Yesterday I was supposed to post a picture of someone I'd want to trade places with for a day. My first response was to say that I want to trade places with my mom 30 years ago for the day. She had the job that I really want, mom and wife. So many people don't see the value in that job, but I do. But, I also thought that I get to do that, every Saturday and Sunday. Most of Saturday I have my son all to myself, and Sunday none of us has to do anything if we don't want. (Well, other than making sure Boo gets a nap hopefully....) I also thought that one day isn't really enough time to get to experience everything that being my mom to a 5 and 3-year-old child is like.
Then I thought about all the people that I wouldn't want to be. I wouldn't want to trade places with the President of the US, no matter who they are. I just don't want that kind of responsibility. I also wouldn't want to be a Congressman, Senator or anyone else with that kind of responsibility. As much as I respect what Steve and all my friends and family who have or are serving our country do, I'm not sure I could take their place either. I wouldn't want to change places with the trash man, or a fast-food place worker or one of a hundred other jobs or people.
Maybe, I'd like to trade places with Ansel Adams. To see life through his eyes, so see how he sees light and shadow and paints with them on film and paper. Maybe I'd like to trade places with a school teacher and see what I might have been if I'd followed everyone's advice. Maybe I'd like to be a farmer or a rancher in Montana, to see if it is either as romantic or as back breaking as the popular myths go.
All in all, as much as I complain about my life, I'm glad for it. I have a family who loves me, a good job that I may complain about from time to time, and wonderful friends to share it all with.
But, having said that, there is one person I'd love to switch places with for the day. That would be me. Yes, me from the summer of 1994. That was my best year at Tohi and it was such a wonderful time full of fun, adventure, friends and growth.
Unfortunately, I don't really have pictures for any of this. And it's not as well thought out or presented as it is in my head. I'm tired, very tired. I don't know why either. I've been getting good sleep and there hasn't been anything extra stressful at work at anything. And yes, I'm perfectly aware I'm rambling now.
So, on that note, and as poor a transition as I've ever made, I'm going to bid you peace.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Monday, March 07, 2011
Memories
I was lazy yesterday and didn't get around to posting. So, you'll have to deal with two posts from me today. The next request on the list of photos is a picture of your favorite memory.
Here it is with the favorites again. If you ask me my favorite anything, you'll probably get a different answer depending on the day of the week, time of day and general mood. And no, if you ask me my favorite dessert (as opposed to deserts, that’s a totally different story) it will not always be "chocolate!" I love too many other desserts that don't have a trace of chocolate in them. I guess I just have a hard time differentiating between liking something and really loving it as a favorite.
So, today (well, yesterday really) I was asked for a picture of my favorite memory. Again, is this supposed to be my favorite memory EVER (that’s a pretty good number of days at this point), this decade, year, or hour?
There’s my favorite memory from school (again, high school, middle or elementary?) which would probably be either that warm glow of memories I have from Earhart Environmental Complex, or my stream study or Wallops Island trip in high school.
There’s my favorite memory from Girl Scouts, which I’m pretty sure I covered last time, or maybe it’s when I met Kat since that was a Girl Scout trip, or maybe it was the first camping trips I took with my original Brownie troop in Kansas.
There’s my favorite summer memory, which seems to be a whole bunch of things all rolled into one. That would be all the time spent on the beach and in Rehoboth and at Gram’s summer house and with all her friends and "family". Those were really wonderful days. (On a side note, why can't summers feel that long as adults? They're just too short these days!)
I'm not sure what my favorite family vacation memory would be. I have hazy memories of a couple of trips, but the one I reacall the most clearly is the feel of the cold hard-wood floor on my bare feet when I would get up in the mornings when we went to New Mexico. I've also got other memories from that trip as well, like my father sitting on a cactus and having to cary my brother across a stream at the end of a hike we were on.
My favorite memory this winter has to be going sledding with the family at Kat’s house. We all had a great time and Boo is old enough to really enjoy the snow now.
My favorite memory from Oklahoma is when I went out to lunch with Jim Brockman (and maybe Tenney?) to the cheap Chinese place and I met my husband and the two tall guys played “keep away” with my hat. I don’t think I laughed that hard any other time when I was out there.
But, I’d have to say my favorite memory from the last few years has to be of seeing my wonderful husband hold our wonderful son for the first time. It was exciting and scary and happy all at once. It was an ending of being a couple and the beginning of being a family. There was so much ahead of us, and there still is, on this roller coaster ride called parenthood. The tenderness (and probably sheer terror) that Gak showed as he stood there, holding our son, our miracle, was amazing. It was in that one moment that he really became a dad; it cemented it all into the realm of the real, not just the surreal.
Of course, all the memories together that lead up to that memory are just as important, just as vital. Our wedding, the travel, the trying to make ends meet and trying to figure out how this whole roller coaster works are all important. (I, at any rate, still don’t understand how this roller coaster works, but I’m loving the ride, so I’m OK with that.)
There are all kinds of other wonderful memories that bounce around my head and make me smile. But, I really can’t pinpoint one above the others as the end all, be all favorite. Without any one of them, my life would be so much less.
Of course, this whole discussion of memory makes me cringe and worry a bit. It also makes me a little sad. It makes me sad because I watch, from afar, my dad as his memory slowly, and not so slowly, betrays him. I cringe and worry because if I think about it too hard, the what-ifs start circling through my head. Both about Dad’s past and my future. Therefore, I tend to just push it all aside, live in the moment like I’m so good at doing and just treasure what I do have. It still eats at me every time we go visit my parents. I still wonder each and every time what memories my son will have of his only living grandfather, since we lost Gak’s dad before Boo was born. But, all that does is bread worry and ulcers, two things I really don’t need. So, I push it aside, promising to deal with it later. I don’t want to, but I will have to. I just hope I have a very, very long time before I really have to worry.
I’m going to wrap this up here with the thought that memories are both precious and tenuous. Treasure them all and share them frequently. You also never know when sharing one of your favorite memories will bring light to someone’s day who thought you forgot or didn’t care.
Peace to you all and may your memories be happy and sound.
Here it is with the favorites again. If you ask me my favorite anything, you'll probably get a different answer depending on the day of the week, time of day and general mood. And no, if you ask me my favorite dessert (as opposed to deserts, that’s a totally different story) it will not always be "chocolate!" I love too many other desserts that don't have a trace of chocolate in them. I guess I just have a hard time differentiating between liking something and really loving it as a favorite.
So, today (well, yesterday really) I was asked for a picture of my favorite memory. Again, is this supposed to be my favorite memory EVER (that’s a pretty good number of days at this point), this decade, year, or hour?
There’s my favorite memory from school (again, high school, middle or elementary?) which would probably be either that warm glow of memories I have from Earhart Environmental Complex, or my stream study or Wallops Island trip in high school.
There’s my favorite memory from Girl Scouts, which I’m pretty sure I covered last time, or maybe it’s when I met Kat since that was a Girl Scout trip, or maybe it was the first camping trips I took with my original Brownie troop in Kansas.
There’s my favorite summer memory, which seems to be a whole bunch of things all rolled into one. That would be all the time spent on the beach and in Rehoboth and at Gram’s summer house and with all her friends and "family". Those were really wonderful days. (On a side note, why can't summers feel that long as adults? They're just too short these days!)
I'm not sure what my favorite family vacation memory would be. I have hazy memories of a couple of trips, but the one I reacall the most clearly is the feel of the cold hard-wood floor on my bare feet when I would get up in the mornings when we went to New Mexico. I've also got other memories from that trip as well, like my father sitting on a cactus and having to cary my brother across a stream at the end of a hike we were on.
My favorite memory this winter has to be going sledding with the family at Kat’s house. We all had a great time and Boo is old enough to really enjoy the snow now.
My favorite memory from Oklahoma is when I went out to lunch with Jim Brockman (and maybe Tenney?) to the cheap Chinese place and I met my husband and the two tall guys played “keep away” with my hat. I don’t think I laughed that hard any other time when I was out there.
But, I’d have to say my favorite memory from the last few years has to be of seeing my wonderful husband hold our wonderful son for the first time. It was exciting and scary and happy all at once. It was an ending of being a couple and the beginning of being a family. There was so much ahead of us, and there still is, on this roller coaster ride called parenthood. The tenderness (and probably sheer terror) that Gak showed as he stood there, holding our son, our miracle, was amazing. It was in that one moment that he really became a dad; it cemented it all into the realm of the real, not just the surreal.
Of course, all the memories together that lead up to that memory are just as important, just as vital. Our wedding, the travel, the trying to make ends meet and trying to figure out how this whole roller coaster works are all important. (I, at any rate, still don’t understand how this roller coaster works, but I’m loving the ride, so I’m OK with that.)
There are all kinds of other wonderful memories that bounce around my head and make me smile. But, I really can’t pinpoint one above the others as the end all, be all favorite. Without any one of them, my life would be so much less.
Of course, this whole discussion of memory makes me cringe and worry a bit. It also makes me a little sad. It makes me sad because I watch, from afar, my dad as his memory slowly, and not so slowly, betrays him. I cringe and worry because if I think about it too hard, the what-ifs start circling through my head. Both about Dad’s past and my future. Therefore, I tend to just push it all aside, live in the moment like I’m so good at doing and just treasure what I do have. It still eats at me every time we go visit my parents. I still wonder each and every time what memories my son will have of his only living grandfather, since we lost Gak’s dad before Boo was born. But, all that does is bread worry and ulcers, two things I really don’t need. So, I push it aside, promising to deal with it later. I don’t want to, but I will have to. I just hope I have a very, very long time before I really have to worry.
I’m going to wrap this up here with the thought that memories are both precious and tenuous. Treasure them all and share them frequently. You also never know when sharing one of your favorite memories will bring light to someone’s day who thought you forgot or didn’t care.
Peace to you all and may your memories be happy and sound.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Night
This is actually not a picture of that night, but of the next morning. You see, this was the picture I took of Boo first thing in the morning on our camping trip back in August. I was so happy to be able to share my love of camping with the boys. Yes, there were some pretty un-fun moments that weekend, but it was still a wonderful trip in my mind. There is almost nothing I love more than sitting by a campfire and just hanging out, either by myself or with friends and family. Luckily, most of my friends and family feel the same.
Actually, thinking about camping and campfires and trips, I go back over 15 years now to a very special night. Unfortunately, it was the night of Kat's graduation, which I missed. But, I missed it for very good reason. You see, I was having a graduation of my own of sorts. It was the end of pre-camp the first year I was a counselor at Tohi. It was the night we were presented with our staff ties and bear scares. Being part of Girl Scouts, it was rich in tradition and ceremony and meaning. The power of the night was heavy and warm. This was a dream come true for me. I was so over the top and emotional. I remember crying when they finally called my name. I was so happy. It's been over 15 years now and I still can remember the emotion of that night, that camp fire, like it was yesterday. I don't remember all the people or the words that were said, but I remember the power, the emotion and the joy of that night.
Normally, I'm not a ceremony person at all. I didn't grow up with much in the way of ceremony, at least not religious ceremony. The only ceremony I had on a regular basis were the ones in Girl Scouts. The little weekly ones of opening and closing circle. The yearly ones of year ending and summer camp. The "big" ones that happened whenever you bridged from one age group to the next. And they were powerful to me, even when they stopped having meaning to many of the other girls in my troops. That's because I believed. I believed with all my heart in what the heart of Girl Scouts is. I believe in the spirit of the Promise and the Laws and try and truly make them the root of my being. They are good words to live by, no matter who you are or where you come from. So, yes, the ceremony at camp when I finally became a counselor was extra powerful to me. It didn't hurt that I was part of a really great, and fairly close group of women (and a few men). The next year wasn't so powerful for me. There was much trial and tribulation that year starting with pre-camp and going throughout the entire summer season for me. But, I made it through and the closing campfire of pre-camp was still powerful, but not as intense.
With that thought, I'm going to wrap this up and bid you all peace.
Friday, March 04, 2011
Television
Today I'm supposed to post a picture of the cast of my favorite TV show. This is one of those that I'm going to have trouble with.
You see, I don't have a favorite TV show, at least not really. Yes, I do watch TV, but no where near the amount that many people do. I don't seem to follow shows more than a season or two, or if I do, it's hit or miss. There have been shows that have grabbed me and held my attention, but I usually wander off before they've run their course. (Of course, Gak has Dr. Who on and I just spent the last 5 minutes being mesmerized...)
So, yeah, back to the topic at hand, television. I have shows that I've enjoyed over the years. There was Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Captain Kangaroo and Nova and 3-2-1 Contact.. Yes, all PBS shows. Then a little later there was Mr. Wizard and Dangermouse. I won't lie, I wanted to be Mr. Wizard when I grew up. I wanted to "do" science. I remember watching MASH with my parents growing up and liking it (I enjoy it even more now that I "get" it.) We watched a few other shows now and then too, but nothing that really sticks in my head.
For me, books were always more of a draw than TV. It didn't hurt that my dad's an avid reader and both my parents encouraged reading. I also remember not being allowed more than an hour or two of TV outside of my parents watching the news or a show or two in the evening for many, many years. I was also not really allowed cartoons (either that or I just thought I wasn't because I had such limited TV time...) until I was 10 or so. Yes, this made life a little difficult with my friends some days when they would talk about things that I just had no clue about. And yes, that still happens on a frequent basis. I'm used to it though.
But, now I'm the parent. Now Gak and I have to decide how much TV is good and what Boo can and can't watch and why. It's a balancing act. There are lots of good kids shows out there these days, but a lot of bad shows out there too. Unfortunately, in our opinion, too many of the bad shows are the popular ones. Oh well. We've walked a fine line and Boo does have his favorites. He loves Cailou and Elmo and Mickey Mouse. But he's totally clueless about Dora or Diego or Thomas or Handy Manny (all good shows) as well as Sponge Bob and many of the bad shows. Some days I feel bad, most days I don't.
Anyhow, that's my brief look at TV. It's a complicated subject and I'm sure I'll make many more mistakes with Boo's viewing habits before he's 10, but we'll live with it. I'm just glad that he has about 3 shows that he loves books more than he loves TV. Yes, he often asks for TV and except at the end of the day when he's already tired and cranky, can he usually be persuaded to play with his Legos or books or something else.
But, Dr. Who and Rift is calling me and I must go.
Peace to you and may you find your diversions.
You see, I don't have a favorite TV show, at least not really. Yes, I do watch TV, but no where near the amount that many people do. I don't seem to follow shows more than a season or two, or if I do, it's hit or miss. There have been shows that have grabbed me and held my attention, but I usually wander off before they've run their course. (Of course, Gak has Dr. Who on and I just spent the last 5 minutes being mesmerized...)
So, yeah, back to the topic at hand, television. I have shows that I've enjoyed over the years. There was Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Captain Kangaroo and Nova and 3-2-1 Contact.. Yes, all PBS shows. Then a little later there was Mr. Wizard and Dangermouse. I won't lie, I wanted to be Mr. Wizard when I grew up. I wanted to "do" science. I remember watching MASH with my parents growing up and liking it (I enjoy it even more now that I "get" it.) We watched a few other shows now and then too, but nothing that really sticks in my head.
For me, books were always more of a draw than TV. It didn't hurt that my dad's an avid reader and both my parents encouraged reading. I also remember not being allowed more than an hour or two of TV outside of my parents watching the news or a show or two in the evening for many, many years. I was also not really allowed cartoons (either that or I just thought I wasn't because I had such limited TV time...) until I was 10 or so. Yes, this made life a little difficult with my friends some days when they would talk about things that I just had no clue about. And yes, that still happens on a frequent basis. I'm used to it though.
But, now I'm the parent. Now Gak and I have to decide how much TV is good and what Boo can and can't watch and why. It's a balancing act. There are lots of good kids shows out there these days, but a lot of bad shows out there too. Unfortunately, in our opinion, too many of the bad shows are the popular ones. Oh well. We've walked a fine line and Boo does have his favorites. He loves Cailou and Elmo and Mickey Mouse. But he's totally clueless about Dora or Diego or Thomas or Handy Manny (all good shows) as well as Sponge Bob and many of the bad shows. Some days I feel bad, most days I don't.
Anyhow, that's my brief look at TV. It's a complicated subject and I'm sure I'll make many more mistakes with Boo's viewing habits before he's 10, but we'll live with it. I'm just glad that he has about 3 shows that he loves books more than he loves TV. Yes, he often asks for TV and except at the end of the day when he's already tired and cranky, can he usually be persuaded to play with his Legos or books or something else.
But, Dr. Who and Rift is calling me and I must go.
Peace to you and may you find your diversions.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Soulmate?
Today is supposed to be about me and the person I’ve been closest to for the longest. Well, in all honesty, I’m having a hard time on that one. The first problem is that there just aren’t that many pictures of me floating around. I’ve got lots and lots (and lots) of pictures of Boo. I’ve got pictures of the rest of my friends and family, but not very many of me, since I’m the one behind the camera 99% of the time. The other problem is that I’ve got several options and I just can’t decide. I’m actually thankful for that part of the dilemma.
If you go with the one I’ve known the longest time, then you’ve got my Mom. Especially since you consider I’ve “known” her since before I was even born. We’ve got a really awesome mother/daughter relationship. Sure, it’s seen some bumps along the way, but in general, we’ve got it good. We’ve got it a lot better than many women I know. And for that, I’m very thankful. I can usually talk to her about anything and everything. The usual hang-up is that I’m not ready to talk about something that’s on my mind. We enjoy doing all kinds of things together and enjoy each other’s company. I’d like to think I’ve been at least a small source of strength and comfort with some things as I get older, I know she’s been a rock for me for, well, ever.
Then there’s always my Gram. Gram is the one person that Gak was worried about meeting when he was meeting my family. He was worried because he knew how much I loved and got along with my grandmother and he didn’t want to screw it up. (He had nothing to worry about, Gram loved just about everyone, and he treats me right and can actually present himself well too.) I don’t have any recent pictures of us together (maybe going back to when I was little…) and no recent ones of her either, since she’s been gone 3 years now. I do have this nice one of her from the wedding. I miss her very much and I like to think we had a really great relationship. She helped me through so many things and heard so many “secrets” of my heart. I could, and did, share just about anything with her. She was always there for me, and I like to think as I got older, I was able to help her some times like she helped me.
I’d like to put Gak in that list as well. We’ve had a very close relationship and well, I would call it a very intimate relationship too. At least, he’s the one I’ve been in that kind of relationship the longest, and the closest. Somehow, I’m not sure that’s quite what the creator of this list had in mind.
So, if I had to go with someone outside of my blood family who I’ve been closest to the longest, it would have to be Kat. She really is the sister of my heart. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin for well over half our lives now. We’ve been inseparable since about 30 seconds after meeting. Actually, probably less time than that. It was a case of “you must be Kat,” “you must be Addey” and we were off and could care less about anyone else on the trip.
She’s saved me from myself on numerous occasions, and I’d like to think I’ve been there for her just as often. Sure, there are some things that even now she hides away from me, only because she thinks they will hurt me or make me disappointed in her. I have to call bull on that, but respect her privacy and try not to pry too much. For example, I know she’s not telling me everything about what’s going on with the cancer and her treatment. I can respect this. I don’t pry often, except when I see her really hurting more than usual. I’m there for her 125% and more. She knows it and she does lean on me, even if I have to hit her upside the head with it from time to time (stubborn Irish/Italian Catholic (recovering) that she is)!
But, in the same vein, I have kept things from her too. Things that I thought would make her disappointed in me, or things that I knew she’d try and fix but couldn’t because it was something that I’d have to do myself but wasn’t ready to.
Yes, we’ve had our moments over the years, but we yell at each other about it when it gets bad enough, and are fine 5 minutes later once the dust settles. In that respect, our relationship is very different than most relationships between women and girls that I’ve seen. We don’t hold grudges and we don’t go looking for fights. There’s no back biting or back stabbing or sabotage or name calling or being deliberately hurtful. There’s no real jealousy if we do something with some one else or another group. We will always have each other, but we also have other friends and family too. No feelings are hurt.
So, even though I’m worried sick about Kat’s treatments and illness, I try not to let it show. I have to paint the positive face on this and keep looking for the rainbows. It’s always been my job to the positive, optimistic one. She had a metric ton of tests and blood work done this week, so of course that worries me. It worries me that she’ll get sick. It worries me that they’ll find something worse and it worries me that they won’t find anything at all. But, I am determined as all hell to stand by her side and tell anyone and everyone who’s giving her a load of crap to back the hell off and they’d have to go through me. (Yes, I do resemble a growling wolf when I say that, why do you ask?) That’s what sisters do for each other. Without question. Without expecting, or even wanting, a word of thanks. We do it because we love each other all the way down to our souls.
So, I bid you all peace and may you find that one (or more) person outside yourself that you can share your soul with.
If you go with the one I’ve known the longest time, then you’ve got my Mom. Especially since you consider I’ve “known” her since before I was even born. We’ve got a really awesome mother/daughter relationship. Sure, it’s seen some bumps along the way, but in general, we’ve got it good. We’ve got it a lot better than many women I know. And for that, I’m very thankful. I can usually talk to her about anything and everything. The usual hang-up is that I’m not ready to talk about something that’s on my mind. We enjoy doing all kinds of things together and enjoy each other’s company. I’d like to think I’ve been at least a small source of strength and comfort with some things as I get older, I know she’s been a rock for me for, well, ever.
Then there’s always my Gram. Gram is the one person that Gak was worried about meeting when he was meeting my family. He was worried because he knew how much I loved and got along with my grandmother and he didn’t want to screw it up. (He had nothing to worry about, Gram loved just about everyone, and he treats me right and can actually present himself well too.) I don’t have any recent pictures of us together (maybe going back to when I was little…) and no recent ones of her either, since she’s been gone 3 years now. I do have this nice one of her from the wedding. I miss her very much and I like to think we had a really great relationship. She helped me through so many things and heard so many “secrets” of my heart. I could, and did, share just about anything with her. She was always there for me, and I like to think as I got older, I was able to help her some times like she helped me.
I’d like to put Gak in that list as well. We’ve had a very close relationship and well, I would call it a very intimate relationship too. At least, he’s the one I’ve been in that kind of relationship the longest, and the closest. Somehow, I’m not sure that’s quite what the creator of this list had in mind.
So, if I had to go with someone outside of my blood family who I’ve been closest to the longest, it would have to be Kat. She really is the sister of my heart. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin for well over half our lives now. We’ve been inseparable since about 30 seconds after meeting. Actually, probably less time than that. It was a case of “you must be Kat,” “you must be Addey” and we were off and could care less about anyone else on the trip.
She’s saved me from myself on numerous occasions, and I’d like to think I’ve been there for her just as often. Sure, there are some things that even now she hides away from me, only because she thinks they will hurt me or make me disappointed in her. I have to call bull on that, but respect her privacy and try not to pry too much. For example, I know she’s not telling me everything about what’s going on with the cancer and her treatment. I can respect this. I don’t pry often, except when I see her really hurting more than usual. I’m there for her 125% and more. She knows it and she does lean on me, even if I have to hit her upside the head with it from time to time (stubborn Irish/Italian Catholic (recovering) that she is)!
But, in the same vein, I have kept things from her too. Things that I thought would make her disappointed in me, or things that I knew she’d try and fix but couldn’t because it was something that I’d have to do myself but wasn’t ready to.
Yes, we’ve had our moments over the years, but we yell at each other about it when it gets bad enough, and are fine 5 minutes later once the dust settles. In that respect, our relationship is very different than most relationships between women and girls that I’ve seen. We don’t hold grudges and we don’t go looking for fights. There’s no back biting or back stabbing or sabotage or name calling or being deliberately hurtful. There’s no real jealousy if we do something with some one else or another group. We will always have each other, but we also have other friends and family too. No feelings are hurt.
So, even though I’m worried sick about Kat’s treatments and illness, I try not to let it show. I have to paint the positive face on this and keep looking for the rainbows. It’s always been my job to the positive, optimistic one. She had a metric ton of tests and blood work done this week, so of course that worries me. It worries me that she’ll get sick. It worries me that they’ll find something worse and it worries me that they won’t find anything at all. But, I am determined as all hell to stand by her side and tell anyone and everyone who’s giving her a load of crap to back the hell off and they’d have to go through me. (Yes, I do resemble a growling wolf when I say that, why do you ask?) That’s what sisters do for each other. Without question. Without expecting, or even wanting, a word of thanks. We do it because we love each other all the way down to our souls.
So, I bid you all peace and may you find that one (or more) person outside yourself that you can share your soul with.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Me
So, the first photo request is a picture of me. I was going to be cute and post a picture of "me" from EQII, but I can't seem to find that file this morning. So, instead, this picture is one from January when we all went up to Camelback when Raeferd was here. I almost didn't recognize myself in this picture. And that's with wearing extra layers and a jacket that's at least a size or two too big. I both didn't realize how much weight I'd put on over the years, or exactly how much I've lost in the past year or so. It truly is astounding. Of course, since about November, I've pretty much stopped loosing weight.
I've stepped up my activity levels though and get some kind of movement in at least 5 days a week most weeks recently, so I'm definitely loosing fat and adding some muscle. My pants and tops alone tell me that much. People keep telling me that I've lost enough, or I couldn't possibly want to loose more. Well, I'm still about 10 lb from the weight I graduated college at. I look and feel way better than I did then, but I will admit, I still have a hangup for that number on the scale some days. Besides, this isn't a diet and I can go back to eating the way I used to whenever I've decided I've lost enough. Well, I can do that if I want all the weight to come back. And in reality, I'm not sure I could for more than a couple of days at a time without feeling gross and icky. Even now when I eat too much at a meal, I know it, and it's only half of what I could have eaten in the past. So, I think the attitude adjustment is here for good. Which is good. Because I want to be healthy and around for a very, very long time for my husband and son and the rest of my friends and family. I really in a good place mentally with all of this. My body will never be super model "perfect", but it's perfect for me. I'm comfortable in my skin and I want to take good care of it. I've always said, and will always believe, that as long as I'm fit and able to enjoy activity and not have my body slow me down, then I'm good to go.
We'll see where the rest of this challenge takes me. I know that some of them will be real challenges for me. Hopefully they'll all be good inspiration points to catch everyone up on what's been going on in our lives and some of the other random things that float through my head.
Peace to all and may you be happy with your body.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Quickie
Just a quick little update. My SOE account password has been reset, so it should be me, and only me, if you see me in game. I'm really beginning to hate their technical support though. Oh well, we'll see if and when I ever get everything reset. I'm not holding my breath, but it would be nice.
This weekend was full of fun things and lots of kids. Rachel had her friend Katie along with her this weekend. Saturday was a pretty typical Saturday, and Sunday after lunch Kat and I took all the kids up to Scranton (picking up Mary once we got there) and did a quick little tour of Steamtown, had dinner with Mary and then headed back home. Steph was going to go, but she got sick and Gak decided a quiet day at home would be a good thing. (I can't blame him.) We had fun, I have a few pictures, but they're still on the camera.
This week hopefully won't be too painful as far as work goes, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm expecting to get the "displeased" look and talk from my boss at the bi-weekly meeting tomorrow. I know, I probably won't, but it'll feel that way. And I both do and don't deserve it. I just wish I didn't feel like my relationship with him was so passive/aggressive. It doesn't help anyone, but from talking with others, it's not just me.
Other than that, Boo's been on a cranky kick lately. Part of it is this cough that just won't go away and part of it is the fact that he's getting closer and closer to 3 and has decided to really try and get his way and that tears/crying/not quite tantrums are the way to go. Sorry buddy, no dice here. At best it'll get you ignored, at worst it'll get you sent to your room until you can collect yourself and talk like a person. (Meanwhile, I feel like a meanie, but know I'm not really...)
It looks like my experiment for February was a huge flop. Oh well, it was an idea. It just didn't work out as well as November did. Maybe I'll find something else that'll get me back into the posting groove. I do have lots to share, but I'm too tired to do so right now.
So, I'm going to sign off here.
Peace to all and may your weekends be full, work be peaceful and your projects fun.
This weekend was full of fun things and lots of kids. Rachel had her friend Katie along with her this weekend. Saturday was a pretty typical Saturday, and Sunday after lunch Kat and I took all the kids up to Scranton (picking up Mary once we got there) and did a quick little tour of Steamtown, had dinner with Mary and then headed back home. Steph was going to go, but she got sick and Gak decided a quiet day at home would be a good thing. (I can't blame him.) We had fun, I have a few pictures, but they're still on the camera.
This week hopefully won't be too painful as far as work goes, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm expecting to get the "displeased" look and talk from my boss at the bi-weekly meeting tomorrow. I know, I probably won't, but it'll feel that way. And I both do and don't deserve it. I just wish I didn't feel like my relationship with him was so passive/aggressive. It doesn't help anyone, but from talking with others, it's not just me.
Other than that, Boo's been on a cranky kick lately. Part of it is this cough that just won't go away and part of it is the fact that he's getting closer and closer to 3 and has decided to really try and get his way and that tears/crying/not quite tantrums are the way to go. Sorry buddy, no dice here. At best it'll get you ignored, at worst it'll get you sent to your room until you can collect yourself and talk like a person. (Meanwhile, I feel like a meanie, but know I'm not really...)
It looks like my experiment for February was a huge flop. Oh well, it was an idea. It just didn't work out as well as November did. Maybe I'll find something else that'll get me back into the posting groove. I do have lots to share, but I'm too tired to do so right now.
So, I'm going to sign off here.
Peace to all and may your weekends be full, work be peaceful and your projects fun.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Hacked!
I have bad news. My EQII account got hijacked last night. I have no idea who or how since I've got a fairly secure password and it's not written down or in an email or anything like that. I don't really know or care about how. I just want it fixed.
What stinks the most isn't that my account got jacked or that my stuff got stolen, but that the jerk who did this deleted one of my favorite characters. Whispe, as of now, is no longer amongst us. She was a very wonderful little fae monk who was well on her way to being level 90 if I spent any more time with her. She's been with me almost since the beginning of Faedwar.
Anyhow, this was just to vent a little and to let anyone who comes by here who knows me from EQII know that if you see me online, it's not me until I post something here. I haven't been able to reset my password because it doesn't like my answer to the "Secret Question" (that's the first or second thing I'd change if I ever hacked an account, the account password being the other!) and Sony hasn't responded to my request for help yet. Gak's trying to work on it with support, but they don't open until 10 am PST and we're east coast.
*sigh*
For what it's worth, I'll insert the standard Change Your Passwords!!! Don't Give Them Out!! warnings...
Peace to all and may your accounts be safe and sound.
What stinks the most isn't that my account got jacked or that my stuff got stolen, but that the jerk who did this deleted one of my favorite characters. Whispe, as of now, is no longer amongst us. She was a very wonderful little fae monk who was well on her way to being level 90 if I spent any more time with her. She's been with me almost since the beginning of Faedwar.
Anyhow, this was just to vent a little and to let anyone who comes by here who knows me from EQII know that if you see me online, it's not me until I post something here. I haven't been able to reset my password because it doesn't like my answer to the "Secret Question" (that's the first or second thing I'd change if I ever hacked an account, the account password being the other!) and Sony hasn't responded to my request for help yet. Gak's trying to work on it with support, but they don't open until 10 am PST and we're east coast.
*sigh*
For what it's worth, I'll insert the standard Change Your Passwords!!! Don't Give Them Out!! warnings...
Peace to all and may your accounts be safe and sound.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Presidential Heroes?
Well, it's President's day, and I'm supposed to be writing about heroes this month.
I'm just not into it today. That's not to say that there haven't been some great presidents in the history of our country. And I'm all for remembering two of the greatest ones of our early history, and I believe that both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are two of the greatest men to lead this country. Of course, I'm looking at them through the lens of history. And also, let's face it, if the news media and technology of today existed back then, how wonderful would we really think they are? I'm sure there are major skeletons on the closets of all of our founding fathers and political heroes of a bygone age.
But, I'd like to believe that they were overall good men.
I'd like to believe that about our current politicians. I often wonder how different our views of our elected officials today would be if we didn't have the "access" and technology that we have today. Would we be more or less impressed by them? Would we feel like they were working more or less for us? (Of course, most people these days, myself included, think that our elected officials aren't doing us any favors, but don't like any of our options.)
Yes, our presidents and elected leaders can be heroes, but more often than not, they are just mere humans like the rest of us. Only they aren't. They've had enough drive, vision and luck to end up being elected the leader of our wonderful nation.
I'm not too sure where I'm going with this. I guess I'd like to say thank you to everyone who wants to serve their community, both at the very local and very national levels. I just wish I felt like more of them really were of the common cloth and actually worked for me and my family and friends, not for themselves. I don't really like many of them on either side of the aisle these days. The whole thing seems to have sunk to the depths of high school bickering and cliques. I wish I could wash my hands of the whole deal, but there really isn't any where else I'd rather live.
I'm rambling and probably going to get myself in trouble if I keep writing, so I'm going to put this disjointed ramble to and end.
Peace to all and may you have leaders you can believe in.
I'm just not into it today. That's not to say that there haven't been some great presidents in the history of our country. And I'm all for remembering two of the greatest ones of our early history, and I believe that both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are two of the greatest men to lead this country. Of course, I'm looking at them through the lens of history. And also, let's face it, if the news media and technology of today existed back then, how wonderful would we really think they are? I'm sure there are major skeletons on the closets of all of our founding fathers and political heroes of a bygone age.
But, I'd like to believe that they were overall good men.
I'd like to believe that about our current politicians. I often wonder how different our views of our elected officials today would be if we didn't have the "access" and technology that we have today. Would we be more or less impressed by them? Would we feel like they were working more or less for us? (Of course, most people these days, myself included, think that our elected officials aren't doing us any favors, but don't like any of our options.)
Yes, our presidents and elected leaders can be heroes, but more often than not, they are just mere humans like the rest of us. Only they aren't. They've had enough drive, vision and luck to end up being elected the leader of our wonderful nation.
I'm not too sure where I'm going with this. I guess I'd like to say thank you to everyone who wants to serve their community, both at the very local and very national levels. I just wish I felt like more of them really were of the common cloth and actually worked for me and my family and friends, not for themselves. I don't really like many of them on either side of the aisle these days. The whole thing seems to have sunk to the depths of high school bickering and cliques. I wish I could wash my hands of the whole deal, but there really isn't any where else I'd rather live.
I'm rambling and probably going to get myself in trouble if I keep writing, so I'm going to put this disjointed ramble to and end.
Peace to all and may you have leaders you can believe in.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Heroes for Babies!
You may have noticed something new over on the side bar there to the right. Yep, I've decided to walk for the March for Babies this year. (Formerly known as Walk America.) My best friend Kat asked me to join her team this year. How could I say no? I remember how scary it was for me, just as her aunt, when Zoe was born 6 weeks early. She was actually in pretty good health all things considered, but boy was it scary. I can't even imagine what parents and family of micro-premie babies (those born around 24 weeks, about 3 months early!) go through. I don't want any parent to ever have to know that.
So, yes, people who raise money for research and education are heroes to these little babies and their families.
But the bigger heroes, in my opinion at any rate, are the nurses and doctors dedicated to saving these tiny, precious lives, as well as the researchers trying to figure out why these things happen and how to help all moms have a healthy, full term pregnancy.
There must be so much joy and so much heartache working with such tiny, fragile lives. There is all the stress of "normal" newborn issues, but only magnified a hundred times or more with their tiny charges. There must be so much joy in watching their little ones get healthier and stronger, and so much heartache when it doesn't work that way and they leave the NICU, but not to go to their parent's home.
I was so lucky with my pregnancy with Boo. It was 39 (I still say he was a week or so "early"...) of uneventful growing in my womb. Sure, I had enough heartburn to share with 3 people and towards the end he wouldn't lay off my ribs, but those are minor issues. I didn't have to be induced early like Kat due to toxemia and walk that fine line between letting the baby grow where they should and putting my life on the line and risking us both. I didn't go into spontaneous pre-term labor too early, or even a little early. I have a very healthy, very happy, growing like a weed little boy. And for that I'm eternally thankful.
So, if you can help me out at all, even with $5, all the families and I thank you from the bottoms of our hearts. (You can just click on the badge over there...) Or, if you're in the area and want to walk with us, please join us!
Peace to all and may your families all be healthy and happy.
(p.s. I know I owe you guys an actual update on the family, and it's coming, I just haven't had time or motivation to write it... I did get pictures posted though!)
So, yes, people who raise money for research and education are heroes to these little babies and their families.
But the bigger heroes, in my opinion at any rate, are the nurses and doctors dedicated to saving these tiny, precious lives, as well as the researchers trying to figure out why these things happen and how to help all moms have a healthy, full term pregnancy.
There must be so much joy and so much heartache working with such tiny, fragile lives. There is all the stress of "normal" newborn issues, but only magnified a hundred times or more with their tiny charges. There must be so much joy in watching their little ones get healthier and stronger, and so much heartache when it doesn't work that way and they leave the NICU, but not to go to their parent's home.
I was so lucky with my pregnancy with Boo. It was 39 (I still say he was a week or so "early"...) of uneventful growing in my womb. Sure, I had enough heartburn to share with 3 people and towards the end he wouldn't lay off my ribs, but those are minor issues. I didn't have to be induced early like Kat due to toxemia and walk that fine line between letting the baby grow where they should and putting my life on the line and risking us both. I didn't go into spontaneous pre-term labor too early, or even a little early. I have a very healthy, very happy, growing like a weed little boy. And for that I'm eternally thankful.
So, if you can help me out at all, even with $5, all the families and I thank you from the bottoms of our hearts. (You can just click on the badge over there...) Or, if you're in the area and want to walk with us, please join us!
Peace to all and may your families all be healthy and happy.
(p.s. I know I owe you guys an actual update on the family, and it's coming, I just haven't had time or motivation to write it... I did get pictures posted though!)
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