm pretty happy with how I have things set up... I left OBC's savings plan as it was, just taking a withdrawal. I rolled over BC's stocks that I had in their savings plan into a brokerage account with the current Financial Institute. I then took everything else (quite a bit more than I had in OBC's plan, since I'd been with BC much longer) and put it into a fairly aggressive, but not scarily so mutual fund. Since it bounced back after the 2007 mess, it has been gaining at a respectable rate that is very similar to what it was doing before 2007. And yes, this is all the detail you're going to get. Suffice to say, I'm happy over all with my choices and feel like I have at least a small handle on what my money is doing and someone I can call with questions.
I've also managed to do my Federal taxes. Thank you e-file! It turns out even with my nice severance package and an entire quarter of my normal earnings, we're getting a very nice chunk of change back. That and the withdrawal from my retirement savings let me breathe a huge sigh of relief. Once I get the state filed, we're actually getting money back from them too. I'm not sure about local, that's always a pot shot.
So, with a firmer, if temporary, financial footing, I can breathe at least a small sigh of relief and focus on job hunting.
There have been a few ups and downs and some more snow the past few weeks. And the whole family has been dealing with minor, but irritating tummy troubles the last few days. It started with a Boo-boy being sick Thursday and Daddy and I feeling a bit run over late yesterday and through today. I'm just so thankful that Boo-boy is as easy going as he is and let Gak and I have a fairly down day today.
I've also been thinking about Gram a good bit the last few days. Today she would have been 91. Yeah. I really could have used her advice, or at least her shoulder to lean on this past year. I always could count on her for sound advice and the wisdom to know when to just let me ramble and rant away and follow it up with a hug.
I've been not saying this here, because, well, some days I'm so good at denial, I think I should live in Egypt... Anyhow, I felt like I haven't had either of my two best advisers this past year. Yes, I'm talking about Dad. It is so hard to have a conversation with him some days. And I don't want to worry him, because he's so very good at worrying. And right now, there really isn't anything he can do to help, other than worry. So, I find myself relying on past advice and pointers and life lessons. It's not quite the same, but it's what I'll make do with. Like I told a friend the other day, our loved ones may physically leave us, but they never really die as long as we keep remembering them and asking ourselves how they would approach something or what advice they'd have. I'm so thankful that I've had such wonderful advisers in my life. Yes, Mom is on that list too, but our relationship is different that the kind of relationship I have with Dad and Gram. In some ways Mom and I are too much alike and both too good at ignoring what we want to.
Anyhow, I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than to say that life isn't quite as gray and desperate seeming as it was a few weeks ago, even if it isn't all happy and on a positive track.
Peace to all and may you have good advisers in your life who know when to listen, and know when to talk and have good advice.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Reflections
It is the evening of the last day of 2013. To sayb is has been a hell of a year would be an understatement.
There have been many, many challenges to this year. Many have been met and surmounted. Several are still hanging over our heads.
We're not the only ones who have faced huge mountains put in their paths this year.
I have friends all over this country, and world even, who have faced greater than usual challenges this year.
Normally I'm not a very superstitious person, but '13 has been a bear.
So, where do we stand?
Boo has been in very good health throughout the year after our January hospital trip.
Jim is still employed and has even seen a raise. He's still keeping his options open, but isn't trying too hard to do anything about it.
All of our technology gadgets continue to work and do their jobs.
I have gotten to spend a lot more time with Boo than I'd hoped for.
Boo is thriving in kindergarten. This, I think, is the biggest accomplishment of the year. It is the one that makes my heart the happiest.
I have been able to complete many wonderful yarn projects. I have had the opportunity to spend a lotnof time with my family and to volunteer at Hawk Mountain a bit as well.
Unfortunately, this is because I am still unemployed. I'm working diligently on resolving that, but it is taking much longer than anticipated. It wasn't my choice to travel this path, but I'll make the best of it.
So, I bid a thankful farewell to 2013 and am doing my best to make 2014 as good as I can make it.
Peace to all and may you all have good challenges and adventures in the new year.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Dad
Today I'm thankful for my dad. I'm thankful that I've had another year with him around and in my life. Yep, today is his birthday.
Yes, his health has deteriorated a lot this year. Yes, his Alzheimer's is really taking its toll lately. He's had some really bad days, but then he'll have a string of better days. It's up and down back and forth, but generally in a downward slide. Some days when we go over to see them it just breaks my heart having the same conversation three or four times in a row. But, then I see him with Boo and how well they get along and truly enjoy being with each other and my heart melts a little and I will keep those memories forever.
His nerve pain is better some days and worse others. When he's in pain, those are the days that are hardest on his memory. When his pain meds are working and he's having a good day, he's having a good day.
But, just like with the memory issues, the pain issues are probably on a downward slide as well.
I'm thankful for everything he's ever done for me. And I'm thankful that my son loves his PopPop as much as he does. And most of all, I'm thankful that he's been here for another year. I love him so very much.
Peace to all and may you have as much time as you can with the people you love.
Yes, his health has deteriorated a lot this year. Yes, his Alzheimer's is really taking its toll lately. He's had some really bad days, but then he'll have a string of better days. It's up and down back and forth, but generally in a downward slide. Some days when we go over to see them it just breaks my heart having the same conversation three or four times in a row. But, then I see him with Boo and how well they get along and truly enjoy being with each other and my heart melts a little and I will keep those memories forever.
His nerve pain is better some days and worse others. When he's in pain, those are the days that are hardest on his memory. When his pain meds are working and he's having a good day, he's having a good day.
But, just like with the memory issues, the pain issues are probably on a downward slide as well.
I'm thankful for everything he's ever done for me. And I'm thankful that my son loves his PopPop as much as he does. And most of all, I'm thankful that he's been here for another year. I love him so very much.
Peace to all and may you have as much time as you can with the people you love.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Mom
Today I am thankful for my mom. Yes, I know I've said it before and I'll say it again. My mom rocks.
Sure, it's pretty awesome that she watches the boy-o just about every Monday saving me around $120 a month, but that's just a little thing in the grand scheme of things.
No, my mom is awesome because she's so creative. And she loves to be creative and do fun things with Boo. Just like she loved doing fun and creative things with Jon and I while we were growing up. I'm so thankful that she so willingly shares her time, love and creativity with my boy-o. They're both better off for it. I know my boy loves his Amma and is always happy when we have a project for them to do.
And I know Amma loves to do these things with her boy and share the smiles and the giggles.
And me, I get the best of it all. I get the smiles of _both_ my mom _and_ my son. You really can't beat that.
So, Mom, I'm so very thankful that you're my mom and that you have such a great relationship with my husband and my son and that you love spending time with us.
Sure, it's pretty awesome that she watches the boy-o just about every Monday saving me around $120 a month, but that's just a little thing in the grand scheme of things.
No, my mom is awesome because she's so creative. And she loves to be creative and do fun things with Boo. Just like she loved doing fun and creative things with Jon and I while we were growing up. I'm so thankful that she so willingly shares her time, love and creativity with my boy-o. They're both better off for it. I know my boy loves his Amma and is always happy when we have a project for them to do.
And I know Amma loves to do these things with her boy and share the smiles and the giggles.
And me, I get the best of it all. I get the smiles of _both_ my mom _and_ my son. You really can't beat that.
So, Mom, I'm so very thankful that you're my mom and that you have such a great relationship with my husband and my son and that you love spending time with us.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Apples
Anyhow, I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves. We had a lot of fun picking apples and just hanging out and catching up. Boo and Piglet had fun playing together, as they usually do. Mom, Lissa and I got to catch up. And there will be much applesauce to be enjoyed by all for a long time. We went to Freecon Farms right outside of Boyertown. It's a nice easy drive for us, and not too bad of a drive for Lissa. Hopefully we'll be getting together again sooner as opposed to later. Living 2 hours or so apart is tough for getting together, but it is always so worth it when we do.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Fingers
However, there is a finger that's appropriate. The ring finger on my left hand. I'm not sure I can tell you exactly how much I love that band on my finger. I love the pattern and the size and the weight. But most of all, I love what it represents. I love that it shows the world that my heart belongs to one person. And that person happens to be a very wonderful man. I'm proud to say that I love my Gak. I love him with all my heart.
We may have our ups and downs and ins and outs. We may totally frustrate the hell out of each other and drive each other to distraction and beyond, but in the end, it's worth it. I have someone who even through the bad and the ugly loves me and sees through to the real me, the me I often try and hide from the world. And, he loves me for it. Or maybe because of it. I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I truly love my Bear. I know I don't say it or show it often enough. I know I take him for granted. But I also know that I really don't want to think about what my life would be like without him. It would be a lot grayer and a lot less fun. We may not always go off on grand adventures, but even our small adventures often have us laughing. Maybe days or weeks after the fact when we can get over the drama that has been caused, but we can almost always laugh about it.
I've noticed over the years that the weight of my wedding band never seems to be the same. Some days, I barely even notice I'm wearing it. It's just there. Other days, it seems to weigh 10 tons and it is all I can think about. I find myself playing with it absently at times, usually when I'm either in deep concentration or when I'm stressed out. It grounds me and reminds me of what's really important. And it reminds me that I have someone who I love totally and who loves me with all his heart.
I really wish everyone could find that. I remember describing the first time I saw Gak after about 5 years of being apart. I remember saying it was like finding that old, worn-out, long forgotten but favorite coat in the back of the closet. It may be a bit ragged and beat up and faded around the edges, and maybe a seam needs a little help and there's a button missing, but when you put it on and it just wraps you up in that warmth, it's perfect no matter what it looks like. That's what it was like the weekend he came up to visit me. And some days that feeling is a little harder to find, but it's always there. I always find it by the time I'm curled up in bed, drifting off knowing that someone loves me.
So, after a lazy Sunday with a few errand running adventures (that got new shoes for me and a boy, a White Dwarf for my Bear and groceries for the week...) and wrapping it up with watching Ice Age 2 and a "facetime" call from Nana, I will say goodnight. The next two weeks will be long as Gak has to work open to close. It won't be fun by the end of the second week, but we'll get through it, we always do.
Peace to all and may you find someone to share your heart with.
P.S. Yes, that is my RoadID I'm wearing as well.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Rollercoaster
Right now I feel like I'm a bit on a rollercoaster, and I'm not sure it's one of the fun ones either.
I think I feel this way because I'm tired and I need a day off and I'm not sure when I'll be able to squeeze that into my schedule. Yep, that's normal reporting month exhaustion speaking there. But it does go beyond that a bit.
Actually, let me change my first statement... I feel like I'm trying to ride three rollercoasters at once. Yeah, that sounds a bit more like my reality at the moment. You could probably add a 4th kiddie ride to the mix that would be the rest of life, but it's not being rough right now...
Anyhow, we'll start with the easiest one. Rollercoaster number one is potty training. I'm sure some of you have seen my Facebook posts. If you've read for any length of time here, you've seen the few posts or pieces of posts here about our adventures with Boo and the potty. Last week we were riding pretty high thinking that we were finally getting to the end of this ride. Nope, this week we're at a low again. Yesterday he didn't even want to wear his new Cars big-boy underpants, but insisted on a pullup. And he had an accident at school not while at nap time. (All last week his only accidents were after school when he was tired and just didn't care or didn't want to poop on the potty...) And he's been having more accidents in general. So, we're on a downward trend again and I hope it's short lived. I know Gak is just about as ready as I am (if not more so) to finally be to the point where there may be the occasional accident but we're diaper and pullup free. I have no real idea what Boo's thoughts on the subject are.
Knowing him, part of the issue this week is his "but I did that last week" mentality. Or it could be the stubborn "I'm not going to because you want me to" streak he's got. *whistles innocently* I have no idea where he got that from... *sarcasm* Or it could be that he really just isn't ready to do this full time and it really is being hard for him. I'm thinking it's a bit of all of that and maybe something else too for all I know. All I do know is that Boo's been in a pisser of a mood and letting his attitude fly in the evenings and really pushing buttons.
(Cute story though, last night as I was trying to get him ready for bed he looks at me as he's fighting putting on his pajama top and says "I'm pushing buttons on you. I'm pushing buttons all over" and he starts giggling and poking at me going "beep!". I couldn't help but laugh at that one... even though I just wanted to get him into his jammies and into bed at that point...)
So, we'll ride this coaster for a bit longer.
The other two rollercoasters are a bit more complex. They're both important, but in different ways. I'm not sure which one is "bigger" or "harder" so I'll just pick one and roll with it.
I sort of alluded to this rollercoaster in my opening lines. It's reporting month again at work and that brings it's own normal chaos. But, it goes a bit above and beyond that right now. I normally wouldn't post this, but it's being a big deal mentally and I've got to get it off my chest. You see, despite the fact that I'm one of the more productive members of my team, I'm in trouble for my apparent productivity. Yeah, you read that sentence right. I've been having a bit (a lot) more unapplied time on my timesheet that "people" think is appropriate. And apparently "people" have noticed. So, I've been officially reprimanded for it. (And yes, I'm writing this during work, but my computer is mostly tied up evaluating reports for a customer and it's taken me about thirty minutes to write this much...) The most annoying and frustrating part, I'm one of the more productive members of my group and because I refuse to lie on my timesheet, it doesn't look that way. There are one or two other guys here who are always up and wandering around. At least my unapplied time is usually spent at my desk being disorganized and not transitioning between tasks well. I refused to point out the obvious lies on my coworkers times (he showed me a graph with all our unapplied time by week) because I know damn right well he knows about the worst offender. It just so happens that my boss and that guy get along really well. And I have absolutely nothing in common with our boss and even though I've known him about 11 years now, we just don't get along all that well beyond what I like to call "business friendly", we don't dislike each other most days, but we just don't like each other much either. (Admittedly, the other guy's behavior has improved the last two weeks... but....)
I have a "follow up" meeting today. No, I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me feel like I'm in elementary school or something. Sure, I can see the point that we can't justify adding people if I'm driving up the unapplied time. But you know what, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot or that I'm 10 years old and disrupting the class. Yes, it's "nice" of him to pull me aside and he doesn't actually yell, but man if I don't want to just explode. Like I said, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel like I was being singled out. And, with the improvements in the other guy's time I know I'm not, but it does seem personal.
No, I probably shouldn't be posting this. But, I've used no names and unless you know me in real life, I've never once mentioned who I work for. Sure, if you're in the industry and stumbled across this little corner of the web you might be able to figure it out. Sure, if I ever decide to change jobs (something that keeps entering my mind every few months but I keep ignoring) and a future employer sees this, it doesn't do me any favors. But, I'm not going to apologize for writing this. It's part of the rollercoaster that is my life right now. It has me hurt, frustrated, scared and tired. Not to mention just plain old upset. I do try hard. I know I'm not at the top of my game. I don't really know why. I'm fighting against things I've been fighting against my entire life. I'm an expert in avoiding what I don't want to do. And most of the time it's silly and stupid what I don't want to do. And the sad part, is that teachers and employers get hung up on the silly things you don't want to do instead of looking at your overall productivity or absorption of knowledge that shows you really do know what you're talking about or doing and you're being useful and productive. I have thoughts, but they're not ones my boss would remotely understand and would make me seem even more "weak" and probably even "useless" in his eyes. (No, he's not against women in the workplace, but even though he's a young guy he just doesn't understand about being a parent in the workplace or any of the other things that are going on in my life that add outside pressures. Or at least he comes off as not understanding and therefore I just don't try anymore with him.)
**two hours later and during lunch**
Anyhow, on to rollercoaster number three. Dad and his health. Or lack there of these days. I'm pretty sure I mentioned Dad wasn't feeling well Sunday when we went over. I mean, feeling worse than usual.
He's really been in a lot of discomfort lately and it's distressing and saddening and overall just plain sucky.
I'll try and keep this as simple as possible. I don't know everything, and I know I've forgotten a few of the things I've talked about with Mom.
Let's see here... I guess I'll start with a general overview of the symptoms/complaints. There's the memory issues I've been talking about for a while. Some days are better than others but lately it has just been too frustrating for him to be involved in conversations for more than a very brief time. This has really been rough.
The thing he's been complaining about the longest has been pain and aching and other sensory issues, not just with his joints but with his muscles and bones too. (Yes, it can feel like your bones hurt.) That's been getting worse and worse recently and the various pain medications he's been on haven't been doing a damn bit of good. How much is psychosomatic and how much is real is always up for debate, but I know he's been living with joint pain of some kind as long as I can remember and it's been getting steadily worse over time.
Things got so bad a few weeks back that Mom called the family doctor and said what can we do? Well, he got Dad an appointment with a neurologist and had some special tests done. One was an X-ray which confirmed that there is arthritis damage in his spine. (duh!) Another was some fancy blood work. Apparently the blood work confirms that Dad has something called Sjogren's Syndrome. Normally it strikes women more than men and usually manifests itself as chronic dry-mouth and lack of tears. In bad cases it can cause the kind of joint pain that Dad's been complaining of. It's an auto-immune disease, meaning your immune system attacks your own body.
Well, yesterday was Dad's appointment. From the short call I had with Mom last night, it sounds like this guy is really on top of things and doesn't always think within the box of standard diagnosis. Yes, he believes that there is nerve damage and that's what is causing a lot of Dad's pain. He's got a special electrode test thing on the 30th to further investigate this. He's taken Dad off the narcotic pain meds as they weren't helping anyhow and has started him on some anti-seizure meds instead. I'm a little fuzzy on the hows and whys of this, but when Mom was talking to me, it made sense. Also, he wants to get Dad tested for Lyme's disease.
Yep, you read that right, Lyme's.
What are the symptoms of Lyme's?
Well, according to the "great" Wikipedia:
"...Early symptoms may include fever, headache, fatigue,depression, and a characteristic circular skin rash called erythema migrans (EM). Left untreated, later symptoms may involve the joints, heart, and central nervous system. In most cases, the infection and its symptoms are eliminated by antibiotics, especially if the illness is treated early.[6] Delayed or inadequate treatment can lead to the more serious symptoms, which can be disabling and difficult to treat.[7]"
According to the CDC:
"...Typical symptoms include fever, headache, fatigue, and a characteristic skin rash called erythema migrans. If left untreated, infection can spread to joints, the heart, and the nervous system. "
I think I feel this way because I'm tired and I need a day off and I'm not sure when I'll be able to squeeze that into my schedule. Yep, that's normal reporting month exhaustion speaking there. But it does go beyond that a bit.
Actually, let me change my first statement... I feel like I'm trying to ride three rollercoasters at once. Yeah, that sounds a bit more like my reality at the moment. You could probably add a 4th kiddie ride to the mix that would be the rest of life, but it's not being rough right now...
Anyhow, we'll start with the easiest one. Rollercoaster number one is potty training. I'm sure some of you have seen my Facebook posts. If you've read for any length of time here, you've seen the few posts or pieces of posts here about our adventures with Boo and the potty. Last week we were riding pretty high thinking that we were finally getting to the end of this ride. Nope, this week we're at a low again. Yesterday he didn't even want to wear his new Cars big-boy underpants, but insisted on a pullup. And he had an accident at school not while at nap time. (All last week his only accidents were after school when he was tired and just didn't care or didn't want to poop on the potty...) And he's been having more accidents in general. So, we're on a downward trend again and I hope it's short lived. I know Gak is just about as ready as I am (if not more so) to finally be to the point where there may be the occasional accident but we're diaper and pullup free. I have no real idea what Boo's thoughts on the subject are.
Knowing him, part of the issue this week is his "but I did that last week" mentality. Or it could be the stubborn "I'm not going to because you want me to" streak he's got. *whistles innocently* I have no idea where he got that from... *sarcasm* Or it could be that he really just isn't ready to do this full time and it really is being hard for him. I'm thinking it's a bit of all of that and maybe something else too for all I know. All I do know is that Boo's been in a pisser of a mood and letting his attitude fly in the evenings and really pushing buttons.
(Cute story though, last night as I was trying to get him ready for bed he looks at me as he's fighting putting on his pajama top and says "I'm pushing buttons on you. I'm pushing buttons all over" and he starts giggling and poking at me going "beep!". I couldn't help but laugh at that one... even though I just wanted to get him into his jammies and into bed at that point...)
So, we'll ride this coaster for a bit longer.
The other two rollercoasters are a bit more complex. They're both important, but in different ways. I'm not sure which one is "bigger" or "harder" so I'll just pick one and roll with it.
I sort of alluded to this rollercoaster in my opening lines. It's reporting month again at work and that brings it's own normal chaos. But, it goes a bit above and beyond that right now. I normally wouldn't post this, but it's being a big deal mentally and I've got to get it off my chest. You see, despite the fact that I'm one of the more productive members of my team, I'm in trouble for my apparent productivity. Yeah, you read that sentence right. I've been having a bit (a lot) more unapplied time on my timesheet that "people" think is appropriate. And apparently "people" have noticed. So, I've been officially reprimanded for it. (And yes, I'm writing this during work, but my computer is mostly tied up evaluating reports for a customer and it's taken me about thirty minutes to write this much...) The most annoying and frustrating part, I'm one of the more productive members of my group and because I refuse to lie on my timesheet, it doesn't look that way. There are one or two other guys here who are always up and wandering around. At least my unapplied time is usually spent at my desk being disorganized and not transitioning between tasks well. I refused to point out the obvious lies on my coworkers times (he showed me a graph with all our unapplied time by week) because I know damn right well he knows about the worst offender. It just so happens that my boss and that guy get along really well. And I have absolutely nothing in common with our boss and even though I've known him about 11 years now, we just don't get along all that well beyond what I like to call "business friendly", we don't dislike each other most days, but we just don't like each other much either. (Admittedly, the other guy's behavior has improved the last two weeks... but....)
I have a "follow up" meeting today. No, I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me feel like I'm in elementary school or something. Sure, I can see the point that we can't justify adding people if I'm driving up the unapplied time. But you know what, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot or that I'm 10 years old and disrupting the class. Yes, it's "nice" of him to pull me aside and he doesn't actually yell, but man if I don't want to just explode. Like I said, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel like I was being singled out. And, with the improvements in the other guy's time I know I'm not, but it does seem personal.
No, I probably shouldn't be posting this. But, I've used no names and unless you know me in real life, I've never once mentioned who I work for. Sure, if you're in the industry and stumbled across this little corner of the web you might be able to figure it out. Sure, if I ever decide to change jobs (something that keeps entering my mind every few months but I keep ignoring) and a future employer sees this, it doesn't do me any favors. But, I'm not going to apologize for writing this. It's part of the rollercoaster that is my life right now. It has me hurt, frustrated, scared and tired. Not to mention just plain old upset. I do try hard. I know I'm not at the top of my game. I don't really know why. I'm fighting against things I've been fighting against my entire life. I'm an expert in avoiding what I don't want to do. And most of the time it's silly and stupid what I don't want to do. And the sad part, is that teachers and employers get hung up on the silly things you don't want to do instead of looking at your overall productivity or absorption of knowledge that shows you really do know what you're talking about or doing and you're being useful and productive. I have thoughts, but they're not ones my boss would remotely understand and would make me seem even more "weak" and probably even "useless" in his eyes. (No, he's not against women in the workplace, but even though he's a young guy he just doesn't understand about being a parent in the workplace or any of the other things that are going on in my life that add outside pressures. Or at least he comes off as not understanding and therefore I just don't try anymore with him.)
**two hours later and during lunch**
Anyhow, on to rollercoaster number three. Dad and his health. Or lack there of these days. I'm pretty sure I mentioned Dad wasn't feeling well Sunday when we went over. I mean, feeling worse than usual.
He's really been in a lot of discomfort lately and it's distressing and saddening and overall just plain sucky.
I'll try and keep this as simple as possible. I don't know everything, and I know I've forgotten a few of the things I've talked about with Mom.
Let's see here... I guess I'll start with a general overview of the symptoms/complaints. There's the memory issues I've been talking about for a while. Some days are better than others but lately it has just been too frustrating for him to be involved in conversations for more than a very brief time. This has really been rough.
The thing he's been complaining about the longest has been pain and aching and other sensory issues, not just with his joints but with his muscles and bones too. (Yes, it can feel like your bones hurt.) That's been getting worse and worse recently and the various pain medications he's been on haven't been doing a damn bit of good. How much is psychosomatic and how much is real is always up for debate, but I know he's been living with joint pain of some kind as long as I can remember and it's been getting steadily worse over time.
Things got so bad a few weeks back that Mom called the family doctor and said what can we do? Well, he got Dad an appointment with a neurologist and had some special tests done. One was an X-ray which confirmed that there is arthritis damage in his spine. (duh!) Another was some fancy blood work. Apparently the blood work confirms that Dad has something called Sjogren's Syndrome. Normally it strikes women more than men and usually manifests itself as chronic dry-mouth and lack of tears. In bad cases it can cause the kind of joint pain that Dad's been complaining of. It's an auto-immune disease, meaning your immune system attacks your own body.
Well, yesterday was Dad's appointment. From the short call I had with Mom last night, it sounds like this guy is really on top of things and doesn't always think within the box of standard diagnosis. Yes, he believes that there is nerve damage and that's what is causing a lot of Dad's pain. He's got a special electrode test thing on the 30th to further investigate this. He's taken Dad off the narcotic pain meds as they weren't helping anyhow and has started him on some anti-seizure meds instead. I'm a little fuzzy on the hows and whys of this, but when Mom was talking to me, it made sense. Also, he wants to get Dad tested for Lyme's disease.
Yep, you read that right, Lyme's.
What are the symptoms of Lyme's?
Well, according to the "great" Wikipedia:
"...Early symptoms may include fever, headache, fatigue,depression, and a characteristic circular skin rash called erythema migrans (EM). Left untreated, later symptoms may involve the joints, heart, and central nervous system. In most cases, the infection and its symptoms are eliminated by antibiotics, especially if the illness is treated early.[6] Delayed or inadequate treatment can lead to the more serious symptoms, which can be disabling and difficult to treat.[7]"
According to the CDC:
"...Typical symptoms include fever, headache, fatigue, and a characteristic skin rash called erythema migrans. If left untreated, infection can spread to joints, the heart, and the nervous system. "
Anyhow, what does this mean for Dad? This means that at least some of his memory problems could be caused by Lyme's. Can it be cured? Probably not completely. I do believe that there may be some underlying problems not caused by Lyme's. Do I think the possibility of Lyme's is offering us false hope? I hope not. I'd love everything we've been dealing with for the last few years to be caused by something so simple. But I know that at this stage of the game that even if it is Lyme's, Dad'll never get back to "normal". The damage is done. Some of it may be reversible, but even that I kinda doubt. If it is Lyme and we'd all figured it out two years ago, we wouldn't be where we are now. But, since it is now and not then, the picture is very different. In any case if this is Lyme or Alzheimer's or something else entirely, Dad's memory will never be what it was. His life is and will be impaired by the physical symptoms he has of whatever is causing him agony and the mental problems caused along the way.
So, that's where the rollercoaster lies. I'm glad that we might possibly be getting some kind of good news, even if it's only a little tiny bit of good news and not all that good in the grand scheme of things. But, it also reminds me, yet again, how tenuous this whole mental thing is.
So, that's where things stand. I'm feeling like I'm not really in control of much. And normally I'm OK with that, but there is so much going on that's pretty big that I can only smile and wave at, that I'm feeling a bit out of it. And I woke up with a big case of the grumps.
Anyhow, I'd best wrap this up and head back into the working world and try and transition to something I'm supposed to be doing.
Peace to all and may the only rollercoasters you ride be the ones you want...
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Crazy Weekends Edition
Wait... where did the week go? Scratch that, where did the month go? Anyhow, it's the last day of March. And looking over on the right there, I realize I haven't been such a good blogger this month. Oh well, it was bound to happen at least once this year. Hopefully this will be the only "slow" month on the blog this year. I'm not holding my breath, I know me.
So, here it is Saturday again and I never did write about our adventures last weekend, and here we are in the middle of a new weekend. I guess we'll get the short version (haha) of two weekends in one post.
And no, I don't have any pictures off the camera. Another thing I've been very lax with this year is getting what few pictures I've taken off the camera and onto the computer, and then even slower about posting them. I assure you, you won't have to look at the Christmas photos on the sidebar for too much longer. But, tomorrow is April, so I'm sure you'll have to bear with me a bit longer...
OK. So, let's start with last Saturday.
But, in order to do that, we've got to back up to last Wednesday or Thursday. I get a call from Kat and Steph asking what our plans were for Saturday night. I said we didn't have any. They informed me that Rachel would be watching a boy-child and that we were going to go see Seamus Kennedy at Beethoven Waldheim Saturday night. $25 a head for a cash bar, a full evening of entertainment and a buffet dinner that's usually pretty good.
Ow, ow, ow... twist my arm.
So, Saturday we ended up changing our normal routine just a bit. We ended up not catching up with everyone after laundry and instead ran a few errands and just the boy-o and I had lunch at Friendly's. Then it was a bit of non-nap time for the boy-o while I got things together for Sunday.
After picking up Gak from work, we get cleaned up and ready to roll. We head over to Kat's, drop Boo off with Rachel, Billy and Zoe and the 6 of us going to the show head out the door.
As always Seamus was amazing. There was an older couple at our table with us who were really pretty cool and we enjoyed talking with throughout the evening. I think they enjoyed our company as well. (And yet again, we had to explain that Kat and I aren't sisters, and that Steph isn't related either, but we're all really good friends and family of the heart. It always makes me giggle when people ask if we're sisters.)
We get home after picking up a boy-o at about 11:30. Boo didn't fall asleep until almost midnight and he hadn't slept any at Kat's. He promptly woke us up at 7:00 on Sunday morning.
Of course, that was fine because the second part of our jam-packed weekend was about to start. We needed to leave the house between 8 and 8:30 because we were heading down to Baltimore. Well, west of Baltimore, but close enough. Aunt Beverly and Uncle Richard were in town visiting Ben and Jenny and the boys. Sunday was my mom's birthday, Beverly and Richard's anniversary and Tuesday was Ethan's 2nd birthday. So, we had a bit of a family gathering and party. And, to add even more excitement to the day, Jenny and Daniel had tickets to the play "Clever Rachel" and got a pair for Seamus and I as well. It was part of a children's theater series and in conjunction with a group that Jenny sometimes works with. It was a little unusual because they don't normally do "Jewish specific" kinds of plays, but a little bit of everything. Anyhow, it was neat because both the author or the play and the playwright were there to answer questions after. Boo did very well for his first live-action play. (We've been to the movies a few times, but never an actual play.) I enjoyed it quite a bit too.
Eventually we wandered our way home and exhaustedly bid farewell to the weekend.
The work week was mostly uneventful. I got a lot of work done. Scouts wasn't one of the best meetings we've had, but not the worst either. Potty training has been hit or miss all week, with a bit more miss than hit. We'll have this but its a little annoying after such a good week. The weather wasn't warm enough to get a bike ride in, even though Friday was gorgeous. If it was a few degrees warmer, I might have brought the bike, but instead we just went over to the park for a little bit after work/daycare.
Now, we're on to this weekend, which is shaping up to be one full of adventures. Or at least today has been.
Ever since Dominik's birthday back in November, Becky (his mom) and I have been playing email/note tag trying to find a time when we could get the boys together to play outside of school. Originally we were going to have a picnic at the playground and let the boys run around and have fun. Well, the weather didn't cooperate. I think today was the coldest and wettest day of the week. So, I suggested we take the boys to the bounce place where they had Dominik's birthday for a bit this morning and then do lunch. Everyone liked the idea. The boys had a lot of fun and I got to know Becky and Shawn a bit better. We'd said hi several times in passing picking up the boys, but hadn't had much of a chance to talk. We had a nice lunch at a diner and then headed home.
The boy-o took a very good nap, even if it was cut short by having to pick up a Poppa Bear.
Gak had asked if we could go down to Monkeyville to the Best Buy down there to look at computers. I'd promised him a new one with part of my bonus money from work. We'd picked one up a few weeks ago, but it just wasn't going to work since it was all but impossible to upgrade the video, and he really needed to for his games. So, back that one went and we've been living with one computer for a bit.
Well, looking at the ones available there, we decided that the biggest difference between mine and the one he was looking at was the RAM, and the $50 bigger price tag.
So, on a whim, we decide to go down to Microcenter and look at what they had. Gak ended up buying the exact same computer as I got. We're going to move the video card from this one into that one and if I can run EQII without the video card, we won't worry about upgrading my video. If I need to upgrade the video, I will at some point.
Then, after buying the computer Boo announced he was hungry. So, we call Amma to see how she was feeling and see if she wanted to join us at Panera Bread for dinner. Of course she did! We had a very nice bite to eat and some time together. Boo insisted Amma sit next to him, which thrilled her to no end. I know she's been missing her play dates with my son and is looking forward to being released from rehab so she can start coming up at least some Mondays. After dinner Amma headed home and we did a quick trip over to B&N before heading home.
So, as you can see, this has been one very adventure filled Saturday already. The boy-o is in bed and I'm not far behind. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the pictures done. Maybe not. Thankfully the only things on the schedule are laundry, grocery shopping, some light cleaning around the apartment and Gak's playing Warhammer 40K with the guys in the evening. Maybe I'll get some crafting in. I've got two or three pairs of socks started and in various stages of being annoying/finished. I've got an afghan that really is feeling neglected and is very beautiful and deserves to be finished, or at least worked on some more, I've got an idea for another shrug that I really want to get on paper and started. And I've got fabric and a pattern for a dress. I really want something else to add into the rotation of work clothes that looks good and isn't yet another pair of black, navy or khaki pants and a shirt. Of course, half my shirts don't fit right anymore either and I should do something about that. Oh, and I need a new pair of sneakers. My low-cut boots are beginning to fall apart and riding my bike with my high-top hikers isn't very fun. That and it might be nice to have sneakers to walk in at work.... and the boy needs shorts, lots of shorts. He's got 2 or 3 pair that fit, everything else from last summer were 2T...
But, I digress and I'm rambling.
So, off to bed it is.
Peace to all and may your weekends be full of fun adventures and family and may your weeks be mostly harmless.
So, here it is Saturday again and I never did write about our adventures last weekend, and here we are in the middle of a new weekend. I guess we'll get the short version (haha) of two weekends in one post.
And no, I don't have any pictures off the camera. Another thing I've been very lax with this year is getting what few pictures I've taken off the camera and onto the computer, and then even slower about posting them. I assure you, you won't have to look at the Christmas photos on the sidebar for too much longer. But, tomorrow is April, so I'm sure you'll have to bear with me a bit longer...
OK. So, let's start with last Saturday.
But, in order to do that, we've got to back up to last Wednesday or Thursday. I get a call from Kat and Steph asking what our plans were for Saturday night. I said we didn't have any. They informed me that Rachel would be watching a boy-child and that we were going to go see Seamus Kennedy at Beethoven Waldheim Saturday night. $25 a head for a cash bar, a full evening of entertainment and a buffet dinner that's usually pretty good.
Ow, ow, ow... twist my arm.
So, Saturday we ended up changing our normal routine just a bit. We ended up not catching up with everyone after laundry and instead ran a few errands and just the boy-o and I had lunch at Friendly's. Then it was a bit of non-nap time for the boy-o while I got things together for Sunday.
After picking up Gak from work, we get cleaned up and ready to roll. We head over to Kat's, drop Boo off with Rachel, Billy and Zoe and the 6 of us going to the show head out the door.
As always Seamus was amazing. There was an older couple at our table with us who were really pretty cool and we enjoyed talking with throughout the evening. I think they enjoyed our company as well. (And yet again, we had to explain that Kat and I aren't sisters, and that Steph isn't related either, but we're all really good friends and family of the heart. It always makes me giggle when people ask if we're sisters.)
We get home after picking up a boy-o at about 11:30. Boo didn't fall asleep until almost midnight and he hadn't slept any at Kat's. He promptly woke us up at 7:00 on Sunday morning.
Of course, that was fine because the second part of our jam-packed weekend was about to start. We needed to leave the house between 8 and 8:30 because we were heading down to Baltimore. Well, west of Baltimore, but close enough. Aunt Beverly and Uncle Richard were in town visiting Ben and Jenny and the boys. Sunday was my mom's birthday, Beverly and Richard's anniversary and Tuesday was Ethan's 2nd birthday. So, we had a bit of a family gathering and party. And, to add even more excitement to the day, Jenny and Daniel had tickets to the play "Clever Rachel" and got a pair for Seamus and I as well. It was part of a children's theater series and in conjunction with a group that Jenny sometimes works with. It was a little unusual because they don't normally do "Jewish specific" kinds of plays, but a little bit of everything. Anyhow, it was neat because both the author or the play and the playwright were there to answer questions after. Boo did very well for his first live-action play. (We've been to the movies a few times, but never an actual play.) I enjoyed it quite a bit too.
Eventually we wandered our way home and exhaustedly bid farewell to the weekend.
The work week was mostly uneventful. I got a lot of work done. Scouts wasn't one of the best meetings we've had, but not the worst either. Potty training has been hit or miss all week, with a bit more miss than hit. We'll have this but its a little annoying after such a good week. The weather wasn't warm enough to get a bike ride in, even though Friday was gorgeous. If it was a few degrees warmer, I might have brought the bike, but instead we just went over to the park for a little bit after work/daycare.
Now, we're on to this weekend, which is shaping up to be one full of adventures. Or at least today has been.
Ever since Dominik's birthday back in November, Becky (his mom) and I have been playing email/note tag trying to find a time when we could get the boys together to play outside of school. Originally we were going to have a picnic at the playground and let the boys run around and have fun. Well, the weather didn't cooperate. I think today was the coldest and wettest day of the week. So, I suggested we take the boys to the bounce place where they had Dominik's birthday for a bit this morning and then do lunch. Everyone liked the idea. The boys had a lot of fun and I got to know Becky and Shawn a bit better. We'd said hi several times in passing picking up the boys, but hadn't had much of a chance to talk. We had a nice lunch at a diner and then headed home.
The boy-o took a very good nap, even if it was cut short by having to pick up a Poppa Bear.
Gak had asked if we could go down to Monkeyville to the Best Buy down there to look at computers. I'd promised him a new one with part of my bonus money from work. We'd picked one up a few weeks ago, but it just wasn't going to work since it was all but impossible to upgrade the video, and he really needed to for his games. So, back that one went and we've been living with one computer for a bit.
Well, looking at the ones available there, we decided that the biggest difference between mine and the one he was looking at was the RAM, and the $50 bigger price tag.
So, on a whim, we decide to go down to Microcenter and look at what they had. Gak ended up buying the exact same computer as I got. We're going to move the video card from this one into that one and if I can run EQII without the video card, we won't worry about upgrading my video. If I need to upgrade the video, I will at some point.
Then, after buying the computer Boo announced he was hungry. So, we call Amma to see how she was feeling and see if she wanted to join us at Panera Bread for dinner. Of course she did! We had a very nice bite to eat and some time together. Boo insisted Amma sit next to him, which thrilled her to no end. I know she's been missing her play dates with my son and is looking forward to being released from rehab so she can start coming up at least some Mondays. After dinner Amma headed home and we did a quick trip over to B&N before heading home.
So, as you can see, this has been one very adventure filled Saturday already. The boy-o is in bed and I'm not far behind. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the pictures done. Maybe not. Thankfully the only things on the schedule are laundry, grocery shopping, some light cleaning around the apartment and Gak's playing Warhammer 40K with the guys in the evening. Maybe I'll get some crafting in. I've got two or three pairs of socks started and in various stages of being annoying/finished. I've got an afghan that really is feeling neglected and is very beautiful and deserves to be finished, or at least worked on some more, I've got an idea for another shrug that I really want to get on paper and started. And I've got fabric and a pattern for a dress. I really want something else to add into the rotation of work clothes that looks good and isn't yet another pair of black, navy or khaki pants and a shirt. Of course, half my shirts don't fit right anymore either and I should do something about that. Oh, and I need a new pair of sneakers. My low-cut boots are beginning to fall apart and riding my bike with my high-top hikers isn't very fun. That and it might be nice to have sneakers to walk in at work.... and the boy needs shorts, lots of shorts. He's got 2 or 3 pair that fit, everything else from last summer were 2T...
But, I digress and I'm rambling.
So, off to bed it is.
Peace to all and may your weekends be full of fun adventures and family and may your weeks be mostly harmless.
Monday, February 06, 2012
New and Random.
Well, it's been almost a week since I last posted. I'm feeling a million times better than I was a week ago. I can swallow without cringing and have most of my energy back. So, I'm just about back at 100%, give or take.
Mom's doing really well. She's being worked really hard in therapy and doing really well with it.
Saturday was actually pretty cool. We had our normal Saturday morning/afternoon, but then after Gak got off work, we headed down to visit Amma. We had a very enjoyable visit and Boo got lots of Aunt Becca time. We (the "kids") got sent out to dinner because Dad was getting a big overwhelmed by all the people in the house. Anyhow, it was a very nice chance to hang out with Becca for a bit and just talk a bit about both family stuff and general stuff. I really love her and Jon and it really stinks some days that they live on the other side of the country.
The highlight for me, other than getting to spend some wonderful time with both Becca and Mom, was the fact that our income tax return cleared and I was able to take a bit of it and splurge on a new computer. Well, I wouldn't call it much of a splurge. It has been almost 6 years since I got the Beast. He was a good machine, but living on borrowed time. His power supply fan has been going for about 2 years now and if it went, the whole system would be shot. It was actually going to be cheaper to replace him than to fix him, I'm sad to say. This new girl is pretty nice though. She's a bit better than the $200 base models, but she's not a $2000 Alienware or even a $1000 Dell. I did upgrade her video though, not top of the line video, but about as much as her power supply could handle. She's a cute little HP and so far she's handling nicely. Windows 7 Home Premium seems mostly harmless and fortunately hasn't changed up too many things. I feel like they've hidden some key things that I'm used to being able to see/do, but I'm not your average user. I spend a lot of time mucking about with software and doing things "behind the scenes" and troubleshooting issues for other people. I'm used to being able to get easy access to certain parts of the OS, which Windows 7 hides from users because it's safer that way. I'm sure I'll find what I want/need when I need to.
Anyhow, I know I didn't talk much about our visit with Mom. There isn't much to tell really. She was very happy to see her Boo, and he was very glad to see her. He was extra gentle with her knee and so very cute. Becca and Boo had a good amount of fun looking at "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go!" and playing with some finger puppets and just generally enjoying each other. It made me happy to see everyone enjoying themselves.
It also really sunk in how much Becca has been doing for Mom and how much of a good thing that it is that she was able to come out here. I could have done a lot of it, but nowhere near what Becca has done. I wouldn't have been able to stay with Dad as much. I wouldn't have been able to do all the running around. I would have had to take vacation time and then still try and juggle Gak's work schedule and a boy-child. And not to mention the mere fact that I came down with strep just 2 days before Mom's surgery and I sure as anything wouldn't have been able to take her to the hospital, let alone be able to stay with her or anything.
I am so very, very thankful for Becca and the fact that she's as good to Mom as she is.
Anyhow, I'm gonna wrap this up and go play with some new yarn that I just got.
Peace to all and may you have great weekends and wonderful family to spend it with.
Mom's doing really well. She's being worked really hard in therapy and doing really well with it.
Saturday was actually pretty cool. We had our normal Saturday morning/afternoon, but then after Gak got off work, we headed down to visit Amma. We had a very enjoyable visit and Boo got lots of Aunt Becca time. We (the "kids") got sent out to dinner because Dad was getting a big overwhelmed by all the people in the house. Anyhow, it was a very nice chance to hang out with Becca for a bit and just talk a bit about both family stuff and general stuff. I really love her and Jon and it really stinks some days that they live on the other side of the country.
The highlight for me, other than getting to spend some wonderful time with both Becca and Mom, was the fact that our income tax return cleared and I was able to take a bit of it and splurge on a new computer. Well, I wouldn't call it much of a splurge. It has been almost 6 years since I got the Beast. He was a good machine, but living on borrowed time. His power supply fan has been going for about 2 years now and if it went, the whole system would be shot. It was actually going to be cheaper to replace him than to fix him, I'm sad to say. This new girl is pretty nice though. She's a bit better than the $200 base models, but she's not a $2000 Alienware or even a $1000 Dell. I did upgrade her video though, not top of the line video, but about as much as her power supply could handle. She's a cute little HP and so far she's handling nicely. Windows 7 Home Premium seems mostly harmless and fortunately hasn't changed up too many things. I feel like they've hidden some key things that I'm used to being able to see/do, but I'm not your average user. I spend a lot of time mucking about with software and doing things "behind the scenes" and troubleshooting issues for other people. I'm used to being able to get easy access to certain parts of the OS, which Windows 7 hides from users because it's safer that way. I'm sure I'll find what I want/need when I need to.
Anyhow, I know I didn't talk much about our visit with Mom. There isn't much to tell really. She was very happy to see her Boo, and he was very glad to see her. He was extra gentle with her knee and so very cute. Becca and Boo had a good amount of fun looking at "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go!" and playing with some finger puppets and just generally enjoying each other. It made me happy to see everyone enjoying themselves.
It also really sunk in how much Becca has been doing for Mom and how much of a good thing that it is that she was able to come out here. I could have done a lot of it, but nowhere near what Becca has done. I wouldn't have been able to stay with Dad as much. I wouldn't have been able to do all the running around. I would have had to take vacation time and then still try and juggle Gak's work schedule and a boy-child. And not to mention the mere fact that I came down with strep just 2 days before Mom's surgery and I sure as anything wouldn't have been able to take her to the hospital, let alone be able to stay with her or anything.
I am so very, very thankful for Becca and the fact that she's as good to Mom as she is.
Anyhow, I'm gonna wrap this up and go play with some new yarn that I just got.
Peace to all and may you have great weekends and wonderful family to spend it with.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Ups and Downs
Today has been a day of ups and downs and a little bit of in-between.
Up: I feel almost back to normal. I can swallow without it hurting and am not feeling miserable in general. Just feeling a bit wiped out in general.
Small down: because of awake boys it was a little chaotic for me to get out the door this morning so I forgot to take my morning dose of antibiotics. Oh well. It's not the end of the world, just means I have to take it a little bit longer...
Small up: I actually got a few things accomplished at work.
Big down: Today was Dud's funeral. There were some good things about it. I saw several people who used to work with us who we haven't seen in ages. It was nice to chat with Rick for a bit and see some other friendly faces. If the measure of a life can be told by the number and the kind of people that go to your funeral, than it just proves that Dud was as wonderful a human being as I thought he was. The church was nice and full for the service, and that doesn't count everyone who just came for the viewing and didn't stay for the service. With every kind word that was said I could totally relate to several instances from work. And then I began to think about my own Gram and how much I miss her. And a little voice in the back of my head kept whispering that we'll have to be saying goodbye to my own dad sooner than anyone wants. I kept replying "we don't know that!" but the mere fact that it was there can't be ignored. Dad isn't getting any younger or any healthier.
But, the service for Dud was beautiful and wonderful and simple and honest, just like the man himself. He carried himself quietly and reservedly and let his actions speak for him. And anyone who knew him for long had at the very least a soft spot for him, if not downright love for the man. I will truly miss his quiet presence at work. (Especially since his area is right beside mine.) I will miss the quiet of the office before 7am when we'd be the only two in the office and the friendly "good morning"s we'd trade as one or the other would walk by. I'll miss his quiet, calm confidence when faced with urgent customer problems. I'll miss the calm way he'd put his opinion in at meetings without any fanfare or back-patting or self promotion. The world is a slightly duller place without Dud's presence.
Big up: Mom came home from the hospital today! She was pronounced "patient of the week" by her doctors. She's walking really well and able to do stairs and has a nice "even gait". She sounded better than I've heard her in months. She's feeling very good and not in much pain as long as she remembers to stay ahead of her pain meds. She is not just feeling physically good, but emotionally good. As she said, she needed to do this, she needed to do this for herself. I'm so thrilled that she has.
Normal roller coaster: The evening getting a boy-o fed and in bed. Yep, normal 3.5 year old stuff. Of course, I'm getting more and more frustrated with the whole potty training thing. One day he'll be really good and seem to be actually attempting to listen to his body and figuring it out, but most days he just doesn't care. He realizes that it's easier for him to just keep using diapers and making us deal with it. He's so smart, I'm really not sure on how to tackle that... And I have yet to find a big enough, good enough bribe to make him want to work at it. *sigh*
So, I bid you peace and may you have more ups than downs.
Up: I feel almost back to normal. I can swallow without it hurting and am not feeling miserable in general. Just feeling a bit wiped out in general.
Small down: because of awake boys it was a little chaotic for me to get out the door this morning so I forgot to take my morning dose of antibiotics. Oh well. It's not the end of the world, just means I have to take it a little bit longer...
Small up: I actually got a few things accomplished at work.
Big down: Today was Dud's funeral. There were some good things about it. I saw several people who used to work with us who we haven't seen in ages. It was nice to chat with Rick for a bit and see some other friendly faces. If the measure of a life can be told by the number and the kind of people that go to your funeral, than it just proves that Dud was as wonderful a human being as I thought he was. The church was nice and full for the service, and that doesn't count everyone who just came for the viewing and didn't stay for the service. With every kind word that was said I could totally relate to several instances from work. And then I began to think about my own Gram and how much I miss her. And a little voice in the back of my head kept whispering that we'll have to be saying goodbye to my own dad sooner than anyone wants. I kept replying "we don't know that!" but the mere fact that it was there can't be ignored. Dad isn't getting any younger or any healthier.
But, the service for Dud was beautiful and wonderful and simple and honest, just like the man himself. He carried himself quietly and reservedly and let his actions speak for him. And anyone who knew him for long had at the very least a soft spot for him, if not downright love for the man. I will truly miss his quiet presence at work. (Especially since his area is right beside mine.) I will miss the quiet of the office before 7am when we'd be the only two in the office and the friendly "good morning"s we'd trade as one or the other would walk by. I'll miss his quiet, calm confidence when faced with urgent customer problems. I'll miss the calm way he'd put his opinion in at meetings without any fanfare or back-patting or self promotion. The world is a slightly duller place without Dud's presence.
Big up: Mom came home from the hospital today! She was pronounced "patient of the week" by her doctors. She's walking really well and able to do stairs and has a nice "even gait". She sounded better than I've heard her in months. She's feeling very good and not in much pain as long as she remembers to stay ahead of her pain meds. She is not just feeling physically good, but emotionally good. As she said, she needed to do this, she needed to do this for herself. I'm so thrilled that she has.
Normal roller coaster: The evening getting a boy-o fed and in bed. Yep, normal 3.5 year old stuff. Of course, I'm getting more and more frustrated with the whole potty training thing. One day he'll be really good and seem to be actually attempting to listen to his body and figuring it out, but most days he just doesn't care. He realizes that it's easier for him to just keep using diapers and making us deal with it. He's so smart, I'm really not sure on how to tackle that... And I have yet to find a big enough, good enough bribe to make him want to work at it. *sigh*
So, I bid you peace and may you have more ups than downs.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Quarks
I know, I know, I should be working. But I wanted to get something down before I totally forgot and the moment passed me by.
I'm writing a list of things in my notebook for a project I'm working on. It involves a lot of numbers and a few words and grouping them according to unit. It suddenly struck me as I was writing a { and a label of how many times I watched my dad write the exact same symbol in almost the exact same way and with his sure hand label something he was showing me.
I can't count the number of projects and assignments and other "things" he's helped me with over the years, especially the school years, where I've watched him write a neat list and use a bracket to group parts of the list together and label them. I don't know why this particular entry in my notebook so suddenly and powerfully reminded me of Dad, but it did. I guess for a change my letters and the way I wrote my "2" look more like his steady, sure, dare I say engineer's, hand makes them. (Sorry Dad, you may protest that you're a physicist stuck in an engineer's role, but compared to the engineers I know and work with, you're an engineer.)
Of course, this makes me think of other quarks I share with my parents and my brother. It reminds me how in college the first time I saw Ben in about 8 years how I couldn't get over how much like my brother he is in mannerisms and those little things that make Jon "Jon". The sarcastic, yet honest, joy in a thank you for a silly gift. (The appreciation of the gift in the first place.) The head tilt and even word choices and voice that sounded so much like my brother in so many ways.
I share a laugh with my mother. I share a devious sense of word play with my father. Jon and I can have entire conversations with a glance. I fondly remember my dad protesting on more than one occasion "you were supposed to inherit all of my good traits!". Of course, Mom or I would usually answer with "what good traits?", which in turn would be returned with "not that one!".
Now I have to wonder what traits of my own, good, bad or indifferent, that I will see, already see, in my son. And those of my dear husband as well. I'm not just talking about his physical traits (he looks much more like Gak than like me most days, but you can still see my features in there too). I'm not talking about the fact that he's a lefty like me. I'm talking about the way his mind will be ordered or not. I'm talking about the little motions or sayings or postures that will speak volumes above and beyond normal conversation. I'm talking about preferences and all those little quarks that will make him uniquely "Boo", not some other little blonde-haired, blue-eyed little boy. I'm talking about those traits that will tie him permanently and irrevocably to our family, his unique blend of families.
Sometimes nature is greater than nurture. (Like those invisible ties where only part of a genetic code is shared between Jon, Ben and I that screamed at me loud and clear on that cold November day in New York.) Sometimes it is nurture (the making of lists) that brings out the nature. Sometime it is routines and habits that get passed down from generation to generation just "because that's the way mom/dad did/does it."
So, I will head back to my lists and enjoy the little quarks that make me who I am and tie me to my dad. I will look for them and smile at them and appreciate them for the gifts they are.
I bid you peace and may your own quarks make you a wonderfully unique person.
I'm writing a list of things in my notebook for a project I'm working on. It involves a lot of numbers and a few words and grouping them according to unit. It suddenly struck me as I was writing a { and a label of how many times I watched my dad write the exact same symbol in almost the exact same way and with his sure hand label something he was showing me.
I can't count the number of projects and assignments and other "things" he's helped me with over the years, especially the school years, where I've watched him write a neat list and use a bracket to group parts of the list together and label them. I don't know why this particular entry in my notebook so suddenly and powerfully reminded me of Dad, but it did. I guess for a change my letters and the way I wrote my "2" look more like his steady, sure, dare I say engineer's, hand makes them. (Sorry Dad, you may protest that you're a physicist stuck in an engineer's role, but compared to the engineers I know and work with, you're an engineer.)
Of course, this makes me think of other quarks I share with my parents and my brother. It reminds me how in college the first time I saw Ben in about 8 years how I couldn't get over how much like my brother he is in mannerisms and those little things that make Jon "Jon". The sarcastic, yet honest, joy in a thank you for a silly gift. (The appreciation of the gift in the first place.) The head tilt and even word choices and voice that sounded so much like my brother in so many ways.
I share a laugh with my mother. I share a devious sense of word play with my father. Jon and I can have entire conversations with a glance. I fondly remember my dad protesting on more than one occasion "you were supposed to inherit all of my good traits!". Of course, Mom or I would usually answer with "what good traits?", which in turn would be returned with "not that one!".
Now I have to wonder what traits of my own, good, bad or indifferent, that I will see, already see, in my son. And those of my dear husband as well. I'm not just talking about his physical traits (he looks much more like Gak than like me most days, but you can still see my features in there too). I'm not talking about the fact that he's a lefty like me. I'm talking about the way his mind will be ordered or not. I'm talking about the little motions or sayings or postures that will speak volumes above and beyond normal conversation. I'm talking about preferences and all those little quarks that will make him uniquely "Boo", not some other little blonde-haired, blue-eyed little boy. I'm talking about those traits that will tie him permanently and irrevocably to our family, his unique blend of families.
Sometimes nature is greater than nurture. (Like those invisible ties where only part of a genetic code is shared between Jon, Ben and I that screamed at me loud and clear on that cold November day in New York.) Sometimes it is nurture (the making of lists) that brings out the nature. Sometime it is routines and habits that get passed down from generation to generation just "because that's the way mom/dad did/does it."
So, I will head back to my lists and enjoy the little quarks that make me who I am and tie me to my dad. I will look for them and smile at them and appreciate them for the gifts they are.
I bid you peace and may your own quarks make you a wonderfully unique person.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Holidays
Today is a day of two holidays for me. Not only os today Christmas, but it is also the sixth night of Hanukkah. It has been a good day, and a bitter sweet day as well. I expected as much.
Last night we had a small gathering of family at Kat's house. Mom came up and we had dinner at my place first. It was quite yummy, even if a boy child was not being helpful. We had an enjoyable evening with family and headed home around 10 so that I could finish wrapping and still get to bed.
Today was strange in that Gak and I both woke before Boo. And it turns out that it was a good thing too. I was lying there trying to ignore the world whenbI suddenly realized I forgot to wrap.three of Boo's gifts!
I managed to get everything wrapped and a little yarn time in as well before Boo woke up. We had a good time opening presents. And despite Boo spilling the beans Wednesday about what we got Gak, I still managed to surprise my hubby wih one of his gifts. And he really surprised me with mine! A nook touch. I love it.
We spen most of the morning playing around he house and then we went back over to Kat's for a few hours. Zoe and Boo had quite a fun time together playing.
Then we headed down to Amma and PopPop's house for a few more Christmas presents and to light the Hanukkah candles.
This is where the bitter-sweet comes in. Dad decided earlier in the day that he just couldn't follow the prayers in the book. So I got to read the prayers tonight for the first time. That is the botter. The sweet is that I got to help Boo light the candles for the first time too.
We had a yummy dinner and are heading back to Aunt Kat's to see Billy and Rachel.
I am off for most of this week. Tomorow Boo and I will be joining Amma at the Y tomorrow.so Gak can have a real day off. (And play the video game I got him...)
So I bid you peace and joy on this holiday night.
Friday, December 02, 2011
Peacemaker
Peacemaker.
This word conjures up so many different images.
Something has been rattling around in my head off and on
since last night. At one point yesterday evening when we were all visiting
Joan and discussing the situation and I
said something about a conversation I’d had with Joan via text just over a year
ago now. Joan asked the loaded question
of if I thought she was a bad mother.
So, I said I told her that I thought she was doing the best she could
with what she had and that she made decisions that I probably wouldn’t make
myself and that I’m sure I make decisions she wouldn’t. I also said that I thought from my point of
view that there wasn’t a lot of stability or structure to the kids’ lives. (Of course, she refuted this and I reminded
her I was watching from the outside…)
That’s when Steph piped up with “Wow, it must have been bad
for you to say that! I haven’t been
around all that long but even I know
that you’re the peacemaker.” (To which I
responded I may be the peacemaker, but if you ask me a direct question for my
opinion, you’ll get it. I may say it in
the most non-confrontational way possible, but you’ll get my honest
opinion. I won’t blow smoke up someone’s
butt to make them feel better about themselves…)
So, the whole thought of me being the peacemaker has been
rattling around in my head. I’m not sure
if I ever really thought about it before last night, but when I stop and look,
I see that I really am the peacemaker.
And , really, I have been since almost day one that I’ve known Kat. (Did I ever tell you the story of me having
to all but physically restrain her in her seat at Academy near the end of the
week because some bitch of a girl from another team was trying to cause trouble…
yeah… fun times!)
I also look back at various other times and groups in my life,
even when I look back as far as elementary school in Kansas
But, even though I may be the peacemaker, I do realize that
there are times for actions. There comes
a point when no matter what you try, say or do, the parties involved just will
not come to an agreement. There are
times when force, or at least a show of force, is necessary. I may not like to use force, but I will use
it. I may not be good at it, but I’ve
found that when the “quiet one” or the peacemaker finally breaks down and gives
in to the urge to throttle someone, the use of force doesn’t have to be all
that accurate, or even actually take place some times. Just the realization that you’ve pushed the
person who never looses their cool far enough that they explode can sometimes
stop people in their tracks.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. Maybe it’s to say that I find my role as
peacekeeper truly challenged by Joan (and the kids) these days. I’m having a hard time seeing her side and
validating her way of doing things as anything short of greedy and
self-centered, which as everyone should realize by now that I just can’t
stand. (Of course, I probably have that
view because I am the peacekeeper and
peacekeepers can’t be self-centered really.
Or at least not if they want to be effective.)
Maybe it is the fact that I want this all to resolve
peacefully but I know that there will be a fight involved, I just don’t know
when, with who or how bad it’ll get before it can be resolved.
Maybe it is just the fact that I’ve truly come to see this
about myself and that it can go a long way in explaining so many things about
my childhood and how I live my life as an adult. When we moved I was thrust into a society of
kids where being the peacekeeper wasn’t really a role that was valued. Or maybe it is, but since my life and
experiences were so far outside of what the kids I was suddenly “forced” to be
with that I couldn’t be the peacemaker effectively and it just led to getting
hurt. It helps explain why I work the
job I do and the reason that I have the trust of so many of our customers,
especially some that people warned me about as being hard to work with. (Yes Joe, I’m talking about you… you had
quite a reputation when I started here.
I’m glad you and I were able to work together and get things sorted out
and keep your system running well for so long.
You’re not that hard to work with after all, just don’t try and feed you
a line of BS and you’re good!)
Over all, I’d have to say I’m pretty happy with my lot in
life as being the peacekeeper.
Especially since I have friends and family who are both willing to
listen when I do speak up and try and keep the peace and back me up with
actions if needed. Kat may be the “pack
leader” (even if she denies is), but I’m the glue that tries to hold us
together and keep us moving in the same general direction. The role may not be as glamorous but it is
just as important. I like being able to
fade into the background and let everyone else shine. I will always look to Kat for direction, but
I’ll be damned if anyone in my family will tear my family apart.
So, with these swirling thoughts and a glimpse into my soul
I will wrap this up.
Peace to all and may you find the role in life that suits
you best.
(See! As if you
needed more evidence, just the mere fact that I close every post with a wish
for peace should tell you something!)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Love
And I do need to thank him. He puts up with so much from me. Sure, there are times I want to strangle him or beat him upside the head with a frying pan, but I know darn right well I'm worse at times. I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, but through it all he seems to just roll with it for the most part and rarely looses patience with me. (And trust me, when he does, I truly do deserve it...)
So, other than putting up with my bull and my grumpiness and general bad attitude at times, why am I so thankful to have this man in my life?
Hmm.... let's see here. Obviously I'm thankful he's in my life because he helped create our wonderful son Boo. That and he really is a great dad to our son. I know there are times I want to bean him for some things, but really, he's done a great job being a dad. Boo is happy and healthy (far healthier than some of my friends' and coworkers' kids seem to be...). He's on a "normal" development track, whatever that means. Sure, he knows who Gibs is from NCIS and can identify at least two if not the most recent three Doctors. But, every kid has their quarks handed down to them from their parents. I'm not only thankful for the father that he is, but that he's willing to be such a good dad and play such a big role staying home with our boy most mornings. That takes a lot of patience and care, no matter who you are or what your gender.
I'm thankful that he reads as much as he does. I may not always read the same things he does or find the same things fascinating, but the fact that he's as much, or more, of a bookworm than I am means that it's OK when I spend too much time with my nose in a book. It means we have something to talk about. It means he's willing to explore other points of view and other experiences. It gives me hope that our son will be a bookworm too. (I mean, more than he is. He loves books, but he hasn't quite gotten into actually reading the words yet... that'll come.)
I'm thankful that he tolerates my crazy and actually encourages it more often than not. I love that I can crack him up most days, even when he has no clue how I got from A to 5 in the leap of a single thought. (Half the time I don't know either if that's any comfort...) I'm thankful that we can have fun together and also that when times call for us to be serious, we can be serious. We can talk, about just about anything. Usually if there is something I can't talk to him about, it's because I'm just not ready to face it myself, not that I think he'll get mad, or not understand, or argue meanly with me about it. He may not always agree with my point of view, but he's always willing to listen. He also knows that there are times that no matter what he says, I'll still do it my way (even if it turns out he was right in the first place...).
So, yes, I'm thankful that I never totally lost contact with my Bear. I'm glad that he never fully gave up on me. I'm thankful that I was smart enough to invite him up to visit just over 7 years ago and that he moved up here that December. I'm so thankful that he puts up with me and even enjoys my crazy life.
So, yes Bear, as embarrassing as this post is, every word is one that I believe with all my heart. This is only a small part of why I'm so thankful for you. I just can't find the right words to express what I really feel. In many ways you are my better half, as I hope that I can be your better half as well.
Peace to all and may you find someone to share your life with who is as tolerant, patient and loving as my own Bear.
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