Relief?

Well, wouldn't you guess that very shortly after posting that last update, I finally had a conversation with my boss?

Figures.

At any rate, that meeting went so much better than the last.  Once he was fully aware of exactly where I stood and that yes, there is an end date in mind for the travel "ban", it was much better.  I still have a TON of things that he wants to see improved/worked on.  I'm OK with that because it gives me direction.  It also tells me that I'm not the only one feeling like the whole training gig needs work and in what areas.  I'm still not looking forward to traveling again any time soon, but alas, it is part of my job description.  If I don't like it enough or if it gets to be too much, I do have options.  I can try and petition for a more permanent job description change or, more than likely, I can attempt to find another job either within or outside of the company where I won't have to travel.  I'm just hoping there will be a few occasions where I'll be able to take Boo with me.  Of course, that'll mean I'll have to travel somewhere where I've got friends or family who are both able and above all willing to watch him while I do my training.  Either that or be able to take Gak with me too.  (Of course, that's a little more problematic since if he's not at work, he's not getting paid, so a double whammy...)

So, yes, I'm feeling a good bit more positive today.  I'm still swamped and not sure how to get un-swamped, but I'll get there.

I'm just glad it's the weekend after today.  I could use a couple of down days just chasing Boo.

Anyway, just thought I'd let all 5 of my readers know that everything seems to be heading in a better direction at work, or at least not as bad a direction.

Peace to all and may meetings not be scary and things work out in the long run.

Week... What Week??

Uh.... Where did the week go?  I swear, it was just Monday yesterday, right?  Right??

No?

Crap.  Oh well.

So, if you haven't guessed, I've been a bit busy and out of touch this week.  That and I just haven't felt like writing.  I really haven't had much to say.  Everything that's going on is still percolating in my own head a bit and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to say.

So, I've been busting my tail to get everything I possibly can done.  I'm not sure how successful I've been, but hey, it's more or less keeping me out of trouble.  I still haven't had any real communication from my boss, or his boss, or HR for that matter.  I'm half holding my breath, half ignoring it.  I know I shouldn't ignore it, but right now, that's easier and I could use easy.

Other than that, work is work.  They let one of the contractors go earlier this week.  He wasn't really performing up to snuff and they weren't going to bring him on full time, so they let him go early.  This is both good and bad.  Good because we got rid of some dead weight.  Bad because we're down another person again.  Although, we did just bring in two new contractors a few weeks ago and I actually have some hope for them.  The one at least has a good bit of personality and actually asks what he can do to help.  The other seems nice, but I just haven't had a chance to get to know him much.  We'll see.  April may chew up and spit out a bunch of us.  (I hope not though...)

Boo, as you can see from above, is getting cuter by the minute.  He has learned how to scoot around the living room on his butt.  He can push himself backwards with his hands and feet and then spin himself around (sometimes with a good bit of force) to face what he wants.  His new favorite activity is "empty the toy box".  He doesn't just dump it out.  No, not our methodical little boy.  He knocks it onto it's side and then begins to pull things out one at a time.  He doesn't just pull from the front, but will dig into the back as if he's looking for that one particular toy.  He probably is.  He definitely has opinions about things and will express them.  This picture was taken by GrammaSue Monday afternoon.  He's had a pretty good week this week.  I'm not sure if I said it or not, but he's also really gotten the whole eating Cheerios thing down pretty good.  I'm going to start introducing other things he can pick up and eat.  This way we can give him some food while I'm making our dinner and then he can snack on other things while we all eat.  Almost like a family dinner. *Gasp*

Anyhow, I'd better get real work done.  Just thought I'd let everyone know that I did not fall of the face of the planet.  Nothing dire has happened this week and we're all doing fine.

Peace to all and may the Cheerios be yummy and the toys fun.

Quick Update

Just a little quickie to update you.  I'll write more later.  Just didn't want anyone to think I'd gone and run off or the like.

I sent out an email, after much thought and editing, to my boss Thursday morning.  No response.  Actually, he hasn't said more than two or three words to me since our meeting last Friday.  He was out Thursday afternoon and Friday, so we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Other than that, life's been good.  Boo has learned how to scoot himself backwards across the floor to get to things.  He's trying to pull up on things.  He still hasn't figured out how to sit up on his own without pulling up on Dadda's or Momma's fingers.  He'll get there though.

We had a very nice dinner with the Ducks last night and played Apples to Apples until it was time for Boo to come home and go to bed.

Anyway, just thought I'd give you a quick update.  Boo wants my attention again.

More Work Drama

My apologies for a bad post in advance... this just reflects the internal chaos I'm dealing with.

Well, I won’t say today is going well.  I won’t say that yesterday wasn’t productive.  I will say that I’m frustrated and upset and angry and all kinds of other negative emotions.  I’m having a very hard time responding to everything that’s going on in a rational, detached way.  I’ve gotten some help from some friends, but in general, it all comes down to me.  I’ve got to actually respond to things in a professional and adult manner.  I can’t go throwing temper tantrums because life isn’t going my way.  Life won’t go your way all the time.

I think what bothers me the most is the suddenness of this.  There really wasn’t any “we’re going to have to ask you to start traveling again in a month or two, which is before your son’s first birthday”.  There was no, “we think the training is beginning to suffer, what can we do to help make it better”.  Nope, none of that.  Just WAHM “You must travel NOW!  The training is a disaster and it’s all your fault!  You’re not doing your job and how dare you attempt to put your family first!”

It does turn out I do have at least a bit of a legal leg to stand on.  Back in 1998 Congress passed something that essentially says an employer can’t do anything to discourage breast feeding before the baby turns 1.  (New Mothers' Breastfeeding Promotion and Protection Act of 1998 (Introduced in House) )  In reality, I haven’t asked for everything that the law allows me.  I didn’t demand a place specifically just for me to pump.  I admit, I did ask, but after getting an embarrassed stammering from the business leader, I didn’t push the issue and resolved to take care of it myself.  I’ve been working through most of my lunch to offset the time I spend pumping.  I haven’t even been storing milk in the fridge and forcing people to see it or even know I’ve been pumping.  I keep everything in a discreet little lunch bag.  (Of course, part of this is due to the fact if I put things in the fridge, I’d more than likely forget to take it home…)  I haven’t even complained that where I pump I have to have a battery operated one because there is no power outlet.  I’m trying not to make this a burden on anyone but myself.

 

I just have to figure out a way to respond thoughtfully, intelligently and stand my ground, but not be forceful or belligerent.  I’m not sure I know how to do that.

 

This post has been languishing in unfinished form long enough.  Maybe I’ll get my thoughts together enough to make sense tomorrow.

 

In other, happy news, Boo managed to not only figure out how to pick up and eat some little puff cereal treat thingies last night, but manage to pull himself to stand by grabbing Gak’s hands.  Yes, I’m impressed.  Yes, there are new pictures on the Flickr, but since I’m at work and the originals are at home… no post picture.

 

Peace to all and may your work life not suck.

Denial Isn't Just a River

This weekend was blissfully uneventful, unless you count being stone broke.  I don't feel like going into it right now, so I won't.  Just suffice to say I'm down to the change in my pocket and it better last until Friday.

Of course, if I decide to go into a mining career (maybe they need someone familiar with enviro regs... even if it's air...) there's a small town in the middle of nowhere Nevada that's booming and hiring.... on average for about 10,000 or more a year than I make now...  It's gotta be less stressful.

Yes, I spent most of the weekend ignoring the fact that I work.

I have no idea what I'm going to do.  I can't just quit, as tempting as that is.  That would put some friends in a very hard spot, not to mention totally cut off just about all our income.  I don't think Boo or Gak would enjoy living out of a cardboard box in the park....  Not that I'd enjoy it either.

How do you convince a guy who has no kids and seems to know nothing about kids that there is no physical way I can travel more than maybe overnight until at least June?  At least the former service manager had two littles of his own and his wife was staying home with them.  He understood.  He was a dipshit, but he understood.  (Yes, I feel safe saying that because there aren't that many people at the office who know of this blog... only one that I can think of actually.  And that's only if he paid attention to the link on my facebook page...)  I just wish that idiot of a former boss would have actually gotten off his butt and made the changes to my job description, or gotten it in writing that I wasn't to travel for the first year.  Maybe I should get a note from Boo's doctor saying I'm still breastfeeding and that I just can't pump enough to get more than a day ahead and that until Boo is 1 year old he can't have cow's milk.  Of course, there's always the argument of: use formula.  I can't say NO loud enough.  Not that it's bad for him.  I'm a formula baby myself and I turned out OK.  No, it's that breast milk is best.  And that no one has the right, legally even, to tell me not to.  That and I can't afford a canister of formula a week.  I can barely afford groceries as it is.

And I don't even want to get started on the whole daycare situation if I have to travel.  Gak takes Boo into daycare at just about noon.  Gak works until almost 7.  Boo has to be picked up from daycare by 6 at the latest or we get charged something like $2 a minute that we're late.  And I know at some places you do that three times and they're liable to call child services on you.  (Although, I doubt our place would since they know our situation.)  I don't have that many friends in the area who work close enough, or not night shift, that could pick Boo up by about 5:30 and watch him until Gak gets done work.  Not to mention, most of them don't have car seats in their cars any more, just boosters or front facing ones.  And no, Gak can't get off at 5:30.  He's the only employee and he was hired to close, so the owner doesn't have to.

It just hurts so much that every time it even starts to poke itself into my thoughts I have to try very hard not to break down.  I feel downright ill over the stress of it all.

I was fairly sucessfull at ignoring it all weekend.  Of course, this doesn't help me come up with a plan to march in with tomorrow morning.

Oh well.  That's tomorrow.

I did get today off.  That was a nice thing.  I took a whole truck load of stuff that either Boo has outgrown and we want to hold on for a possible little sibling or things that people have given me that Boo is no where near big enough for yet, like all the size 18 month clothes I got from Barb.  Unfortunately, PopPop was already at the shop when we got there and Boo was having nothing to do with a nap so we left around 2.  (He did sleep quite well most of the ride down and back though, so that's a good thing.)  Mom's worrying more and more about Dad's health and well, that just adds one more worry I can't do much about to my plate.  I do worry about my Dad.  He isn't doing well in some ways and won't do things to make it better because of "money", even though the insurance will cover the vast majority of it.  *Sigh* Still more stress.  Oh well.

Well, I've got myself into enough of a funk.  I'm going to go put my dinner dishes into the sink and go log in and kill things.  (As is usual for Boo, he went to bed early today.  I think it has to do with when he eats dinner more than how much he naps... he's usually ready for bed about an hour or less after dinner and on Mondays he tends to eat around 5:30 so by about 6:30 he's ready for bed.  His whole schedule was a bit off today, more so than most weekend days.  Oh well.)

Well, I'm off.

Peace to all and may your lives not give you ulcers.

Friday the 13th

Normally, I don't care about things like Friday the 13th.

Today, it seems to have bitten me in the butt.

I have $50 to buy groceries, gas and do laundry with for the entire week.  That's not so bad.  I've been there, done that before.  We really don't need a lot of groceries other than milk and some food for the boy and maybe a lb of ground beef or something.

The truck needs some repairs in order to pass inspection and I've also got to pay for the registration and that's all due NOW.

It's cold and gray and threatening to rain or snow or just be ick.  This is horrible after the nice weather we've had most of this week.

The real kicker is work though.

I have to back up a bit.  A few weeks ago we were asked how we prioritize our work orders.  So, yesterday, while feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed and disorganized, I wrote an email to my manager telling him.  I told him I look for the easy ones and try and figure out who won't yell the loudest between the work orders and training.

Well, he didn't like that answer.  He didn't like much really.

I got told point blank that I'm training manager and that's my responsibility and how I'm measured and that there is definitely room for improvement in training.  (I agree with that, it's gone to hell in a handbasket this past year...)  He also point blank said that I have to travel as it is in my job description.  He wanted me to go to the training in Indiana in two weeks.  It's for the entire week.  Luckily I was able to tell him that G had already bought his tickets.  He also was unhappy that G had done the last three.  Well, he volunteered.  He's got friends living near all three of them and was glad to take the opportunity to get a small visit in around work.  (I can't blame him, that's the one reason I liked going to southern CA.... or even San Jose, CA, I had people to visit.)  He's also the best we've got other than me.  Heck, he's probably even better than me in some ways.  I mean, he is a certified high school history teacher for crying out loud!  I've never had any official training, even though I've been teaching in one way or another since high school.

Can I tell you how seriously this ruined my morning.  I mean, to the point of tears ruined.  (It doesn't help that I'm a little emotional this week....)  Kat was able to talk me down enough to get through and to meet her for lunch.  (Which was great.)  Gak's not happy.  I'm pissed and terrified and all kinds of other emotions.  It's finally coming to pass the lack of Rick ever getting anything in writing or approved.  So, now I'm sunk.  My agreement with Rick was that I wasn't going to travel for the first  year after Boo was born.  The whole reason I'm even doing work orders is to take up some some of the burden so others could travel.  Well, that's not how it's working.  I feel like I work for a bi-polar multiple-personality ADD boss.  I just can't deal with it.

I may have said I hated my job before, but I think I actually mean it this time.  I almost wish I'd told him: "fine, I'll go back to being full time training manager, I won't do any work orders because that's not in my job description."  I'm almost glad I didn't.  But part of me wishes I had.

Oh well.  I took an extra long lunch and it's now 2:00 and I'd better get back to work.  I've got people looking for me.

Peace and may things work out in your favor.

Babies and other thoughts

I have no idea where this week has gone.  I've been busy, almost productive and only a little out of sorts.  (It's getting towards the end of winter, so even though it's been nice, I start getting antsy this time of year...)

One thing that I've been meaning to write about for a week now involves Boo.  I know it was an innocent comment from a woman who probably bottle fed her babies as it was the norm.  But, when someone says "as soon as he gets teeth you won't want to be breastfeeding him", it doesn't sit well.  It doesn't help it was one of the daycare ladies.  She's very good with my son, but despite their support of breastfeeding, they just don't understand.  As much as I don't enjoy pumping at work, I'm not switching to formula.  Why should I, when I can provide for Boo?  I know many moms who have continued breastfeeding after their kiddos have teeth.  One of which hadn't compleatly weaned her daughter by the time she was 2.  (That's a little long for me... I'll probably start weaning shortly after June... but again, it depends on Boo.)

I don't really have much more to add to that.  Just that while you're welcome to your opinion, that doesn't mean I'm going to do it your way.  It's funny, but I've almost gotten more advice about things since he's been born than before.  And about 90% of it revolves around my choice to breastfeed.  And about 80% of that has been negative, or at least not overly supportive.  I just don't understand.

And speaking of things I don't understand, here's something I wrote yesterday.  It's not a complete thought in the slightest and is probably more confusing than helpful, but I needed to get some thoughts somewhat organized.

I try and stay out of world events as much as possible around here.  It’s not that I don’t listen to the news or anything like that.  I just think that, for the most part, my opinions on certain events are my own and really don’t mean much to anyone else.

But, I have to say something about one recent news item.

That would be the woman who just had 8 more babies when she already had 6.

 

First off, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?

Ok.  Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let me be a little more rational.

 

I’ve had a hard time with this.  It has made me examine some thoughts and beliefs in some slightly uncomfortable ways.  Of course, it is all colored by the fact that I am a fairly new mom myself.

The first thought I had to wrestle with was why would anyone be able to have that many children.  I had to seriously think about this.  I had to think about what right do I have to tell anyone how big or small a family to have?  This, of course, brought me to the whole abortion issue.  I am pro choice by nature.  Again, who am I to tell someone what she can or cannot do with their bodies.  (I did not say pro abortion.  I’m just very, very, very glad I never had to face that choice myself.  I honestly don’t know what I would have chosen, but I’m glad I would have been able to make a choice…)  So, if I’m allowing someone to decide not to bring a life into the world, who am I to not allow someone to choose to bring a life into the world?

See, confusing, isn’t it?

But then, I moved beyond all of that.  I will gladly tell you that this whole situation bothers me.  And I think I know why.  Not because someone chose to have 14 children.  Not even that a single woman went through fertility treatments in order to have a child.  No, what bothers me is the lack of thought that went into the whole deal, the lack of responsibility and foresight that this woman has.  This woman is the same age as I am.  She’s not married, nor in any stable relationship.  (Again, not a deal breaker, but coming from a new mom of 1, a definite help.)  She’s living with her parents.  She has no job.  According to a snippet of the interview she gave the other day, she’s going to school and will be able to provide for them in the future.

My question is, what about now?  How can you provide for the emotional needs, let alone physical needs of so many children without help?  It takes two of us to meet the needs of Boo.  As well as Gramma Sue, a nice day care and a whole lot of friends and family.

I can’t condemn her for wanting a large family.  Large families can be a good thing if everyone is involved.  I can question her reasons.  (Apparently, she grew up an only child and always felt alone… Ok… I still don’t get it…)  I can question her motives.  To me, they seem purely selfish and did not think one bit about the wellbeing of the children; these tiny human beings who depend on her for everything.

I can question the doctors.  But only to a point.  Like I said, if I can’t tell someone they must bring a life into the world, who am I to tell them not to?  I do think, and hope, the doctors warned her about what could happen and tried to make sure she was informed.  I do have to wonder, however, how she was able to pay for the fertility treatments (which a lot of insurance won’t cover, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish) if she’s been on food stamps for the last 18 months?  And did you realize you could get disability for ADHD?  Apparently in CA you can.  I also wonder about the responsibility of the doctors involved, I know that there are guidelines about this sort of thing.  The guidelines state that only 1 or 2 should be implanted.  (Also, it’s been rumored that only implanting 2 has a better success rate than 3…)  I don’t even want to think about the whole “selective reduction” thing or whatever you want to call it.  (I’m so glad not to have had these problems…)

 

I just don’t understand.  And in some ways, I hope I never do.  I feel for the little babies, not just the 8 newborns, but all 14.  I hope they grow up happy, loved and well adjusted.  I just don’t have that much hope.

 

Anyhow, I just thought I’d finally put my thoughts on “paper”.  It’s still buzzing around in my head and making my heart ache for the littles involved.  I know that this isn’t a fully formed thought and is probably pretty confusing to read.  Well, it’s a confusing issue.

 

Peace to all and may life make a little sense now and then.

Monday Blues

Well, today has been one of the most unproductive Mondays I've had in a while.  I have no idea where the day has gone, but I know I wasn't getting anything useful done.  And it wasn't even the fact that I was running around in circles, because I wasn't.  I don't understand.

Anyhow, the weekend was quite nice, even if it did have a few adventures.  

Saturday was laundry day, and that was about as uneventful as ever.  The hard part is the fact that with Boo's new car seat, I don't have a seat for him at the laundromat.  Oops.  I ended up putting him in the wash basket at one point.  He wasn't too fond of that.  If he hadn't been so tired, he would have enjoyed being in the cart with all the warm laundry, fresh from the dryer.  It went well over all and he took a half decent nap when we got home.  We then played for a bit and then he got another good long nap in.  So long that I almost forgot to go pick up Gak from work!  After picking up Gak we head over to Kat's.  Uncle Joe is a CPA and does the family taxes.  Very nice.  I do have to send in paper forms instead of e-file, but I really don't mind because I got my taxes done now and for nothing more than a "Please?" and a "thank you!".  We all went out to dinner at Red Robbin first.  Yummy as always.

Well, I'm not sure if I mentioned it here or not, but my video on my home computer started doing weird things.  I started loosing "red" from my display.  I hoped it wasn't going to be terminal.  Well, by Sunday the red went away and wouldn't come back.  (That's part of why it took me so long to get new pictures up.  It's hard to edit photos when everyone looks like a corpse...)  So, after a bit of trouble shooting and cable swapping, we figure that my video card just doesn't like the color red any more.  So, we went on an adventure.

After doing a little bit of research online, I figure out that while BestBuy may be right down the street, their prices are a good $20 more for the same card as at Microcenter.  So, we pack up the boy and head down to Microcenter.  After much poking and prodding and asking for help and getting two suggestions, I get a new video card.  Of course, it was nice that most of the PCIe cards were on sale this week.  I got a very nice card for just shy of $80.  Or I should say, Jon and Becca got me a nice card.  You see, they gave me a Visa gift card for my birthday and told me to take Gak out to dinner just the two of us and blow the rest on something frivolous and not bills.  Well, I figure blowing most of it on a video card counts.  You see, we had another fully functioning computer in the house, so mine isn't really all that necessary.  (Who am I kidding??)  That and there's enough left on the card to combine with a gift certificate I've got to somewhere nice and local (bonus!) to go out to a nice dinner soon (I hope).  I'm thinking I may see if someone can watch Boo mid-week so I don't have to try and plan around everyone else's weekend plans too.

Anyhow, after the adventures of choosing a new video card, we decide we're hungry.  Well, in a long roundabout kind of way, we end up going over to King of Prussia.  We were going to have lunch at Michael's but Gak saw a Baja Fresh and decided he wanted Mexican instead.  I said fine, but I'm not coming all the way over here without stopping and getting some corned beef from Michael's.  So we did.  And we got some beer too.

So, I had a nice yummy corned beef sandwich for lunch today.  And, unless Gak ate the rest of the pound of corned beef, there should be enough for one tomorrow too!  Yumm.

Anyhow, it's just about time for me to go home.  See, one thing productive today.  A blog post.  Ugh.  I've got to get my butt in gear tomorrow.  (I swear, I feel like I'm living out of boxes in my new cube, and that doesn't help things any...)

Peace to all and may you have fun adventures and yummy food.

Catching My Breath

Yesterday was so much better than Tuesday.  If only because Boo slept, and therefore I was able to.  I actually overslept!

It snowed overnight.  We only got a couple of inches.  That's OK.  It was enough and cold enough that I wasn't about to make my boys walk.  Therefore, I worked from home in the morning.  Or at least I tried to.  I just couldn't get my act together or was able to connect or anything.  It wasn't much better the rest of the day at the office, but I did get a few things accomplished.  There's too much else to do though.  I've got to get my butt in gear and stay that way.  I've got 2 weeks to totally re-write an entire 2-day section of my week-long seminar.  I've felt what I have has stunk for a while now, but never knew what, exactly, to do about it.  I didn't know how to restructure it or make it make any more sense.  Well, in poking around on my bookcase looking for something for one of the new guys last week, I found the original training I took waaaay back in 2001.  Why the heck didn't we keep doing it that way?  Or at least using most of it?  It makes sense!  It's put together well!  It's in a logical order and has lots of information!  Admittedly, some of the information goes in other parts of my course now and that course was only a 2 day reporting course, and this is a full week of everything.  But there's tons of good stuff and organization!  And exercises!  *Pounds head on desk*  Why didn't I look at that silly thing earlier??  So, I've got to re-write half the course because of the reporting changes anyway.  My next session is the week of March 9th.  This means that by March 1st I need to get my updated files to Judi for printing.

And I've got lots of reporting stuff to clean up before the 15th as well.

Can I panic now?

Anyhow, we found me a new desk for my cube and we'll be moving things around again.  Probably not until Monday at this rate, but that's OK.  I just want to get everything set up again so I can get more done.

I'm not sure I have much else to say other than I've got lots of pictures on the camera that need to be downloaded.  I've just been too tired and a bit too lazy to do anything about it.  I know that's why everyone comes here, to see pictures of my cute little boy not listen to me ramble on.

Speaking of the cute little boy, I hear him coughing a lot in his room, so I'd better go see.

Peace to all and may your days be good ones.

Cry

Today is going to be hell.

Yesterday both Boo and I had doctors' appointments.  Mine went fairly well.  I got some antibiotics for this sinus infection and hopefully in a day or two it'll all be a bad memory, or at least heading that way.  (Thank you Z-pack.)

The reason Boo had an appointment is that he woke up several times the night before coughing a much soupier cough than his normal.  According to his doctor his lungs are clear and it's probably just a bit of a cold.  No fever, cough isn't all that bad... keep an eye on him and only give Tylenol if fever goes above 100.

Ok.  Can do.  I'll tell you, he really wasn't feeling well.  The sparkle just wasn't there.

Gramma Sue had a good afternoon with the boy.  He slept a bit, they played a bit and he ate a little bit.

He'd just woken up when I got home from work.  Not overly happy, but glad to see me at any rate.  Mom leaves after I give him some dinner and I settle in for the evening.  (I'm already not looking forward to today at this point, but I'll get to that in a minute...)

Linda calls and we talk for a good bit.  Hopefully we'll have dinner together on the 21st.

Boo actually goes to bed by about 6:30 or 6:45.  He's not feeling well and I can tell.

Then, starting around 10:00 around when Gak gets home from Warhammer, he starts waking up every hour or less, screaming.  He's coughing, sounded very congested to me, but when he eventually stops crying, he sounds much better.  After the doctor's appointment, I'm just assuming this is due to the cold and crying combined.  I know what that's like.

Of course, this lasts until about 3:30.  Then he wakes up and just now... at 6:15 is finally asleep again (I hope....).  We walked.  He wouldn't nurse.  He screamed even more at the swing.  We drove and he slept for about 20 minutes until I opened his car door... He is so tired he can't even cry right.  (No, it's not a breathing problem why he isn't crying right... he's got plenty of lung capacity, you can just tell that he doesn't have the energy to cry.)

Of course, at this point I'm about to cry.  I did manage to pump a little this morning while Gak held him.  I had just finished washing everything when he settled down enough I could probably pump the other side, but everything is wet.  I just can't function at the moment.

But I have to.

You see, I had scheduled a training for today.  I only had one customer sign up, so I canceled it last week.

Only the guy who signed up never got the message.  Phone or email.

I can't talk for 5 minutes, let alone 5 hours, without hacking.  I've slept maybe an hour.  I don't have anything prepared.  I've got some people from the department who will be sitting in as well, so it hopefully won't suck quite so bad.  (Who am I kidding.... it'll be plenty bad...)

Oh, and the rest of my work day wasn't really any better....

Anyhow, I've got about 45 minutes to get my butt out the door, pick up some donuts or something and not fall asleep.

Can I cry now?  We haven't had a night this bad since he was 2 weeks old.  And luckily, I didn't have to do anything the next day... except let mom's friend clean the kitchen and bathroom.

Peace to all and may you take a nap for me.

Groundhog Day

No, I'm not talking about a silly movie.  I'm talking about the actual "holiday".  I'm still not sure about the history, but I'm sure there's something of solar importance to make today special.

Or, it could be a load of crock.

But, it's a good story at any rate.  This day will always be bitter-sweet for me.  Today would have been Gram's 86th birthday.  She was proud of "being a groundhog".

So, in her honor today, I will share a poem she shared in a talent show held at the community where she lived.  This is a very silly poem she wrote in 1978.  I hope you enjoy it.

Hives

Gather round me, all ye children

While I sing you tales of woe

'Tis the saga of the Spandex

And how it had to go

It was a dark & stormy summer night

But I was safe from harm

Safe to concentrate on other things

Like that rash upon my arm.

What could cause me such eruption?

Was it deodorant, or soap?

Was I allergic to synthetics?

Or maybe cantaloupe?

Thought I'd try elimination

of each item one by one

Bought a couple cotton blouses

Even made one, just for fun.

But the stubborn thing continued

Till both arms were very red

Then I sought a dermatologist

And this is what he said:

"Take your blouse off, Mrs. Chaddick,

Let me see the troubled spot.

And together we will figure out 

Just what it is you've got.

"Put your arms up, Mrs. Chaddick,

Now put them down.  Ah-hah!

Just look-it here, it seems, my dear, 

you're allergic to your bra.

"I'll just bet it's made of Spandex/"

And of course the man was right

But to further prove his theory

And to make his case airtight

He took up his trusty scissors

For the dermatolo trick.

Cut a patch out of the Spandex

And taped it to me double-quick

Said, "Go buy yourself another,

But that Spandex you must shun."

So I read a hundred labels

Till I finally found one

Made of good old fashioned rubber

But a super-structure style.

What a punishment to wear it

Even for a little while.

But alas the rash continued

Till it nearly reached my waist

And the patch-test simply told us

to cross Spandex off our list

What a let down for the doctor,

It was such a classic case.

You know, I actually felt guilty

As I saw the man loose face.

For while the cause was still a puzzle

And new plans were being made

Just as quickly as it started

The whole rash began to fade.

Now we'll never know the reason -

And after all that money too,

And time, and aggravation - 

Ah well, I'm glad it's thru.

Ruth Chaddick 14Sept78

See, I told you it was silly.  But that's Gram's humor for you.  I also want to share what Jackie wrote for her memorial service.  I'm not sure why I'm moved to share this today.  Maybe because it would have been her birthday today, or maybe just because I think it should be shared.  Or maybe because I really think it will give everyone a little insight into why I loved this woman so much and why so many others held her close in their hearts.

Be Alive

A couple of weeks ago I was helping dispose of Ruth's rather large collection of coffee cups.  Ruth had agreed that I should take most of them to All Saints' Episcopal Church where real, rather than Styrofoam, cups are used for coffee hour after services.  One of the cups had writing all over it and as I read the messages there, it seemed to me that they were describing the way Ruth lived her life.  As I read aloud the messages on the cup, see if you agree with me.

See a sunrise.  Listen to rain.  Trust life.  Have faith.  Enjoy

Reach out. Lest someone in.  Hug a kid.  Slow down.

Pick some daisies.  Share them.  Keep a promise.  Laugh heartily.

Make some mistakes.  Learn from them.  Explore the unknown.  Celebrate life!

Think freely.  Smile often.  Tell those you love that you do.  Rediscover old friends.  Make new ones.  Hope,  Grow.  Give.  Give in.

The most important words on the cup, in large letters, were BE ALIVE.  And that Ruth was, almost to the end.  She was a wonderful example to all of us of what it means to BE ALIVE.

So, yes, this post is now a permanent little glimpse into the person that my Gram was.  She was a very special woman who I will love and miss for the rest of my life.  We were all better for knowing her.

This is not meant to be a sad post, but a celebratory one.  So, Be Alive!  And Hug a Kid!  (Frequently and often.)

Peace to all and may you have someone who leaves such a wonderful mark on your heart.